It hurts so good.
It hurts so bad.
Why leave me alone?
When you can just be mad.
I don't wanna wait.
I don't wanna stay.
Can't you hear me?
When I lie I just fade away.
Prom evening sighs.
Drugged night highs.
Bedroom prison lows.
Head asylum blows.
Maybe if I just slowed down?
Maybe if I just stopped?
I could be myself.
I could breathe again.
There have been numerous accounts
of my failing life
and the reasons of my silence.
And these stories never cease to surprise me.
From time to time
I find the people in my life
have had a story about me
that even I was not aware of.
Their uncalled kindness
and their uncalled cruelty
all had an explanation.
Explanations that had nothing to do with me.
In everyone’s heart their is someone by my name.
They have put me in colors
when I always was in grays.
I never had a friend.
And I find them lonely
just like me,
when I look at the people
I have colored myself.
I take my leave
And forget them all behind
The old is gone
the new has come
I leave the pointless path
And head for uncharted waters
I leave my comfort zone
And go to see the world
I leave the heartaches behind
And strive to be a better person
One that can love this life again
And deserve to be loved as well
I leave all mediocrity behind
And seek a better, happier life
I leave the past year behind
and open my arms to the year ahead
I leave the regret behind
Over all opportunity forgone
I accept the challenge ahead
And take on new and better chances
I quit moping over the past
To live in the present
and take on the future
As I move forward in this life
Today I bid goodbye to the old
And welcome the new season of my life
So that when I face Tomorrow
I can say that I have no regrets in this wild ride
when we lay between the sheets
i forget the hours that tick by,
while you lay and keep watch.
your heart beat ticking
as the clock's hands wave by.
in a drunken haze,
the only prayer i can think to recite
is your name;
though you utter another's.
i thought i saw that minute twinkle in your eyes,
that died out long before
i had the chance to inscribe it;
sometime between those weary nights
and sleepless mornings,
stained with unspoken promises and
i think you forget-
that my heart was always yours to keep,
though yours kept ticking
while mine remained frozen in time.
I thought I found it, dad. You tell me my dreams are worthless, you say you have to tell me this because you love me and want what's best for me. You say I need to be realistic. This boy once told me what I loved was garbage, and it reminded me of you. I thought, this must be it.
He must love me.
When I brought you my awards and achievements, dad, you told me they were okay for a normal person but your daughter, I, could do better - these trophies weren't special enough. I'm not living up to my full potential and I never will in your eyes.
But you never let me leave without reminding me with your words that you love me endlessly, dad, so when I found a boy that was just as critical of me as you are, I felt that I had found the one.
I'm the girl who sucks at sport and lies to get out of games.
I'm the girl who stresses too much, who spoils the moment.
I'm the girl that looks in the mirror and wants to cry because she can never look beautiful.
I'm the girl who has to fight with herself to breathe.
I'm the girl that can never be happy for her friends achievements
because she knows that she will never amount to anything.
I'm the girl that has breakdowns in class because she can't handle failure.
I'm the girl that curls up in a ball with her hands on her head and tries to block out the demons in her head.
I'm the girl that makes herself bleed.
I'm the girl that wishes she was dead.
I'm that girl.
I'm the girl that people rely on.
I'm the girl that my friends ask for help from.
I'm the girl that gets perfect grades.
I'm the girl that is told she looks beautiful.
I'm the girl that people would kill to be.
But what they don't know is that that girl is killing me.