For this point and time being my life is good up in this moment
It’s showing and the hoes know it
so it’s hard to overthrow it
So I’m living like a rockstar but funny cuz I ain’t famous
And it’s funny, see the money then you start to see the changes
See my friends in different places
cuz we walk in different paces
And we trapped up in the struggle hoping one day we can make it
And I’m scared to loose em to death cuz we outta luck
But I’m really afraid to grow apart cuz we outta touch.....

**** where’d the time go
Looking at me in this mirror, realizing I’m getting old
But yet I’m still young and I’m happy within my placement
But with all the **** I’ve done what happens if I never make it
Afraid to drop a seed, I’ll raise him, I ain’t bluffing
But how can he look up to me if I don’t amount to nothing
I’m taking a second to sit and think about my fears
Will I lead to my own destruction or continue on my years
Part I (pages from 2011)
Crystal Freda Jan 12
All her body covered in tears
like a salt filled bath.
A river of water
flowing in her path.

She tries to swim in her tears
one drop after the last.
Every memory haunts her,
she can't escape her past.

She envies the happy
standing on the sun.
Being able to stand in peace
not having to run.

Though we all have problems
we try to run from,
and if we escape too many
it won't be just some.

It's hard to stand
when you're drowning in tears.
Do all you can do
in order to conquer your fears.

Life gives us a chance
to capture more than one.
Maybe one day you will be happy
and standing on the sun.
LeoH Jan 11
I am beginning to understand
I was formed whole
Nothing was left out
Nothing to be sent along later

So then what am waiting for
To start my life
Why do I play so small
In this garden of abundance

The walls of my fears
It seems are illusions
Fabrications I cling to
Protecting me from an imaginary abyss

How to tear these walls down
And emerge from this prison
From the sad aloneness
Into joy and connection
Why do the things we imagine seem so real?
I get tired smiling
Facing them beaming
Acting like a ray of the sun
Feeling like the tear of the clouds

Just wanna burst in tears
Just wanna shout my fears
But they need my beaming smile
And not my crying eyes
Poetic T Jan 9
If we give into others fears,
where just a reflection
                            of there worth.

Always look inward,
              you'll find that mirror
              reflecting the true you.

And remember there's is broken for a reason.
I can't run away
My fears just got to where i stay
I've always pictured my safe haven
A simple place where my head could lay
Only to realize it was nothing close to heaven
This place i craved
Found out it wasn't safe no more
As my fears lay await
Pretty little fears
Waiting to scare my self
Someone once said
Earth without art is just eh!
Reason i picture beauty in pain
My fears
As harsh as they may be
They are still pretty to me
For the real struggle is within
Tarnishing them would just expose
An uglier struggling side of me
One i would never want the world to see
So every time I'm scared
And fail to conquer my fears
I join them in tears
My pretty little fears

Akwana Wa Odera
© 2019
The first piece I've written this year
I fear my father’s hands, due to the fact
You don’t know which day
He’ll give a handshake
And which day he’ll try to strangle you
I fear my mother’s hugs due to shame
I don’t know which day it’s just a hug
And which day it’s a grasp of all that’s left in the world
I fear my cat
Knowing one day she’ll die and one day I’ll say goodbye to the
Only friend who kept me company in teenager-hood world
I fear coffee
For it’s too comfortable
Too much like home
Whispers to me, just another sip
*** knows what I would do if I overdosed with coffee in hand
I fear men, funny, because I am one
I fear them because they have landed me in places I don’t want to be in
They have abused, assaulted, and hurt me in ways only *** can imagine
I am deathly afraid of separation
I am petrified of marijuana
As it ***** me up more than any other drug
Lastly, I am afraid of myself, emo right?
But I am truly scared of what I am capable of.
What I can do.
What I can’t do.
I’ve got a PHD in losing
I lost everything, everyone
at least once before

I lost every game I played
I lost every battle that there was
I even lost myself during that funny process of mine

And I don’t mind it
I am comfortable in loses
I am functional with bruises

But when bruises start to fade
I need to start again
I need to lose again
Or I’ll start fading as well

Am I an addict of my pain
Am I a madman with no trade
mark on my casket in a train
with a one way ticket to eternal gain
Faith Jan 4
In front of my eyes
My greatest fears arise
Everything I thought I knew
Has got up and flew

To far away lands
It's all slipping through my hands
Plans I had made
Are now beginning to fade

My already broken life
Continues to tear me up inside
This news has left me trembling
And now my life is crumbling
Lately I've received some pieces of big news after big news and I'm caught in the middle of a war between everything. The plans from a few years ago have been thrown out the window. Can I get some encouragement maybe?
My fears came back.
Day by day, it would boil within me.
Gnawing in my stomach as I try to fall asleep,
then erupt in the cold mornings.
Crawling its way out through my esophagus,
like an army of giant spiders, fighting to get
out from my mouth.
I could not digest my food peacefully
and my eyes are constantly watering.
The toilet bowl became a familiar companion.
My knees become weaker
and my shoulders are always tense; hurting.
Nights are spent sweating,
even with the A/C turned on in my small room.
The circles around my eyes grow darker
and the lines are carved deeper.
I begin to resent my reflection.
My fears ate at me slowly
until I am anything but cool and stable.

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