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why do I make things so heavy
this should be light and airy
without all the frills and expectations
why must I go there when there’s no there to go to?

I was on my way up from the ashes, you, you were beyond any destruction, any distraction
together our inner lights beaming, in action
and our lights traversed in reaction
and now I seek to find matter in what is only photons and neurons
there’s no there there
it only exists in the moments we share
and then it’s gone again

why do I make things so heavy
heavier than Lead
I feel as light as Helium, floating freely as an authentic version of myself

but I am not free. I am led
to believe in this fantasy as my only way out of the dread
I am held back, held down by my own levity

why did I make this so heavy
Our complexity is what we think
separates us from everyone else,
our vivid dreams seem so different
yet ultimately meant to collapse into one.
Random thoughts for a crowd-less world.
Spriha Kant Apr 7
Self-love is a zone prohibiting the entrances of painful solitude state and inferiority complex.

© Spriha Kant
All I can ever ask when you leave me

Was I enough?

Would I ever be enough?

People are always fascinated by me

Attracted to me.

Proclaiming that they will love me for all eternity.

And I can only sadly laugh at such mockery that fate keeps bestowing upon me.

Face it, for all of you who try to love me.

You cannot handle me.

In the end you will always leave me behind.

While I am stuck with the burden of trying to forget.

Your love is not enough.

And you only view me as your saving grace from this ****** world you only suffer in.

But I cannot save you.

To hell with your hero complex.

You most certainly can't save me either.

Love is not enough.

And I am not worth the trouble

I'm not your savior.
I stand before an ominous beast in a forest of concealed destinies.
The hour of decision has been prowling and now meets me in a lost realm of time
My chest clenches, my head swells
Breath begins to tremble as the windows to my soul observe the foreboding divide

I despise decisions.
The impacts, the consequences, the possibilities
Wisdom stores within itself both gift and curse
All my searching, the answers I thought I knew, fade in this place

The pines silently observe in judgment.
Grand pines and firs catch my every terrified inhale and broken exhale
Ancient bark, swelling green of lingering moss, sacrificed needles covering the damp foliage
All silently anticipate the choice

One path remains constant, where past souls have wandered long before my arrival.
Light breaks through the shadows of the immortal forest, the trail unbent
It is the way of assurance, peace, safety, security
Mindful wisdom magnifies the direction unto here

Deep inside, I betray myself.
As my eyes remain on the way of wellness, my heart lurches elsewhere
There is another path, my other choice
One where darkness lurks, brooding with a dense fog that makes sight impossible

Why do I feel drawn to it?
I want it, I crave it
Every element of my mind cries for me to turn away, but my heart howls to move forth
Onto this strangely beautiful and unpredictable trail

I terrify myself with this desire.
This desire of darkness, of complexity, of the unknown
My head is within the security, my heart within another
If living is found in the known, what is life?

As I stand, the forest awaiting the moment, I know what my trek has prepared me for.
I take a step
My head screams
My heart sings

I gaze into the dark, into what lies ahead.
Despite the risk, I find an odd comfort
My faith begins illuminating the dark, and
Logic has been lost to the pining fog of the selcouth unknown
God doesn't play dice
When once he said it
Einstein talked of chance
He doesn't cook rice either
He provides!
After farmers' hard work
In mud and water
Ways and means to know His Creation
So complex and complicated
It took thousands years of hard work
To understand it
In bits and bits
Before scientific revolution hit it
Now you say
Nature believes in simplicity
Energy = mass multiplied
square light velocity
Many factors at work in Nature
Initial conditions not known accurately
Your interference changes conditions
Making impossible to know exact position
You simplify things for yourself
Giving birth to chance
The unpredictability
Due to ignorance
God doesn't play dice!
A poem for scientific minds
My love is complex
A part of it's real
A part of it's imaginary
When we are together
Walk hand in hand
In a boulevard
Hide behind a tree
Lock our lips
See deep in the eyes
Butterflies in the heart
It's the real part of my love
When we are separate apart
In our homes
Across the street
Neither WhatsApp
Nor tweet
Lying in bed
Can't sleep
An iota of memory
Of real part of my love
Gives sweet pain
In my heart
Clasping pillow in my arms
Roll to and fro in my bed
Kiss and cuddle her
In my imagination
It's the imaginary part of my love
My love is complex
Real plus iota real!
Drawn on analogy of complex numbers, x+iy, where x and y real numbers, i the iota denoting imaginary part.
Sunrays peep in through imaginary windows...
The heart of the canopied forest
beats a deep throb of chlorophyllic pulse,
Invisible organisms wait in hiding,to smell my odour
The wet ground tries to take me in...dragging me deep into it.
This place always makes me blurry eyed,
Even today as tears run down my cheeks,
The sunlight refracts against them weaving for me a rainbow of psychedelic hues!
Amber memories hanging by the barks makes me weary of my thoughts...
But just then when I take a step to touch them, I hear footsteps coming behind me...
A quick run and a hide...I see him moving upto the exact spot where I had left behind my candid footmarks,
I feel a tingle when he touches them calling out to me with a cracking voice...
And yet I choose to remain in hiding, feigning oblivion much like the way the oceanic storms do in order to take down the will of the mighty ships.
If only I had sunk deep into the centre of the earth,
I would never had to be the mistress of this strangest potion of a feeling, one that just blends longing and feigning perfectly into one!
Some kind of pains are like the fires of hell
You never want to be burnt alive...
I strain my ears trying to hear him out, the farest sounds return to me amplifying a hundredfold, yet all that lingered in the air was a human silence.

Maybe he had understood my dilemma,
My resolve of not wanting to see his tender face again
The fear that once again my petrified heart would be cast away from the spell... That it would set me free...
All I wanted now was a locked space for myself and my heart.

Once out of my hiding place, I ran, stumbling, up to the place where his footsteps had frozen in a previous time.
Touching the place, I could not contain myself
It was my turn to call out to him, only but in a voiceless language!
A fictional write. Some feelings are so complex that it tries to tear apart our simple souls.
Jaxey Jan 5
i will not do you
any favors

my words
will not mold
to your reasoning

from one mind
do not adjust
to another

and mine
are built
in concrete

if you don't
then you are simply
not meant to

and that
is the beauty
of poetry
I don't care if you don't understand. If my thoughts were simple then I wouldn't be writing.
TIZZOP Dec 2020
today, sir, is the day to say thank you
and my way to do so, ermh --
is to write you a poem
i don't know about your past but your

knowledge of mine is vast
you knew me better than my parents
and you spotted the real me during our therapy never said my "father" that he

was proud of me -- but you did, you revealed in me the true kid because you have the gift to lead people to the place where their truth is; most people join the rat race, but you always kept the same pace and you

made it to erase my shame, healing people is what you're here for, reliable and faithful, and regardless of any writer's fame: YOU HAVE A NAME... an inner flame of kindness glows in your soul, you released me from my

blindness, and you helped me dealing with my tormenter: cole, i never felt that you played a role, i sensed you are whole, may god bless your four daughters, and i wished YOU had been my father, but thats fine: cause you

became a father figure, and soon i figured that your goodness makes you richer than a person owning millions, i do thank you a billion times for being
a mirror who is speaking, at our first session i

shivered, but hid it, you opened me, and noted nothing down, you just listened and saved me from drowning
each letter is for you, each word proves my gratitude how can you have this attitude? how do you do this?

im not idealizing, yet, you're my idol, cause you taught me bout my anger, that as a child, i never had a man as a rival, i had lost my destination and you were my arrival

Fakhri Khalik, you were my arrival.
You stopped my denial.
You are a huge part of my survival.

You are my arrival, I am your disciple.

Forever Yours.

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