I wish I could stop shaking.
And as I sit here, curled around myself,
holding myself together,
I wish someone was here.
Well, maybe not just anyone.
There is a certain someone that tends to
creep into my thoughts at this hour of the night.
But not in a voyeuristic way.
I just want him to hold me.
Just to hold me,
to sit with me.
To feel the pressure of another,
valuing my fragile humanity,
keeping me warm,
holding me together.
To stop the frantic nature of my pounding pulse,
that I feel though out my entire body.
Not to make it stop.
I do not want to die this young.
Just to make it slow,
so even the smallest motions,
do not feel as though
I am getting ready to run a marathon.
One time you did hold me,
and I hadn't been held in such a long time.
I was almost desperate, so desperate,
for the human touch,
and you obliged.
I am not ashamed to admit
that just like everyone else in this world,
just like any other human.
That I have wants.
That I have needs.
And right now,
holding myself together,
under the weight of the pressures of my own mind
and the world around me.
If I had a wish
that could be granted right now,
I would wish that you would be here.
just for a while,
For once give me a good lie
Tell me you love me
Tell me I'm worth your while
Tell me you appreciate me
For once give me a reason to breathe
Tell me I should go on
Tell me things are worth the wait
Tell me you'll support me 'til the end
For once comfort me in your arms
Tell me everything will be alright
Tell me I'm going to be fine
Tell me you'll hold me tight
For once make me feel I'm not wrong
Tell me sweet nothings and such
Tell me things that I longed
Tell me my heart is on the right track
For once, just for once
Tell me what I needed to hear
Tell me lies to make my heart heal
Tell me words that would change what I feel
I grasp the metal in my fingers
the lanyard brushes against my leg
the garage door is right there
wide open with the car
take away the pain I beg
I grasp the pencil in my fingers
the eraser chunks brushed onto my leg
the garbage is right there
with the other sheets inside
make these be the right words I beg
8 minutes on average
and then I'd be dead
Forty Russian women
Ask me every day
They beg me to friend them
On Facebook, so hey,
How come I spend
So much time all alone?
None of these Russian babes
Ever show up in my home.
They seem to be hot for me
And say such naughty things.
I have always thought that I
Wouldn't need to be a king
Or a rockstar for me to get
The attention of such chicks.
Who, me? Not even on a bet!
Yes, I friended several of these
goddesses from the steppes;
They all demanded promises
Of some very hefty tips.
While I am not a movie star
I don't look all that bad
That I have to pay for sex.
That would just be sad.
In truth I was foolishly hoping
That one of these ladies did
Want to meet someone like me
And wondered where I was hid.
A recent Miss Moscow runner-up
That Trump had not over abused.
And here I sit with a lonely heart
Just waiting to get itself used.
So, like the fool at slot machines
I kept thinking the next would pay
And kept on reading those requests
And believing them every day.
I know there must be lovely girl
Who is looking for someone like me.
Im even studying Russian now, so
How much more perfect can I be?