mt 2h
talk to me look at me show me love.
like the white of my bed sheets, a sky full of doves
u have me feeling pure, nothing to get rid of
i’d like your words wrapped around me, something like a glove
ur name on my brain, ur eyes on my mind, you’re something i dont want to be deprived of
sometimes I think I miss you
but then I think again
and realize that I don't need you
as a "buddy" or a "friend"

You hurt my heart
you hurt my soul
but without you here
I am still whole.

You can take yourself away from me
and try to make me mad
but it isn't gonna work, ya know
Because I'm all done being sad

I'm happier without you
and I dont care what you believe,
my life's only gotten better
since I stopped stopping your leave
I missed you for months. You ruined me but all I wanted was for you to come back. Fuck you.
The static settles, finally I see a channel that isn't a rainbow,
And the voices are clear as the day, no rain.
I have no stakes, as I watch this show,
trying to ignore this feeling, this little tow.

Even if I put my music in, nice and loud, just to try and drown it all away, it helps like medicine, but it will always come back eventually,
I'm not a cute little doe, but you are a mighty buck, strength resides in you, while weakness envelopes me and my fear,
I tremble internally

I'm not going to be with anyone, and no one is going to be with me, they all hate me, I know it, I feel it, especially from the buck now.
Antlers powerful and strong, ready to knock me down, stab me into the ground, let my blood pour and stain your hands.
Do It.


I am desperate not to feel these things anymore,
these emotions that have come to me, with steadily realisation that they are real, I've discovered the cancer inside me, from the cigarette butts that were your voice and laugh that consumed me, and your hugs of blanket warmth, the disease that has settled within me.

You've infected my brain, like drugs have done to addicts.
I really despise having..feelings for people.
right now, i don't even know what to feel. i feel like i should've said something to you but i was too afraid. i don't know what came over me. because while i was on the phone with you i was going to tell you everything i was feeling and i was going to bring back to life the words that died at the tip of my tongue. but i didn't. i should've told you how i stay up at night thinking about you or how i look up at the stars and think about the kids of stories i would make up for you to listen to. or how when i see you i forget about all of my troubles. i know i shouldn't be telling you this because you don't want to hear it. and i understand that and will learn to accept it. what i am trying to say in the midst of all of this is while i was sitting on my bed playing with my hands trying to come up with what i should say to you. and right as i decided what i was going to say you started going on about this girl that you say you might love. that stopped me. i shouldn't say anything. i'm not going to ruin your happiness for my own. i feel that i act as if i know what i'm doing but i'm really clueless. i'm a messy eater. i am terrible and telling stories. and half of the time i don't even make sense. but when i'm with you i don't feel those things. if this is the last thing that i will ever say to you i want you to know that i'm sorry and i accept you decision in forgetting me. forgetting lily.
oliver 1d
A round peg in a square hole
The broken piece of a puzzle.
He does not fit in, nor does he try to.
He is as unique as unique.
As free as freedom.
Free from the shackles of society.

Born as a circle, he grew up in
a world of squares.
People told him he didn't fit in.
They told him he could be a square
if only he tried.

As he grew older, his sides became smoother
and rounded until he had
No jagged edges
or sharp corners.

He had become a perfect circle.
He relishes the individuality that
Comes with his smooth sides.
He has become what society
has told him not to be.

He is as unique as unique.
As free as freedom.
Which of us gazed
at the other first?
I noticed you as I
climbed the steps
of the coach.

You looked at me
from your seat at
the front.

I a new boy on his way
to a new school, looked
away, scanned out the window
at the passing view, but
now and then I would gaze
back at you.

I noticed your rustic cheeks,
your mass of brown hair,
your eyes eyeing me from
afar, then away looking at
the road ahead, but secretly
wanting to look at me instead.

I wondered if you'd turn again
and look my way, but being
shy, I looked at the passing
view once more, wondering
what the school'd be like some
miles away.

You did turn round
and smiled that smile and I
smiled too, then I looked away
and so I guessed did you.
whilst deep in sleep
this past night
what felt like galactic body fell

   upon this slumbering your eye ya heap
affecting immediate fear
   lest worst nightmare would crush with might
but lo…just thee spouse

   plunked herself with unconsciousness deep
unable to recapture pleasant dreams
   well nigh past day light.

rather than emit shrieks
   like some angry birds
the idea arose to attempt poem
   to express discombobulated state
whereby grey matter

   feels similar to thick whey curds
palliative restorative power
   per rest will clear muddled pate
thick with grogginess and marauding herds

of zombie mailer daemons
   worse than unsuitable mate
or a world wide web filled with nerds
thus lethargy purged

   via catharsis with forming words
that follow rhyming pattern
   to convey mood = to a synonym for turds.

respite from a cat nap as tonic no lion here
can spell relief and serve as balm
with pillow as temptress ever so near
beckons softly inviting calm

before this human
   goes on a berserk manic tear
being revisited from haunts
   inside block head of this veer
really caught by men in white coats

   strait jacketing maniac in tattered under wear
whose tushy by the way oh
   about the size of an average palm
yet taut for witnessing
   deux score plus nineteen mortal year.
alias: matthew scott harris
You may be my number one but,
Coming in second place ain’t nothing but me on the run from your first love.
Sneaking into your room
Smelling nothing but her fresh sprayed perfume
Laying on her pillow on her side of the bed
Its almost too easy to just pretend
To you, there is nothing to mend
Nothing wrong with it
It’s just sex no feelings in it
You say to yourself “it isn’t really cheating”
While telling me I’m the one who really gets your heart beating
Filling me with fleeting horomones I know will go away when I go home
Right now you and I are all alone
If I try to leave you’ll just call my name and groan
“I can’t live without you”
So I’ll crawl into the bed that you pretend is ours
As if we’re the ones engaged in more than just an affair
I lie to you and  tell you I just don’t care that i am not yours
As you hold my body and stroke my hair
I almost feel loved
But I know in reality there are no doves in our future
And No future for those imaginary symbols of love to inhabit
So, after our fun
I rise up and
Smile and
Say goodbye
Because no matter how hard I try I will
Never be your number one
And not looking back I’m
Back on the run
This time, not from your day one,
But from you, and your false illusion of love.
Inspired by “Best Friend” by Rex Orange County
When a boy tells you his fears,
Hoping you'll understand,
But you can't even hear,
His voice screaming for your hand.

When a boy hides his face,
Covering it like his blanket,
He'll always hate it,
Like a muscle always aching.

When a boy shows you his hands,
All that he’s ever grasped,
But he's never held yours,
Too afraid it won't last.

When a boy shows you his eyes,
How they’ve seen hell,
He'll want you to try,
To know how you've helped.

When a boy gives you his heart,
Covered in all its shame,
You don't seem too far,
But close enough to fade.

When a boy opens up,
Speaking of fears,
He'll hope you'll love,
When he calls you “dear.”

When a boy gives you his pain,
And expects you to feel it,
He'll yearn for the rain,
Ask for the healing.

When a boy shows you his hands,
How they’ve been empty,
He'll never demand,
For you to be lending.

When a boy tells you his dreams,
Wanting you in them,
He'll want you to see,
You're his precious gem.
Maybe one day you'll understand... S.B. <3
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