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Nickolas J McKee Aug 2023
I remember our song long ago
Far along the distant alley
We were the last long lights
Of night
The contemplation of pleasures
Leaving us ignoring us
Of flight

Never knowing the distant eternities
The falling feathers of our sky
Never long
Some asking why

And then I thought of you…
My long aching pain…
Never the same…

For this is why we die…
Jeremy Betts Jul 2023
To Be A Man

~My Verse~

I can't hide myself
I don't expect you to understand
I just hope I can explain, what it's like to be a man
It's a lonely road
And they don't care about what you know
It's not about how you feel, but what you provide inside that home


This life's relentless and heartless, regardless, it happens every day
It's obvious, I'm not good at this, why was I cast in this role anyway?
A character I never planned to play, never auditioned, never signed my life away
I didn't ask for this, showed zero interest, explain to me why I gotta stay?

But that's the depression, pushin' and pullin', convincin' me I'm nothin'
I wish it was bluffin', I gotta do somethin', I know I shouldn't keep runnin'
Win or loser the only options given, as the pressure builds, I must keep it from showin'
Turn failures to lessons, allow angers regression, rememberin' my son's always watchin'


I can't hide myself
I don't expect you to understand
I just hope I can explain, what it's like to be a man
It's a lonely road
And they don't care about what you know
It's not about how you feel, but what you provide inside that home

Ricardo Jul 2023
Magical ain't it
I'm running with a crown
Wasn't born into it this way
Nope, didn't steal it
But I ain't no Saint either
Just worked it up from the bottom
Looking up to a ceiling
Then putting my head down, I told y'all
I told y'all I wasn't gonna be the same
No not after all that I've been through
Not after I dropped all the pride for y'all
Not after I walked off with my head up strong
Oops now I am seeing a flock
Throwing bread crubs look at em follow
Yah I'm a beast with it
Guess growing up wasn't so easy
Maybe that's the story you can't hear it
Many dark moments have me remenising
Painkillers just isn't cutting it now is it
Had to break off this vision
Had to look beyond anything I could invision
Nothing new dark roads will tell you
This one has some light
Must be the flashlight I'm holding

Magical ain't it
I'm running with a crown
Wasn't born into it this way
Nope, didn't steal it
But I ain't no Saint either
Just worked it up from the bottom
Looking up to a ceiling
Even when they left me
Even when they doubt me
Even when they smiled at me
It didn't mean anything
Saw it for what it was to me
Headed up a mountain no strings
Never looked down I forgot it
Quiet up here ain't it
Hearing echoes all around me
Maybe all those heavy feelings
Finally lifted me

Magical ain't it
I'm running with a crown
Wasn't born into it this way
Nope, didn't steal it
But I ain't no Saint either
Just worked it up from the bottom
Looking up to a ceiling
Skies in reach clouds are now beside me
Every lasting freedom that I seeked
Sweated off calories for years
Didn't even notice it was for me
Go and buy it I don't need to see
Like it, I take it now it's free
Everything in my hands or just in reach
Chose to walk away you see
Lost it all for me
What's the point with no depth
Felt like I was reaching blindly
Creative soul burning deep with hopes
Uneducated goals reached them all
Presidented stance welcoming everyone
Come in come in with a soft tone

Magical ain't it
I'm running with a crown
Wasn't born into it this way
Nope didn't steal it
But I ain't no Saint either
Just worked it up from the bottom
Looking up to a ceiling
tainted black Jun 2023
i ache in areas i didn't know could feel pain
like a stepped on leaf—brought by disdain
i bleed in crevices i thought i had fixed;
but my body seems to deny the remedies —it ditched

the cries;
the laughter,
the shattering thunder
makes my heart unnaturally falter

the heaviness;
the rage,
the unforgiving phase,
the me you cannot replace

the heave and squeal,
the dying of zeal,
the red as it shed—
and the blue once its dead.
beaten my heart for an off tune love song.
Jeremy Betts Jun 2023
Forget it...and forget you for even trying to think you could out run it. You can't handle this shiit nor can you hide from it, should probably quit or at least tone it down a bit, it's starting to get a bit pathetic.
It's already got you, it owns you, I told you. If you are hearing this then it's too late, there's nothing you can do. Sorry not sorry, can't say I didn't warn you. It don't matter if you believe it or not to be true.
It doesn't need you to accept it or to co-sign, it'll provide proof of what it can do in it's own time, in a lone rhyme that sends chills through your bones, directly down your yellow spine
Fuuck, they like to say they're just words but are they? These are like sticks and stones that break bones in a unique way, blacking out your heart and steal your soul away and it starts today...

...with me sitting here writing fear like a smear campaign, an assault on your ear that's so sincere, so severe that it'll appear to adhere to all you hold dear like an unwanted souvenir, make it real as the blood that'll smear from the front to the rear of my Chevy Cavalier from the people who use to be here but were met with the same fate as a lost deer wondering in the freeway just north of here. I know you can hear but have I done enough to make myself perfectly clear?

To make it known that I'm not one you want to mess with unless you've got a death wish, if you want to rot on your own cot in your own personal grave plot I've got the perfect spot to lay you down, plant you in you're own ceramic flower ***, but then I thought I oughta bought a big enough plot of land to lay down all who fall from this onslaught, a verbal Juggernaut but you can still come at me and take a shot if you want

And if you do, if that's the case then by all means, name the time and place cause I prefer face to face, I have this twisted trait that allows me to demonstrate how to create a ****** case, how to keep pace and champion a death race, how to get CSI looking at a piece of cheese on the end of a string i placed under a milk crate after a wild goose chase, not a trace of evidence just a message on the back of a bookcase to further the foot race, so check your shoe lace, you don't want to trip up and fall on your face while running from a phrase like trying to escape your goth days, a ridiculous phase

I lay it out plain and simple, just one well placed word or thought out syllable that will cause a tsunami title wave ripple that'll ******* any defence like Clearasil on a pimple, not a complicated riddle unless you're the monkey in the middle. It'll sit a little easier if we can keep it civil after the acquittal, critical thinking will get you through the hassle, to the end of the castle to save the princess but that's not the end of the battle, the system we're in is not a Nintendo, no Atari with a wired joystick paddle, these words are the detergent just added, nowhere near the rinse cycle, one wrong move could be fatal, if you think this a fable you could be one of the ones to wined up on an autopsy table

But it's damage to your psyche not your body that brought you to one knee, words they said couldn't harm obviously do have that ability, I grip that knowledge firmly, hold on tightly like it's a master key, the bounty is set and out, don't try to flee, got your mind hazy, to foggy to see, no friendly face here, no card to get out of jail free, these words that flow so easy from me hold you in captivity and break you down slowly, fully emersed, wrapped in perverse words like a mummy, held captive in this verse like a dummy, a cursed hostage with no request for no money, no escape once I've got thee and test out my theory that clearly I can do just as much damage with word trickery as one could do with assault and battery or a quick slice of a main vain artery but with no evidence visually I get away scott-free

So listen with caution, this cautionary tale is not spun to further the friction, there's not a fraction of this that's fiction, it's just that I can't stop what's already begun, what's done is done, I've won, your defenses are broken, the threat was one not as obvious as a gun so you thought it innocent fun but the jokes on you son, as soon as you read the caption it was straight to the coffin, my words just happen to often be a little somethin' like Jason, Mr Voorhees on a couple ****** sprees, tape shows once the chasings begun it would do no good to run, a fusion of life and illusion to cause mass confusion and frighten to the point you die of a brain contusion, written in a way that there's no coming back from, fallen from grace, in continuous motion as you fall through the bottom of your rock bottom, a deep chasm, a dark ocean, it's going to be grousome but by that point I'm on to the next one cause I know the outcome, you were ****** from before you could even apply caution,  before you realized you should use a life line to call someone, its already become something that could never be undone, don't look for a cure cause I can assure there ain't none. There's no fun in the remedy so I take action to make sure there ain't one

Jeremy Betts Feb 2018
What. Just. Happened?
I'm still here, in the throes of terror, probably forever, but that was close
I don't know how many more of those devastating blows from life's twisted episodes I can take before I get exposed and everybody knows that this smile's a fake, adorned like over warn costumes on Broadway shows
A mangled backdrop set prop to keep from view that I got behind the scenes woes
With each smile the lie grows
Gotta live with this Pinocchio nose
Black out curtains dress the windows so the only parts of me I expose are silhouette shadows
Like house siding, I stack the facade till a barrier grows
It adds curb appeal and social value I suppose
But for me it's a false face to hide the lows
Getting me through this reality that blows
A life time of running into doors with a sign reading "sorry we're closed"
Hanging next to the mandatory posted notice of demolition proposed
Life's ultimate plan to bulldoze any happy settlement till all that's left are foreclosed burrows
Unwelcoming ghettoes
A real to life Gotham City narrows
Every one knows **** flows down stream and my life's the delta where it all goes
Rainbows triggering everyday psychos
Sorrows flicker by like sickening slideshows
Arms and legs strewn all around, some separated from torsos
From heros to zeros, no back again as I decompose into the shallows

It's basically not a place anybody would actually choose to be
But when it's your own psyche it's hard to see any way out of the intensity that will always accompany insanity
And no one can hear your inner voice plea for much needed mercy
Beging to be set free but this inescapable captivity is your eternity
So wait, is this outcome then a certainty?
A destiny unremarkably average and already planned out for me?
It certainly seems to be
Especially now that I see clearly that comedy lies within my tragedy
But only because hindsight is 20/20
In the moment nothing's funny
A well lit path is not part of my journey
Mines a lifetime walked through a dark ally
The thoughts that emerge from the shadows come in a hurry, a savage flurry of the eire
Physically consumed with how badly this could turn out for me
Any second I could come face to face with an enemy sent by a deity with the soul purpose to immediately end this agony but I can guarantee I'm not that lucky

It's a shame this evil never left after it came
The residual, dry back shot residue stain and remain after every time I'm ******, but those rinse off in the rain that came all the same
Causing me to claim I'll never see life the same
Now docile and tame, a king slain by his own sword, self inflicted pain
My shelf life would be considered inhumane
A body originally set to be a temple now unlivable domain
Why is it the opposite I hear 'em saying when it comes to the brain of the insane?
What I can't figure out is what's there to gain keeping me here on this plane?
An existence broken and lame, no highs, no fame
No title bout, no championship game
I'd like to say it's done in vain but the fact is maybe this is where I'VE chosen to remain
But if there is no one to blame, to frame, to claim did this to me then the chain that holds me here I should be able to explain away so I don't know how to explain why I stay

And I always find myself stubbornly staying in this mindset like I'm developing the onset of stalk home syndrome
Eventually the environment seems normal but it's a Truman show dome
Entertainment at the expense of a grown man condoned
And the freedom shown is an illusion cause there's only so far you are able to rome
It never occurred to me that it was strange to be in this place alone
At first, while trying to escape, I wore my finger tips to the bone
But now I've got it so bad that I call this catacomb home
No land line phone, no WiFi hotspot zone
Cut off from the outside inside this prison of skull and bone
It's getting harder to tell as the problems begin to become overgrown
My flaws are blown out of proportion as they engulf my preset headstone
It seems so obvious that I shouldn't be here, I deserve a permanent place in a corner alone with a dunce cap cone or next to the rest labeled drone.
And I'm pretty sure I've waited to long to atone so the best I can hope for now are some ruby slippers or the larger piece of the wishbone

KG May 2023
"It's just blood"
They said passing the freshly glistened reddish iron tungsten blade as if it were a joint
And I took it.
Puff puff pass.
Now I puff alone for things I cannot exempt from being my own, problems, past

Yet I feed them everyday in hopes I end up drowning in the refuse

I tolerate as much as I despise.
yet I see me drinking by myself so much more frequently after pledging allegiance to my recovery, yet,
I've never allowed myself to recieve accolades under the influence.
So, why shouldn't I observe those medals of silver and bronze without dismissal: due to performance enhancement.
Isn't society run on caffeine?

I hope these demons like heavens door whiskey.
Intense internal screaming intensifies
Jeremy Betts May 2023
It's far easier to hate than forgive, can't give myself a break when the case study's retrospective
I hate that it's easier to die than to live, pull up just shy and see it all fall in and out of perspective
To be here, right here, year after year is the objective but the inner chatter from my dark passenger is persuasive
Life escapes through each back stab wound like a fleshy sieve, how much can one individual give
Just meaningless crumbs aren't attractive, I'm a no good, very bad human representative
So primitive, the smooth brain collective not selective enough to be proactive instead of reactive
The crazies run the nut house and the clubs exclusive, drunk off two fifths, the front doors elusive
I'm no detective, I just hope my karma is something I can outlive

Dark thoughts are combative, my own mind is abusive, held captive with no clear motive
The rush from anger becomes addictive even when self destructive
The me I want to be has lost all adhesive and every step towards a concept that moves forward feels counterproductive
From my perspective I should embrace the paradox, go back in time and hand my mom a contraceptive
I'd rather not exist than to be a relative to this bloodline that feels radioactive
But what's the alternative, trading one mess for another is gonna get repetitive
And every time, the byproduct gets more carossive, the rust forms a husk that falls away exposing the explosive
One that goes off erratically 'cause real change isn't a newspaper, or soothsayer, real help is expensive

Hand me that sedative, this repetitive narrative is too intensive, Lucifer's obsessive and I, compulsive
Destructive to a fault and so one sided I'm not even competitive
A cognitive function nowhere near adaptive, straight to punishment, bypassing corrective
Leaving me to always be on the defensive but that alone will fail to be effective
At least for the collection of the negative that is a bigger percentage of the me that's reflective
One of a fugitive on the run from my formative years, all the hardwired fears still active
Each with a different authoritative directive and all for the worse, who the hell's even driving this locomotive?
My words sound figurative, at least enough to label it an overactive imagination, so creative
But it's imperative that this is looked at as informative, a documentary type narrative


irinia Mar 2023
this morning when I opened my eyes
the light was breathing the window had a pulse
as if I was a body with unmystified senses
as if I could see deeper in everything that surrounds me
perhaps a remembrance of how
difficult it was for me to be in the world
with an immense sensitivity to the slightest movement of life around me,
how wondeful to attune to the wind, the leaves, the cacophony of beautiful words and deeds, the harmony in the blinking of strangers, the sway of steps on the streets, the collapse of the waveforms of dreams that we called reality
how hard to have a mind that might understand eventually that truth is complicated or not for every creature on the walks of life.
my essence is vulnerability my strenghts is my weakness for my foolishness there is no cure
don't have to look in the mirror to recognize
my human face, your human face, their faces
late in the night when I close my eyes I see only people, the beauty of the world, the cosmos created through pain, how
the morning of the day I was born was there, and everything was already breathing before me and everything will be still spinning its mystery when this excess of life will rob a last breath from me. I know I will be watching the breath of light, how everything gets illuminated when the time is ripe
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