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Gabriela 22h
loving myself was like a broken mirror
never knowing how i look
who i am
what do i have to give
completely, fully
if i'm not torn to pieces

i can only see parts
in some pieces, shaped like diamonds
i am a daughter, a friend, an artist
someone worth figthting for

in others, the pieces like sand in my eyes
the only thing that these fragments reflect
are pure darkness
interrumped only by a sharp, crystal clear type of pain

i am the broken mirror
i give the parts of me that are bright
and keep the ones that scare me
so that one day i can fill the cracks with silver and gold
and maybe then, i will know who i am
I've been watching poetry slams lately, i tried to let go and forget about the "rules" (not that i followed them a lot to begin with)
I don't think anybody knows how stressed i am, how ******* tired i am, is it because i'm to good at hiding it or is that i'm so obviously stressed and tired that nobody wants to hear about it

I used to have a friend a best friend that understood and listened and helped me through my day, i guess i just got too annoying, i constantly burned all of my energy to stop them from ending their life with a dull razor blade i never really realized how much damage i was doing to myself until this year when a lot of things went wrong

Now i have a significant someone and I've been constantly thinking about how badly i want to press my lips to her, but this beast in my head just won't let me, everytime i put it to sleep it wakes up within a week ready to ruin everything again

I don't think people understand why i am who i am, im that one kid who always acts like an idiot the one kid who looks so perfect but is scarred on the inside from trying to escape himself, the kid who wears “edgy clothing” and nobody wants to talk to, the kid who apparently looks good but is to much of an outcast for anyone to like him, the kid who tries his hardest to better himself but no longer has the motivation, i'm the kid that relies on his girlfriend to get him up in the morning, to tell him to live for her, to never give up

I don't deserve to have someone like her im my life if anything she needs it more than me
She always tries to motivate me but i never listen cause my ego is to big to listen to someone else's thoughts, i wish i listened to her i wish i wasn't so ******* difficult

She doesn't deserve to deal with how needy and how ignorant i am i just want to be with her forever and never worry about if she's losing interest in me again, but this all comes around to what happened in my childhood that made me this way

Ever since i was 6 years old...6!  i was the really annoying kid who couldn't focus who couldn't learn unless it was in a certain way, the kid who was so annoying that almost every lunch he would sit alone and eat waiting for someone to come sit with him, the kid that only wanted to have a lot of friends but couldn't even talk to the other kids without being told to go away cause I was too annoying

Every day I'm smiling a fake smile because i'm actually trying to stop thinking about what she's doing at this moment, thinking about if she's okay,  if she made it home okay, thinking about if I'm good enough for her, if i said something i shouldn't have and made her angry

Sometimes I wish i could live a life without all of my problems and just enjoy being in the present and not the past i know a lot of people are just going to say that all of this is worth pushing through but if it's worth it then why does it stop me from getting anything done
This is more of a spoken word poem but i wanted to share it anyways
Esther Nov 30
apple cinnamon
soft piano tickling the silence
we haven't spoken in a while
but
her fingers
light
against my neck
make me feel like a child again
i think that's the strange sensation in my chest
--kind of sad, kind of nostalgic, kind of lonely, kind of soothing--
that makes me want to laugh or cry or both
and all
at once.
c Nov 29
I look in the mirror at a person I don’t recognize anymore. Prodding and pulling at my skin just to make sure this is who I am I only cake on so much makeup because this is the me I don’t want them to see.

So they don’t

They don’t see me and time is just running away and what if I can’t make them see me before time is up?

It’s not that I’m invisible, I know they can hear me and they tell me that really, I’m fine, and I’ve never been an issue but then why do I feel so out of place in my own day to day routines?

In fact nothing is routine anymore I have no constants. Eating, sleeping, it’s all ireggular and sometimes I can’t remember doing any of it at all.

I have pictures filling my camera roll of happiness in a moment that I can’t bring back, why do I keep them for happy if all they do is make me sad?

The clock is ticking and I can hear it but they can hear me so I can’t scream, they don’t see me but I’m tearing at my mouth trying to get out the words that I really want them to hear.

And they tell me, that it’s okay to be yourself.

But only around certain people. Because society wants you to have curves but never in the wrong places. They want you to feel free to speak your mind as long as it’s something that they want to hear. If you keep your secrets to yourself you’re hiding something and if you share them you’re being too open.

But time is passing.

I need time, I need routine, and I need to remember happy so that I don’t fall in love with sad because far too many do.
So I will scream into the wind where they cannot hear me.
And paste on my paper facade.
Someday, they will see me.
I’m not giving up on time.
I tried to make this in the form of slam poetry, which I’ve never really done before. Any feedback is appreciated! :)
Solitude Man Nov 18
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I stumbled on this app during my search, prior  I have used various ad blockers which either only block a few Ads, and still require an additional extension to block trackers or analytics that spy on private data. I think the most fascinating feature is that, it performs all these functions and does not in any way slow down the proper and smooth functioning of my browser or device. For this I commend the makers on an inimitable software.

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-Ola Bajo
I.

There is a stream of water that flows
into the depths of yore
out into the heights of the future.

This stream flows through the mind
of those who tread through the trials of life
knowing the truth of ***’s Word.

The force driving this stream
is the eternal Being
who created reality with His Word.

Be washed by it,
and works of wonder shall flow out
effortlessly.


II.

Hear this, oh man,
fight the nightshade;
fit in the dark secret, goy.

Trouble blasts forth before the train of desire,
but a moon that cradles fire shall tremble in sight of the nightingale,
viewing the pleasures of yore burst fitly out into the nightshade.

Shift from sensual trite thrill
engulfed in ecstasy
yet never fleeing from the nightmare
sitting in the front porch,
to greatness ensued
by the power of our being and His image
sprouting fruit and giving
and giving and giving and giving.

I can’t shake the trees that make you fight for help,
for we must trade fire for fuel and fuel for fire,
so just cut them down instead
before we ***** onto things that must not be groped
and so that we may hope for the things that we obviously must hope.

Five billion jews,
ninety nine points of nailed contention,
twenty one years before the great grand fathering of grandsons,
and four times we must grate in time with the webbed fingers of fate.

Oh, is this not the grand granding,
the fine fitting grand node of triumph?
Tell me now, sir,
must you wait for the time that you create back and forth?

No guy could fit them down into any glock,
so go ahead and beat the clock,
beat the tick,
and beat the glistening tock.


III.

This thing called life I can embrace
must find its cause for humanity
in the crevice of nature
Behind the gutter.
Mind the gutter;
try to tell the nations of mindreaders,
“find hope in the Being far beyond the stars,”
with fire inside for life eternal.

Liberation from flesh creates harmony with Christ;
that came on the cross,
A fountain of water.

Might I try to inform you of the mistake ypu made
tripping into great flesh sea of carnal pulsing flushes
of blood, testosterone, oxytocin and chi?

Jesus our *** wants you to stop,
to say the least, bud.
So bloom rightly;
a nightshade blooming in the day
is a deathshade.


IV.

Crushed by the pounding force of fire flying within,
I try to see the greatness of Him who made me
conduiting through my body,
ripping through the ***** of corporeality
and bursting beyond the beyond.

Incantations of holy heavenly love
holler wholly beyond my being,
beyond the light of existence
as I set my mind on the Word,
the way, the truth, and the life.

I am compelled by the Spirit
to fixate my being towards the light of all mankind,
explosions of powersurges flow all through my body,
His temple radiates with glory.

Chabod,
Chabod,
Chabod,
Chabod,
Chabod,
Chabod,
Chabod.

Life is conceived, legacy continued,
fruit made plentiful, joy flooded,
dominion exuded, Christ exalted,
creation filled, humanity fulfilled,
head & body made one, *** and man with Son.
Higher are the thoughts and ways made when richly does the Spirit dwell
The stream made into an ocean reservoir, a heavenly flood of everlasting life.


V.

Take from the source the well of life
the water and fire within
let it be wind blowing upon your conscious being
fermenting the glory of *** in creation
creating all things new and exciting
both the head and the body

Oh there is love in the currents
There is joy in the sailing of the Spirit’s vessel.
This is how we know we are alive;
this is how we know the real wind carries us
beyond the present closer to all that is holiest.


VI.

It is rich gain to voice the unspeakable
Yea, does the unspeakable build up within me
Flow up my spine,
Through my heart,
Out my back,
Around my crown,
Back through my heart;

Images of the lesser fade like chaff on a plate
blown away by the rushing gusts.
Giving eye to all that is yet to be spoken
Echoing softly, higher passion awoken.

All I can do is give now
I must give the exertion of my body
I must give the seed of my mind
I must give the surge of my heart
And here it is
All that I have is laid before me
Drawn from the stream of life eternal
Ready to gush out and water the earth
And bring the sprouts from the ground to the air
standing tall for all to see.

This is the driving factor of fate
The point where possible and the planned collide
Revealing the eternal plan grain by grain
And the temporal hand vein by vein
May the plan shine so richly through the hand
And the hand give all according to plan.


VII.

The heavens open wide to the glory of all ascending
In Christ; the power of the faithful is broadcasted to the eyes of the ******
While they froth with tears,
With eroded teeth,
With envy.

For them, their ship has sailed,
Their bus has departed,
Their flight took off,
If it was even theirs in the first place,
For the ravens have gobbled up the seeds.

And now the ravens gobble up their corpses.
"Come, gather together for the great supper of ***,”
An angel in the sun declares,
“So that you may eat the flesh of kings,
Of generals,
And of the mighty,
Of horses and their riders,
And the flesh of all people,
Free and *****, great and small."

I say, their glory was the vainest glory of them all
And clung to it all in vain did they all
A puff poofed
A bubble popped
A snap of the fingers they have given their lives to
And gone now is both benefactor and beneficiary.

Therefore now, as a family receives the awaited bride
The angels receive the risen faithful down the aisle
While they froth with tears,
With rapturous voices,
With joy.
Alex Smith Oct 28
Amaze me,
Or maybe just phase me
Blast me in a hazey maze
With your hasty ways
And your phazers
Cutting me like razors
Erase her,
Till the time it pays - off.
And help yourself
To get so well
Getting out of
Your personal ****.
I'm progressing,
Can't you tell?
That rhyme scheme though.
Rand Oct 25
The little girl inside of me was feeling so small. She was aching badly, her heart was going to burst out and so was mine.
She ached for both of us, and I, I ached for her. I ached for my skin, for My pores and the discolorations on my face, I ached for my hair, ached for my split ends damaged by time and negligence, I ached for my nails, too big too hard too yellow too something, I ached for my fat, ached for my stretch marks I ached for my love handles, muffin top, little pouch on my not so flat stomach or any extra something that might not always be considered nice , I ached for my fingers, I ached for my thighs, I ached for my teeth, I ached for my nose, I ached for my forehead and my hairline that was too uneven too messy too something. I ached so badly for the barely audible voice of the little girl inside of me when she was trying to cheer me up this morning, whispering that I can do it, that I should do it I should care for myself. I should take a bath put a face mask on brush my hair and be gentle!! “You’re doing this because you love yourself, you want to take care of it” she’d whisper. I ache for her and how she’s slowly getting smaller now, soon she’ll fade and I’ll be left with no one to help me wake up in the morning. I’ll ache for my heart, who’s had more than enough   pain but still receives more punches, my heart will ache for itself it will ache for the both of us as it sees me wilting away as I mourn the little girl that was once the voice of hope in me. I ache for my aching and for the fact that I don’t know how long I can fight before I fade away too.
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