I drank a glass of Texas tea And turned into the ghost of a memory I learned to be so quiet I watched all my friends forget I learned how to walk with the silence of the dead I learned how to keep my thoughts inside my head I learned to keep my mind open and my mouth shut But I had no one there to open me back up I never brush my hair I forget to fall asleep Is this what is meands to be me?
Had my first taste of Texas tea And then their eyes went straight through me Fill my cup all the way up And watch my teeth rot
It’s like the only time I can see outside of this hole Is when I’m trying to make sure others don’t see That I’m digging it deeper And Deeper And Deeper And falling Further And Further And Further Until I can’t get out
If only you could see, See that I was hurting. Hurting on the inside, Inside of me is broken. Broken from the past, Past issues not recognized. Recognize the monsters, Monsters that are controlling. Controlling my very own emotions, Emotions that are evolving. Evolving into a revolution, Revolution of my freedom. Freedom to change, Change who I am. Am I visible now?
It's so amazing to see all these poems I wrote when I was like 14-16 because even though I've grown a lot of my thoughts remain the same.
i was young back then, already into my last year in school. i have waited quite a long time to get old, so i feel like i owe it to myself to make the most of my advancing years. my mom used to tell me that life is a one-way street as if i am too foolish to understand it. i just wish i could travel back in time and be a child again. i just wish i could walk away from the gloom and doom of this life. reliving all my childhood memories by listening to my grandma's fairytales about angels and demons. how can i forget those days when the nights were so short and the days were so long yet there was magic everywhere? those were the days when i made castles and sailed paper boats when it rained. in the fields, where i tried to catch butterflies. those breathtaking and eloquent memories have gone.
i miss the days when i felt so carefree and unencumbered by the burdens of the world. i wish i could experience those days filled with laughter and joy once more. the hot sun and heavy rain didn't matter. everything seemed to work out like a dream. during vacations with grandma, she would fed children delectable cookies and enthralled them with fascinating tales. i love the days when i played with my friends and sat down by the bonfire while singing and dancing on the midst of the night. these were the happiest years in my life and i remember them vividly.
memories flooded my mind of those golden days of my youth. i wish i could go back and be a child again. i’m tired with the sound of my own tears ringing in my ears. i'm tired with continuously fighting my own battles. tired of struggling with challenges that continuously reappear. i am tired of remembering—remembering how i used to be so happy. tired of the blame—the blame i put on myself daily. for several nights now, i've had to put up these drenched pillows to ignore the past because every time i dwell from the dead and buried, i couldn't stop whimpering in those silent mumbles of the night. those tears seem to be exhausted. they just keep on pouring like a never-ending storm. i can't help to ask above if the tears that i shed every night are the stepping stone to heal the scars that i bear. this sickness is still fresh, as is the misery brought on by unrelenting sorrow. it was tiring to drown on my own anguish. it was infuriating to scream and not be heard. the sounds of my own weep were deafening.
can tears really cure this invisible disease? can tears really heal these invisible wounds?
because if this is the only remedy to heal the traces of the past—i will let them flow as if i would never get tired. i'll eat everything else until the last speck of each vestige from the past is gone. tell me—how many seas of tears must i shed before i can see the tranquility i crave for?
this is more like an essay n not a prose because it's something personal from me <333 ciao.
I listen to your heart Beat in rhythm to the rain Pouring out somber melodies. The world drapes silent, Where your eyes sing Meteor shower wonders. Sometimes, It feels too much to grasp, Tied to an endless Invisible string around my palm.