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cleobug Apr 8
never quite sure of who or where i am
this head's all over the place
wishing it all could be so easy
to look back at this face

see the real me through these eyes
not be fooled by this flesh disguise
there's a familiarity to the confusion

voices echoing inside me
they want to share time
invited them in, it’s a party
can't distance ourselves in the same body
cleobug Mar 9
people ask me how i’m doing and i say ‘okay’
nobody questions it; cuz that’s what they all say
only time my words are questioned is when i speak my mind
don’t wanna hear reality, so put me back in line
i wish the whole wide world could know just how i feel
this life of fear and lies simply has no appeal
the voices in my head speak more truth than you
i’m getting tired of always confusing the two
my mind is a haunted house; there’s more to me than meets the eye
body full of so many secrets despite my size

if given the choice, maybe i wouldn’t choose this one to possess
occupying a vessel this anxious just leads to more stress
‘friend in high places’ but the place is your head [in the clouds]
smoking and drinking to quiet us; but trust me you can’t drown us out
there’s more work to be done and words to be said
most talk internally but that don’t mean we’re not friends

something to be said about an openminded guy
with so much personality they started to compile
a collective consciousness sprouting within
took years too long to finally let us in
but here we are, now you know and you listen
at names mentioned, your heart now quickens
beats as one, as we are together
a single unit of several, here for each other
confusing to all but one another
you find yourselves in us
a conversation amongst ourselves
Leah Carr Feb 14
it's real
no it's imaginary
no it's real
no it's imaginary

what is real?
what is imaginary?
NAL Jan 22
Paranoia runs through my veins everywhere I go.
I don't feel alone when I'm at home alone;
I feel watched and stalked as I roam the streets alone;
I constantly feel dread and think of the worst,
you can tell me your loyalty to me but I'll question your words.
You can reassure me and occupy me,
but I'll always come back to how I was-
plagued by the paranoia of the unknown.
Jesse Jean Dec 2020
Knees and the cold kitchen floor
Begging on knees
And no no not one bit of
All gone
The hope, I mean
And sanity on a
Tight thread
Let dread
Consume me
Ate me from
Out there and maybe then
i could
Be better
So i was taken and
Shut In
a Small room
with a round mirror
Above an itchy bed
and I would look up and See
What i think Was, myself
Leah Carr Dec 2020
He said he'd be here again tonight
After 9pm
And he always comes  
when he says he will
My fear is increasing
as the second hands ticks rhythmically towards the time
When he will appear
Not come in
Not arrive
But appear
He says I belong to him
That he likes to watch me hurt and suffer
And that it's for my own good
I don't know what to believe
I just obey him
But not out of loyalty or trust
out of fear
This is based off a close friend's experiences with schizophrenia and how they felt when they were at their worst. I decided to write it in first person to make it more relatable :)
Paul NP Nov 2020
The Cut off to the cries of disorder.
As I looked over my shoulder to its beauty.
At the collar of a nurse who stood by me.
She asked me why are you crying?
Its the paper and the order of the checkmarks. And all that has happened before me.

Pressurized Sapphire.
Potent yet impotent.
Capturing the light for our eyes and reflecting like delta. Deep and relaxing waves, like a nights breeze cooling down the fires of stress to which our tears may not always supress.
A soft and cool happening that took place in the relief effort of a panic attack.
Leah Carr Nov 2020
The fear tore at my insides
Like the merciless storm raging outside
The truth sank in
Like the knife soon to pierce my chest
They were coming
I stood at death's door
But no longer by choice
Three people
Who I thought were my friends
Stood behind me
They've tied my hands
They've injured me
I don't want to die
But I can't fight them anymore
I'm powerless
It's over.
This is a poem I wrote a few months ago when I was very mentally unwell and completely believed that my friends and family were going to **** me. It doesn't even begin to describe the pain and terror I was going through at that time.
Wandering Biku Oct 2020
Looking from the other side of the mirror,
Seeing through ***** glasses,
There is something not real about this moment
Like looking at a reflection of a reflection of a reflection….
Something just undefinable,
A gap between my here,
And their here.
My now,
And their now.
So fine as to be invisible but so wide
That one is unaware of the other.
I’m existing in their world
But not of their world.
Watching life as a live broadcast
With a nano-second delay.
Seeing the muzzle flash
Then hearing the shot.
The familiar is unfamiliar,
The same, though different.
Like the thinnest sheet of clear ice
My perception could shatter…..
But then do I return to what was before?
Or am I left with an existence of emptiness?
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