You have always been there,
when I needed a hug or laugh,
or a shoulder to cry on.
You have always been there,
never once failed to support me,
never giving up.
You have always been there,
through my joys, my sadness,
through my successes, and failures.
You've never abandoned me,
for what the Society can’t accept me for;
for all of my flaws.
Thank you, Mother.
Dear father. Beautiful mother.
Please allow me this opportunity to thank you, but caricature of my decisions needs to be put in place first.
As the days passed me by, long ravenous nights, restless and unaware. You helped me realize that the white lines turned into white lies, the dice I constantly rolled made me a sucker for the rule of threes.
You made me realize that this is not who I was made to be, and I can be a better man I know. I never needed to become a shell of the man I used to or intended to be.
The lines I drew was nothing more than a mark to build a wall, a barrier between myself and candidly company. I've replaced real words and genuine touch with a new best friend and she's called loneliness. I can feel her but touch so fake, I can hear her words but similar to the voice in my head.
So I want to thank you for allowing me to make my own mistakes but never vamoose my side. Just know that I've learned from my mistakes and trying my best to be a better man than yesterday, everyday.
You've raised me with love, clarity, and a soft touch and I need to thank you for that.
I hope you hear this.
I love you.
Had dinner with my parents tonight,
this week was the first time I’ve seen them together in my entire life,
and even though I left home at 14,
all of the blame,
can’t really be put on either them or me,
because my parents had broken up,
since long before I was woken up,
separated for so long,
I often wondered if they were even ever together,
I brought them together for my birthday,
my father flew in from The States,
we all met in Thailand where my mom lives,
dinner was difficult,
my mom is losing her mind,
while she’s sitting there spilling her soul,
my dad just sits there and asks meaningless questions,
my mother sitting there saying how she has no money,
how she has no family other than us,
how she has no shoes on her feet,
and no real place to call home,
like I’m supposed to feel guilty for that,
like I don’t send her money all the time,
like I wasn’t in Thailand just to visit her,
like I’m a man now so she chooses to blame me,
like she’s chosen to blame every other man that’s ever been in her life,
how many husbands has she had now,
4 or 5,
maybe 6 or 7,
I don’t know I’ve lost count.
what do you say to your mom,
when you think she’s a slut,
and I know that might sound like a terrible thing to say,
but it’s the truth and I refuse to censor myself,
doesn’t even feel like me anymore,
not even sure if I’m a human let alone a man,
the Atomic Family is more like an Atomic Bomb,
what a mess we’ve made,
and all in the name of what,
I have no idea,
it’s all probably a simulation always,
at least that’s what Elon Musk says,
“There’s a 1 in billions chance that we are not living in a Simulated Reality.”.
Makes me want to tell my parents,
that they are just part of a computer program,
but they’d probably just call me crazy,
and then just disappear…
∆ Aaron LA Lux ∆
from The new book '777' available worldwide on Amazon:
My dad lying on the couch,
Staring blank faced in the direction of his youngest grandchild.
Mezmerized by how the baby plays,
His quiet babbling in some twisted tongue is background noise to my father's panic.
Nothing can quite keep the thoughts at bay,
so terrified of slowly whisping back into the stars
Before my son can remember his Papa Bear.
I don't know where to start.
Momma had me at 17, and it broke her heart.
Stuck her to the walls like a fly that got hit by a dart.
I was collicky and it ripped her mind apart.
She loved me and wanted what was best,
So Mommom swooped in to take me off her chest.
I stayed with her until I was almost grown,
The lessons I learned and the things I was shown,
Paved the foundations for me to build a life of my own.
Growing up was weird.
Mom liked to drink her beer,
And argue with my step-dad despite who was near.
As a result, I caught anxiety and lived in fear,
Being scared of my parents caused me to shed too many tears.
I had little friends to vent to,
Accept for one girl who meant a lot to me.
Met her at nine,
Which was when life was far from fine.
My aunt passed away, and I wanted to put my life on the line.
Trade my life for hers, and I'd be fine.
This was before my dad did time.
Dad went to jail.
I wrote him every two weeks without fail,
Told him about my dreams of setting sail,
And going off into the sunset.
Two years later he got out but I got upset.
He was different.
More hostile, and indifferent,
Aggressive and with a bad temperament.
Discipline came from a belt and shoe,
I lived with him for a year or two,
Only because I thought he'd eventually come through.
Gave up that dream, and moved back home,
Friends all missed me and didn't know where I'd gone.
Stayed to myself,
Struggled with demons and didn't know what I felt.
Stayed dormant until middle school,
Started observing who was who,
Watched and learned why people were "cool",
Figured out why the class clowns acted a fool,
And made it a personal rule,
No matter what happened,
I'd take everything with the bad with the good.
That lesson is when I ended my Childhood.
once again we broke the gate
clad iron bars strewn across my arms
they poke and prod and tear the skin
a misconstrued broken heart
slip across philosophy and slide across water
I drowned in hatred and took notice of my father
he holds figurines of bloodshot eyes and a cremated holist
he believes there is more to everything
with every shout there is a purpose
with every hit there is a purpose
with every display of humiliation shows a twisted purpose
18 years of shame
parents can be cruel
as they should.
I will identify myself as successful,
When my parents stop worrying,
When my nervousness finally ends.
I will identify myself as a happier guy,
When I have divorced my loneliness,
When loneliness finally spares me to be.
I will identify my true love, my equal,
When economically independent,
When she comes without invitation.