And every exhale is what I hope to be my very last.
Wandering alone in the caverns of my past like a child lost in the aisles of a supermarket.
Pulling back my hair on bandages so the iron can come up for air and ruin my favorite sweater.
Keeping myself alive just long enough to fade away slowly like you did when I first got sober.
Maybe if my heart was in my wrists you would come back and take whats left of it.
Three days from now death will permeate into the hallway.
Hopefully by then you'll remember that we were once in love.
See you at the funeral.
I am so alone
Hiding my eyes from a world that deceived me
Blistered skin stretched out like a canvas on the floor
I am an ambiguous floating ball of light and death
Wounds reopened to dissect the once blood filled veins of my body
An army of thoughts cowarding inward to the soulless pit of my existence
Deranged naysayers throwing glass bombs at my feet
Where did the last of humanity scurry off to
Bliss-less suffering endures eternally through a facade of sultry emotionless sex
The leaps and bounds became the void
And there's nothing left
Silent waves cast from a ripple on the pond, you're infecting, I'm still collecting the letters thrown all over our apartment you were injecting finding no time for anything but that reoccurring feeling of being smothered when we were young lovers with many lovers.
The days passed and we saw the future, you took your hand out of mine and leapt into the pond I don't know if I'll ever see the sun shine the same way as when the waves of the pond broke and your reflection cast with the sky, I could see the death in your eyes.
I'm here alone on the edge of the pond with my fists dug in the ground, the noose tight around your neck and the god awful sound of the shotgun blast playing over and over in my head scattered all over the grass.
What have we done.
Two young lovers, so entwined that when we finally unraveled and you were no longer mine my purpose was gone and there was no hope to carry on. Life ends all the time and I'm ready to die if you are.
African soul child
Eating dust for dinner
Drinking Dirty water
Poverty is your richness
Survival is your blessing
Too many deaths you witnessed
Torn between dying and living
Yet you still choose living
Breath air polluted with gas fumes
Big diamond digging machines
Repping your grounds for more minarals
Witnessed less births and more funerals
Oh African soul child
I sit alone in front of the campfire,
My eyes glancing at the dancing flame
Imagining life without my only desire
And for my loss I'm the one to blame
In my slumber, I traveled back in time
Locked in a nightmare, I longed to escape
My mind haunted by the sound of the chime
And a cold chill grasps on to my nape
A Dream or Reality? I asked in despair,
Hoping that this is all in my head, all this fear
I just want this gone, I didn't even care
Just remove this curse in me that only I can hear
Moments of torture and hatred suddenly disappeared
In the back of my head I thought, a moment of peace
Yet the night grew darker, and my hope was shattered
A ghostly maiden from my past, weakened me with ease
Salvation was out of sight,
I choose to stay and fight,
Yet the shadows held me tight,
But no longer will I give in to fright
With all my strength I struggled to get free
And ran away from my haunting past
Insanely, I ran as my life flashed before me
And I was wondering, redemption at last?
I jumped towards the sky, pleading for it to take me
I felt invincible, untouchable, full of power and strength
And with one final battle cry, I plunged into the sea
At last, freedom came to me with one last breath
My life is an ocean, full of sadness and pain
Yet within its depths I found eternal peace
Within the underworld my soul sleeps and satisfaction I gained
As fast as the waves of the ocean, all my agony released
I'm always going to love you.
But you stopped loving me.
You stopped trying.
You replaced me.
It eats me alive.
Five years means nothing, just to me.
You were my world.
How do you not miss me?
How can you not care?
How can you look upon me and just stare.
Love still lives here, and it always has.
Do you remember our first kiss?
In the pouring rain?
Do you remember the electricity that seeped through our veins?
Tell me I'm not crazy and alone in all this?
I have to know, even if its through one last kiss.
I've tried to tell you at least 1000 times
But the words were too scared to come out
Or the right words didn't exist
In the language I've spoken my whole life
And were I to try another language
They might make more sense
You need to know - it's vital
Both emotionally & physically
And you probably already do
But your mind struggles to process
The immensity of what should have been done
so long ago
But now seems too late to reverse..
So there I've said it.. Do you understand?
Oh, there I go again. I've said so much &
Tried so hard, but the words won't come out
I'll try again soon, hopefully
Before it's too late....
Set under a heavy stone
and above the bed of thorns
A healer called time
The healer of wounds
Can it make the tears stop
Can it end the pain
I wait for a silver lining
A ray of light
To save me from wretched blues
For all I see is a dark night