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Forensics will find my DNA
I just know it;

Like there's a dead body somewhere,

     I can feel it

******' with little Farty
is anythin' but a party..

There is a death somewhere
        ..I am covered in dread

Baby's either commin' alive
or I've made her dead

   I can feel both
while layin' in bed

My head, young love..
Baby, my head, head, head. :(
(this mutherfuckin, all-consuming dread)

I'm hurting
Everything I do..  even at work.. creates this all-smothering dread

https://youtu.be/yTCDVfMz15M
If I leave, keep writing

xo
xavier thomas Feb 2022
I want you to listen.
I don’t need any feedback.
I'm not happy in our relationship.

Mainly because i still feel some type of way from the summer.
Thinking i should bury the situation and my feelings. But i couldn’t.
The idea of telling myself “I’m ok with being pushed away” is ok, is not ok.
Deep down, this will happen again just like everything else did.
Causing us to be off, odd, & awkward.
This doesn’t mean i love you any less.
But i don’t see our relationship getting better.
Even though you pushed me away, I still love you
xavier thomas Feb 2022
At first,
i did get over the summer
and the “pushing away” part.
I was fine (at first), but never fully.
I kept seeing repeated cycles as if nothing changed after you left.
My house transition from comfortable
to an uncomfortable home.
Some nights, I stay up late thinking about you coming back, only to feel those dark void moments again.
I don’t want that for us.
Apart of me wants to leave.
Even though you pushed me away, I still love you
xavier thomas Feb 2022
Intimacy is one of my love languages.
But reading your body, you feel odd.
It doesn’t feel natural nor comes easy.
Your mouth says you want me
yet your body is uncomfortable.
I question myself, “Am I attractive for you?”
Believe that if we try again & again
things will never change, it’ll be the same.  
I love pleasing my partner
making my partner feel comfortable.
But that’s not the case here, is it???
Even though you pushed me away, I still love you
xavier thomas Feb 2022
For awhile now,
i been thinking i came back into your life
as a friend and not a potential husband.
Simply because you needed a friend,
to help you get through whatever you’re truly battling that i'm not aware of.
Show you a different path where you can grow vs Chicago.
Leave the pass behind for good and be truly happy somewhere else without worry about
what others may want from you
or feel like you’re being used.
Even though you pushed me away, I still love you
calypso Jan 2022
warriors did not build
there barriers to be broken
made with a brave stone  
no push could penetrate

were an army of 86
to pull its length,
its fall would cause eruptions.
the land would be calm
never to experience destruction

where did they come from?
why do they build blocks?
how does an army dare
to divide the great wall?
my walls are my study block. i cant get myself to study for anything and I have my exams coming up. nice poem I got out of it.
Mark Wanless Sep 2021
the vagaries of
love push pull this troubled mind
to balance hard fought
Jaicob Jul 2021
Open your eyes.
Break the habit.
Cut the old
With a hatchet.
Don't you worry
Don't you stress.
I will help you
Through the rest.

I'm your mentor.
I'm your guide.
I'll light your way
Through life's ride.
It's no problem.
I'm on your team.
Just take my hand
Before you leap.

It'll be hard.
It'll hurt a little,
But looking back
Where you started
Is such a miracle
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