they tell addicts
to move away
from the places
they once scored each hit
so she deleted
from her playlist
and never stepped foot
near the place you met
because she was addicted to you
and she knew
if she had even a taste
of what you once were
she would crumble
just like your relationship did
she was an addict
and you were her drug
dont make her relapse
absence makes the heart grow fonder but we've been apart for two days and I'm ever surprised that there's any room for growth. this may not sound healthy and I don't know how to convince you past saying that it is, but this is healthy and this is waking me up in the middle of the night to kiss my forehead because you had a bad dream and bringing me closer was the only way to soothe your nervous soul. this is bad dreams consistently and every night, they're more vivid than before and you're okay convincing me of what's real every morning. I love waking up next to you only to fall asleep three more times in between kisses and back scratches and intentional avoidances of the sunlight creeping in through the shades. I could spend a lifetime between these sheets with you. I could spend a lifetime finding every spot on your body that's ticklish if you run your fingers over it with the right amount of pressure. I love feeling goosebumps at my touch. I have always loved mornings and you never have but I've never enjoyed coffee the way I do when it's with you and it's half past noon. you're telling me what you wanted to be when you were nine (a pilot) and I'm falling in love with the way you always pay a little more attention to my left eye than my right. we lay down what we want our lives to be on this kitchen table and walk through it step by step over two cups, taken black. no feat is too large when I remember these moments are promised in my future.
I want to smoke.
It's all I can think about.
It's not the first time I've had these feelings.
I used to be an addict
To the fluttering high
Chain-smoking to fill the void.
I seem cool with a cigarette in my mouth.
I have social interactions with a stranger with a cigarette in my mouth.
I joke with coworkers on break with a cigarette in my mouth.
I get outside more with a cigarette in my mouth.
I'll die with a cigarette in my mouth.
Fuck Wtf Am iDoing
Making This Worse For My Self
And Re Picked Up
This iS Were iT Starts.
Should Begin To Worry
iTs Way To Early!
Already On A Thin Line The Last Chapter iN My Life
till My Death Story.
iM Killing Me Slowly
By Taking This Substance.
My Times Ticking
My Hearts Beating
As iContinue To Use
More Like Abuse.
iCant Just Take
1 Line Or Smoke 1 Bowl
And Save The Rest.
iGo All About And Have To Do Every Last Bit.
Then iGo On Again To Finding A Way To Get More Of it.
In this moment
I feel like I am unraveling
After months, years of progress
All it takes is one tiny little thing
One giant aching reminder of you
When I thought I'd finally accepted
Everything that had happened
I guess some things never really go away
Even if you push them so far down
You momentarily forget they exist
I'm such a different person now
I've changed so much
You wouldn't even recognize me
I'd say it's all your fault
But really it's all mine
I'm the one who knew what you were
And still made the decision that I made
This isn't a twilight romance
Where I meet a vampire (addict)
And you eventually turn me into what you are
This is new moon with no further sequels
And an unhappy ending
I don't save your life and we get back together
I've had to learn to live without you
I wish I had never met you (for the 2nd time) in the first place.
one more time she whispers,
she whispers violently, tremulously, like an addict whispers
to the fingernail marks in her skin, like persephone whispers to pomegranate seeds, like sin, and her whispers collect on dollar bills in the wind, and the money flies home but she's still sitting in that bin,
wondering if Hades ever regretted his win.
Drowning in my own existence
Lost in this misery called life
Blinded by hatred and sorrow
Alcohol became my friend
Held my hand when i felt so alone in this world,
Picked me up when i was low
Alcohol never betrayed me
Alcohol never lied to me
Alcohol never hurt me...
So i thought...
Alcohol has stripped me of the person i once was
Snatched the hope right from my sight
Pushed my family away, and replaced them with "friends" who couldnt care less about me
Alcohol destroyed my life faster than i could have imagined
Alcohol made me hate myself sober
Until i started to hate myself alive
Alcohol numbed my soul
I didnt care wether i lived or i died
Caused little earthquakes throughout my heart until finally it collapsed,
Then i stopped caring as long as a bottle was in my hand
Today marks the day i take my life back
Today i change the future
Today i have hope
Hey there old friend. Maybe friend isn’t the correct term, so allow me to rephrase. Hello old habit. You and me were best friends. We were the Thelma and Louise of our time and yes we flew over the cliff and plunged into the abyss. I was sick and I only needed you. Not chicken soup which is weird because I always thought you were better when heated on a spoon. I thought you were all the antibiotics I needed. You and me were married once. I woke up to you, thought about you all day long, and rushed you into my arms at night. But that was just the honeymoon phase.
My friend, my disease. I was in it not for the thrill of the chase but for the end of my pain. When I was with you I saw my dreams come true. Pigs were flying, Donald Trump wasn’t considered sane enough to run the country, and I didn’t have to believe I was dying. I didn’t have to care about Tom, Ben, or Jerry. Care if the birds flew south to avoid harsh winters or harsh people. I avoided both. I only cared about cutting perfect line, rolling a perfect dime, and making sure I didn’t look high. If I said I didn’t miss you I would be lying but hey, you’ve made a liar out of me before. It’s easy to try and ignore the hell you put me through, but I would walk a thousand miles of hells seventh floor before I slip back into that fantasy. That coma of things that have never been and could never not be. Me and the devil have danced nine times to many and I know all his sweet moves.
My friend, my affliction, Kryptonite doesn’t have a damn thing on you! You kept me down for four years. Only down was up and up was blue and it was way to difficult to stop believing in you. Believing you were better than real love. I loved you so much. You were my sweetheart, my honeybear, my chrystal, my blow, my k2 spice, my daily fix. But you can’t fix this! You can’t fix my past or make my future bright. I know I sound like I’ve suddenly seen the light but it was always there. I just chose to close my eyes.
My friend I think it’s best we stop playing this game. It’s time I call you by your true name. Addiction, you were never my friend only another bullet I’d bitten. Addiction you are my cancer, you may not be stage four but you're still terminal. You were the Thelma to my Louise. Only now if I am driven to the edge of insanity I’ll skid to a stop. I will watch as you fall over the edge, and I’ll smile as you dive into oblivion. A place I never again want to be.