i have words inside of me and i can’t say any of them. i don’t even know what they are. what happened to my voice? it feels like it’s been a while since i had something to say. living underwater, living like a corpse. i wake up and then go back to sleep because “awake” is not “autopilot”.
why am i so tired?
I have been feeling…slow, lately. glitchy. staticky. stagnant.
I've been lost in my head, I might outlast forever I know it's cliche and can play the part of a trigger But I don't feel safe, can't recall if I have ever Awake or asleep, it's the same nightmare Collectively we already know nothing in there fights fare And the fabric between the realities are threadbare and beginning to tare I can physically feel the line blur between what's fake and what I'll be held accountable for later Poetry, to me, is just me attempting to map out every square inch under my thing hair Behind eyes that can barely show they care In my fake grin, and between my left and right ear Taking caution not to ruffle a feather on the ****** of devil's on each shoulder I'm sure to discover rooms I haven't been in since I don't know when, oh dear, What's the year? Whatever Hey, what's in here? To dark to tell but oh do I know this smell all too well Unfairly familiar That putrid air Nothing can compare I'd recognize it anywhere What we have here is fear Maybe it'd be irresponsible of me to share Probably not a good idea to push much further Clear and present danger Nothing's properly put together Can't make sense of the clutter Extra pieces from every fixture Litter the ground next to the broken glass from every family picture Shattered dreams scattered everywhere I know what it looks like but there's not an interesting story here I can assure it was no thrilling adventure But I can not ensure a safe future No one should witness the part of me, the litny of every nasty memory, everything I was forced to locked away in there It's my headspace and I'm even too afraid to enter I thought the scar meant it healed but then how's this door ajar? What's going on here?
it's five o clock yes in the morning birdsong has woken me an hour and a half before my alarm was supposed to even after another terrible night's sleep to-ing and fro-ing with tossings and turnings staring into the blank of ceiling and wall not enough comfort or perhaps too much on this slumped mattress to slip deep enough beyond those initial stages of slumber down into REM i'm surprised to find i'm not as angry nor as drained as i thought i would be at such premature awakening i can lie still untroubled for now contentedly listening to the chattering of these feathered neighbours an avian symphony of movements manifold
I forgot to be happy On something I should I was eager, I forgot to smile! in order to chase something bigger....
Today when I can't decide whether I lost or I won Hard to gather my self.... To keep fighting! For every step, For your next move, when no one is around you! I ignored to be happy!
Suddenly you are awake, by reality of your situation. When you konw, its really different to hold. Hard to breathe, heavy heart, blurry vision Then that things which you ignored initially, Is the only reason for happiness Today you are left with!