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jon 17h
I'm not afriaid to die, I don't necessarily wanna be alive
I used to think I could never take my life and leave my family hanging, but I can't help this pain from my heart aching
One day it'll be alright that's what I keep hearing, but they ain't there when my mind is goin crazy
I didn't ask for this but if you did I'd say its ******* *******

Speeding through traffic, thinking to myself I want to let go of the wheel
My thoughts are suicidal, my manic mind is my one true rival
I didn't grow up with the best role models, hold up gimme a sec, I gotta finish this bottle
Faded as **** to numb my mind, with every sip I unwind
Blurred vision, slurred words, that's my negative grind
Turn around look up and feel the vibes, starry skies are my favorite nights.

Mary Jane and Tina ease the daily pain, but I also love smokin c
It puts so much strain on my body, and thoughts on my mind that're draining me
Thank the higher power or whatever the ***** out there for my family
The love they have for me helps me spiritually and emotionally
I'm talking about my mom mostly, she's my person

I appreciate it, through all the conflict
There's no resist when I need somethin
I can always count on her, I know I can get overwhelmed in this realm we call life
But that's when I grab my pipe and break a bud off the stem, smoke it, become myself again
I'm not stuck anymore, I'm free to be me  
I've dreamt of this reality because my childhood felt like an eternity
It's gonna be alright cuz the people all around got me
All this anxiety and in constant panic mode,
Some days you just gotta breathe and get through, just do you
No counting the seconds or minutes, stay present within your surroundings even if you feel like you're drowning
Deep breathing to know that you are okay, and that your soul is at peace for the day
My feet standing their ground, I'll make it sound with each step
Just let me do me, just let me breathe.
Pete Elliot Sep 13
Fury inside of me, violently stroking a pen through false dichotomies of villain and prodigy,
Where class struggles and geography were born to condone these widening,
Of differences that are perceived through a lens like anthropology,
Looking inwards for a piece of psychology,
To make sensible the sense of war you feel the need to throttle me,
Like a bottleneck your choking on your own hypocrisy,
Check your bags at the door before you try to lie to me,
A quiet rage of poetically dividing,
Your point of view and fake news while I exponentially feel like retiring,
My bad attitude and obligatory use of admiring,
Because the algorithm created feels as dated as a psychosis that is now expiring,
Waking up now feeling like saying pick up the mirror because the microscope won’t buy you anything,
Except a nervous apprehension for information from anyone who’s hiring,
A battle of thought provoked a new wave of gospel which won’t bow or take a holiday,
I can’t go back to the hospital or who I was, I’m tired of banging my head on the wall today.
Psychosis is powerful. It comes and goes. I try to make the best with life and change the idea that I am not strong enough to handle challenges with mental illness
Roro Aug 27
Swimming with stars, a cosmic stream
Saturn’s no longer a distant dream
Titan in one hand, the other waving to Ganymede
Ideas are rushing and fluttering
Like dandelion seeds in the wind, they’re slippering
Melodic strings then crashing drums
A chaotic orchestra, now here they come...
Melting shadowy figures from the dead
Delusions from the collapsed parts of my head
A simple reminder to stop glamorizing mania, **** can get scary dangerous real quick.
thoughts just slip away
suddenly the whole world around me is spinning
and i’m stuck behind an invisible glass pane
i look down at hands that are now no longer my own
lights are blinding, voices overwhelming
demanding and persecutory
everybody hates me, i need to hurt myself
time is somehow suspended?
i can’t control it
screaming but nobody can hear me
i know that they’re all out to get me
running- not sure where
apparitions of the future
i’m dying
the darkness engulfs
Bipolarlens Aug 2
Everyday I learn something new about myself,
I’d like to think I’m a good person,
Most days I am,
Some days, the bad ones,
I go insane,
I either hate myself, the world, or worse my family,
I hate that my illness hurts them too,
Hallucinations and delusional,
Stopped taking my meds for a while,
Manic high,
Psychotic behavior,
Police tell me to give them the knife,
Sitting in this hospital alone thinking about life,  
I’ve done so many horrible things in my life,
Yelling at my family,
Saying rude things,
And aggressive behavior in my mind,
Cutting myself,
Psychotic for a while,
Angry and confused,
I take it all out on you,
I love you,
Sorry I can be so hurtful and mean,
I never meant anything I said,
Sorry I’m a lot to handle,
Sorry I can’t control my emotions,
Sorry for the mis behavior and hurt I’ve caused you,
I’m sorry cause I really love you,
I wish I could make up every time I called you a horrible name,
I wish I wasn’t always so mean,
Mom I glad you’re still around,
Mom I would know what to do if you weren’t always there for me,
I love everything you do for me,
I’m sorry I can be so mean,
I’m sorry I can’t control my feelings,
I’m sorry I hurt my family,
My new hope is to keep taking my medication,
Be a better daughter, sister, and person,
Stop blaming the world, my mom, and brothers for my problems,
Realize I’m my own problem,
My illness shouldn’t be ignored,
I have to take care of my mental health,
Choose kindness over anger,
Let the past be,
Let myself be free.
Sarah Jul 24
she burned every bridge
because the heat from the fire kept her warm
and the danger of the flames were better than emptiness

she burned every bridge
and sank every ship
before she realized she was on an island
I fear - my mistakes are mountain
And what to do except regret and despair
For all the wrongs I have done?

Now clearly I either see
I am insane and could not be right
Or just unfortunate one with that.

What else to do,
Except to knock on door of mercy
Of Ar-Rahman?

What else to do,
Then cry the plea of help
For lost mind and heart.
Raul M Murray Jul 10
Some people say Im mad I just blame the L-RAD
Attacked by services syndicate post grad
Breaking the code of conduct that's sad
Criminal cause nullify's the collaborative ad
All privileged storm troopers got more than I have
Is the conscience alive while watching that sat-nav?
As a key worker your care is what we have
But straying for a kickback is a dent & bad
The mental health stigma is the foot soldiers weapon
Labelling us mentally ill with the DSM con
Exclaiming we're mental while the victim is alone
Stigma comes from the compound hear us groan
Hearing me everywhere have traits of a stalker
Attacking innocents with energy weapons lawbreaker
Violating human rights piggy back hijacker
The conspiracy hypothesis is the startler
Whats the biological molecular structure
Of a mental health disorder
A caucus of people of who can shout louder
Followed by misrepresentation from a reporter
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