I wanna be your friend so badly,
And do so many fun platonic things,
you found out someone called me out, and I'll admit you got kind of weirdly defensive for me.
Because it'll hurt so much worse if you think,
I told you from the start.
Please just listen to me,
I Care about you,
But don't get attached to me,
Not like that.
That isn't me.
I: I slept in your sweater the first week here and it was the only thing that kept me sane at night.
II: I met a boy who made me laugh when I got off the phone with you in tears.
III: I kept seeing this boy everywhere and we always had something witty to say.
IV: I told you about this boy and you became winter to my spring.
V: I got drunk with the boy and we talked for hours and I told him about you.
VI: He didn't like you.
VII: You came up four hours to visit but it wasn't me you were here for.
VIII: I broke the promise I made that I would never cry over you again.
IX: This boy and I got drunk, spilled secrets, had sex, and smoked cigarettes.
X: The boy bought me Plan B and more cigarettes only hours later.
XI: I thought you couldn't get any colder.
XII: You led me on. You wouldn't tell me you are dating her.
XIII: I cried.
XIV: You left.
XV: I left too.
Goodbye to Benedict 1970.
Miriam stood on the platform.
The train was almost out of sight.
Shan't see him again. Two weeks
then no more. The train had gone.
She turned and made her way out
of the station. She hated the thought
of not seeing Benedict again. They
had grown quite close in those two
weeks abroad. That time in Paris when
I fell asleep in his lap on the coach.
The radio was playing a piece by Beethoven.
So romantic. And that first time we made
love in San Sebastian in the tent and it
rained outside. Now he has gone home
too far away to meet again. She waited
for her bus. The dull sky looked like rain.
Don't move a muscle.
The pen's to my head.
Just one click, and I'll spill it all, I swear!
Then you'll all be sorry!
All your secrets, all your stories,
all your regrets, all your mistakes,
I've kept them all!
I was there, don't you remember?
Of course not!
You forgot me the moment I walked through the door.
Payback is a motherfucker ain't it.
The Quiet Child, the Little Loser, the Pretty Boy, the Baby Face,
the Freak, the Creep, the Weirdo, the Dork,
He's back, and boy, is he angry!
How did you not see this coming?!
Of course, you wrote me off,
of course you saw nothing,
you were blind,
blinded by selfishness, and greed, and lust,
bet you see me now!
Bet you tell them you knew me now!
Bet you drop my name now!
But I am nothing to you,
just like I was nothing then.
Then I was just a shy little loser,
now I'm just a memory.
Part of this is your fault,
you, like so many,
saw me as so little,
and when enough people think you worthless?
Guess what? You start to believe it.
Who would of thought?
Thanks for that.
Oh yes, I'm talking to YOU.
You thought I forgot?
I remember everything.
I saw and heard everything.
And I use to be such a nice boy...
I never asked for ANY of this
I asked for happiness...
HOW DARE I
What a fool to wish for happiness.
or trust, or love,
what a fool to wish for such things.
That's what people like you always told me.
I am what the world made me.
People like you are to blame for this,
this monster on top of the bed.
this maniac with a vengeance,
this creature with a thousand personalities,
This is all your fault.
When they stand at my grave,
the thousands of little monsters like me,
you stand at that podium,
and you fucking tell them.
"I did this."
It's the least you can do for me.
Then you can tell them you're a part of my story.
Right now, you're a piece of torn paper stuck in one of the pages,
a shitty bookmark on page 9, or 17,
an old grocery list with a booger on it.
Whenever the Hell you came and went,
such an insignificant part of my life,
I don't even remember anymore.
OH WAIT, yes I do!
I just say that to make you feel little now.
Now I'm the one pointing fingers,
except I have a right to do so.
Oh no, we're still friends,
just now you know the truth,
the truth I've always known.
That you were fake,
fake as the friendship you threw at me,
fake as the smile you started with every evening.
Now you know I was the real one.
Now you know I'm as evil as you were.
Except I hate myself for it.
This young man in front of me
Nor care nor hate
A sense of indifference
A sense of unfamiliarity
I don’t know him
He doesn’t know me
I don’t love him as much
I doubt he does as well
In my dreams
This young fragile baby in my cradle
The tiny tot,
grinning from ear to ear, an injection of innocence
Replaced with glum
How reality hits
How life hits hard
As replaced by swear words
Where did that little boy go?
I miss him dearly
Stroke his hair, watch him while he sleeps
I miss him dearly...
Keep coming to my dreams, little boy
That’s where you belong now