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Van Xuan May 29
I feel the filth within myself
When I saw her fixing herself
From the damage that I've done

The emptiness that I gave to her
Is the same as the one who left me
I become the person I wish to avoid
When I become someone I hate I can feel the filth within myself
Why did it have to be like this.
I was always meant for more.
No, I know I did.
I deserved better.

But it will never be over.
I know that now.
That what's happened has happened
And that there is more to come.

How the lines are laid out.
All set to stone, my fate in the hands
Of some omnipotent fool.
There's not a ******* thing I can do.

Maybe things will be better
That's what I always hope at least
Maybe this time, it never hurts to try doesn't it?
But honestly, who am I kidding?

There really isn't a single thing I can do to change what's inevitably going to come, all I can do is do what I've always done.

Drown in my self -pity like the ***** that I am.

its a cycle
Johnnyqu33r May 22
Decomposing flesh somewhere secret
Where ribs have become a latter
For the wild roses to climb
Accompanied by the ivy vines
Baby's breath and aromatic thyme

No soil covering like that of a duvet
Fully exposed yellow green and gray
Sun-dried freshly plucked from life
Crown of flowers sitting crooked
Lips curved as if they were smirking

Because I made you promise me
When oxygen escaped me forever
To drape me amongst the fauna
In the exact location that you whispered
"I wish you were ******* dead"
xavier thomas May 11
"You have a year"
2."You have a year"
3."You have a year"
4. -- another year just went by fast--
No warning
A trusting heart
Dropped from the peak
Of the lover’s climb
But by the time she noticed
I was already back at the base
Dragged to the bottom by the emptiness
That comes from burned out receptors
Where only doubts and pain now grow

Conversations with therapists later
Old wounds began to heal
Mental balance restored through pills
And good friends
But now free of the emptiness’ grasp
My eyes could see clearly the scene I had caused
And the weight of my betrayal crushed me

Now 7 months and a day
From the time I knew I loved her
Without warning
My heart is dashed on the rocks
At the base of the lover’s climb
Where my darling sits with an expressionless face
But I won’t hold any bitterness
I know she was dragged
She didn’t walk freely
And with this defiance of the cycle
I hope she can be saved from the guilt at the end of healing
29 lines, 236 days left.
Perhaps I was never meant to be the hero of my story.
Heroes always die.
But I am still here
I can only wonder when it will be over.

Or if I am to be the tragic antagonist
In the story of another.
But one thing I can confirm
Is that heroes are never happy.

And regardless of whether I am
I certainly will meet a tragic end.
That's always how these things go.
I don't think my story was written with a happy ending in mind.

And thus one day
Just when things feel like they're finally
Finally going right for me.
I'm going to collapse again.

Maybe it is time for me to accept that things won't get better
and that they're only going to get worse from here.

Tragic Comedy kinda beat.
Ahmad Attr Apr 19
Stroke, stroke
Charcoal on the paper
I grip my pencil by her neck
Stroke, stroke
Darling on the paper

I gaze at the face for hours
Imprint every single pore of the skin
In my eyes

I cannot draw well,
But I do try, to mirror
darling on the paper
stroke, stroke

I bend my wrist,
To draw the scarlet of the lips
And I fill in, black for the cherry
the eyes, magnificent as ocean
Two celestial bodies
I fill in the miniscule details
The minute galaxy in the iris

And the smooth nose
Casting a shadow over the left side
I press my pencil to add the dark
Stroke, stroke
The tip broke,
How dare she!
Come between us
Becoming a barricade
Run her head on the blades!
Stroke, stroke

The hair next
countless wisps
and at the end
I rub my finger tip on the grainy paper
Blend, blend
I finish my masterpiece,

How foolish of me
Thinking I could replicate, imitate
My darling’s beauty
This is a sheer mockery of God’s creation
It’s full of my sins, and devoid of any feeling
I must rip it, get rid of it

And I must try again
Stroke, stroke
Charcoal on paper…
BSween Apr 15
On a patch of the yard
Behind my house
Lives are being risked
And even lost
Nature maintains.
Each end not a spectacle
But a prelude.
This is not a subtle thing
But simply the cost
Of perpetuity.
Broken Pieces Apr 13
It’s this never ending cycle.
I can’t carry this anymore,
It’s so hard to hold everyone’s problems.
You want me to be okay? Sure,
But on the inside it’s so easy to see my hurt.

I’m so tired of trying to be okay,
I feel like I’m falling or maybe just shutting down.
I’m here but my soul is drifting away,
This pain is weighing me down.

People take pieces from me,
I just want to be whole again.
Sure leave set yourself free,
It’s not like I’m used to people staying.

If you really are done thanks for letting me know,
I know it’ll **** but I’ll be fine.
I’ll feel things without letting them show,
It’s this never ending cycle that repeats.
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