"maybe i’m stupid.”
oh child, you are!
when you were small all you knew was screaming and so you did it constantly, and you kept me up all night when in the morning i had work and eventually i screamed back from my room, but you didn’t care and that was stupid. i had to hold your hand as you walked because you couldn’t do it by yourself, you tripped over your own tiny feet and shat in your pants and that was stupid. you told your uncle he looked black after he’d gotten a spray tan and child that was stupid, but what does stupid got to do with anything now? stupid is an excuse, and when you left him he used it too, holding back stupid tears saying it was so stupid of him but he’ll never do it again, just like your father did before the little rat was ever a thought in his own father’s head. forget him, because he’s stupid too, and focus on yourself, you who clawed your way out of my womb, lit me on fire and burnt me up till i was the sun. scream some bloody murder again if you need to, it's been years since i've heard your voice caught in hysterics. let it crack in anger, dummy, come on, didn't i raise you to be mad?
"of course you aren't stupid," just like i'm not a liar.
How did love begin?
Was it here before original sin?
Did we pluck it from a tree?
Did you take a bite for me?
Did it start with our conception,
Perhaps it's merely physical attraction.
I have love of country, love of travel,
Love of life, money and art;
Love of nature and her siblings,
Love for food and all else,
That excludes my heart.
I have love of parents, and love of mate,
Love for my kids, family and self;
And if truth is told, my dog, Jake.
That includes my heart.
Love like spirit is omnipresent.
We love love for its own sake.
You forced me to become a man when I wanted to stay a child and I am thankful
You told that life is hard and no one cares if you suffer and if you struggle
And I am
You showed me life is a dark and unforgiving place and you thought me about heartbreak and loss
And I am
You also showed me the countless mistakes I have made and are probably going to make so that I may learn from them and for that I am thankful
You protected my childhood innocentness when all of the world grew up and I am
You comforted me when the tuff Times stood outside the door and I am thankful
You were my light when dark thoughts and heartbreak filled my mind I am
You showed me all the good things I did in my life and you showed me all the things I still may do and I am thankful
Together you showed me in two very different ways how to not only survive but thrive in this fucked up place called life
You showed me how to keep my hands and feet inside at all time and just enjoy the ride the ride of life and for that I am not just thankful but
It's for that,that
I love you with all
My parents always told me
That I needed to be a good girl
To have a good life
My teachers told me
That I needed to study more
So I could be successful
My friends told me
That I needed to get a boyfriend
Just like them
So I would not be lonely anymore
When I turned seventeen
I got sick of the things I needed to do
I cried myself to sleep
And suddenly I realized
Everything I have done
I did not do It for me
I did It for them
Sometimes I cry for no reason
The simplest things stress me out
I get so stressed and the dumbest tasks
and no one, not even my parents can understand why
The claim its an excuse for my irrational behavior but is it?
I get labeled as the angsty girl
who gets angry at everything?
Is it my fault? or is it anxiety's?
She never gets blamed
She is a burden the kind that you cant get rid off easily
The kind that weighs you down for the rest of your life
The kind that drowns you
This is the best I can do for you
who tried to set me straight on the path to virtue when you yourself were known to stray.
And for you who taught me that lies
aren't just told by strangers, but can just as well lurk in the kitchen,
in the bedroom.
This is the best I can do for you,
the one with both brains and beauty whom I refused to hold when you were only hours old.
And you, who stopped short my childhood, cut the innocence from my eyes, and forced me to see something I never wanted to see -
a truth, nonetheless.
I am happy where I am and
with who I am.
And I am who I am because of you.
I never wanted to leave,
but I am glad that I did,
sometimes I think.
You all played your parts,
but now my story begins
somewhere away from you,
and the best I can do
is to use what I've learned
and hope that it will make you all
either grit or grin,
and I welcome both.