You don't know me, but we've met.
Acquaintances? Certainly. Friends? You bet.
Soulmates? I'm the closest thing you'll ever get.

I'm sorry this happened. I know it's not fair.
If you're alone and standing, I suggest you grab a chair.

You can't escape me, for better or worse.
I'm here to stay until you find your hearse.
You can't escape the past, you won't escape the future.
You can't get rid of me, I'm your forever suitor.

I'm your inner critic with no constructive feedback.
You're dumb and ugly. See? I play on all your insecurities.
You're stuck with me, try to scream away the memories.
Gnaw, gnash, fight and flail; I'll make you wish there was a hell.

Go ahead, run, it's what you always do.
With a hollow grin and reminiscent smile, I'll be waiting.
That's it, let someone else in, see if they can fix you.
We both know they can't, who are we kidding?

I'm not so bad, am I? Feel that happiness? It's only temporary.
That laughter; clearly obscurity.
It's okay, go to sleep, I'm patient; I'll awake when you do.
Stalking my prey is the technique I contour to.

Those pleasant dreams are nice, aren't they?
They will never come to fruition.
Nothing more than a solipsistic rendition.
The thoughts that others have, you can almost hear them.
When I get finished, you'll have no choice but to fear them.

Running away with no destination in sight.
C'mon, slow down, don't be impolite.
You can run for a while, but I always catch up.
We both know what happens when your mental legs give up.

Shhh... don't be scared. Trust me, I won't leave.
Let me whisper your faults until you break down and grieve.
It's ok, cry, it might provide some relief.
But we both know that relief is always so brief.

You try to suppress me with your drugs and hobbies.
Good luck, I'm real. I'm not the fucking Jabberwocky.

I'll leave you with some words that may provide alleviation.
I'm inside of everyone; just look around and see my manifestation.

oh, how in this dark
oh, how the wave flows,
the sky black and stark-
oh, how the wind blows.

the little dogs bark
their songs full of woes,
oh, how in this dark-
oh, how the wind blows.

the autumn draws nigh -
last splash of the rose,
a withering sky-
oh, how the wind blows!

As someone as pervy as I am,
Never did it come to mind
That sex’s allure
Can be murky, impure
And to some degree, best left behind.

As a depressed individual,
I’d never thought it could be
That I would become
So disgusted and numb
By the wonderful drug; ecstasy.

But furthermore, music, I miss you.
Once you were more than just racket.
So, surf rock, I plea,
Won’t you please unleash me?
I’ll ride on your waves till you hack it.

These, I had thought, were in nature
The typical things we enjoy.
Euphoric, complete,
With a strong rhythmic beat,
And the feeling of girls, or of boys.

Though cravings for these are all vacant.
No sex, meds and no poetry.
A sensation drought,
From searing to burnout.
A ghost of a long deceased me.

Pieces of you scatter and sway  
       With every footstep underneath

Like a string of steps beneath the sea
       My hope is silt
       And my thoughts are of you

Though the tides may turn
       On a direful coin
       As they press for only the most history true

It’s forever in memory and in mind
       And in the quiet corners of my consciousness
       Where you will be

Drifting like the sparkling sands
       Are the memories of you renewed

I have put myself through hell,
And, God forbid, my mind as well.
The drugs and booze,
The ‘What’s to lose?’
Reductive, simple attitudes.

I can say though, with no doubt,
Regardless of the shite I spout,
Admiration,
Adoration,
No drug beats infatuation.

So, to her, I’ve one request.
For me to put my mind to rest,
To clear desire
I must try her,
God knows she will get me higher.

She’ll steal the heart you thought had died
And breathe her life into your soul.
A soul that you had never found,
But not without you having tried.

She’ll trace her fingers on your skin
And wear away into your pores
Until within your blood she is,
To overdose adrenaline.

She sinks her teeth, expands her eye.
Encapsulating childish grin
Of innocence and sin intense.
She captures all that pass her by.

When I get older, maybe saner
Will I remember all the wars that we fought?
Perhaps I will forget all the old bone breaking danger
And all the wicked tricks we were once taught

Yet I will have the scars to prove
There was a time I was the brave one
When I was the hunter and not the food
That faceless shadow behind the gun

They will tell lies about our dreams
Their words will make us true born heroes
Painting with our blood the most poetic scenes
Using nothing more than a few misplaced words and mirrors

And because I can no longer remember
Because I’m just a shadow of the woman I once were
I will nod my head and heart in surrender
Not knowing I was my own personal saboteur