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I just can’t do it,
Please don’t make me,
I don’t want to see it everywhere -
All the things I should be doing, everything I thought I’d be,
I want to lock myself up somewhere else,
Even if the light won’t get to me.

Don’t come close,
No, I told you so!
It’s dangerous here, maybe even deadly,
No matter whoever for it can’t be a good thing,
I don’t know if I think you’ll hurt me,
But please just stay away
I need to manage myself but you’re taking that away,
Not that I ever had it,
It seems I keep slipping,
Further, further, gone.

It’s okay now, it’s the end,
I’m done and
Won’t be coming back again.

You’ll see how much less misery,
You’ll have away from me.

This is over,
I’m sure I really give up this time,
This is me actually giving it up,
Goodbye.
Saying goodbye to everything I once had hope in because I’m done.
As summer fades
Fall has begun
Our once bright days
Now setting Sun
Uncertain what the future holds
Just know that I am getting old
For youth one does not get to keep
Through window blinds of life I peek
A path that's been filled with mistakes
I've walked alone but chose to take
My baggage with me where I went
Much money earned; much money spent
An epic track that seemed to reach
Earth's corner's as I searched and seek
For happiness with love and joy
These things I lost when just a boy
Were taken; someone stole from me
No safe to crack; there was no key
Defenses were not set in place
A child who had yet to face
Like Adam when bereft of sin
Attack that had struck from within
Where body fully left in tact
A shattered mind you won't get back
And over shoulders look for pieces
Equaled grains of sand on beaches
Traveled much, went far and wide
Blind to the circles spun inside
If challenges aren't met and faced
One can't expect to win a race
In life, with loss comes also gain
For cost brings lessons for our brain
All adding up to wisdom learned
So as time goes we can discern
This is the trade for youth with age
In our "life book" we write a page
Our bodies start becoming meek
Not equal outlook that is bleak
As faculties get old and fail
Some ways our vessel is a jail
The footsteps made are less and less
But minds expand an endless breadth
A question though of great concern
is, What if someone never learns?
They pay the price; accept the cost
But in return there's only loss
There's no trade off or benefit
An idiot who is a twit
You'd almost feel some sympathy
For one pathetic and who's weak
Unless of course you realize
The suit he wears; tried on for size
No twisted arms; he was not fooled
All info given; went to school
Just sat and stared off into space
So much potential he would waste
Break-even point, where are you at?
Is it still forward or way back
There comes a point, true with all things
Sometimes it hurts the heart and stings
We realize the end has come
There's nothing more that can be done
All effort from here on, a waste
The money spent is better saved
Don't think of it as giving up
More simply that one's time is up
Life is a journey that's for sure
But may be one that is endured
Instead of riding off in glory
Constantly are saying "sorry"
Trying to right each mistake
There is no life; an endless chase
A dog who tries to catch his tail
An nonstop game of "try-and-fail"
You ask "Why should I even try?"
Pathetic tears to say 'goodbye'
I have one choice that I can make
That will erase all my mistakes
If I'm not here I can't ***** up
Forget "half-empty", there's no cup
The disappointment and the shame
No longer need to play that game
Sure people might feel bad at first
But don't forget; somehow subvert
In closing I can finally be
What all expected me to be
A hero or a champ who "wins"
Not loser who just fails and sins
So tears don't cry (and you may not)
I'd say that I had fought the fought
But you know that is one more lie
Don't need to add; just say 'goodbye'
Written: September 2019

All rights reserved.
[Iambic Tetrameter Format]

I wrote this poem as a sentiment or feeling but I am not actually contemplating suicide. I would never actually do that. I don't want to harm myself but sometimes the sadness, desperation, and despondency bring me to a place where it runs in my my mind not as an actual act but more of a thought of sympathy. So, I am in no way making light of suicide or trying to be coy. This was written from an honest place inside but I am not in a dark place or thinking of hurting myself in anyway. (Just to be very clear in case anyone might think that or be concerned). This piece is more of a perspective piece (and an honest one) but not one I share in any true or meaningful way at this time. =)
she gave
the very flesh off her back
and it was her demise
Esther L. Krenzin

Today,
I will give up.

All of these problems and struggles,
I've had enough.

I don't want this weight
on my shoulders,
I want all of this to be over.

My strength  is thin,
and I'm beginning to fall apart within.

Today,
I want to give up.







But I don't.



I don't want to give up.
But do I have to?
Eva Sep 10
I feel so free
After giving you up
And getting back to me.
Ray Dunn Sep 9
and i’ll carry you home—
limping with your arms
on my shoulders,
and we’ll walk home.

tuck you in with my warmth,
give you the last of
hope and love—
until i limp home.
doesn’t make that much sense but oh well
I once killed a sunflower
by giving it too much water
and I read somewhere that that was beautiful,
because it meant I didn't know when
to stop giving.
But tell me,
all-knowing poet,
where is the beauty
if the end result was death?
flowers are so, so lovely
and so, so mortal
There's a matchstick burning at the bottom of the ocean
Though it seems unfathomable, by all means, it's true
This tiny flame sparks and rages underneath the riverbed
Defying reality as it flares and spits at the codfish below

But as you'd expect, this hot stick isn't so bright anymore
The light, ravaged and eroded by wear and tare
A blaze brought down by time and circumstance
Perhaps someday it shall understand it's own charade

Splitting headaches, my brain acts in two halves
One side calculated and contemplative, the other impulsive and unrefined
One of them assures me that I shouldn't have jumped, that it was a mistake
The other only tells me I should've dived deeper

And I'm not sure which is telling me what.
feelings are hard
LeoH Aug 27
Opening my heart
To embrace my full potential

I see a future of
     abundance
          connection
               and joy

In a gentle world of
     giving
          and trust

Completing us all
A vision which came to me a short while ago. If we want it, we must first dream it...
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