I hate being called strong.
I'm not "strong" okay?
If I was so "strong", I would have
never cut myself.
I would have never skipped meals
because someone said I was fat.
I would never started this
stupid self destruction cycle.
So, no, I'm not strong. I'm far from it
Try using different words; maybe
They'll actually mean something.
What would death feel like?
Strong and mighty...
Like a fight?
Or just fearful
Not to be
Would it maybe
Happy and relaxed
Or isn't it for us
To see how long it lasts?
Is there something like pre-death
Just to put us to the test
To see the reaction beneath
To examine if we are ready
It is possible
That death is a new start
Some do believe in it
It's not too hard
Is to assume
That nothing will follow
Nor time nor space no room
All in one swallowed
And I think to myself
If that's what death is like
Do we even have to worry
To die in a certain glory
Or too young or too soon
Because if nothing follows
Then the you disappears
In a moment with all fears
And if you don't feel
You are not alive
So death might be less crucial
Than we're used to assume
Our attitudes, opinions will be gone
Our feelings all disappear on their own
And with them our very own soul
Which might continue its adventure
In a different creature.
Now I said that I wouldn't judge or treat you any different. Because you're still the same person you were before right?
No, you're not.
2 days, that's all it took. Just 2 simple days.
You come back and suddenly I wonder if I should ask what your name is...
You look -- different. But let me believe that the person I once knew is still there in the projection of a body I don't recognize. You are still here... right?
But then you start talking, and acting, and thinking differently. What?!?!
I start calling your name wondering if you'll respond, tell me you remember me, tell me you're still here, tell me--
Tell me that you can still be my friend. Because I will still be here for you.
No matter what.
They all say "only time could tell" but within the time, all I saw was her walking away with unspoken feelings she never talked about.
Was it just bad timing? Was it just a "caught up in the moment" type of thing? Or was it something she wasn't sure about?
I'll never know.
I continued to stay while she acted like she wanted me around. I kept coming back, thinking there would be a different result.
I was wrong.
She walked away and continued to come back as she pleased and swear it was more confusing than algebraic math.
It was like trying to teach a toddler how to tumble.
I gave in; my all with everything that came out of her actions and her lips. We kissed and I was confused on why I cried, 3 weeks in.. Strangers to lust in between.
What's insomnia like?
It's when your body and mind are drained and exhausted, but something inside your head refuses to quiet down.
Its like there's a special compartment of thoughts that only opens when it's time for bed.
A unique box filled with the things you're afraid to address during the day.
The things that chase you.
The things you'll probably never forget.
Moments permanently ingrained in memory.
Things you regret.
And things you never will.
They cower in the light
And return in the night.
Chasing you to the day.
Chasing all your dreams away.
Sucked into darkness
A restless trance
Of never ending thoughts
A maddening dance.
What is insomnia?
It is madness.
A lost abyss of endless thoughts.
The ones that never leave you.
The ones you'll never release.
Trapped inside for eternal night.