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Leah Carr Feb 4
I need you to understand
And breathing
And your heart beating
Its hard
When you head is so mixed up
That nothing makes

I need you to understand
That when I say I know
I really do know
I just, know that i dont know
You know?

And I need you to understand
That when my heart is pulsing in my fists
When my brain is blocking my throat
And god knows where my mind is

I just need some stability
Something to be clear
When I know something
But I dont
And I cant think
And I cant breathe
And my heart cant beat

Why does it have to be so **** hard?
I lie to myself on a daily basis
It saves me from what I call Truth Psychosis
The brutality of reality
Robs me of my sanity
So I lie to myself to keep me somewhat balanced
why i lie to myself
Nikita Jan 3
Seeping through the walls,
Slamming open doors,
Her past haunts her.

Her mouth is taped shut,
With a growling gut,
Shadows taunt her.

She knows that she's here,
With nothing to fear,
Her heart ignores her.

Her lungs force air,
Trying not to stare,
She's in control now.

Scuttering away,
The shadows decay,
Back into memory.
Battling psychosis with PTSD is terrifying but not impossible.
Moon Wright Nov 2021
my family believes
in demons and angels and spirits
but not mental illness

they think that seeing Shadow People
are a religious thing
and is something to be prayed about

but when I complain
about my delusions and hallucinations
they call me crazy and say
that I'm making things up

everything has to do with religion
in this **** house
and everything bad
is something to be prayed away

a made-up construct by humans
is more believable in my family
than realist illnesses of the brain

i'm tired of it
I'm sick and tired of this ****
Leah Carr Oct 2021
"What's it like?" they ask.

She raises her heavy head from her arms, crossed on the table. Trembling so violently, her tears shudder as they slide down her cheeks. Her hands are small and ******, her feet numb, and cold as ice, though still somehow managing to shake too.

"Like living and dying simultaneously. It's agony," she replies.
Leah Carr Oct 2021
I can't fight these voices
Hearing the footsteps coming
Down the hall
My phone ringing
In the next room
But there's no missed calls

I can't fight myself
Any longer
Seeing your figure
In the corner
You make me hurt
You make me hurt myself

I can't fight you
Just **** me
Like you've threatened to
So many times
I can't express the pain
In a rhyme
I can't

I gave in
To your commands
I'm not a bad person I promise
Just a weak one
EmperorOfMine Aug 2021
Like absurdity...
A constant w, wondering what the who and how the why,
It's like a constant state of the rip between a false eyelash and an eye,
I lie upon a thin surface between reality and psychology,
Is my mind playing a trick on me, or is it just me...just me...all alone,
Gone but here, see this is more than fear, this is pure terror,
No hell could be fairer for the one that induced it on their own,
A cone of darkness and light, I ponder what's right,
Was it a vision all along? Pronged up to put together pieces,
A mind game that maybe ceases once i figure it out...but,
what if it's not a game...and all this time It was a sentence,
Commencement of war upon myself, what if it's the same fire,
Dire in my mind like the wine of wrath that crashes upon my line,
A full on catastrophe...i don't really know me, a fear i've always pondered,
Which places me back at the top-
Leah Carr Aug 2021
Why must my existence
keep pounding on
like my heart that's kept beating
for far too long
this awful pain
each day I keep breathing
always the same
it keeps on repeating
to torture my heart
to crush down my bones
to tear me apart
leaving me in pieces, alone
the screaming inside
relentless, relentless
the burning of lies
the agony, endless
let it stop
let it stop
please, Jesus
make it stop

'cause I can't take this anymore
Jack Thompson Aug 2021
Pour a little bit.
Drink a little more.
Die a little slower
Feel a little less.
Psychosis deranged disease mental overdose comeGetMe
cleobug Apr 2021
never quite sure of who or where i am
this head's all over the place
wishing it all could be so easy
to look back at this face

see the real me through these eyes
not be fooled by this flesh disguise
there's a familiarity to the confusion

voices echoing inside me
they want to share time
invited them in, it’s a party
can't distance ourselves in the same body
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