Why did it have to happen
What is it , I am supposed to learn from it ?
If my life wasn't perfect already
Well now it's gone to ****
Walking around with a mask on
What used to be me
What's that ?
No hugs Stay away
No going out
No rock concerts
That was what keep me alive
That's what made it worth it ..
Not alone sheltered from living and laughing
Being with others
Enjoying being alive
Enjoying the beauty of nature
Talk about depression
I wonder why keep living
Alone and Depressed
I wonder why ?
What's this life lesson
What did. I do in a past life
to deserve this ..
© Jennifer L DeLong 10/24/2020
Just my feelings right now ..
Applauds on resilience
Persistence and stubbornness
Born to make, to create
Sees all in which nothing should exist
Imagine being that
Potential is stored inside me
Waiting but yet begging to be let out
I starve myself my laziness
What’s of all the effort if all I get is strife?
Laugh at me all you want
Is what you love worth the pain of caring?
Knowing others will always be above you
I’m so tired
I shot myself short before I could even begin
This is my is my farewell.
I wanted to love you.
I dreamt of it.
Holding your hand whenever I felt like it.
A kiss every now and then because your were mine.
Things of that nature.
This isn’t the first time I’ve proclaimed that I’m done and over this unrequited love but this is the first I’m writing about it.
I’ve held you so far above ground that I couldn’t get to you even if I tried.
I see it, and have for a while, seen how comfortable you are with me in limbo.
Is it possible that you haven’t thought twice about this and I’ve been in this web alone?
The more I think about it,
I see how true it is.
I took the necessary steps towards you.
You had no doubt of my intentions.
(I think I would hate you if you did.)
You understand, right?
I don’t want to hope anymore.
I give up..
On a dead of winter day
our footsteps in the snow
melt too quickly
for anyone to follow
In drops of steady rain
we picnic beside the lake
and watch fireworks
fizzle out with summer
Riding the crest of fall
but stalked by spring
and so, in the throes
of such invisible connections
And sitting on a shelf
awaiting our turn
to be pried open
and spread like jam
for someone to consume...
Ignore the impending doom,
ignore the warning signs
Ignore the hateful glares
The flashing red lines
The labels beg to differ
Between everyone I meet
But still I feel myself simmer
In a vat of oiled up sheets
This escape room turns to hell
My every thought here to dwell
A bird inside a cage in a cell
I knew this could never turn out well
I thought you were good
but it’s clear that you’re not
If I wasn’t so kind
I’d leave you here to rot
You signed your fate
You’re to bleed under a rock
So won’t you please
Ignore my Warning Signs?
Individual letters that collect together to form a distinct meaning of speech.
They flood from your mouth with no hesitation.
It seems as if you have no thoughts behind how they would impact me.
They collect around me like a pool of water.
I can feel the letters push and pull me in all directions.
Individual vowels threaten me with their tones and volumes.
As a whole, they stab me with their unfortunate denotation.
This puddle is muddled with my thoughts
I am left to wonder when we became so careless, and when we became so cruel to one another.
I sit here pondering, which part of our time together decided to crack and crumble at the seam.
I can feel my emotions threatening to spill over.
They are teetering on the edge of my makeshift ****
They scream at me making me feel powerless and weak.
I am sure that the disturbance is written on my face.
The moment seems to blur as I attempt to speak.
Terms flow out of me like a river with no ending and with no peace.
It aims to catch you in it's white water tides.
But the entirety of my speech, I fret about the holes that it will bore in you.
Yet in spite of all we have been through, it frustrates me that we do not hesitate to damage each other's walls with our harshness.
We do not feel in the wrong as we watch the each other's wounds seep.
We have lost the ability to pick each other off their feet.
The world feels empty due to the lack of empathy
An eeiry frightful peace.
How long will we walk around with our uncertainty?
It's the same old story
for the millionth time.
The same stale thoughts
return to my mind.
Why is what I want to be
always beyond my reach.
Why do I never seem
to practice what I preach.
I don't mean to make excuses
or helplessly whine.
But I somehow **** it up
and the fault is all mine.
These lofty ideas
From the books on my shelves
Seem to just fall through
Because I don't change myself.
Disappointing myself (again)
waiting for the bus, always late, to carry me home
waiting for that shiny new tech-heavy device to arrive
waiting for service when I’ve already been ignored twice
waiting in line to pay for my overpriced vegan groceries
waiting for the doctor who simply repeats WebMD told me
waiting for the Wi-Fi to take only to have it disconnect 15 minutes later
waiting for payday when there's only Kraft singles and jam in the fridge
waiting for Spring like my bones aren’t already frozen and burst
waiting for inspiration like muse has 24-hour shipping
waiting for salvation when the devil’s
fork is already in my back
Most of all