A sky of blue above
Miles of dirt below A world of everything between Beyond that? I don't know One foot in front of the other I stumble through existence When I began I never imagined I would travel such a distance Caring too much about the wrong things Not enough about what I should Mixed up from every angle Feel bad but am told I'm good Friends fade further from me As the years steal memories Moments indistinct and grey Wishing I could make time freeze Take me back to certainty Before life got so off track When the world was full of color Instead of shades of black Now depression is my ball and chain Following wherever I go Heavy and awkward to carry Have no choice but move slow It is easier to just stand still Than to pull with all my might So everything changes around me While I waste away night after night I see smiles on faces all around But when I paint one to match It just doesn't look the same And it wills me to detach Hope used to sit in the palm of my hand Now I grab and it's not there In it's place is a sticky substance I've come to learn is despair Fall apart over and over Every time I manage to sew my seams Doesn't take long for a stitch to break And out pours joy in little streams Until I am left deflated and empty Wondering where I went wrong I could conquer my misery But I've found I'm not that strong Wading through a sea of distress Shore further with each crashing wave So I carry on way over my head Too deep for anyone else to save
I'm a good swimmer but my arms are getting tired
I don't know how to say this
Do not want to break your heart Want to be the person you wish I could be We'd be better off apart Where is this going? Got to be able to tell Noticing for awhile Haven't been doing so well I fought dozens of battles Silently in mind Kept them imprisoned Less conflict confined I should face problems But I am a coward so I run Hard to conquer an argument You already believe you won Maybe I am being harsh I can only take so much A relationship is supposed to be More than people who touch See sometimes feel a tingle Think "this isn't so bad" That itself means it is To deny must be raving mad The friction is obvious Where do I draw the line? I am stuck in an internal war Between your emotions and mine My hands might be lonely When clasped something is amiss As long as yours fills gaps between fingers Nobody else can see if theirs fits If being totally honest Seems you don't really care about me Tears drip out eyes all the time You are too self-centered to see Trying to build life back up You are standing in my way Making things harder than already are Painting sky shades of grey I am opening eyes to reality Hope you do that too We both need to stop lying to ourselves We know it isn't true I taste sorry on my tongue again Taste regret on my lips Obligation squeezes tighter When you put arms around hips Only now letting you know How much feelings have changed My head full of hope for a heavy heart Hung from noose was exchanged I should have been forthcoming Informed you was over as soon as I knew I can't stand causing others pain Why it took this long to say this to you But sick of home not feeling like home In own room feel out of place You've transformed it to your own Do not have a single private space You are a tornado In wake is a trail of destruction Many flaws get in the way About time I move obstruction Your ego too big for me To properly see around In fact how do you even lift your head? Must weigh a thousand pounds Your conceited attitude more often than not Provokes until seeing red Arrogance unattractive Try acting humble instead I cannot picture a future with you You are inconsiderate and dumb No ambition or work ethic Would rather be a *** You take time with everything Never met someone so slow Put so much effort and see no results Almost no progress to show Without my aid what will you do? How will you get high? Depend on everybody else around you If you desired you could get by Lungs filled with poison Bloodstream with ***** Need crutches to get through each day Think these substances are helping They really only get in the way With only pride and standards I will continue life in solitude Better than being with someone who's naive Not to mention selfish and rude Consequences for actions Finally caught up to where we are Have tolerated a lot of ******* I've decided I'm raising the bar My goal is to go further in my life Than you plan to go Hindering distance to travel Making it challenging to grow Soon you'll be left in the dust Discovering I was right Won't be able to use me as an excuse For failure when I'm out of sight You call me idiotic pet names What I am in your contacts under is bold McPoops? Actually prefer "The *****" What are you? Six years old? How many occasions have you pouted? Sulking because you disagreed With words said or things done? I gave no choice but concede I have every right to be unhappy How can you not understand why? May not always be reason for tears You sure do not help them dry Are you center of universe? That is how you act Helping yourself to anything viewed You are entitled and that is a fact I do not know if you do it on purpose You disrespect everyone here Using stuff but not asking To rules you do not adhere The only person I have ever met Who is even lazier than me Make messes faster than you clean up Cannot handle responsibility Not to mention you can't keep track Of any possession you own Or that you failed to pay back majority Of money you have been loaned Your expensive eating habits And cockiness get on nerves Believe you are correct about every subject Isolation what you deserve You break trust without hesitation Snitching on me like a rat If I plead with you to keep a secret You can't even follow through with that You probably think we are being mean That you are misunderstood If that's true then tell me this What have you done that's good? You disassemble stuff like a tweaker Not putting back in one piece Have given you so many chances Still the madness won't cease It is an eternal struggle To even get you to barely move Just procrastinate your life away After promising to improve Rather live in solitude Than with a theif who lies Took two CATs of my dad's You thought he would not realize? And when telling you something You do not want to hear Pretend to agree with statement Goes out the other ear You have to get your priorities straight It's clear you never will How are you expecting to survive Without ambition Sapience Skill? You expect others to carry your load Piggybacking much as you can The behavior of a little boy How dare you call yourself a man But when affecting your wallet You are stingy as they come Generosity is not in your vocabulary Unless receiving some Then have the audacity To judge the way I live Degrading me because of choices After the ****** up **** I forgive At least I do not blame my dependency For why I'm unable to function Worse still you put fault for your addiction On pharmaceutical corruption I have met plenty of people Fed prescriptions as a child Medicated whole **** life Their abilities are not defiled You envision the world to your favor Instead of how it is for real Perception the problem here Delusion rooted in privilege you feel You have a lot of growing up to do Wish I would have waited Gotten to know who you really are Now I wish we never dated
A breakup poem
DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, don't hide it---we miss them:|
me being a runaway flying in the black hinges soaring in the twinkling skies I crave you as a hungry wolf that knows no boarders of freedom in there in the shady street as I dive into my vulnerability you sense my need you sense my desperation its like you read my locked lines among the flowers of the highs in the publicity of tamed crimes you have me running on rage screaming on blades the cake comes and you appear none lying down hating the crowds the bargaining weight of these suicidal sounds where are you??? nowhere to be found leave me in yells when the time ends and dwells this is a first in a hell do you intend to choke me to death again??? it is me who you pressed undamned on your wided chest and carried it all away in a mild stance when no one dares to a slightest bare of your cans or cares don't forget me still not lying still breathe for your touch and your essence on that spot just tell me where and my heart will voluntarily beware to be awaiting a hold of torments in the bliss of fair when you mindlessly gear affording to disappear a night changes its shades into a million gleams you seem to draw on my warm sheers ------ravenfeels
The rings my mother gave me… One for my birthday and one we got together… I carry the necklace my great great grandmother gave me before she passed…. I carry the weight of losing both of my best friends The weight of my depression The weight of my anxiety I carry the weight of the worry of my family I carry the hope for my future I carry the love for my friends The hope they will stay I carry the love for my boyfriend The necklace, the bracelets The bracelet locked around my wrist showing commitment I carry the struggle of my everyday The struggle to get out of bed in the morning I carry the makeup, The makeup I use to paint on a face A face that is pretty A smile And eyes that don't look exhausted I carry the earbuds to drown out everyone All the ******* that is going on around me I carry the notebook The one that I use to vent about you Say the things I can’t say out loud to you And him And her And everyone that has hurt me
The greatest honor I have ever acheived
The privilege of carrying your heart received
Knotted in my throat,
My breathe lifts me up. My toes curl inwards, A laugh escapes my mouth. There’s something about the air, Something that moves me around. Like a puppet on a string, I sway carelessly to the sound. Letting this feeling carry me, Weight falls from my shoulders. No pressure. No judgement. Just free.
In sickness I am fearful,
In health I am more so, When I fall into slumber is my only peace, Dreams, visions if you will, Laughter, screams, Both see me, Both trying to carry me away, Lifting me up, Tearing me apart, I'm only human, What more can I do? Where can I go? How much will ever be enough? - Jay M January 28th, 2019
Threads of light from a waking sun,
Illuminate the dreams, That rest on your eyelids. And you carry them with you, wherever you go.
Wherever I go, I find
Something new about me, about you. I am no mystery, you are no new. Yet we always stand here to learn and grew... Each passing day is incognito like I hide my selfhood in you. You carry, I flow.. You demand, I show You attempt, I undergo.. Together on this journey, we grow...
when I try to swallow your tears
I get a bellyache it is too heavy