i'm watching from inside a glass case, the delicate pieces of time immemorial arranged in displays around me, layouts they memorize but never really notice. when someone passes by the pieces all quiver, fragile ceramics in a chorus of jingles trying to catch their attention. but the sound becomes a part of the backdrop, like the slightest groan of a floorboard beneath the rug or the squeak of a cabinet door. we rattle closer to the edge, pressing our faces against the glass to get a glimpse of home: still-lifes done by a familiar hand, worn wooden floors that don’t match the rest, a room that hasn’t been painted in decades. a few times each year on special occasions you open the cabinet door and let us adorn the dinner table. and then it’s back to our shelves, watching from behind the glass, waiting for a glimpse of home.
today i walked west but only for a couple of minutes before i reached the old church that i've lived next door to practically my entire life it's from the '60s, and as soon as you walk in a sign is still hung in the entry that reads "Colored Church" with a cross underneath i always loved it here it's small cozy with a ringing sense of familiarity much reminiscent of the people who gather here every Sunday really, it's been my quiet place for a while somedays i come just to bask in the uninterrupted silence that it offers but most, i sit at the old, nearly crumbling piano that's slightly out of tune at the very front and i'll just play for hours simply to get lost in the echos of the pitch that's just barely off, but that's not unlistenable it's become somewhat of a sanctuary to me and i'm probably crazy to seek solace in a place whose very nature, more times than not, tends to frighten me but maybe everything that i fear is what ultimately will bring me the most joy
I am half a world away, With a broken heart Time travelling through the days, Crying for the normality That set us on this path in the first place.
In the past, You tell me of your plans, For the day I’ve already lived through And I ache To live it over again by your side..
How do I pull myself out Of this mess I’m in? Counting down the days To the future when we share The same timeline, And even though That horizon is the closest it’s been It feels like a million lifetimes away.
How did we do this before? Distance tearing me apart Alone in the future, Staring at white wall That cannot be home Until you share them with me.
I have loved you for so many years, It’s all I really know, The only way I can breathe, Is focusing in the journey to bring you Here with me.
I need to be brave now. More so than I have ever been, And my dear I am trying. But it’s so hard to move forward When I want to keep looking back And wait for you.
But forward I’ll walk Making the preparations I can So when you fly through time You reach the future worth travelling for.
In the past, right now and the future too One constant remains true, I have, I will, i do, I love you. ***
someone should have known better than to leave me by myself surrounded by objects only reminiscent of a home i thought that i could mangage it, because i wanted it to work but maybe not to feel like a stranger in the house you’ve known for years just takes a little more time so i sit on the couch, in the very corner the same spot i've sat in for years and stare at the tv that bares only my reflection with nothing else to see
just me my reflection in the tv and a house that never felt like home
One day I might find the words for how I feel And as they pour out of me There will be no way to stop the flood. I’ve tried so hard, for so long To hold myself together And now I fear the damage that may have done
A little bit of rain is mostly harmless But crashing waves can destroy everything in their wake And I know the pain and fear I feel is violent I don’t want to lash out and hurt anyone by mistake
I know that things are rarely ever easy When a war rages in your brain everyday But the guilt of struggling When your dreams are manifesting Is such a heavy burden when your soul is torn this way
I have always struggled with the big stuff I feel so much, so often, it can be hard to breathe But I’m drowning in my own ******* emotions And I fear I’m now way too far out at sea.
I know this drifting is but temporary, And I know I have to keep on trying to swim Because the shore is far closer than it seems And the tide will turn in a way that cam bring me in But I feel my strength is fading And the night is drawing in so fast. I was never meant to be in this world alone I carry too many scars upon my heart
I won’t give up today, if ever. I owe you all at least that much. I beg forgiveness for my self indulgent ramblings. I beg forgiveness from myself for what I’ve done.
For now I’ll keep treading water I’ll trust that I can bring myself back from the deep And I’m grateful everyday that you are out there. So that I can write this heartache and not just weep.
I feel so alone like I'm trapped in my home. and these thoughts in my head tell me I ought a be dead. I ******* **** at this ****. "No you don't you're just tired." "Everyone loves you, cant you see you're admired?"
But I don't believe what I conceive in my dreams. So you must be a liar. This isn't how things in this life should have been. My soul is on fire. This isn't how things in this life could have been. My soul is on fire. But I don't believe what I perceive in front of me.
Sands of time made from liquid-solid-matter. People flowing like atoms recycling motions. I know in my mind that things don't really matter. Climbing the planet and mapping the oceans. I would loose my mind if my brain got any fatter. People flowing like atoms recycling motions.