Can’t stop thinkin’ bout you
Here I am, making cliches
In my sweet haikus

i've always dreamed of sleeping in your arms
from the day i was conscious enough.
i dreamed of smelling the breakfast you made
and the scent of the detergent you used to wash my clothes.
also dreamed of going home to warm hugs and

"how's your day?"

sometimes, i wished you saw me singing on stage
with the friends you told me to stay away from.

however, they became my family instead.

i wish i get the love i expected as a child.

but it never happened as far as i can remember.

never happened to get great hugs from you when i feel sad
never happened to get enough appreciation on things i sacrifice for you.

i never got the simple things a daughter like me
could ever ask for.

never did. *maybe

I’m sorry mom
Sorry for the times I pushed you away
For the days that I hated you
And for the tears I caused you

I’m not the daughter you wanted
I am sorry for the nights I made you hate yourself
For the lonely nights
All you wanted was to be by my side

I don’t know how to be what you need
I don’t talk about my feelings
I don’t show emotion
I promise I’m not heartless

I’ve learned to guard my heart
Not just from you but everyone
So please don’t take it to heart
I am just falling apart

Maybe my blood is too hot
Maybe I have a brain disease
Maybe I have a disorder
But for now you’re just gonna have to take my word

You tried so hard to be there
You were all in
But I wasn’t
I’m sorry mom for all the wounds I left on your heart.

Drowning in the sauce
I sink to the bottom of the bottle

Rage fueled inferno
Explodes with ever sip

Blacked out visions can't see a thing
Abandoned in the second and lost

Seven hundred fifty gone in an hour
Lives turned upside down and split

Total carnage and all my fault
Don't remember a thing

Lights flash, sirens scream, cries a plenty
Taken away and put in the tank

Two days past, five are dead
Sitting all hazed from all of the pain

Created a disaster, messed up lives
Hit the bottle. Why did I drive?

It's not the way the problem is caused,
But rather who caused it
It's not the subject of the problem,
But if you're willing to overlook it depending
"Friend or foe" till you find a finite fiend smiling
May your conflictions rest, and leave yourself to figure out

Is the person you love, still the person you love?
or are you in love with the memories and a shell
of someone you once loved
*Is goodbye a little closer, now?