If someone told me when I was young,
That I would grow up to be,
A drug addict I would have said,
"Impossible, no way, not me!"
When we are kids we don't realize,
How far we will go to fill the space,
We want peace but don't understand,
The consequences we then face.
The pain it slowly changes us,
We do what we can to ease the sting,
As a child, no one tells you
The world is full of suffering.
We all get caught up in the struggle,
And amidst the constant ache,
We somehow start to lose ourselves;
Something inside of us starts to break.
We feel like we have no choice,
But to fill this empty hole,
With whatever we can find,
So desperate, we lose control.
Our desire to numb ourselves,
Becomes our biggest downfall,
We cover up the grief in our hearts,
With sex, drugs, and alcohol.
We find a crutch to lean on,
To help relieve us of our sorrow,
But what you use to get through today,
Will make you feel worse tomorrow.
At first it's every once in awhile,
But sooner than you think, it's routine,
And you are drowning in addiction,
Deeper than a submarine.
You begin to feel hopeless and lost,
You forfeit the person you were,
Running in circles, chasing the high,
Until the days become one big blur.
You hope that this is just a bad dream,
You don't know how much more you can take,
You want to escape the nightmare.
You can't, you're already awake.
You've exhausted every resource,
Your energy, money, and time,
You find yourself behind a wall,
That is impossible to climb.
You want to reach out to someone,
But are unable to budge,
You are too scared to share your secret,
Because even loved ones will judge.
So you keep your habit concealed,
And try to hold yourself together,
Determined not to fall apart,
This storm you continue to weather.
You want to be normal again,
Tired of feeling alone,
So you try to wean yourself down,
But your tolerance has grown.
It doesn't matter how much you have,
It always leaves you needing more,
No amount you can buy will be enough,
To stop the battle and win the war.
So damned fatigued from fighting,
Wearied by the constant combat,
Wondering how you will get your next fix,
And when you do; the one after that.
You become a slave, you give into,
Your body's every demand,
Too proud to ask for help because,
No one could possibly understand.
The longer you hide your wounds,
The more it hurts, blood is shed,
This endless cycle has you trapped,
In a prison built in your own head.
Eventually, the day will come,
When you spend all your cash,
You lost your job now everything,
You hold dear has turned to ash.
But still you do whatever it takes,
Borrow from friends and family,
Swear that this time you'll pay them back,
The drug becomes first priority.
Guilty, you already know you can't,
Pay back the loan, how can you when,
Every last dollar you come
Up with gets spent on heroin?
You spin stories and you lie,
Until no one trusts a word you say,
And you don't recognize yourself,
The old you has been thrown away.
You sold all your belongings,
Whatever didn't sell is in pawn,
There are only two options when
All other support is gone.
Option one: become a prostitute,
Sell your body on the streets,
Accept money from strangers,
In exchange for time between the sheets.
Option two: be a thief and steal,
Any items you can get a hold of,
Taking from anyone that you can,
Even if it hurts those you love.
This is where you hit rock bottom,
Sometimes that's what it takes to see,
That the only way upwards,
Is to create your own Option Three.
You finally have had enough,
You decide to take control,
A life without substances,
Becomes your one and only goal.
You're willing to do whatever it takes,
To be free of this poisonous drug,
Even if you die trying to
Climb out of this grave you have dug.
You've made up your mind, you've had enough,
You realize all you have lost,
It's clear the feeling dope produces,
Isn't worth the very high cost.
You put down the needle for good and
Say goodbye to the dark world you hate.
You vow to no longer live your
Life in a catatonic state.
The first part is hardest: detox.
Withdrawal is the worst kind of pain,
Three sleepless days and nights of hell,
Erupting in your body and brain.
But once you make it over the hump,
It gets easier, I swear!
Each day the weight of addiction,
Becomes lighter and lighter to bear.
In time you will learn to shut out,
The voice that lives in your head,
You won't crave drugs anymore,
When you're done you crave love instead.
Just look at me, I'm living proof,
That it's possible to return,
To the life you had before,
But first patience you must learn.
You will never be who you were
Before the drugs changed you inside,
Being broken makes you stronger,
Faded track marks are nothing to hide.
You are more beautiful now,
And despite what most say is true,
You do not have to always be
An addict. You can just be you.
Sorry for how long it is, I have been working on this since Christmastime! This is a very honest piece about how some of us have to live. You always have a choice!