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Lou 3d
June 29th, 2017
It’s been 1 year, 4 months and 19 days.
For 1 year, 4 months and 19 days.
Count the acidic tree rings
Nearly 504;
A.m. eyes
On East Ferry,
in contrast of noir
I say, man;
June 29th, 2017.

It’s time to get a new calendar,
Cause I count 5,000 dollars later
and not a sense of a cent
was fined for my remorse.

I’ve been fine and fined.
Holes in my pockets
dropping seeds of change
planting fines

Into puddles
and potholes
showing deep interest
into the alignment of my car
stalling my engine with debts.

19,000 dollars and growing later;
I learned what trigger warnings cost
and ironically
I wrote a paper on it.

Don’t get me, wrong I am grateful
But, I had to rip holes
into all my jean pockets.
I mean, **** it,
I never had much going in
And I should quit smoking
My lighter is dead
Only blue and red
Sparks lived well in my mirrors
On, June 29th, 2017.

From the wall I was chained to,
I enrolled into college
My mom drove me home from my first class.
My lawyer wasn’t much of a lecturer,
He spoke math for 1,400 dollars

250 and 9 weeks.
106 a month for 52.

That’s enough math for this semester.

I drank with my night instructor on Mondays after 9,
He wanted to hear my music
We drank whiskey salted potholes on Allen
I counted his tree rings to 4/4 measure in regret;
20 years steady.

I graduated on a Tuesday morning,
I didn’t call him back to thank him for the irony.

I acknowledged our acidic rings
With glass cheered laughter
Swallowing thanks for each other’s company.
9 weeks and I don’t recall ever leaving the room.
43 went after,

And today life is that,
Paid for in lessons,
No need for pockets

I am those potholes
bumping coffee all over me
20 mins late to my first class.
I can repave them
but they won’t stay filled
It’s OK to want smoother roads to school.
I’m late but I’m here

I’m a mess.
******* would see art.
People have his eyes on me.
I want to be framed and splattered
on the walls of your home
A household mess .
It’s OK to have a passion.

Look into my tree rings
How old am I?
Its restorative to count
27 rings of rebirth
Look at me still growing
I believe I can grow in Paradise-lost fire
Or in Buffalo salt

I am my flaws
I counted them

My alcohol abuse,
One beat of 2,653 in 2017
I don’t know how to put an apology
On a music sheet.

The Jazz fills my potholes in the morning
before these hallways

My grey area is stained glass in Villas library,
Each step is eclectic
From shoe up and over is stand still art

Lighters flash cigarettes burning
But prints pictures of thankful new memories

With all of you in it.
Thank you for helping me with today’s date.
Its for a course I am taking in college. I hope this doesn't shade me as a fool. I'm kind of self-conscious of this one and hoping for feedback. Thanks.
"drink me
drink me,
empty my glass"
"but for what reasons?,"
the young man asked,
"i'm not thirsty, frankly I'm not parched"
"you look empty...
can't you feel it in your heart?
it's just one sip, it won't hurt.
i promise
it won't get worse"
and so the man drank and he drank
and he continued to drink more
until he was passed out on the couch
his heart no longer sore
Bobcat Nov 27
Rip off the band-aid, get it over with
I never thought it would come to this
Clear mind, clear eyes
Walking straight, no more lies

Don't rely on me and I won't let you down
You can't count on me, I'll only let you down
Don't reach out for me, I'll only let you drown

These feelings are getting harder to fight myself
Pulling teeth to admit I need some help
It's cutting deep on the webbings of my hand
Eyes wide open in a pile of sand

Tell me how is it I can fix this
Walk around the house feeling like a misfit
How can I numb this without a drink
Emptying bottles in the kitchen sink

Clean my wounds with a bottle of Jack
Drinking my way to forget the past
You followed me into the pits of ****
Just to show you that I can't get well

Don't rely on me and I wont let you down
You can't count on me, I'll only let you down
Don't reach out for me, I'll only let you drown
Jamie Lee Nov 15
My dad told me when you quit drinking
You finally hear the birds sing
On chirping mornings or dimming evenings
That will now be remembered
Every January through December, from here on out
Now I count every rose petal and press them in books
Jumping onto roofs, but not jumping off them
No more praying on cold bathroom floors
Finally live up to all the promises I made
When I was nothing but a shaking core
Who didn’t ask for help, but begged
To hear the birds again
I'm a recovering alcoholic and almost a month clean. Writing helps.
Jade Welch Nov 14
And it seems
no matter how hard I try
I cannot sleep
this will of mine once strong
now weak
nobody could have made my head turn
nobody but you
and when you left
it was like my heart shattered
just as fast as my mental state
but you broke me
long before you left
all the drugs and alcohol
mixed effects
all irreversible
you forced my head
to the table
fear was your chosen weapon
and it worked
but all things
good and bad
come to an end
as did our love
our hate for one another
but although I cannot stop
thinking about you...

... I would still spit on your grave
Jade Welch Nov 13
I'm a melancholy heathen
Known to no belief
the only *** of mine
is one that I can drink

Flask held by my breast
this coat holds a hidden pocket
sadness hits me hard
to have this whiskey I am blessed

Jazz never seems to work
it is met with rolling eyes
only rock will soothe me
All hail the Makers Mark
I had a poem,
but I
lost it.
Somewhere between
When you clenched your fist
and I hugged my knees.

I had a poem,
but I
lost it
Somewhere between
when the remote went flying
and when I was trying
not to breathe.

I had a poem,
but I
lost it
just like I lose

I found the poem,
in my head
after you'd already
long gone to bed.

I had a poem,
but the words
wouldn't fit
and my thoughts,
they just wouldn't quit.

I had a poem,
but I
ruined it-
just like I ruin
I know it isn't really my fault, but the guilt still circles.
Daniel eason Nov 10
Just leave me alone
I want you to stay
Why did it have to be this way
I wasnt thinking
I was drinking
To late now
Your boat is sinking
A poem about alcoholism and how it ruins lives
Elisabeth Nov 7
I woke up with my head full of rocks and my stomach a butterfly museum

With several trying to escape up the back of my throat

Pain racks the rest of my body in waves

My brain is stripped of all that happened in the last 24 hours

Regret washes over me- only softly because...

At least for a moment I felt nothing

For a moment I was not reminded of this dull empty ache between my ribs

For a moment my head was in the clouds and my body was up there with it

The clouds were more like vapor I suppose

Surrounding my head in swirling patterns

Blocking every **** view

Including my own reflection and the intentions behind it

The people around the mirror were only fuzzy thoughts

Only in the back of my mind do those people exist

And with every swallow they become further and further muddied in the darkness

Not one possible consequence riddles my thoughts

Only when the sun rises and I peel open my dry eyes do I think for a moment

And even full of regret I will do it again tonight.
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