So many voices all at once
They crowded my brain like it was the only terrain able to hold such thoughts
“They have it so much worse.” I was told.
“You have it good why are you complaining.” I was told.
“I went through__and you think you have the right to say we are both struggling? You haven’t gone through anything!” I was told.
“You think that’s a valid reason?” I was told.
“How can you be so selfish?” I was told.
Over and over again, these silly thoughts repeated in my head
You see, I was told so many things
By the end, I was unable to get out of bed without feeling so...weak.
There was absolutely nothing wrong with me, I was fine, at least that’s what everyone told me
So I pushed all the feelings down, so I wouldn’t drown, in the sounds of their voices
Day by day I slowly withered away no longer feeling the pain
Yet no matter how many times I drowned out the dreadful noise to music blasting through my headphones in my very dark room, I still felt empty, I still felt alone
And nobody knew because well...I had no real issue
If I were to tell them I was drowning, they would frown, telling me to try a little bit harder
So that’s what I did
I tried harder and harder to push down the feelings that I was feeling except it was only causing me to sink further
I felt guilty for even beginning to think that there was something wrong with me
Cuz well, there was nothing that was really wrong
I didn’t have the right to be depressed
At least that’s what everyone I went to said.
Here's a spoken word on a single story I used to believe. Which was that only certain people were allowed to deal with mental illness...not that I wanted to by any means, but when I struggled with it I felt guilty... I felt like I wasn't allowed to since I didn't have any "real" issues. This single story is very false and it is okay if you struggle with mental illness. You don't have to go through something tragic to struggle with it. You don't have to feel guilty.