I don’t need your pity flirts.
I don’t need the charm
that melts off your lips
like ice cream on a hot summer day
right off the cone.
I don’t need those eyes of yours
judging the shape of my body,
sizing up my insecurities and shortfalls
like I’ve got no place to call home.
I have plenty of love in my life;
real and genuine and always present.
I don’t need you to feel
like you can do your community service here.
I am not in need.
I’m not alone.
I never was, and I never will be.
So, I don’t need you.
Never did, actually.
ah, always the bridesmaid, never the bride
you have no idea how many times i cried
asking, "why me? why not me?"
well, for starters
i always oversleep
my eating habits are on repeat
i've worn the same clothes
the same filth
for three days this week
i don't make an effort because i'm not going out
but no one asks me out because i don't make an effort
i write love poems i never send
i creepily covet people i consider friends
while my heart is stuck on the same old trend
yours and mine
pure and prone to breaking bones
crippled and casually crashing cars
the destruction duo
probably foreshadowing if i'm honest
i never get any rest
purple hues rise to the surface
furthermore, my life lacks any zest
and to top it all off
no matter how hard i've tried
i know i'll probably never be satisfied
maybe that is why
When I was alive,
I had seen many things through life.
I saw the cover page beauty of this world
with its soft thorns to the touching skin
but inside a rotten flower that blossomed
poison and toxic to the human souls,
souls that became casualties
of its mesmerizing rose petals, yet who numbed
their hearts and minds to others,
except gravitating towards their own
self indulgence and desires
as none cared but just passed by me
without a gaze at my painful eyes.
When I was alive,
I lived with broken hearts
and broken homes, among
dysfunctional families and
lost and bitter friends, none
which saw me dying from the inside
now, standing here mourning their
last farewells or their lifetime regrets.
These strangers are the walking dead
whose dry tears and mopping are
eroding my forever home like mudslides
they even got the nerves arguing about
my gravestone size, how it should be big or small
as I am trying to lay peacefully under the ground
I still hear the sound of their pitting cries, yet
I took my last air and gave my last laughter because
soon I will even be forgotten by all.
Stop crying and beating yourselves up
for it's pointless now,
pouring your dry tears like summer rains
do you know why you're crying?
is it for me or yourselves?
is this true farewell or your lifetime regrets?
you saw me in pains, but you never lent a
ticking second from your lives,
therefore, save your dry tears
because your souls won't be saved,
your regrets won't be washed away
over my dead body.
Envy was the girl
Who wanted what the other had.
Pity was the woman
Who spoke with woven words
To a girl lost to blissful deceit.
His words are laced with honey, Honey
Sweet to the taste
Gentle to the touch
See in the midst of his attraction
Attracts the maggots and the flies
But I cannot despise
A greedy child
A scrub that's wild
As this discourse lies empty
I am the sentry to his force
And on the third bite I realise
I am no longer hungry.
I have been kissing
Where the insects feast on honey.
I’m obsessed with pain
Because pity comes with
Fighting my own made-up fights
“How do you know what I go through!?
How can you possibly understand!?”
I wish I could say those words
Yet they remain locked in verse
Every waking moment I rehearse
Front to back and back in reverse
Cause maybe if I keep yelling
I’ll start to believe
My own delusions
That I’m in pain when really I’m not
I want to hurt so that I can say:
“You’re hurting me, please go away.”
And yet I always stay
When starting to date me
Please be careful
I’m very fragile and sad
And I’ll take everything to heart
I think I’m the worst
Even though I know I’m not
So don’t trust my smile when I say
“I am pretty”
I think I’m horrible
No matter how many friends I have
Or how many relationships I’ve gone through
I will never think you love me
Or even like me
Because you’re only putting on a facade because you know I’m sad
I know you’re pitying me
I dont have real friends
Boyfriends or girlfriends
They’re all just pity
So when you start to date me
Please dont be offended when I start to hide away
You’re getting close to me
And I’m scared of hurting you
You’ll give me your love
You’ll stay up late when I’m sad
You’ll get concerned when I dont answer
Because you think I finally caved into depression
But I havent
I may be thinking about it
Ways to do it
How you’ll react
But I won’t
And I’m not quite sure
And I’m sorry in advanced
Because I will hurt you
I will make you feel worthless
Because no one understands whats going on in my head
And I’m scared to tell you whats going on in my head
So when you start to date me
You’ll be dating my mental illnesses too
They control my mind and how I think
Even when I know they’re wrong
They’re always right
Understand that I am trying
Even when I’m in bed at 12 in the afternoon
Even when I havent left the house or eaten in days
I am trying to get better
I know taking my meds will help
But I hate knowing that I need medication to feel healthy
I want to feel like everyone else
I want to feel healthy and worthy
But I cant unless I take 35mg of a certain drug
I have to take drugs to feel happy
Even when I’m ‘happy’
I still want to die
I always want to die
On our first date at a restaurant
All I can think about running out into the street and getting hit
When you start to date me
Because I’m not what you get upfront
I’m not happy
I’m not sassy
Nor am I confident
I am trying to fool you into liking me
Because I know no one else can
I am following societies rules
Because I’m scared of the looks I get if I dont
On my happiest days
I will still go home and look at the pile of untaken medication
I wonder why they give medication to someone who’s suicidal
Also understand that I have planed my death 10 different times
I am not what you think I am
But please play along and pity me
By Arcassin Burnham
All life I've been an outcast forced to be in a world I didnt understand
which put me right where I didn't want to be,
learning all of the worlds ways in hopes that I could get rid of my bad thoughts of the past and freeze my memory,
All of the sorrows and all of the heartache, all the self pity and all the shame, I managed to pull through with all of my sanity,
Finding the little things in life and the little pieces to my good memories will only in the end leave me happy,
Would have played out in a different setting if i were just...