When the tears spring to my eyes like a salty mist
this is where I go
where I stay
All my thoughts and feelings pour out into words
bleeding and transforming that which is
untouchable
into something tangible
For though I long to scream, to shout, to cry
a small creature within holds me back
and I don't know what it is
What is this beast that slumbers inside?
I find myself an anomaly I cannot understand
and wonder if others think the same

They say I am harsh, cold, and mean
and I know, I know what I am
but something small and tender
aching and afraid
urges me to unleash my claws in a desperate attempt to
defend my heart
It is impossible to ignore, because it abides
deep in my bones
and when I was young and starry eyed
I used to tell myself it was okay
but its not
it never was
When life becomes hard, I do too
and I am sorry, ever so sorry for those who unleash
their own claws on me
for they will find a whirlwind of steely fangs and ire
bursting to the brim with ferocity

I am broken, splintered, ever so weathered
from what life has thrown at me
I see now that it isn't about
surviving
Its about living
But how can I call this living when all the softness
I used to see in this world
is gone?

I have a friend
His name is Nothing
He is a feeling
Where I go, he follows

He sits in the passenger seat of my car
He is the shadow that follows me when the sun is out

Nothing watches me at night
When I stare into the darkness
He laughs through the agony as my tears fall

Because I can't close my eyes

Nothing mocks me
Nothing steals my light

He stole my light

And sometimes he gets lonely
So he brings a friend along

Her name is Pain

Pain likes to whisper malicious secrets

She overwhelms me

She likes to remind me that I've lost my color

And there is a dim grey in everything I once loved


I am forced to carry them

I can't scream

Because they tell me to stay silent

And I do

I know they are bad company
I know I shouldn't listen

But they know me

Pain tells me stories of people like me
She tells me of their beautiful smiles
Melodious laughs

you're a liar

Pain tells me that people don't crumble in a day
She tells me that Nothing is a deception

I like when she visits
Pain reminds me that I am not made of stone

I bleed when I'm with her

pain is bad company


But pain is the only one who reminds me on my darkest days

That it's okay to be human

The thought of ghosts stopped scaring me,
When I realized,
I was more dead then they would ever be.