KAE 1d
I like tall boys
With huge hands
Large fingers
With rings on it
Marked veins  
Hands choking my neck
Calling me “baby girl”
With the thumb touching my lower lip
His nose touching mine
His lips next to mine
And lustful eyes
amanda 1d
him
Goddamnit, I said goodbye every night.
I said goodbye every night for months.
When a boy falls in love,
His heart begins to echo,
All of her thoughts,
Like he knows them already.

When a boy falls in love,
His heart starts to crumble,
As they walk in the room,
Quiet but humble.

When a boy falls in love,
His words start to sound,
Like he wants her with him,
Even to mess around.

When a boy falls in love,
His tongue becomes frozen,
His legs start to tremble,
But he’ll remain calm,
Though he’ll never own it.

When a boy falls in love,
His mind can’t say calm,
He’ll stay away,
He won’t sleep at all.

Because he’s busy wondering,
Of what she's been doing,
If she’s thinking of him,
Her presence so soothing.
But all of these you'll never notice because you're not looking...
amanda Jun 12
dear matthew,

you taught me to love
in the fading twilight of winter
when my heart was breaking beneath
the weight of my own twisted lies
and the ugly truth behind my own
pretty face
i loved you but i hated myself
and in my incessant self-loathing
i lusted for the minute hand of a clock
more than i lusted for you

my cheek shone like shards of glass
in heavy summer air
scintillating blades that had borne the
blow of god’s fingers
one time too many
i was angry at the world
and you
were a part of this world that i despised
so much

you stayed
on the nights when i retreated
to that dark corner within myself
when i sobbed that
i was taking up too much space
and cursed a god i used to believe in
when i recoiled at your kind words
because you lied like
the scale never would
and i learned that trust could only be found
in numbers

so i hated you for loving my body
with bone white skin stretched thin
over angular bones and
cavernous cheeks and
sunken eyes too wild to be healthy
i hated you for loving my body
even as it softened
when i longed for the sharp edges
i could no longer find
and you kissed me as if to say
arcs are even more beautiful

i cried at night because i could not
make you happy
your fingertips on my skin
were ten reminders of how much i’d grown
and though i tried
i could not shake the suffocating
grip of inadequacy that clenched the softness
of my waist
when you told me to get out of my box
i tried to
but the truth was that i could never love myself
for the sake of someone else

love
what is it, anyway?
the first time i called it love
i was not sure if i meant it
but when i lost myself in
the inexplicable colors of nighttime
kissed the sharpness of your jaw
and held your heartbeat in my palms
god knows i was telling the truth

matthew, i am not sorry for my own pain
because hurt is the humanity
in human experience
but i am sorry for yours
because i could not see it
when it was there
i am not sorry for that wednesday in march
when i threw your clothes in a grocery bag and
tried to forget
but i am sorry for every moment
before then

for being a coward
for my blinding perfectionism
for not kissing you in the street
when i knew that i wanted to
for making a big deal out of
the little things
and ignoring
the big things
i am sorry that i didn’t stand up for myself
i am sorry that i didn’t stand up for you
but most of all,
i am sorry that you had to know me
when you did
when i could not give you all of my love
because i was only just learning how
to give it to myself

-- amanda
let's go to the markets
thrifting
star gazing
road tripping
wandering through forests
staying in motels
music festivals
travel to new towns
i long for those things
with you
I liked the way you sat
on the grass; the way
your feet where hidden
beneath your dress;
the way you looked at me
as I approached.

I liked how
your small bulbs
pushed out firm
against your blouse;
how your lips moved
to bring me words;
how your eyes lit up
when I sat down
and kissed your cheek.

I liked how you took
my hand in yours; how
you placed it on your thigh;
how you sighed
when I touched you where.

I liked the youth of us
back then; liked how
tomorrow was put aside;
how no matter
how I tried I never got
to be inside.

I liked to remember
you as you were;
how time seemed
not to move before out eyes;
how I kissed you
and spoke
a hundred lies.
KAE 3d
Pain.
Hate.
Fire.
Fury.
For a tiny soul.

She felt the need of run away from him. But she couldn’t. Couldn’t scape. She couldn’t run away from her creator.

A lion with his prey.
A prey with her lion.

A rabbit with a lion. That’s how she felt. Cornered by him. Controlled. Invaded. Repressed.

Years passed and the rabbit became a wolf. But not when she was close to the creator. She  became small. A rabbit, again.
Nyx 3d

You threw me away
What was I meant to do?
So don't tell me that
I was the one that gave up on you

You Disappeared
Completely vanished from my life
Tearing my soul piece by piece
Cutting my heartstrings with a knife

Flaunting about your amazing new life
Telling me how the grass is greener
Manipulating me with those sugar coated words
Though those words couldn't taste any sweeter

Forgetting me, Running away
Thats the least you could do
Yet as I walk these lonely halls
Everything I see reminds me of you

The classrooms and paths
Our spot that was meant forever
broken wood and metal music
These held no meaning for you whatsoever

STOP IT
He's Gone and never coming back

I know that better than anyone
I've painted all our memories black
They've been poisoned by the eroding pain
The fear of my heart starting to crack

Its Pathetic to keep clawing
Trying to hold your place in their heart
Screaming and crying so desperately
When all they want is to be apart

At one point he did care
It wasn't all a lie

I guess to him, I'm just one of a million stars
That twinkle within the night sky

Reflecting on our good times
The times where he did cared
Though we are but strangers now
I miss the good times that we shared

I know that within his life
There is no place for me
Though I have given him my heart
Its now my turn to be free

So when you finally do realise
That my heart no longer belongs to you
Don't blame me for leaving
As you were the first to say Adieu.

At a certain point you have to stop putting your heart and soul into somebody who wouldn't ever do the same for you.
amanda 3d
To listen to love songs without the phantom touch of his fingertips. To watch the movies I love in spite of the memories, not because of them. To take long walks through the city and to see places instead of moments. To forget that night we biked through the city until the sun went down.  To pass him with indifference. To kiss another boy and enjoy it. To love and be loved and to do it better this time.
There once was a boy with chameleon skin,
But his eyes told a story the more he gave in.
There was no hiding, as he caught the attention
Of a helpless little star, stranded in the horizon.
Familiar with the longing, she yearned to fall fast;
However, she couldn’t, held by the hurt of her past,
Until, one day, she saw the twinkle in his eye.
“How could a chameleon outshine the night’s sky?”
She questioned her reality, bound by insecurity,
But dared to lean further into his sincerity.
One night, she tripped, and out of bounds she fell,
But she couldn’t help but dance, mesmerized by gravity’s well.
“How silly I must look” she said, approaching the ground,
But all else disappeared once she heard a familiar sound.
His mindful inquiry, she never knew she needed.
Her heart began to blaze, “that’s all I want,” she pleaded.
She couldn’t help but be inspired by the sight
Of the twinkle in his eyes, refracting her own light.
Lightyears of observation presented a reality,
One she so wanted to feel, but could not really see.
She oft’ recalled the hour that her heart was still,
Remembering his freedom, while he perched upon that hill.
There once was a boy with chameleon skin,
But she loved how he shined as he failed to blend in,
So as she saw his heart, she really hoped he knew
That while the whole world could watch her, she told him
“I see you...”
6/11/18

This poem was inspired by another poem. I liked the concept I saw from this other poem because of the story the it told. Literally, it was a straight-forward story. The poem reminded me of a children’s book or nursery rhyme, so it had a certain playfulness to it that certainly intrigued me. After reading that poem, some rhymes came to my mind and I wrote a “response” entitled “‘I see you,’ said the star”. The original poem is entitled “I see you”. You should check it out!

https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2548038/i-see-you/
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