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zelda 4d
i am barely breathing
   tell me this is not my destination
   i just want to ask you something—

is this where i truly belong?
  i am trying! oh god, yes, i am!
  when did it all go wrong?

all the lies i fed myself—it is becoming real
   i have always known it
   i was never meant to heal
no such thing as a crybaby im doing fine guys
You unwanted feeling
You impenetrable mist
You suffocating smoke
You drowning sea
You return into my life
You come back to me.

When i feel at my happiest
With the one i love
With success on the horizon
You return to remind me
Nothing i have is deserved

You remind me of the bad times
Of every mistake
Every word i wish i could destroy
Engulf in fire and burn from history
Of the people i hurt
Who now refuse to look at me
You laugh at me mercilessly
"They all wish you werent here"

I can't help but weep
Weep in the face of my biggest enemies
I can feel myself crumbling into my own hands
The threads becoming tangled
The tv showing only static

I know not why i keep walking
Perhaps for the hand that holds mine
No matter how hard things get
Perhaps for the hope that this will cease
The hope that
No fog, no matter how dense
Can stretch eternally
Welcome back
But this time, it'll be different
This time, i win.
I feel awful and i thought that the best thing to do is put it into something creative. Enjoy
Iz Oct 9
Is it really survivors guilt if
I haven’t survived yet
Ackerrman Oct 7
Pupils gaze into the sun, I am stunned,
Unearth the power of Raa in your eyes,
Revel! As we lay for long hours, sunned
To death in the warm embrace of your fires.

As we wrap our lives around each other's
Souls as stinging nettles cradle soft skin,
Our life embers trickle, rumbles, smothers-
Nothing. Just- blood. Scars, filth under cover.
And you tickle the hair under my chin...

Time swells and the kind universe cradles-
I can't- stomach this ******* orange juice anymore!
I choke on the bits, I told you before,
How many times- and where is that *****?
What do you mean- “Lucy has gone before”
Good Lord, where has that ***** gone now. That *****-
Cotton wrapped ‘round faithful fairy fables—
Grandad? Is that you? What did you send me for?

This dream bred a silk no spider could weave,
Heavenly nirvana, none could conceive...

You. Child like, notions of freedom. So naive,
Your ****** up little attitude is hard to conceive.

Lucy? Lucy, is that you? -You ***** tease!
I am confused, did you drug me again?-
I shall follow wherever you may lead...
-You’re no better than when you’re on your knees-
Don’t leave me, like a little frightened Fen...
Just ask and I should spend my life on my knees.

My light is yours to – blank –

Tie the rope to the tree and ******* hang.

Lucy must be with Grandad, that’s why I
Can't find them- can't find my love- my bee.

How long until this moment passes by
Lucy, do me the Honour. Marry me.


So I watched the penultimate of Bojack Horseman season 4, and wow, I am pretty sure I have PTSD. Anyway, the episode inspired me. Here is a poem about dementia.
chitragupta Oct 7
यूं सोचता हूं में..
खुद से पूछता हूं में..

आखिर क्यूं आपको पुकारने की ख्वाहिश होती है?
क्यूं जगते रहें वो पहर जब दुनिया सोती है?

वोह लकीरें क्यूं मिटे भला, जो बुलंद कल थे?
नज़दीकियों के पल क्यूं खामोशियों में बदले?

आपकी नाराज़गी भी मिल जाए, हमें वे मंज़ूर है
मगर बर्दाश्त नहीं होता जो आप हमसे दूर है

इश्क़ में की हुई गुस्ताख़ी भला क्यूं ना माफ हो,
जब आशिकी में डूबते हुए के इरादे साफ हो
I think at times..
Question myself at times..

Why do I wish to call you?
Why do I keep awake at the hour when the world sleeps?

Why should these lines fade, that were so distinct yesterday?
Why have the moments of togetherness turned to those of silence?

If your only response to me would be fury, I would gladly accept it
But I cannot seem to endure this distance between us

Why cannot a fault made in love be forgiven,
if the one to blame had intentions that were honourable?


Pulled an old one from my diary, because I have so many unfinished ones now :(
Robin M Vaux Oct 5
To my future
A frontier of fragments
fallen and fooled forfeit
To my faith
Fibbing for flesh
Soon finding forever
Needs not a fulfilled fervor
To my friend
A flagship of failures
for each other’s fears
To my (very) first
Finding a farewell
To fit the feeling
of factual flaws
Forever fighting you
over face values
Forgiving less and less
at which point we forget
how to fix us.

**** this ******* hurts
You do not need to ask for forgiveness when this is what needed to be done. I love you and I just wish I could have fixed what you could have later forgiven.

The fault is mine
Quinn Adaire Oct 4
I feel sad
I think
I shouldn’t feel sad
I list my blessings
I think of all the kids
Out there who don’t
Have a good family
Or a house
Or nice clothes.

I cry.
The guilt makes me cry more.
­This poem is self translated version of my Hindi language poem titled " अपराधबोध" published in pratilipi (Feb. 2019)
Can be read through the link ==>>

Today all of Sudden, I do remember again
The time that has elapsed since long
The bygone lovely childhood
The yesterday that has passed
The good old childhood friends.
I do remember some blurred faces
whose names, I couldn't recall

I do remember my teachers
Still in the same look and form
I remember their scolding
I remember happiness on their faces
I even remember their angry faces
Their orders to stand up on the bench
Their punishment to pose as a rooster

I do remember now
The essence of their teachings
I followed all their teachings
But I had to suffer a lot
So, I packed them all tied them in a knot
And thrown them all into the trash can.

This is not an allegation against my teachers
That their teachings are not valuable
But, I discovered, I was not capable
To follow their valuable teachings.
In this modern era of practicality
There is no respect for human values
Human values have been deteriorated
Due to changing definitions of the words
The whole dictionary has changed.

I admit I have committed crime against my teachers
Since I left the righteous path shown by them
And followed another easy path on my own
But what else could I have done?
I had no power to change the present era -
I alone do not have the courage to be an era-rebel
So, I gave up the right path and followed another one

But may be, inspite of this  
my teacher may forgive me
But can I forgive myself?
No! Not at alI, I don't have this right
After getting pardon from my teacher
The gravity of my crime doesn't decreases

So by the way if my teachers pardon me
Even then, I can't be free
From the guilt
I must have to live
Bit by bit, Suffocatingly
This will be my punishment
Yes, this will be my punishment.

Sometime or the other, Everybody feels guilty. Do You????
Zane Smith Sep 25
I have been
down and confused.
feeling things
I used to
be used to.
it had become
a normal
but now,
it's new again.
feelings of guilt
for missing memories,
because the past
can't come back.
I don't miss the people
I miss the places
I miss the laughs
I miss the late nights
I miss the stupidity
the vulnerability.
Nadia Sep 17
For the first time in a long time
I grab a plastic sandwich bag
Out of the drawer.
Wracked with guilt
I try to tell myself
It’s not the end of the world
And I’ll try harder
To be greener tomorrow.
I wonder
If that’s what the oil companies think too

NCL September 2019
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