15 years later, and we came back
the same creaking door announced our arrival
wood paneling and deer antlers seemed to remember us
the same way we started to remember them
six bunk beds and wooden shelves
where I used to put my radio and listen at night
the same key chains hanging from the light strings
we sat at the same wooden table
and put together that circular puzzle that has never left my mind
we went to the river and ran in bare feet
with the same fear of snakes as we did way back then
we sat 17 around the table and ate supper
and did the dishes with boiling water
we played Dutch blitz and card games
and always took someone else with us to the outhouse
we pumped that same water out of the same red pump
and the water had black flecks like it always used to
we all lined up and jumped off the rock in the same order as always
"my name is Bethany and I'm 22"
we hopped in the truck bed and went deer spotting at night
and remembered why we were scared of bears
and I remembered how much I miss being around my sisters
I slept on the top bunk with my sister
and she didn't stick her legs under my back like she always did
we climbed up to the fire tower
and rubbed leaves on our yellow jacket stings
I wish there was a natural remedy for nostalgia
when we left, they ran to the road to say goodbye
like they always did before
and my heart felt like some of it didn't leave with me
it took 15 years, but I came back

Quiet now, close your eyes;
Take the outstretched hand of yesteryear.
Let our fingers touch, entwine and hold,
To feel the pulse of much loved pasts
Where our pain and passion remains untold.

Remember now, open your hearts;
Run toward the open arms of all those days.
Long for her embrace, press closer home,
To hear the beating heart of all we shared
When our lives and loves were all we owned.

Tom Lefort

If I had never met you
Would my hands feel any different?
Would my lips whisper any softer?
Would my eyes turn a different shade of brown?

If I had never fallen in love with you
Would my fingers stretch any further?
Would my teeth bite any deeper?
Would my eyes swallow even more moonlight?

If I had never longed for you
Would my arms grow heavier?
Would my mouth speak any louder?
Would my eyes weep even more than they had?

If I had never lost you
Would my shoulders crack under the starlit sky?
Would my jaw shatter with every promise told?
Would my eyes search for you in every glimmering of womanhood?

I see my life through plexiglass
Trying to bulletproof the past,
Nostalgia? No, but I recall
That rising up precedes the fall.
But the films I watch inside my mind
Are missing parts I cannot find
So I fill the blanks with what I see,
I fill it up with what I need.

Now is it truth, or is it lie?
I like to think that I am right,
But I’m not the well-oiled machine
I used to think I used to be.

Nostalgia is
The laughter down the rec
As we poured beer
And did milk shots

Nostalgia is
The camp fires
The boys added hairspray to
And panicked

Nostalgia is
Your arm around my shoulder
Protective and proud
And very nervous

Nostalgia is
The Daisy chains
And gossip of
Who kissed who

Nostalgia is
The innocence of
Running wild in fields
Till the sun came up

Nostalgia is
Our beating hearts
Under the duvet
Hoping your brother didn’t hear

Nostalgia is
Knowing it’s just a memory
No longer to be
Repeated

Nostalgia is
Looking at old photos
With a half smile
And chest ache

I remember when
You wrote me a poem

I was sitting on the window sill
It was morning
You held out a piece of paper
And you read it out loud
Your voice shaking
With such sincerity
You couldn’t hold it in

I remember the warm sun
that shone onto the city
And the room we were in
that held the words you spoke to me

Everything about that day
Is forever engraved in my memory
And thank god for that

Because I remember the night before
The lamp above the kitchen table
The night we both knew we had
Found each other from another  
Lifetime, in the way our hearts beat together
and our breaths had synched


I wish I still had your poem
Never thought I’d had to think about keeping it
It’s crazy the things pain makes you do
But now that I feel better
I wish I could remember you

when I was in Japan,
I reached in my bag for yen,
I drew a coin with the Zia on it
given to me by a gem
as I stared at the cold breezy mountains of Japan holding this, I  was reminded of
The deep Roots of cracked hot concrete I would work out on
The smell of albondigas Nana would be making
The bright yellow and blue tile mismatched on the lining of the kitchen
The simpleness of living in a "this'll work" architecture
the tumbleweeds, the dry cacti landscape, vast dirt reaching to the dark amber mountains, painted with fading perfect blend from the sunset, homemade meals, la raza, tias and tios, the stray cats and dogs (and family pet names)

My Arizona desert was so hot that everything did its best to share being in the Cool casted shadows.

yet here I was in the complete opposite wishing for that sun
holding this coin brought be back to when you thought I would Judge where you were from
but your "Land of Enchantment" will always remind me of being one step closer to home...