“pinky promise?” i ask him desperately.
“of course,” he replies, distantly.
it didn’t take him long to break that promise.

-l.s.

i am just thinking about the fact that you really don't fall in love with people
you're in love with chasing the next elevation
worried about feeling warm skin against yours
the calmness of another heartbeat to focus on
instead of numbing your pain with healing
you've chosen a battle you're only going to lose

i wonder why i can never swallow my pride
is it because i know that you'll take advantage of my vulnerability?
or is it because my pride is the only constant in my life?
the only thing that keeps me grounded

i wonder why you can never swallow yours either
is it because you simply don't care
or do you care so much that you're terrified?

i wonder why i always find the people who are emotionally unavailable the most attractive
its said that opposites attract
so which one of us is lying to the other?

A glance
The little black figures
words
lines
of endless text
pass me by
my eyes
seeing nothing
but little
black
lines
shapes
dots
stripes
crosses
...
A stick
slathered in
nutella
chocolate, and hazelnut
the sweet
makes
me
numb
The crunch makes me
succumb
...
The sounds
pelting me
commands
inquiries,
things to do
things to hear
So
Much
Noise
Information
being blown away
in the wind
past my
unresponsive
ears
A lone
buzz takes
over
...
The sprite
gluggs down
my
esophagus
Burns
my lungs
A crinkle
from the now,
empty
bottle
...
The led
****** my fingers the
keys click clikety click as I
tap tapety tap
poke
****
the computer keys the
piano keys
ting
tingety ting
as I push
press
Smooth
that little piece of dirt I
rub rub Rub RUB
scratch SCRATCH
...
The frozen
unbelievable painfully
sweet sweetness
numbs my
tongue
cream
cold as
ice freezes
my brain
My brain
My brai
My bra
My br-
My b-
B-
b-
B-
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
...
...
...
Envelop­ed
in a blanket of
sweetness
my tongue is all I know
as I
Binge
To
Ecstasy

I don't got a heart
I got a punching bag
Come and hit it if you with it
It won't make me sad-
der
As a matter of fact it won't even make mad
Girl I got a punching bag
Rolling down Ocean soon we'll be blunt smoking
Toking, you know that talk that I'm talking
She a stoner like me, yeah she rolling easy
Riding with me for the time being
She got my heart beating
She got my bag swinging

i will sleep to come,
yearning for that soft black wave
to take me from this world
and into my own.

-l.s.

I’m tired

Mentally

Emotionally

Physically

I’m tired of over thinking

I’m tired

I’m tired of it all

I’m tired of her

I’m tired of him

I’m tired of this feeling

Deep inside my chest

That makes me want to rip everything out

Tear me to shreads

But I can’t do that

I can’t have another 11 a.m. kitchen sink surgery

I’m tired of crying

Tired of feeling guilty

Tired of feeling unloved

Tired of forcing myself to eat

Tired of shaking

Tired of feeling empty

Tired of being numb

I’m tired.

I’m tired of always sleeping

I’m tired of forcing myself to do things

I’m tired of wanting to be liked

I’m tired of hating my body

I’m tired

I’m tired

For all happy smiles
shared with joyful tears…
DEFAULT.

For all goodbyes
that says hello…
DEFAULT.

For all shiny stars
glittering  in the night sky…
DEFAULT.

For all sincere hugs
reciprocated with a deceitful laughter…
DEFAULT.

For all the love
succumbed with a majestic reprisal…
DEFAULT.

And for all good things
that must come to an end…
NUMB.

outer space.
a vast expanse of nothing,
yet everything.
reminiscent of my mind.
full of thoughts, full of worry,
but numb at the same time.

-l.s.