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thyreez-thy Oct 7
Never has a day felt longer in my eyes
Never have I lied this much, true intentions under a disguise
Never have I wanted friends, yet hated the idea
Never had I come to accept, and relish in my fears

Never has my foot been stuck, yet my whole body in motion
Never had I believed this much in halfhearted devotions
Never had I been blinded, yet see the future clearly
Never have I held menial things so dearly

Never have I ever preferred late nights over eight hours
Never had I seen myself as such a coward
Never had I accepted rejections over introspection
Never will I ever prefer love over self appreciation

Never had my hand cramped this much while writing
Never had I given up this early while fighting
Never will I ever choose bliss over happiness
And never have I ever been this confused by emptiness
A random poem I wrote at college during a terrible time.
Man May 31
Staring at gravestones
Wondering what it is to
Exist, no longer.
Smell of sulfur,
Feel of bone;
Still as water.
Somewhere,  out there,

There's a place where

I belong.

Somewhere, out there,

There's a face that

Sings a song,

To my mind,  

And it's mine,

And it's something

Meant for me,

'Cause somewhere,

Out there,

Must be a one

Who waits for me.

But deep inside,

I'm feeling blind,

There's so many things

That I've left behind.

I've loved, and

I've lost,

And still have

Yet to find...

But somewhere,

Out there,

Like a dream I

Can barely recall,

I know there's hope,

Even for somebody

Like me...

Broken,  insecure,

But somewhere, out there

must be a cure...

Somewhere, out there,

Till that day,

I'll endure...

All my loss and my pain,

And all the fear in

My brain,

Till  I find he who


Me of that joy,  

Once again...

Somewhere... out there...

I hope to dream again...
It's been almost ten years since I lost my fiancé Charlie to a ****** overdose on October 16, 2013. Since then,  I still wear the silver key he used to propose to me around my neck each day...

But maybe it's finally time to move on for me.  Maybe it's time to hope for a future. Hope for a love that I can call my own again...

Hope... but never forget. Rest in peace my beloved Chucky Mallon, born sunrise August 9, 1985, passed from this world on October 16, 2013. I still dream about you. I can't ever forget...
Vellichor Jan 2022
I can’t help but wonder,
What happened to you?
Did you ever find peace,
After all you’d been through?

It’s been more than five years,
Since I last saw your face,
But I remember the tears,
At our final embrace.

We shared so much laughter,
On 31st street.
But when life forced us apart,
The joy turned bittersweet.

If I saw you again,
Would it be like old times?
What would run through your head,
If I showed you these rhymes?

Would you respond to a message,
If I were to hit send?
Has life been good to you?
Has time been your friend?

I wonder who you’ve become,
And if you’re out there too,
Do you wonder about me,
How I wonder about you?
Cerasium Oct 2021
Thoughts spiraling
Causing tears to fall
Does he want me
Or is it all a facade

Little to no communication
Rarely seeing each other
Hiding things I give him
Spending more time with her than me

These actions speak volumes
And it causes me to wonder
Does he even love me
Does he even want me

Everyday I fight against these thoughts
But the longer this goes on
The more I feel it to be true
And the more heartbroken I become

I’m starting to question
If I should build up walls
Block off my heart again
So it doesn’t hurt as much

But no matter what I do
I can’t seem to shake these thoughts
Thoughts of pain and torture
Wishing for someone to shine a light

I swore to myself
I would never be in this spot again
But here I am again
Prepared to have my heart trampled

I’m honestly ready to snap
Needing to talk with him
But it has to be in person
Because I honestly fear his answer

It will be so much easier
To seal myself away
While he’s standing there in front of me
Than if it were over call or text

I can hide my pain
Not let myself collapse
If what I honestly fear
Is the actual truth

My feelings are never wrong
Which just makes matters worse
I lay there and cry
On countless days and nights

Hoping that he’ll talk to me
Hoping it’s not true
Hoping that he loves me
Hoping he chooses me

Because if this continues
The way it’s going
I will end up losing
My will to even try
Juliana Aug 2021
Do you ever wonder
who you’d be in another life?

Did you wake up today,
with him by your side?

Did he absentmindedly
take your hand, link your fingers
through his, kiss the back
of your palm, all before
fluttering his eyes open?

Today if you’re sad, will he
drive you to the bookstore,
following you around while
holding all the little worlds,
picking out a few he’d know
you’d love, slipping them in the pile
while you’re in another aisle,
just so you could find
a new surprise later?

To another me,
if you’re out there:

Are you happy, making sure
to take each and every moment
for granted, because you know
your mood could crumble
in a heartbeat?

Do you make sure to splash
in the puddles, love the feeling
of rain soaking into your boots,
clothes sticky and drenched?

Does it make you feel alive?

I hope you chase the sunshine,
texting your friends at two
in the morning, driving to
their house in a van, half-dressed
and without a single thought,
I hope your road trip is miraculous.

I don’t need to wonder
about who I’d be in another life.

I am confident.
I am a trail-blazer.

I am a leader.
I am powerful.
I am strong.

My wardrobe is filled with perfect suits,
dainty and gorgeous, badass and black.

I wear white because I look like an angel.
I wear yellow because I stand out.
I wear blue because I am careful.
I wear red because I strike fear.

I could ruin you with a single glance.
I could love you harder
than you’ve ever been loved.

I will never be a second thought.
I am an avalanche.
If I want, I’ll become your world.

I am me.
TheBlackBird Jul 2021

First it’s a look shared through the glass
A window between us

The feeling that passes through me
When I watch him explain the impossible
And make it look easy

Then it’s the wondering that overtakes me
Behind the counter where I’ve lost myself in thought
Surrounded by books that won’t tell me
If he’s thinking of me too

It’s the ache that comes from longing
To hear the sound of his voice
But I’m too scared to call
Unless I’m already drunk

It’s that feeling in the pit of my stomach
Everyone calls butterflies, but really
It feels like too much, just so much

It happens when you start to fall.

And it’s a slap in my own the face
As I hide deeper inside of myself
Because he is beautiful
And I am all sharp edges

He is enough
But I am just not ready


I always find myself going back to you
When I imagine how I wanted it to be
And what I wish I had said

It’s so strange to be here
So many years later
Still wondering if it was you all along

We shared this kiss once
You and I
Once of those steamy
Spur of the moment
You only live once type of deals

I know you remember it too

My heart hurts just thinking about it because
It was always such a blur of wrongtimewrongplacewrongsomething
Between me and you

I guess I never stopped being too scared to call
Unless I was already drunk
It’s been years since I heard your voice
But I am haunted
Patterson Jul 2021
I am 22;
staring at the mismatched cups
arranged in my kitchen cupboard,
wondering if I'll ever have great big matching sets
of plates, bowls, forks, knives, spoons
and cups

I am 22 and in love,
wondering how I got so lucky
-throwing myself backward,
through time,
to the person standing at my front door
one whole year ago.
Heart-hammering in their chest,
a fresh-cut key in their hand,
still raw with heart-ache:
An empty flat,
and a new life
behind a locked door.

I am old enough now
to recognize the shifting cycles;
to know that every August
is painted rose gold like setting sun
-and to know that February
cannot claw and tear at my ribs
lest I let it.
I am old enough to know
that I can start over -
without fear, without shame.
But young enough to leave bigger things
to chance:
these are answers I don't have

And I don't need to.
I am 22,
brewing coffee in chipped cups,
planting kisses on a forehead,
arms, hands, sides, cheeks, lips,
dancing and jumping
when the world lifts around me.
I am 22,
and the world lies open before me.
I moved into my flat on July 4th in 2020, and though I am miles away from America, I felt that same spirit of liberty. To this day I view July 4th as my emancipation - my fresh start. And life has only gotten better since that day; September came and I fell in love, December came and I said it out loud for the first time. And since then I've only been growing and finding my feet in the wide world.
I am genuinely happy, and though heart break left me raw, I wouldn't change a single thing.
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