The Seine river banks,
with their lack of guardrails, freaked
me out in fourth grade:
My best friend rushed to ask it.
"Did you hear?! (the news)"
A woman drowned!!
She gushed - the horror tale
punch line delivered.
My eyes were wide with
shock and fear - the monster takes
The dark Seine river
slithered, like a green snake
- feet from my front door.
There was no railing
- a misstep would drop you some
12 feet, to your cold death.
No parent could save
you - a terrifying thought for
a nine year old girl.
Walking to school, my
brother would sneak up, nudging
me near left-bank death.
I would scream, amid
cat calls and boyish laughter,
despite our au pair.
My best friend, Chloe, shared
my caution, if not my fear,
and loved to tease me.
That rapid river
loomed large in my dreams - as fears
can - for many years.
Last year we were in
Paris and I still couldn't go
near the riverbank =]
Some childhood fears stay vividly with us.
When I fall in love with you
Will you fall in love with me
Will you stay through thick and thin
Or will you leave me when you see
The smile vanish from my face
On those dark depressing nights
When laughter is replaced with tears
Will you flee the sorry sight
When you see me take my pills
Will it scare you off too much
Will the white lines on my wrist
Rob me of your tender touch
When I start to talk your ear off
While I’m in a manic craze
Will you stop and listen
Or dismiss it as a phase
And when the darkness scares me
Will you hold me till it passes
When my life goes up in flames
Will you pull me from the ashes
I’ll tell you I’m a wreck
And all you’ll get from me is pain
Will you agree with me and tell me
How much of you I drain
Or will you look at me and say
You’ve seen all there is to see
And say the words I yearn to hear
That you still love me
tired eyes, those long nights
drinking mint tea like alcohol
whispering to myself in a soft drawl
as the frigid september air bites
my lids grow heavy as hours pass
staring at my screen for answers
words jump around like dancers
my vision becomes milky glass
as I lift my head to the dawn
my hands still across the keys
and I can finally feel at ease
now the night shadows are gone
I see shadows echoing and stretching across my walls as I sit here writing hoping that I last through the night. I fear sleeping, but I know it is irrational.
Looking into the past
Holding to the present
Things aren't clear
Thinking of the future
Fears override fears
Who will take care
**** isn't going to budge
Hit isn't going to trust
Good health is a must
Present status isn't encouraging
Extrapolation quite deterring
Once responsibilities are done
Not to be a responsibility on anyone
Short life must win
Surrounded and submerged
By Darkness of the deep.
Berserk, I bounce below
Under the wild waves.
Distraught and in distress,
Making manic movements,
But before blacking out,
Finally free from fear.
Such sudden, silent sleep.
Assaulted and abused.
Coerced without consent.
Demolished and destroyed.
****** and dehumanized.
Growing god awful guilt
And losing lust for life.
Dead and demoralized.
Tunneling thumbs dig deep
Inside my eye sockets.
Blood burst and starts to spurt.
Pupils pop—soundless scream.
Shaken, shocked and startled.
It’s finally come true.
Loss of light, lacking life.
Misty, murky milieu.
My domain of darkness.
A world of chaos fell into silence
The stillness slowly sank into her
Warmth crept into chilled bones
As the dust settled, she wondered
"Is it wrong of me to be this safe,
And be lonely for my old fears?"
I am wanting to be wanted
Not by all, at least by someone
But nobody ever keeps me first
The fears I carry, have often held me to shun
I try to feign, I pay no heed
But I espy all the tenuous changes
I try not to get distressed
But I end up getting hurt, knowing people have multiple faces.
Everybody loses interest, as time passes by
Nobody keeps a check on anybody, be it me or you
All are engrossed, I know. I wonder if they lie
I’ve come to realize, everyone becomes someone I once knew.
Push in and up against the *****
Loosened grip clasps a hold
Repeat intent between each slip
The tricky path teaches quick
Learn from within frustration
Then lean beyond a stationed pose
Hard tasks are masked in broken bits
With no one above to call upon
Possess the will to calm your fears
Retrace the steps that brought you here
Reach out across to peers instead
For each possess a thought process
(@PoeticTetra - instagram/twitter)
But I ain't afraid of heights.
Instead, what I'm really afraid of
is the fall.
The salted whispers
Run through me,
As I dream of the
Of my fears.
Dreams strengthen the conscious