It's been heard I'm adequate with words
If only they knew,
they knew less
than the full
It's been said I'm blithe, articulate
I'm pleasant at that
That I have
and want not's
In the end, I'm worth forlorn words, no more
In the end, my has-been charm goes dead weight
In the end, I'm your additive to the dull days
In the end, my gains come from a snake's tongue
In the end,
on the white light
of a flat screen
In the end,
Beneath me twists and turns the caverns where my heart grows.
I call it art to your face, when I'm a broker by trade.
You won't know that you trade, you won't see that I sell myself.
You won't feel the hidden strings on your cervical
spine until you've given your food, four walls, window and door,
given your love to a dead duck scanning for escape.
Groggy and hungover
Pounding in her head
Aggravated by the gull screeching
They call her girlhood name
Same each morning
Get used to it all over again
Grappling with her self-pity and disgust
She can’t not hold herself back
She’s seen so much worse, in the day
Bellies torn open, guts strewn
Limbs twisted like contortionists
Rotting, swollen faces she dreams of
A man, mummified
Head held up
Sucking from a bloody straw
What did that soul see when the bandages came off
Welcome to the final decline
Still got her mind, probably
Not sure what she wants to lose first
The inevitable slide
Unfit for the task
It’s her own fault
They were her choices
But where could she have gone right
What had she to do- what she had to do
That’s all over, done, and gone now
Bloodbaths and blow-ups
She’d forgotten safety
Her ground still shakes
Run for cover
Still, everyday, everytime
Why her not them
Why them not her
How dumb is God
But the doctors know nothing
Solitude made for her
Broken way too much
Why can’t they let her be
Isolation… fight that war
Wrong choice then and no choice now
Desolate in disrepair
She’s in ruins more than it
The house leans in around her
They’re a good fit
It works on its own
Devil or angel
She has it back
The original vice
Good thing she’s all alone
She doesn’t know
Doesn’t want to remember
Distance and isolate
Intimacy out of the question
She’s useless anyway
What good is left
Where has hope gone?
Bloodbaths take lovebeds
Why must she live
Good and right
Evils be gone
War is blinding
Wipe away schoolgirls
Why have hope
Why bother with love
Nothing gold can stay
Why fight a victorless war
The black folk have lost their mends,
The Asian man lost his sense.
The white woman lost her wealth,
The native fam lost they land.
the middle eastern have lost their hope,
The Porto Ricans have lost their stand.
Maiyan people made a calender,
Curious people called it pretend.
Egyptians had built the pyramids,
We called it aliens.
Donald enforces police brutality,
Why is he president.
Tupac got shot for screaming peace,
Martin luther, the same deal.
Fake messages give new heat,
Raw truth sends chill feels.
Death by death by the minute,
Where is Hollywood's most broad.
Catastrophe by country,
This comic book chaos needs to stop.
Protesters reeking havoc,
Social media distorts what's real.
Toronto politics lookin loopy,
Landlord & tenant laws openly under veil.
Scooby and shaggy uncover a hundred
Frauds, yet still fear the devils friends.
People seem to refuse to stop and drop, their pride, because it protects their remaining innocence.
I'm sorry for all the pain you've ever felt.
I'm sorry for all the times you've ever knelt when you were unable to stand the trials that came from life's hand
I'm sorry for all the downs you've had
I'm sorry for making you get sad
I'm sorry for every teardrop spilt
I'm sorry for every dream I killed
I'm sorry for every dark moment
And if you wondered where I'd spent
Wish I could say...
The Night Shift Wife she's asleep upstairs
After twelve hours of nursing sick people's cares
Still tired and stretched like the skin on a drum
Despite her unwinding on the slow drive home
She passed through my arms on the way up to bed
A bit distant and dreamy in the things being said
The unimportant, the ordinary, the conversational pairing
The transitional husband and wife kind of sharing
Leading to now with my day being on hold
Scanning the ceiling for every movement and roll
Willing her to sleep through every noise and intrusion
Hearing every whisper or bump as an actualized explosion
She sleeps. Don't ask me how I don't understand
While I prowl through my day for any moment unplanned
No parcels no phone calls no visitors no life
I want you all please to be quiet – And Switch Off That Light!
Tommy Randell 14th October 2017
When I was born , everyone pulled my cheek,
But they all vanished the moment I began to weep,
Oh Maa! I cried in pain,
My reflexes knew it better that rest all will be in vain.
When I was five, I was sent to school,
Two soul cried that day, being parted by a
wall as stubborn as a mule.
Time went on and now I am grown ,
Lost in a world of my own.
I yell at you at times only to cry later,
I do things out of your will only to regret later.
Blessed to have you in my life Maa….
I purged a baby from my abdomen.
Just don’t eat.
Do not eat.
Swallow all those struggles.
Let them eat YOU instead.
God knows you want that damn chocolate.
But you smother the craving and wrap it in your words.
Spit those words. Gunshots.
Bad girls do not deserve chocolate.
Manic intensity manic elation so high sunshine is melting my wings so fucking hope filled songsinging research doing life clinginging savour filled so proud and grateful I cry compulsively uncontrollably restless tight skin playing caught up the righteous anger and the swift guilt
Deep ocean crushing eternally sleeping everything is awful I'm a failure sloth in the pit depression in the earth I am the pit and the lead and my only purpose is discomfort to the flat empty that void the void in my chest that swallows it all Swallows me down so uncontrollably to the darkest places I sedate and prevent the scars but that abyss in my body threatens to become implosion.
I'm so drained, so worn through with feeling, the inbetween place eludes me continuously
I don't know what shape the middle mild propotunate feelings have.
i've never told you before
but i caught a glimpse
of your skinny wrists
two years ago
brown lined up so neatly against beige
i couldn't help but stare
and trace over the fresh red blooms
on my own arms
and scowl at the thought
that someone as beautiful as you
could be as damaged
as someone as disgusting as me
Well this is new...
This silence that surrounds me...
It use to paralyze me...
I use to avoid it..
I know life gets too quiet sometimes..
Like a moonless night...
For that door to open...
The door to all and everything you've
Meant to make you strong...
I know all about it...
Unavoidable self reflection..
Breaking into your thoughts..
Breaking into your heart...
Unlocking everything thats written..
On your heart...
Remind me of all my failures...
Past lovers that left me to bleed..
Friendships that left me damaged...
My brain always use to say..
Yea lets talk about it....
Oh yea I knew the silence far too well..
But not today...
I sit alone in my emtpy apartment...
And I'm okay...
Happy thoughts surround me..
There no room
For the negative in here..
No over analyzing...
No worrying about what someone said...
At the end of the day..
You only have yourself...
So when silence comes on
You like a thief in the night..
Love yourself enough to say...
I made a few mistakes..
But I'm going to be okay..
Be wise... Be aware...
Because when everyone leaves...
You to bleed...
Who else will you have??