when you put your lips
on mine,
that feeling is something
indescribable,
delicate.

and i though i would
get used to that magical feeling.

but as soon as i experienced it,
you were gone,
forever.

and i never tasted your lips again,
or saw your face again,
or heard your voice again.
you were completely gone.

*and i was not prepared for it.

look up
look at the sun
it shines bright
with its' all mighty power
it can blind you
and burn you
but it gives you strength
and energy
*just like you
give me.

i am crawling
on the floor,
looking for
the dignity
i lost, when
i told you
i loved you.

take this pillow,
that lays on this new, clean sheet,
and put it over her sleeping face,
just push, push, push.
push until she gasps for air
and is out of breath.

the universe
isn't vast enough
and big enough
to show you
how much
i love you.

deadly sins,
              written on your
              dazed mind and
              *scarred body.

purple*  *lips,
numb from the cold,
and not even the warmest lips,
can make the color come back.
purple  eye,
somebody had hit it,
and not even the thickest
layer of make up,
can cover it.
purple  fingers,
no blood running
through them,
and not even the rope
that has been holding her fingers,
can make the blood flow
through her fingers, again.

she lost control again,
just like in any situation
where she's helpless and
anxious, and she needs
someone to calm her down
with sloppy kisses and
tight hugs, but there's
no one to give her what
she wants and needs.

walk into the tobacco shop,
the bell rings, letting everybody
know you're here to buy a cigar
that will soothe your pain
and eventually make it disappear,
until it comes back and
you'll reach out for
another, and another,
until your pack is empty,
and you'll go to
the same shop to buy
another one.
*it's a cycle that never
ends, and i hope it never will.

you really want to disappear, don't you?
you want to be invisible and
you want to run away from everything, don't you?
you think everybody will forget about you
once you're finally gone, don't you?
you think you will do everyone a favor if you
aren't there anymore, don't you?
you think everything will be easier
once you're gone, don't you?

all of that is pure *******.

*life was given to you because you had to make some change, difference in this ****** up world. and you certainly shouldn't throw it away because you feel like **** or you think you're not good enough. because if you weren't good enough, you wouldn't be here, right now.

you hear that?
-that's the siren
of desperation you're hearing.

that black leather,
surrounding your waist,
back and shoulders,
all i want to do
is grip tight on it
and never let go,
as we are driving on this
old, used motorbike
without our helmets,
like we are just waiting,
and wanting our lives
to come to
an end,
thinking we are dangerous
and cool,
when we are just
young and reckless.

i am nostalgic
for the past,
the past that we hadt
and the almost
happy memories we
shared,
painful memories that
will always be caged
in my mind and heart.
and sometimes,
this nostalgia is too
overwhelming and
unabareable,
so i get the urge to
be sentimental for the
briefest moment and
wanting, needing a
time machine.
but then, again,
i need to face the ugly
reality, where you are no
longer next to me,
and you can't comfort
me like you used to.

crimson red bottles,
are shattered all across the
soft, white carpet.

pieces of broken glass,
are left there to wait
for somebody to pick them up.

red stains everywhere,
of blood and red wine,
broken wine bottles
are equal as broken souls.
*-they stay broken

going against
parents and
the world,
seems silly and
stupid,
because you
know you don't
stand a chance.

but when you
feel your
blood rushing
through your veins,
and adrenaline
pumping,
when you
have finally
proven a point,
after years of
arguing and
fighting,
you realize
that this feeling
is why you exist,
why you live,
why you are *here.