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I find myself crying
But instead of searching for comfort
I cling to the cold embrace of isolation

And I close myself away
Only to tear myself away
Away from the people who love me


The people who don’t care

The people who don’t check in

The people who say lies

The people who stab me

With their cold knives through my heart
I’m tired, tell me what the **** I did wrong. I’m tired for blaming myself, tired of your cowardly ways, and tried of you. Leave me alone.
Some where between the perpetual isolation
that we created in the name of personal space.
The wounds that were never healed,
Because they never received the ointment of attention.
The misunderstandings
That pilled up into a giant rumpus,
And ignited the dubious disposition,
turning the intimate conversations into constant fights.
The love that we lost,
To the demonic darkness of our egoistic nature,
Still exists,
But only in the fragments
Of some moth-eaten memories.
Anger lashed out, spiteful and mean,
Do you want a fight? *** yes! I’m Keen!
Shouldn’t have done it so now I panic,
Rush out the door,
The rain makes this feel tragic,
One drink on the tab at the pub that I work,
Moments silence as I send out my cries for help,
No response,
All drips in the rain,
Am I sad or angry?
Either way I’m without location,
Or motivation,
Tweet something positive in the hopes that it helps,
Even if it didn’t help me might help someone else,
Backtrack on my own advice,
Drinking while vulnerable is some sort of high,
‘Sorry Ollie, I’m with my work friends’
‘I got a mate round’
‘Sorry I’m drunk have a good un’
Bought this upon myself in some respects,
But it always thought I was closer,
Life likes to remind me it’s right to be cautious,
Life likes to remind me that I deserve to be lonely,
Looks like we’re still not over the pain I’ve caused,
Confronting the problems, I’ve been hiding from,
And the people that I know I’ve wronged,
Butterflies in my stomach bubble and fry,
In the gastric acid of these ****** insides,
Facing inevitable truths,
The results of my lies,
These difficult situations,
Got that sad Drake on rotation,
I need to stay hydrated in this heat,
Ye despite this warmth I got cold feet,
Can I turn away now? Please,
There’re harder things to face than defeat,
That’s what I’ll tell myself then tell you if you asked,
But I’m terrified,
I’ve been stripped bare for all to see,
But it’s not enough,
Now I sit,
legs crossed and contemplative,
Do I lash out at myself or lash out at the world?
I wish I could run to Tom,
Or through the past when people cared,
However briefly,
Somebody relieve us of the hardships we lay on ourselves,
The **** we cause and the people we hurt,
How empty we’ve felt,
I could be so easily redeemed,
But I’m so ******* destructive,  
The anger lashed out and hollowness answered,
Guess I drink,
Easier to confront than a shrink.
you ever just
in a fragile state
underneath the rocks
in a cave far away
as loneliness is the most
terrible poverty they say

slow moving oceans
winds of ascendancy
tired waves meet the melted shoreline
in an eye of mine
in a different space and time

it's always strange, when the coldest nights
are the ones amongst the hot city lights
and the warmest
amongst the spirits found in the cold freshwater
Amanda 5d
The phone rings loudly
That noise should make me feel loved
I just feel lonely
Sometimes I just feel like I have no one to talk to because I don't want to scare them away with my craziness or  I can't trust them or I am afraid of being judged/criticized/misunderstood. So now I just don't answer it very often. I am probably one of the hardest people in the world to get ahold of... also because I sleep a lot.
This might be over soon,
but I can not guarantee you happiness.
The mind loves to play tricks on you,
but you have to promise me not to be a fool.
Don't get lost in the silence.
Don't get drowned out by the darkness.
What happened to the days when you outshined the sun?
You never know, this might be over soon.  

You rise, eat, and work so you believe everything is alright,
but your thoughts haven't been too kind to you.
They grow wild at night and they won't make nice.
Maybe one day, they'll instead sing you to sleep.

Maybe one day you'll rediscover your love for isolation,
but lately, I feel you have been struggling with the concept of loneliness versus being alone.
It's not your fault you found love in the comfort of your bed,
but maybe one day you'll learn you can't make a home out of it.
Maybe one day you'll have hope that you'll rise again,
and shine bright like the sun like you did when you were young.
2018.
Cameron Nov 8
Look at me,
I'm just an involuntary recluse,
swimming through the great lengths
of perpetual darkness.
The timeless craving for solace,
a hopeless endeavour.

Look at me,
watch as I cascade.
Myriads of people embrace
their unbending prejudices.
Unbeknownst of the detriment,
in which a part they all play.

Look at me,
admire the extravagance of my downfall.
Behold, the revelation of weakness,
the relapse into sad intoxication.
Take a breath, breathe it in,
the sweet silence of tainted thought.

Look at me,
I'm sure you can see past my facade.
Perhaps you remain trapped,
suspended within my deceptions.
Maybe it is my turn to laugh,
a mirror of your past precedents.

Look at me,
I beg you to open you eyes.
Just look past what you can see,
please ignore my hopeless beguilement.
I see now that I had underestimated
the power of my neverending jests.

Look at me,
train your mind to see beyond.
Evade all of those false images
that you have been fighting for so long.
It is becoming too hard
to draw you away from your oblivion.

Look at me,
It is true that I have wanted this forever.
Just to disclose scattered thought,
reaching out for my emancipation.
I stand so high now, I can see above you.
Your lies are no longer so tall.

Look for me,
across the eternal plain.
I'll wait for you until the stars go out,
remembering a time where light
once shared prominence in my world.
A world which you're no longer in.
Pétra Nov 7
I am sailing upon the ocean
In a rickety vessel perforated and laden with rotten boards
The black water surrounding me is rough with roiling violence
The island that was once in the distance, where I would weather the storm, is now gone
I am rocked on every side as restless giants churn the waters to foam
A profound sense of dread permeates every fibre of my body; if I lose my grip on the rigging I'll surely plunge overboard
Dragged down to the cold, crushing depths by the hungry beasts lurking below
The pale sun only breaks through the clouds overhead to mock me
A momentary respite before the hurricane resumes, bent on consuming me
My navigational charts are all wrong, the stars have switched their positions in the sky
My anchor can find no purchase
The dark sea stretches to the horizon in every direction
I know not where salvation lies
The surface ripples with movement
They are waiting
                              waiting
                   ­                         waiting
Though I must reach into the salty water to distill it, I dare not dip a single finger
For the coiling leviathans beneath will rise to meet me with great gnashing teeth and ugliness to swallow me whole
It will be dark
It will be silent
And I will be alone
So I forego the water entirely
Learning instead to live with parched lips and a leathery tongue
And the gnawing emptiness within
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