I draw a deep cold breath and my mind starts to clear. I don't want to be here stupid I no longer care... It's a long windy road but the end is near, I can't wait to reach the end but the path ain't clear. With each breath this fear starts to lift, this  curse starts to shift. This anger rises within....

This anger is not directed its with out intent. With out intent this anger I vent is not meant... It's violent with out merit, berating and hating, mutilating, aggravating and always suffocating..

I don't want to be here stupid I no longer care.. It's a long windy road but the end is near.....

Clarity and transparency arn't friends of mine. Condescending, never ending this permanent state of mind. Forever pretending and awfully offending my doom impending my mind bending....

I don't want to be here stupid................

One day,
I mean to say,
one, spectacularly gray day,

I decided I’d stop-
stop following God.
And I walked slowly off
the other way.

But that didn’t stop
God from following me.
No matter how high
or low I got
God always seemed
To be
in that
same
spot.

So I said, “God?!? What is
this all about?! Why are you
following me of all people?”
God shook His cloudy head in dismay.
“We finally meet? And this
Is what you have to say?”

“Running away can wait
Another day…let’s try again
What do you say??”
So just like that...
second chance given
And God went ahead of me
listening to my rant as I walked
and talked.

Before I knew it, my doubts
and fears
were left
behind me
and,
apparently,
I was following God again.

Thankfully, He’ll
always keep me
within His sight.

gmw '17

I'll never forget the day,
I raced through new york city.

There was only one adversary,
He claimed to never lose.
He was fast and scary,
unpredictable and menacing.
I surely couldn't prevail.

Nevertheless I ran, I raced,
We were head to head the whole time.
Running with no time to waste,
Dodging puddles and pedestrians.
I even hurdled a rail.

The finish line crept into sight,
We were still neck and neck.
Running fast enough to take flight,
I realised this was my race to win.
I knew I couldn't fail.

I lengthened my stride,
I pumped my arms.
And with one last kick and a look to the side,
I leaned into the finish.
I won.

He walked around,
And caught his breath.
He approached me without a sound,
But to my surprised he stopped and smiled.
He shook my hand for what I had done.

I will never forget what happened next,
inside an infamous hot dog restaurant.
Waiting for fried twinkies out on the decks,
He told me this.
It meant a ton:

"Today you beat me fair and square,
I tried my hardest, but I failed.
We will race again, you better prepare
But if you race with that much determination,
I will never be able to beat you for fun.

I jogged back to where I began,
With quite a story to tell.
I wasn't supposed to have ran,
I put others at risk.
But if I hadn't chosen to run,

I wouldn't have learned how to beat myself.

I had become more aware of my surroundings. With my obscured vision, I trembled up the mountainous stairs, to find comfort in my divan. The wind blundered and blasted the shutters allowing shivers to roar down my spine. I drew the covers restlessly over my body. Sleep would not grace me with its presence as I tossed and turned, thrashing about the bed. Why did it feel so unwelcoming, so foreign to my touch? My eyes drifted towards the window in search of comfort. Wind cried from the heavens as the maleficent feathered silhouette made himself known. My vision began to haze as my eyes settled into the crevices of my head. I couldn’t take it anymore, the fierce gaze of the raven was too much for my heart to bear. I clambered to my feet and made my way to the kitchen, stumbling through the halls as the wine took effect. As I clung to the kitchen door-frame, there it was; my means to an end. With an unholy determination, I grabbed the pearl gripped revolver that lay on the kitchen counter besides the key to the cabinet. How it got there, I haven’t the slightest idea. I was inhibited within an ineludibly eternal oblivion.
My mind filled with hatred towards the ruffled being as my sweaty palms grasped the bronze handle that I flung open with the desire to end this misery bestowed within my soul. I had of kill it for this misery to end, I was compelled to end its life. The raven vanished as if knowing my pursuit.
This was it. Barefoot I ran, though my legs were long past exhaustion, I kept running. Trepidation had driven all other thoughts from my mind, leaving the only instinctive urge to abscond. And so I ran.

I've run away before.
Not for an overly good reason.
But because I didn't know what else to do.

I had no ID, no licence, no accessories.
Nothing that could possibly describe who I am or what I've done.

So I ran.
I went to the end of the block and turned right...
And the right again.
And again.

I ran around a block, but still ran in a circle.

Back to where I started.

My mouth dry, legs weak, heavily breathing and sweating out the 15th fever this week, and it's scary to not have a justifiably good reason to be here or to run off.

I want to scream until singing is a lost memory but I would not do that here. Not when I still have enough energy to cry.

And I do cry.
More than I should.
More than anyone should ever have to.

Running in the middle of the street not even close to being scared of the cars speeding down the pavement.

And yet, there are no cars on the road.
Open.
Empty.
Nothing.

I do want to disappear sometimes.
But I wouldn't do that now.
My suffering is already a public hanging nobody watches.

I ran away.

And I would run out of the city and never return.

The only problem is...

The only place I was ever taught to run to...

Was home.

And even that doesn't seem to exist anymore.

So where can I go?

And I realized...
Being busy wasn't what I looked for,
Busy
Busy
Too busy
To think.

Busy
Busy
So busy
So tired
Asleep.
I looked for busy people

Because then
They'd understand
The depths
And the dark
That only constant running
Can feed.

And how exhausting it is,
To have to escape.
Every day.