Why does love have to be a constant battle? Why is it wrong to just tell the one you love that you love them? When did it become more socially accepted to hide how you feel, and treat each other like shit? Why is it normal to push away when someone gets close rather than embrace it? Why is everyone so afraid to love? I am so tired of playing games. So tired of the power struggle. So tired of playing hard to get, but not too hard to get. Sick of feeling like I am clingy or wrong for wanting to be around people I care about. Why are those who express how they feel viewed as weak? It takes a lot more strength to share how you feel than it does to close yourself off from the world. It’s no wonder people feel sad, lonely, miserable, unloved, and alone! Why do we do this to each other.
This is a product of my emotions
Messy as it is
Jumbled and in need to be released.
I’m saying goodbye,
To the past so beautiful and green,
To the darkness so bright and dull.
I’ve hidden myself for way too long,
Spent days running from the corners and hiding from my demons,
Accepting fate but not realizing it.
I’m saying goodbye.
As I write this my mind holds me back, it whispers to my heart that “It doesn’t hurt”
Yet my heart stares blankly, wondering “If it doesn’t hurt why am I so clouded with this pain, why do I want to fix us over and over again?”
It’s painful, having this need to fight
Having this gnawing feeling inside.
How does one say goodbye to someone they once loved?
Someone you would and still will do anything for them?
I’ve watched my hope wither with each second of empty promises, broken dreams and unfulfilling conversations.
I heard my heart shatter into pieces consistently from truths that I was hearing from third parties while you confidently orchestrated lies to me.
My mind warned me, sparks flew from then.
It told me that we were done but my heart refused, “This is all a misunderstanding”, “I’m not quite as open, I’m to blame”
Running on those words, I healed my heart with lies. But as flashbacks of when I teared my walls, showed you how defenseless I was as grief and mourning controlled me, was I not open enough?
Or was it too much that I was not worth the honesty?
I sensed my eyes prick with tears as I noticed how much of a season I am to you.
It hurts, not as much as it should be and thanks goes to my mind.
“As long as you anticipate it. It won’t be that bad” it said.
There’s no fixing us,
There’s no being about this facade,
No matter how ‘happy’ I might have been.
Am I so hopeful that the lie you sputtered of fixing us will be turned to truth?
When my heart needs to understand that this is goodbye
Your silence and lack to reach out screams in agony of goodbye.
So why am I still hoping?
You always laughed,
when you were with me.
You taught me hatred
was mine alone
I learned to give
'till you were happy,
and in my pain
you found your home.
I remember once you told me,
"I won't always be around".
The relief that flooded through me,
was enough to make a sound.
And now they say you're better,
"Look at what she's done!"
I think they mean your battles,
but all I see are smoking guns.
And I know that you're still in there
Your laughter chills me to the bone,
That heart of ice I can't bear,
and that is why you're all alone.
I dont like roses, never did, the color isn't even that nice of a shade of red honestly, and why a thorn? How can my hand love that? That is just not for me, I'd rather hold a sunflower. But does that mean a rose is hideous? No. I just don't agree with the expectation others assume it should be praised at. But I still can see how someone could find beauty in that rose I'd never like to hold.
I was high on LSD when we first met.
And there is nothing poetic in that statement.
And you can take that for what it is
but I want you to know this
because even when my skin
you made me feel comfortable.
You were an abrupt kind of bliss
and I could not have been happier
with the light I had suddenly found.
You guessed I was a cancer
and I did not answer
because you saw in my eyes
you knew you were right.
And it was in that moment
I felt a connection
with the kind of
that was sure to
leave me every night.
I guess it was foolish of me to think
you would stay.
and low expectations
is what they say
but I just cannot accept that
It is getting hard to hold my head up
when all I do is think of you
but my friends keep telling me
that I will make it through
you don't miss me anymore.
As if you came out on the stage and had a mouth full of second-hand words.
You’ve already said it all. And now you’re trying to make your way out of it.
That’s why I learn more languages.
And languages are tricky.
You must obey certain rules.
Like omit h’es and ouches. Skip right to o’s like in HONESTY.
Or else – forget about silent e’s at the end of some words. Ignore them, shut them up. They’re the baggage behind every word’s back that you don’t wanna discover.
Saying I love you (with a silent e in love) is like
wearing mascara for the first time. You feel it on your eyelashes too clearly. You know it’s too heavy, but it’s also necessary. To be pretty. To shine and blossom.
The words I say
No matter what you say. You say words don’t matter. That they’re just noise, vibration, waves.
Knock it off.
Words are what we’re bound to.
That’s why I learn more
and more languages.
On the eyes of my beloved
There is a closed door
Even if I try to open it
I can't reach it
Even though it hurts
Please tell it to me
I won't regret it
I don't want pretty lies
I know your "I'm okay"
I'm scared of awful truth
But my heart won't be deceived
Is such a lonely word
I want to see the real you
Not your fake smile
I fell asleep in a bed of roses
Woke up cut from head to toes
Is this my life? Flowers aren't my thing.
She said, "we need to talk" so I relented, we spent some time trading perspectives
Round and round in circles we went, but I didn't know to train the elephant
to say a word, so in the room he sat.
But I didn't know, what to do, words left unsaid, an elephant in the room.
You felt we ended fit as a fiddle, mine's untuned and feels so brittle, I left you for an island of unrest
One bite at a time, it won't let me forget, these thoughts drown out my sleeping princess. Am I friend or foe to her kingdom's happiness?
I tossed and turned, it twisted my guts, and then and there even though it was tough, I knew it was time to chew my elephant through.
I thought of some words and started to shake, but in my throat my words felt fake. My breath wouldn't flow and my tongue got stuck, her face drained of light, and that's when she realized she'd run out of luck
I knew I'd bit more than I could chew so I spit it out so words could spew. She started out shocked and it turned to mad, I stayed the course and spoke every last piece, I interwove thoughts till the puzzle's complete. At last I was through and she looked kind of numb, I felt ashamed that I made her feel dumb.
Finally I knew that "me and she" were done, I hung my head down feeling like I'd lost and I'd won, I conquered that elephant, a new man I'd become, but I lost my love
The silence lasted a while, she looked up at me like an innocent child, I said I'll go, but she said no.
I froze there again and stillness set in, and what happened next I'll never forget, she looked into my soul and somehow she knew, all she said was "thank you"
Her words melted the ice and it dripped from my eyes, my mask had crumbled, no more disguise. Though I'd just begun, I knew the battle was won, I learned to truth and she learned to trust, with my elephant left back in the dust.