I want you to listen. I don’t need any feedback. I'm not happy in our relationship.
Mainly because i still feel some type of way from the summer. Thinking i should bury the situation and my feelings. But i couldn’t. The idea of telling myself “I’m ok with being pushed away” is ok, is not ok. Deep down, this will happen again just like everything else did. Causing us to be off, odd, & awkward. This doesn’t mean i love you any less. But i don’t see our relationship getting better.
At first, i did get over the summer and the “pushing away” part. I was fine (at first), but never fully. I kept seeing repeated cycles as if nothing changed after you left. My house transition from comfortable to an uncomfortable home. Some nights, I stay up late thinking about you coming back, only to feel those dark void moments again. I don’t want that for us. Apart of me wants to leave.
Intimacy is one of my love languages. But reading your body, you feel odd. It doesn’t feel natural nor comes easy. Your mouth says you want me yet your body is uncomfortable. I question myself, “Am I attractive for you?” Believe that if we try again & again things will never change, it’ll be the same. I love pleasing my partner making my partner feel comfortable. But that’s not the case here, is it???
For awhile now, i been thinking i came back into your life as a friend and not a potential husband. Simply because you needed a friend, to help you get through whatever you’re truly battling that i'm not aware of. Show you a different path where you can grow vs Chicago. Leave the pass behind for good and be truly happy somewhere else without worry about what others may want from you or feel like you’re being used.
I’m no fan of politics. No opinion, or want, on picking a man to run this country. It’s hard to ask why I, And my wayward countryman, Do this. 1460 days; him or him? And not that woman. “Pick! Pick! Pick!” That’s hard push ****! You gotta do this. You gotta do this. You can all kiss my Honey brown ***! It’s important, ya’ But what if I don’t want this? I’m a frosty *****, And this man and that man, Don’t know “no”. But I do. So, Don’t “ask” that I do that hard push ****. Pick! Pick! Pick! Pfft … *******.