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Jeremy Betts Aug 24
Wanting to feel
The sensation of something real
Needing to heal
Wounds I never wanted to reveal
What I conceal
Will only lead to a repeat ordeal
I keep taking the deal
While not understanding life's appeal

©2024
Jeremy Betts Oct 15
I know what I don't know
Too afraid of the weakness I know it will show
So I can not let the world know
I don't know how I let myself fall so low
I do know I hate it here,
Basking in this dumpsters fires glow
I knew I had time,
It was a flash fire but the build up was slow
I know what they say,
But it's never as easy as letting go
If I could, what then?
That I may never know

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 7
Let me recite a line borrowed from an old poem of mine about pain and sorrow,
"Release is a crucial element for any chance to get a better future from tomorrow"
While life has taken many shots at me, I seem to be supplying the ammo
By this point it's fully equipped, got 'em armed to the teeth like Rambo
Why would I be held responsible if, let's say, one day, the relief value was a no show
Let me guess, you don't know
That's not an aura of envy, my anger feeds the green glow
And nobody likes me when I'm angry so
I must open the valve and let things go whenever possible
I apologize ahead of time if you get hit with the flow

©2024
Jeremy Betts Sep 4
My biggest regret
Is when I forget
That in a troubled mindset
A good outlet
Is an irreplaceable asset

©2024
Jeremy Betts Apr 1
Does a poem write itself?
Do they exist before created?
In essence, existing all around us
Absorbed into the psyche
Processed through the brain
Sent to a hand
Finished through the tip of a pen
Too then again
Be consumed by another human person
Producing a new translation
A different interpretation
But there's limits to randomization
Will we ever get to the point where every thought has been expressed?
Every possible sentence arrangement has been recorded and sent to the press?
Is there still the possibility that an original thought can be had?
It's a silly concept but maybe
One day writers block will be victorious
There's only so many different ways that these words can be organized into
Though, I can't imagine what that'll look like
When every thought has been thought through
When nothing's new
Will it still continue?

©2024
Jeremy Betts Apr 12
Damaged by my damage plan
Igniting the burn ban
Been soaked in societies poison
Snap at every helping hand
Don't like me?
Well guess what?
We agree
I'm also not a fan
Ideas pulled from a porcelain can
Strangers bull excrement,
Fills my allotted bed pan
The crash is imminent,
But where & when will I land?
Problems equivalent
To the individual grains of beach sand
From sea to shining sea and,
Across the land
No one has ever out run it,
Can't understand why I ran
BUT
I'm sugar cookie bland
Therefore I do understand getting caught,
'Cause I am not
A gingerbread man

©2024
Anyone else mess with a "finished " piece to the point you feel like you may have ruined it, sometimes losing the plot even? Maybe I made it better, maybe I can't seem to leave well enough alone

--Original--
~•§•~ Fast As You Can ~•§•~

I've damaged my damage plan
Ignited the burn ban
Snap at every helping hand
Don't like me? Well guess what?
I'm also not a fan
Ideas pulled from a porcelain can
The crash is imminent,
But where will I land?
Problems equivalent to the individual pebbles of beach sand
No one has ever out run their problems,
I still ran
Always caught 'cause I'm not
A gingerbread man

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 6
Hold on
Wait
I already have to much on my plate
Can't go on
Not at this rate
I'll inevitably be crushed by the weight
I'm on
Rebuild eight
At least my life doesn't ever deviate
Will stumble upon
Checkmate
Continuation impossible in this state

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 7
I have a fantasy
That you'll see me
And actually
Probably
Possibly
One day maybe
Want to join me
In the biblical sense obviously

©2024
Feeling forced to
Live through
An impossible scenario
I'm someone who
Finds it hard to
Find anything but static on the radio
All this blue
Is nothing new
42 seasons of the same show
A tandem dive done solo
The sign says shallow
Margin for error narrow
But ***** it, here I go
'Look out below'

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jan 30
{revised version}

So,
You're back to question me
About this litny of negativity
To discover who or what misled me
But I know exactly who done it
Let me clear up the conspiracy theory
Place me in font of a mirror and look closely
Who do you see?
Me?
That's correct, very good, but the rest of the frame isn't empty
Take notice of the oblivious guilty party directly behind me
Particularly the one with the nerve to be judging me
Here,
Let me get out of the picture so the visual can be absorbed entirely

©2024
🚫 the first half conflicts with the last half🚫

I wish it was as easy
As you say it should be
To discover who betrayed me
But I know exactly who done it, place me in font of a mirror and see
Jeremy Betts Jun 18
I've stopped telling myself there's still a possibility it'll be okay
Honestly,
Mostly only because I've run out of things to say
That and I am tired of lying to myself everyday
There must be another way...
Either that or I just don't know how to play
What do the rules say?

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jan 10
We are all hiding something aren't we?
Let's be fair
From the moment we wake and look in that mirror
We rush to change what we first see there
All we do is spin our little lies
**** in that gut,
Color that hair,
Twist off that wedding ring,
Pretend to not care
And why not?
What's the penalty?
What are the consequences, really?
All is forgiven when you start usin' the phrase
"I'm only human"
But what if the cruel hand of fate twists you into something different then what you've been?
Into that undesirable other
Who, if anyone, will forgive you then?

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jan 10
What do you do when you don't feel safe in your own head?
Uncomfortable in your own skin, afraid of the demons under your bed
And all the monsters that have been locked away out back in the woodshed
Waiting for the day I said would never come is now right around the bend
It'll be here any moment, why pretend?
I worry more about what was left unsaid
Cautious of the where we're being misled to, not the when
I try not to fear what I can not comprehend
Really couldn't tell you if this is a life I'd recommend
Can't possibly know until the end
So come around again and ask me then

©2024
Jeremy Betts Nov 17
The more I try
The more I fail
A cattywampus scale
Creating this personalized
Dollar general designer hell
A fiery well
I'm always drawn back to
In a spell
And I keep mindlessly pushing
Circling like a carousel
Why pray tell?
I couldn't tell
But I'll tell you what,
If you know someone buying souls
I'd be willing to sell
If they pay well

©2024
Jeremy Betts Oct 17
From the lonely side of the window
I watch you go
Your image distorted by the heavy rain
Or is that a downpour of liquid pain?
Either way and regardless you fade away
But I don't want to look away
Not interested in picking up the pieces this time
Back in this pit, I don't have it in me to climb
So familiar with heartache and heart break
I start to think that this love shiit is fake
It's okay, I feel right at home with painfully numb
My mistake was the lie I told myself,
That this day would never come

©2024
Jeremy Betts Oct 30
Lose lose
Or win win
I'll die on the hill
Of what could have been

©2024
Jeremy Betts Oct 29
I don't want to die
But every night
I wish to not wake up
I wish to no longer fight

©2024
Jeremy Betts Sep 2022
The hardest battles fought are against the chaos found within the rubble of the broken.
Any continuation of this experimentation on the human condition hangs on the theory that an upcomin' breath will allow itself to be taken
Gift or not, presently present solely due to the repeat of a heart beat, reminded constantly it's never a given
Many a complication with said blood pumpin' mechanism ribcaged in, to many components either broken or straight missin'
Naturally raisin' an interesting question, does life support support life or allow it to get one last minute jab in
Seems it's a personalization and ******* of the punishment fitted for the crime of lyin' about livin'
Seein' right through the Facebook filter projection, doom sets in without the monitor screens protection
Actin' like spoiled, undisciplined children, often throwin' a tantrum cause we're all on the spectrum
All of us? Yes, everyone.
A nonsensical state of frantic desperation overrides conviction, dignity the next to leave the station
No thought put into what's bein' said even, flippantly askin' for more calendar pages to be added in on the back end
Wildly missin' the irony of spendin' life in line for the next death bed to open, prayin' the priest is well spoken
Choosin' then to allow the soulless prayers to begin, hopin' to pull the wool over the eyes of the creator of all creation
He's up there laughin' and judgin' from heaven, he ain't sendin' help because it's entertainment first, then maybe fit in a lesson
Feels like bein' held in a hostage like situation through a self inflicted condition with a loved ones permission
Ignorin' the DNR written up to eliminate confusion and limit any guessin' 'bout what the dead is thinkin'
Wishin' they'd let go, knowin' they won't though, love can make the right decision impossible to determine
It was always a bogus mission, there's never been no mention of direction much less any talks about a realistic destination
An unorthodoxed tug 'o war, doin' both the pushin' and pullin', can't recall witnessin' a win, I only recognize losin'
The matrix is glitchin', the vale finally lifted as nightmares come to fruition, crowdin' an already distorted vision
Depraved of nutrition, lose sight of ones self in the fog of sleep deprivation
IT'S THE SLEEP THAT LETS THEN IN
In a never endin' hesitation, becomin' one with the comman background vegitation
A threat of slippin' into a comma is beginnin' to look like my very real and inevitable conclusion
The Illusion is crackin' and the illustration behind the fusade is to heavy for some to take in
And if I'm not mistaken it will only worsen for here and we're only here cause you took for granted what will now be taken
WHAT WHERE WE THINKIN'?

©2022
Jeremy Betts May 21
Wether recorded digitally or with a pen
With or without hitting send
Questioning the subject matter, real or pretend?
They're all just thoughts that don't bend
The only ones I have over and over again
Not even hinting at an end

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 8
...I hear ya, I do
I just don't find what's been said to be true
But if I take a look through your view
And in lue of the downward spiral conducted by the waves of blue that I've now seen you go through
I want to go ahead and attempt something new
What do you say we put aside debate and simply conversate for a few
A little bit of back and forth like birds of a feather seem to do
Why don't you choose a neutral venue
And I'll collect the short guest list of me, myself and I plus you

©2024
Jeremy Betts Sep 29
You want to fight?
Alright
Let me get your gloves
And tie my hands behind my back
Because there's no point in a counter attack
You don't care
That's fact
Every word i say to you is just thin air
Arguing that all your low blows are fair
And your violence twords me?
It's all acceptable crazy
And my "FUUCK YOU!" retort is blasphemy
i have to accept your every issue
Acknowledge what you have and are currently going through
And for the most part i do
But when it comes to anything to do with me
All of a sudden you can't see
What happened to "we"?
Conveniently disappearing quickly
Replaced with a lowly "me"
This isn't a reality that i want to live anymore
So this time when i paddle out i'll sink the ore
There'll be no more attempts to return to shore

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 29
Who knows
How many more of those
Devastating blows
From life's twisted episodes
I can take
Before I get exposed
And everybody knows
This smile's a fake,
Adorned like over warn costumes on Broadway shows

©2024
Jeremy Betts Feb 8
You thought I was falling apart before
But at that point I still had my feet on the floor
Now, I don't even see the ground anymore
No clues on what I'm in store for
For now or for forever more
Did I drift or swim out far to far from the shore?
I'm far further than a metaphor can illustrate, further than ever before
Memories so distant they've been redesignated as basic lore
What more can you do when you've lost your core
And it was you who held open the door...
...once more

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 2023
Not to many have resisted the risk
Hold tightly and lose control through the same clenched fist
Pray for there to be but dread that last kiss
How many have been hurt who weren't on a list
Who gets hit with every miss
Can't run from this
I must confess,
Take a minute here to be honest
I don't know if I can say it's worth the risk

©2023
Jeremy Betts Jan 11
If I gave you all my air
Along with every single moment I could spare
If I exposed my everything, choosing both truth and dare
And encouraged you to take more than your fare share
If I were to wear my heart on my sleeve and allow you to rip and tear
If I gave you an entire life, without a care
Offered to carry both of our crosses to bare
While letting you name the time and place and going straight there
No argument here, I swear
If I submit before warfare and declare you ringmaster
If I kept the days I don't tell you exactly what you want to hear rare
And was able to turn a blind eye to every extracurricular love affair
Cause, ya know, buyer beware
If I pretend I'm not fully aware that you rather not be here
That you just take joy in being the puppeteer
If I could manage all that would you even care?
...could I ever consider it sincere?

©2024
Jeremy Betts Feb 13
Stabbed in the back
I never bled
Heart ripped out
Not one cracked rib

Contorted and twisted trying to fit a mold
Almost did but didn't break
Absorbed every physical blow
Not a single bruise did it make

Took in each syllable of every verbal assault
Still I stand tall
Blamed for trust and abandonment red flags forged by others
Still couldn't crush my spirit at all

Opened up and bared it all just to have it used as ammunition
Refused to clam up completely
Kicked repeatedly when down
Tried to prove it's deserved, couldn't convince me

PSYCH!!
HAPPY NATIONAL OPPOSITE DAY!

©2024
Jeremy Betts Aug 14
Am I drunk on the thought of you,
Or drunk trying to erase it?
Let's face it
We can probably trace it
Back to a certain night or two
After a couple shot turned into that plus a few
And pinpoint hindsight warnings of why we shouldn't have chased it
"Why did we decide to continue?"
While standing in the midst of it
Neither of us knew
No wait, that's bull $hit
Mixed with cow poo
So much more than not a good fit
Too dysfunctional to keep it basic
Far too broken,
Or stubborn,
To replace it
The end was nearer than the beginning of this reckless trek
Like some kind of voodoo hex preformed in a parents basement,
A bad magic trick
Or joke gone cosmic
We knew it
Because we saw it
Even enjoyed living it for a hole second
Go collect your winnings if you bet we couldn't
Because we couldn't,
We blew it
Though the end was nothing new
It barley brought any blue
But still we pretended we had no clue
Of course that isn't true
It was coming right for us, and quick
Tried to sneak around it,
Then tried dodging it,
There was no jumping out of the way last minute
We never had a chance and had to admit it
We weren't equipped to brace for it
Now we get to pay for it
But these days, who can afford it?

©2024
Jeremy Betts Dec 2023
~••~••~••~
You
Attack my every thought
You're
Another voice in my head that taunts
You'll
Label me an idiot savant
Not a debutant to this type of rot
~••~••~••~
I
Have nothing you would want
I've
Suffered through a ghoulish plot
I'll
Do things that you should not
Feel fear haunt every thought
~••~••~••~

©2023
Jeremy Betts Apr 15
...being a beacon for darkness
...being a deacon of evil
...seeing no evil regardless
...seeing honesty as a hurtle
...restating unholy responses
...restating there'll be no upheaval
...ruling with no conscience
...ruling different for different people
...playing your god against us
...playing yourself in the process
...knowing none of it is real
...knowing if it is your going to hell

©2024
Jeremy Betts Apr 8
I see you
I know you don't think so,
but it's true
I see what you are being put through
I see you doing whatever it is you have too just to continue
I've seen the levels of doubt and anxiety you've been pushed to
I see you've lost faith in player two
I see you crack but not break,
Though I notice you running out of glue
And I see the struggles accrue,
With everything I do and don't do
Every time I tell you I've failed you
Your eyes tell me you already knew
This is nothing new
You don't deserve this much blue

©2024
Jeremy Betts Sep 28
I've heard I can have anything,
Do anything,
Be anything,
If I'm willing to sacrifice everything
But here's the thing,
I have nothing to give
So nothing is what I'll be getting

©2024
Jeremy Betts Feb 7
It's a long shot but I have to hold out hope
That someone, somewhere out there is rooting for the loser 'cause I'm running out of rope
And at the end of that rope is no place to find a future
Spoiler
You'll only ever find the end there
I know I'm not going to win, will never be of note
There's never been anyone at the end cause I'm not worth sticking around for through thick and thin...
...I know
I'm the one making that almost impossible
My minds a riddle, my past is a hurtle
Im the worst one man show showman
I don't choose to be alone
I try to build a home
But I can't afford land that's not sand
So my foundation can never be as strong as I hope I am
As competent as I need to be to be the man I want to be
It's sad to know that man will never be seen...
...fade to black...
...end scene.

©2024
Jeremy Betts Aug 15
You're heartless and cold
Leaving my heart a mess
You pieced out your soul
Mine fell prey to your emptiness
Was it your plan to let go?
I wonder as I struggle with the process
I believed in what I was sold
You bragged like this was a side quest
I didn't notice I was enrolled
In your narcissistic contest
You were waiting for me to fold
Ready for another conquest
You reveled in my fall
You mocked my best
I gave you my all
You left me the rest

©2024
Jeremy Betts Dec 2023
Let's look at religion
A barley arguable opinion
An iffy position to hold on a poorly written legend
Playing pretend, a doctrine based in fiction

It's a belief
It can be helpful with grief
It can offer something resembling relief
But there's no being above or beneath

It's only a story
Meant for guiding, not setting morality
A children's book with adult vocabulary
Not to be taken seriously once you've learn about the tooth fairy

This is ridiculous
This fictitious alpha and omega business
An impossible for anyone to follow syllabus
Why haven't we moved on from the preposterous?

If it helps...fine
Use it, let it consume all YOUR time
I'm tired of having to remind YOUR kind
That's YOUR truth, NOT mine

©2023
Jeremy Betts Aug 9
How wrong can one living entity be?
If I were to prove the possibility of constantly,
Alongside the concept of completely
If I were to say to you it's daily, weekly, monthly, yearly
And remind of the times it's happens a couple minutes early
If I were to let you see,
Let you watch it play out in me,
Would you keep questioning me?
Would you finally let me be?
Just leave me to wallow in this myriad of pity
Allowing me to then get back to tripping over my own two feet for at least the rest of my eternity
I'm okay with it, really

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 21
I don't want to fuuck around
I rather not find out
I don't want to hear I'm not doing what I need too
But if I don't I might never win a bout
This isn't a warning or challenge
I don't want to prove what I'm about
I've gone toe to toe with life all my life
I wouldn't mind a little mid season drought

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 31
Me against myself against I,
I am not alright
This darkness can not be conquered by light
I keep my feelings bottled tight, out of sight
Why do I hide?
Me against myself against I,
But who is right?
All I gotta do is make it through another night
No time to address it, I don't wanna fight
That's why I hide

©2023
Jeremy Betts May 21
I don't deserve her
She deserves better
Didn't know you could experience a record skip with a paperback chapter
Forever risking this status of together

©2024

— The End —