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Peter Balkus Mar 17
They say he's coming.
He may come
any time from now on.

They say to be ready:
Keep yourselves busy!
Do the work!
And when you finish, then pretend,
that you are busy
just in case he'll suddenly knock
to the door.

No messing around!
all jokes aside!
you will laugh when he leaves!
But till then no time for that!

Don't talk!
Don't smile!
Do not sit down!
Don't yawn and sigh
as he may caught you red!

Stay vigilant
and do you work!
He'll come one day!
He may already be on his way.

But days go by,
and months, and years,
still waiting, he hasn't come yet.

And colleague whispers to my ear:
He'll never come to check on us,
it's all *******, my friend.
He is too busy with his own work,
or maybe too lazy to care,
so relax, don't stress yourself
.
Peter Balkus Mar 15
The biggest ever lie is
that I don't love you.
The biggest ever lie is
that I don't want you,
that I without you
don't lose my mind -
that is the biggest ever lie.

The biggest ever lie is
that I don't need you,
that - when I am without you -
I don't cry.
That I am happy,
when you ain't with me -
that is the biggest ever lie.
i wake up and wonder
could i have done better
than this person who sleeps
so peacefully
next to me
or the onewho
i have shared with
my entire existence
and committed my life to
no
i wonder
i wonder
wondering
is it you who regrets
giving your love to me 
is it you who wakes up
hoping
wishing
i leave you
so that maybe
you don’t have to
Been stepping on the roaches again.
Couldn’t see them on the black tiles.
Next time I should remember to put the light on.
Because now I got bug matter all over my shoes.

It is hard to notice the little people,
When you are big and wondering around in the dark.
Please take notice of where you step,
Because you might be stepping on someone else.

Oh please look down,
I may be small,
But that doesn't mean I don’t exist at all!
Can you hear my little bug voice from way up there?!
You are about to silence it forever!

The next time you take a step,
Consider what it may do to another,
Because you may end up with a squished roach on the tiles.
It's like moving in slow motion
While the city lights
Br in the fast lane
Cutting me off
Cutting me off
And then
They burn my eyes
While they cut me off
As I rocked to the top
Higher it rose up
But I never stop
I'll never stop
It's all I know
And all I've got
Long live the hard flop
So I'll roll with the punches
And see what I've got
Way to go
Small fry
You're in the big leagues now.
Welcome to the unfiltered real world. You may have been big man on campus, but around here you're small.
I've always looked up to you
You were always so cool and awesome to me
You were always so strong
You were so protective of me
You always knew how to make me feel better when I was sad
You always knew how to calm me down when I was freaking out
You would harm yourself and I never knew why until now
You've never stopped harming yourself but I don't blame you
And I promise I won't shame you
I am sorry
I know you think I gave up on you
But I am the only one who hasn't
I love you and I always will...
But darling,
you are a little woman
with a monstrous heart
b Feb 19
shoulder length brown hair
in a Justin Bieber swoop over my left eye.
***** glasses and the same grey hoodie everyday.
i am king of the middle school nobodies,
i built a throne out of
mediocre essays and failed math assignments.

in 7th grade
i was mortified that someone might
see me sweat through my shirts
so i kept my hoodie on.

it was an extra large mens grey hoodie.
it almost went down to my knees.
but i remember one day in
6th grade
i wore a t-shirt.
one of the hockey boys remarked how
big my arms were and wrapped
his tiny hand around my bicep and
squeezed. my extra skin ran through
his fingers like sand.

in 8th grade
i leave my gym clothes at home on accident.
so i grace the dodgeball court in a graphic tee.
a picture of pluto, and wrapped around it
"dont worry pluto, im not a planet either"
and before i could make it back to the only changing room in the school
i hear a boy yell "are you sure you're not a planet?"

in 9th grade
i walk to football tryouts.
cleats on the pavement.
one boy asks the group
what part of the game we'll be best at.
the fast boys start to race
and the strong boys start to shove.

"i have good hands" i say
"but im fat too"
and everyone laughs but it doesnt
feel like sweat or a planet or a big grey hoodie
it feels like a joke were all in on.
like they hired the clown this time
instead of finding one off the street.
at least this time i get a pat on the back
for my trouble.

it was on the street that day that i decided
to wear fat jokes like a face tattoo
or a wrestling mask
my new persona has entered the ring
and he cant lose
because no one is fighting.

i am big but i am hollow.
self inflicted wounds are like
coastal erosion.
c Feb 4
When I was in seventh grade
Society told me
That curves can be beautiful
And I thought the idea of that
Was beautiful
Until I saw mine.

It was never
That I didn’t find beauty
In others bodies,
It was that I couldn’t
Find beauty
In what I saw
In the mirror

And I know that
Sometimes
It’s more of a -me- problem
Than a society problem,
But sometimes
When -curvy woman-
Means hips like rosebuds
And waist like fine china,
I get a little scared
Of myself.
All body types are beautiful, be you, be happy, be healthy, and don’t let someone else’s idea of beauty stop you from doing the things you set your mind to.
Bardo Feb 4
I knocked on the door of Fame,
She kindly opened up for me and
   spoke my name
And smiling, bid me enter
(I must have made the grade this time)
Inside lay a whole new world, a world
   of wonder
She looked at me as if to say "Where were you all this time, we've been waiting on you".

Well she fussed over me something
   terrible
Lavishing on me gifts and sweets
   aplenty
Showering me with praise and high
   accolades
She was great she was... O! She was
   lovely!
Bestowed on me great new names,
I was an intellectual now, a member of
   the intelligentsia
I was a 'great artiste', a Big Star
I was part of the Elite
I was one of them now, I was one of
   them.

I got to sit on my little seat at the Big
   Table
The others sitting there they all smiled
   down at me
" Look at me now ", I thought to myself, " look where I am and who I am, who would have believed it ".

Puffed me up no end she did, inflated
   my ego
I thought I might up and float away
And for awhile, a little while I was
   happy.

                            II

But the House of Fame had another
   face I found
Would invite young hopefuls in from
   outside, young aspiring artists
Allow them to come and read their
   works, exhibit their wares
While those sitting there around the
   table, they'd judge them
Like little Roman emperors we were, giving a thumbs up or thumbs down
Some of my fellows, they were quite
   brilliant at it
The way they could dissect a work, get
   right to the heart of it
And sum it all up,
And they could be so funny with it as
   well
They'd make you laugh with their
   witty remarks
But there were times though, when
  things they could get a bit ******
When they'd turn on someone, heap
   derision on their work.

There was this one young lad I
   remember
In his hands he clutched some papers,
He held his whole world, his whole
   life in those papers
You could see it in him, just how much
   it meant to him,
Sad to say though, he wasn't all that
   good
Well they just took him apart, they hit
   him like a hurricane
You could see his disappointment, see
  his face drop
His world start to crumble,
   his hopes and dreams start to die
Could see him almost shrivel up right
   before your eyes
He'd may as well have been in front of
   a firing squad,
"It had to be done", my fellows would say, " you had to be ******* them, they
   had to be told"
And they could be so witty, my fellows,
   so funny
They'd make you laugh, laugh at
   anything
They all laughed, I laughed too and then...and then, I thought of you, I thought of you.

                           III

Now some writers when their very
  young write great stuff even then
I'd be only too proud to have written it
   myself if I could
But when I think back to what I wrote
  early on
I close my eyes and wince as if in pain,
I shake my head and grimace, "awful,
   terrible stuff, what was I thinking"
Guileless, naive, infantile,
   incomprehensible even to myself a
     lot of it, without wit or cunning
If any of it ever came to light I'd be so
   embarrassed, I'd be mortified,
      scandalised
I feel I'd have to flee the country, go
   and live in some remote jungle some
      place
And never show my face again, I
   thought it that bad,
It was like some ***** guilty secret I
   had to hide.

And you know I couldn't help thinking
   what if it was you standing there
Before this - this Inquisition, reading
   your work
How they'd listen to you probably
   with mouths wide open almost in
      disbelief
Barely able to contain their laughter
And when you'd finished
How they'd wink and smile knowingly
   at one another and maybe say
       something like
"And what do we have here, what
   exotic creature
From under what gilded stone have
   you come out from under"
And then they'd lay into you... "this
  *******, this ****, this mindless
    drivel, I never laughed so much in
        my life! these inane ramblings,
This guy he must be the village idiot",
And what would I do, would I rush to
   your defence, would I lift a finger
     to help you... No! not a chance
I'd just sit their silent and not let on I
   knew you, just watch them take you
      apart
Like lions in the arena, tearing you
   asunder
I'd even join in, yea, I'd laugh too,
And what if your eyes met mine, well
   I'd quickly look away,
" I don't know you, you're not me,
    you're not mine,
And if you were  I'd disown you
I'd have you erased from my past,
You're an embarrassment to me
You're worlds away from who I am
   now".

And later in my room alone would I
   think of you
And what it was like for you back
   then,
And that world you came from
Would I remember a boy so utterly
   lost with no hope of ever getting
        back
All alone with no one to show him the
   way
With a mind like a war zone, broken
   and bloodied, pummeled from every
       side
Trying to make sense of a crazy world
Trying desperately to keep a grip on
   life
To cling onto something, anything
   that'd keep him afloat,
Trying to write because he thought it
   was the only thing left that he could
      do
(Someone who'd never even been a
   reader of books...
Do many writers write just to stay
   alive ?)
And the more I thought about it the
   more I began to admire you
How really it was quite amazing you
   were able to write anything at all...
And to think that I would just sit there
   and watch this, your... your
         crucifixion and do nothing,
That I could betray so brave and
   beautiful a boy,
Wasn't the shame not yours but all
   mine.

And maybe they'd bring you back a
   second night saying - laughing!
"This one was so good, we had to bring
    him back again to impart some
      more of his little gems",
And to see you there the tear stained
   face, the dead eyes with no light left
      in them
Devoid of all dignity now, begging
   them for some sign of approval,
    some gesture, anything at all !
Looking at them as if they were God
  Almighty
And you were nothing but a piece of
   **** on their shoe
Would I finally have the guts to stand
   up and call a halt, would I !
Jump over their Big Table, go and take
   you in my arms
And tell you" It was alright, that I was
  here now and was so sorry I hadn't
    been before ",
And then turning to them say -admit,
" This, this *******, this drivel, this
    village idiot
This was me when I was young,
It kept me alive, it gave me hope when
   there was no hope ",
And smiling at them I'd say, " and I'd choose him every time over any of you
   sitting there,
What do you know of me and my life,
  what I've been through, were you
      there ?
And turning to you again I'd say,
"Let's get out of this place, we don't
     belong here
This isn't us, this isn't who we are,
Let's go home the two of us, you and
   me together,
Let's go home.
Never been to the world of fame, this is just an invented story. Is not so much about fame as about self acceptance and accepting those parts of ourselves we'd rather hide and bury and not let the world see.
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