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I live with
holy sunshine—

but I wake to weep.
In the sun,

shadows stretch
long behind me,

where some things ought to
remain buried.

I did not go digging you up.
Bees do not normally

nest in carcasses—
but I know

they nest in your head,
dripping honey of me.

Gentle wolf,
you came in the guise

of a friend.
They tell me that they would have

rescued me
as you made your advances—

except
they were never there,

in your lair.
And by that time

I had already
been eaten.

All that exists
between us now

is a history;
the guilt that still

weighs on you,
and poetry.

And if your guilt ever becomes
too much for you to bear,

and if you ever feel like
confessing,

my poems can be
your Hail Mary’s.
Do you tell me you love me with sincerity
Or is it out of guilt
Or is it out of pity

The scariest thing about life is never knowing who's saying those three cursed words
And who genuinely means it
Broken Echo Oct 14
Im sorry. Its realy all i can say. I cant do anything to change it. I did everything i could to prevent it tho and it happened anyway. So i guess this is what was meant to be. Im losing my whole life. My whole family. I can only blame myself. I can spend all day saying i should have done this or that. But it realy makes no difference now. Whats done is done. Im upset with the world and with everybody in it. But im mostly upset with myself for letting down the people i care for. The people that have trust and faith in me. I couldnt be the person they expected me to be. I couldnt even live up to my own expectations. I failed. I let everybody down. I know in my heart im a good person. Turns out im not very smart. Now im left living everyday with guilt and regret. Maybe i learned my lesson. Maybe next time ill do better. Maybe. But i doubt it. Because i am who i am. Im destined to live a life of misery. Even if its self inflicted. This is the life i know. Im sorry. Its realy all i can say.
Im sorry
Grace James Oct 13
An enemy.
Someone from childhood
I barely knew.

A time
where egos rise
and people lie
behind a smile.

But she
was stuck
inside her misery.

Never permitted
the world to see.

All of this
unknown to me.
As I fought
my own world of grief.

Hating.
Spiting.
Sneering.
Prying.

Wishing for her
to fall from grace.
So I could rise
to take her place.

Yes, we were young.
Lost in our thoughts.
Unaware
of any costs.

Yet still we grow.
Change.
And the universe
drives forward.

Making a fool of us all.
And our anger
for our enemies
feels so small.

We are all just cracks
in an endless
night sky
trying to find the light.

So I sent her grace
and wished to the stars
that she find peace
and be at ease.

And an enemy
she was
no more.
Natalie Oct 13
So many voices all at once
They crowded my brain like it was the only terrain able to hold such thoughts
“They have it so much worse.” I was told.
“You have it good why are you complaining.” I was told.
“I went through__and you think you have the right to say we are both struggling? You haven’t gone through anything!” I was told.
“You think that’s a valid reason?” I was told.
“How can you be so selfish?” I was told.

Over and over again, these silly thoughts repeated in my head
You see, I was told so many things
By the end, I was unable to get out of bed without feeling so...weak.
There was absolutely nothing wrong with me, I was fine, at least that’s what everyone told me
So I pushed all the feelings down, so I wouldn’t drown, in the sounds of their voices
Day by day I slowly withered away no longer feeling the pain
Yet no matter how many times I drowned out the dreadful noise to music blasting through my headphones in my very dark room, I still felt empty, I still felt alone
And nobody knew because well...I had no real issue
If I were to tell them I was drowning, they would frown, telling me to try a little bit harder
So that’s what I did
I tried harder and harder to push down the feelings that I was feeling except it was only causing me to sink further
I felt guilty for even beginning to think that there was something wrong with me
Cuz well, there was nothing that was really wrong
I didn’t have the right to be depressed
At least that’s what everyone I went to said.
Here's a spoken word on a single story I used to believe. Which was that only certain people were allowed to deal with mental illness...not that I wanted to by any means, but when I  struggled with it I felt guilty... I felt like I wasn't allowed to since I didn't have any "real" issues. This single story is very false and it is okay if you struggle with mental illness. You don't have to go through something tragic to struggle with it. You don't have to feel guilty.
I have become drunk from the chalice of worldly cravings;
An ancient thorn, familiar to man indeed.

Deep hath sins hands pulled me into her brothel,
Where her offsprings bathe in debauchery
Bickering,
As to who deemed fit shalt mold me;
After their likeness, after their ways.

Hurry!
Pull my wreckage from this great sea of abomination
Before their behaviour becomes my second nature,
And dry me with thy towel of scold,
For surely i reek disdain;
An unnatural aroma which vexes thee i know.

But thy grace will forever remain steadfast;
An ageless gift, Bestowed upon generation and generations,
Only granted to descendants from dust.
Xoe Sep 28
is it bad,
that i'm always scared,
scared that you're going to **** yourself,
its bad
tia Sep 25
"sorry, always sorry. what are you sorry for?"

"anything,
everything...
within my grasp
even outside of it
if I didn't say sorry
I would fall apart
like a flower
when pulled all the wrong ways"
Jonathan Sep 20
I was a bigot,
My body wrapped in red and white,
With blue eyes on stardom.

I was a saint,
Satan's servant with a Bible,
A man of God's war crimes.

I was a fundamentalist,
Funding mental lists of hate
With money stolen from the poor.

I was a colonist,
Carving out sacred land
For the benefit of my white body.

I was a misogynist,
Marking my territory like a dog,
******* on the other’s freedom.

I was an American,
A white straight man,
A brutal prodigy of the patriarchy.

I was
As he was,
A lineage that will be broken.
JcF Sep 17
Im due
-
My Guilt
-
This - My own sea of sin I shelter my emotions
Step blind to lines drawn  this ****** up painting I created
-
We call ourselves artist - I drop burning - Darkness covers this empty space - How did I get here - My creation - My weakness diluted strength
-
Forbidden by secrecy
Scared
Movement forward steps back to a beginning
-
Whispers fear needless truth - What is truth if forbidden - Carried heavy on shoulders innocent bystanders wander no direction satisfied by nothing preserved by guilt - Our guilt - Their guilt no gauge reckless
-
Time moves forward seconds raptured never return - Right a wrong - Decisions helpless - mourn a moment past
-
Salty our taste lies built with sudden haste concluded affection destruction brings new direction
-
Look back acknowledge a past to accept a new future - No one thing comes painless to process to pleasure - Birth to grave time swiftly travels - As clouds pass overhead time shelters memories gone.
blink.
over.

As quick a letter read our life abides this destiny - Love the one who betters your existence and in all persistence forget not the past and the road that was traveled
-
Guilt is merely a message from above God's hand in grace
-
Look back the blessing - Once a ****** up painting now those lines created this masterpiece our masterpiece this painting 143.
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