his smiling self,
walked through the hotel door,
and greeted his new, innocent
lover who is clueless about his
greedy intentions.

she smiles at him,
as she looks behind his back,
to find another expensive gold
necklace that will soon be around
her bruised neck.

she is still unaware
of his real character,
and who is the man behind
that facade of sophistication.

*but, just like the others, he is just another greedy man with a pile of money, looking for some fun.

you would think
a ferris wheel is fun.

you would think
a ferris wheel is romantic.

you would think
a ferris wheel is scary.

but you should know
a ferris wheel is plain stupid.

because it is just a huge wheel,
that spins round and round,
not making a difference.

why don't you sleep?
why don't you take the leap?

what makes you so afraid?
why does your life fade?

without your beauty sleep,
you will be a creep,
with purple circles
and no miracles.

nothing helps you,
nothing keeps you,
you are alone,
and all along you've known.

i.
there's something melancholy,
something tragically beautiful
about loving someone who doesn't love you

ii.
there is a certain sadness
of bleeding for someone who
wouldn't even shed a tear for you

iii.**
and there is a certain romance
to reaching out and falling to the floor
and falling for you and crying silent storms
of unexpected kisses and warm hugs.

i woke up,
in a different clothing,
and a different bed from
mine.
the gray t-shirt stuck
to my sweaty skin,
and i got out of the untidy
bed, to find the source
of the delicious pancakes
smell.
what i found weren't
pancakes,
but a lying, lifeless
body on the kitchen
floor and burnt
breakfast.

and you will
find me lying
on the floor,
looking happy for
the first time,
even though,
i will be in
hell,
where i truly belong.

all she wants to do
is get lost,
walk into some
unfamiliar alley
and disappear
from the world,
to build something
of her own.
and after all,
it‘s a big city,
nobody will
find her,
and she doesn't want
to be found.

i am crying again,
because of him,
because he looks so
perfect in every picture he
takes and in every sunlight
that shines over him.
i am crying again,
because i know he will
never be mine,
and i want him so badly.
i am crying again,
because i promised myself
that i will not fall for him
again. i guess,
i broke my promise.
i am crying again,
because it takes every cell
and fiber in my body,
not to go to the ***** bathroom,
cry it all out and make new scars,
because i am going to the doctor's
in the morning,
and i cannot afford my mom‘s
stupid lectures.
i am crying again,
because i love him too much,
and because i know he will
find the perfect girl someday,
but she won't ever love him
the way that i do.
i am crying again,
because i will never be
yours, g.
and i want to,
so much.
i am crying again,
laying in bed,
looking at your pictures
in my phone,
and i am crying again,
because i will never
feel your lips on mine,
ever.

i remember the day
i first saw you
and how everybody
said "stay away from him"
and how i shrugged
my shoulders and
approached your attitude.

                              i remember the day
                              i last saw you,
                              and how you said
                              "i'm no good",
                              and how i shrugged
                              my shoulders and
                              touched your tongue
                              for the last time.

open your eyes,
little girl.

look around you,
the world is not what it seems to be.

you are being lied
and tortured by the cruel world
which has not been aware of your pain.

nobody knows,
the real you,
except me.

and,
i genuinely hope,
that it stays like that.

only you and i,
in the real world,
alone.

there tears fall,
on this blank piece of paper.

these tears that i swallow,
are soundless and muffled.

these tears are only mine,
nobody knows the reason.

nobody can save these tears
or make them disappear.

these tears still fall
every day on this blank piece of paper.


these tears are now shattered
on a piece of paper that is no longer blank.

these tears are now printed forever
on this written, scribbled paper.

these tears are for you only,
perhaps you don't deserve them,
but i need my closure.

and that closure are the tears
and this piece of paper where my heart is written.

my love for you,
the tears that you don't deserve,
the words that only my soul understands,
the heart that is no longer yours,
the love that you do not deserve anymore.

*people turn out something they should never be.

the thought of dying
someday, it's a good
enough reason to live,
i can live with that fact
that i am going to die someday,
to leave earth and finally
go to hell and meet
my satan.

love doesn't choose its victim,
it kills from a distance,
without taking the time
to calculate the
emotions divided
and tears added.