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I saw weeds peaking through cement cracks, and I thought,

"Thank god humans could never bury you, Mother Earth,
Even if we tried."

I gazed along the leaves and long vines stretching out for sun,
And my eyes landed on a small, pretty, yellow flower growing too.

I looked to the sun and smiled and back at the flower and saw
A fly had landed there, washing his paws.

And then I wondered if flies ever wish they were bees
and instead of living in ****, wish they made honey.
Sometimes I feel like a fly just tryin to be a Bee.
Estelline Aug 2
You can tell me
You don’t love me
And I’ll just say
Oh, that’s quite alright
Because after so many rough nights
Of feeling detached
Lost somewhere in my mind
I’ve realized
While some say
“Oh, you’re too much!”
I know I’m never enough.
I don't know how to say this
Do not want to break your heart
Want to be the person you wish I could be
We'd be better off apart

Where is this going?
Got to be able to tell
Noticing for awhile
Haven't been doing so well

I fought dozens of battles
Silently in mind
Kept them imprisoned
Less conflict confined

I should face problems
But I am a coward so I run
Hard to conquer an argument
You already believe you won

Maybe I am being harsh
I can only take so much
A relationship is supposed to be
More than people who touch

See sometimes feel a tingle
Think "this isn't so bad"
That itself means it is
To deny must be raving mad

The friction is obvious
Where do I draw the line?
I am stuck in an internal war
Between your emotions and mine

My hands might be lonely
When clasped something is amiss
As long as yours fills gaps between fingers
Nobody else can see if theirs fits

If being totally honest
Seems you don't really care about me
Tears drip out eyes all the time
You are too self-centered to see

Trying to build life back up
You are standing in my way
Making things harder than already are
Painting sky shades of grey

I am opening eyes to reality
Hope you do that too
We both need to stop lying to ourselves
We know it isn't true

I taste sorry on my tongue again
Taste regret on my lips
Obligation squeezes tighter
When you put arms around hips

Only now letting you know
How much feelings have changed
My head full of hope for a heavy heart Hung from noose was exchanged

I should have been forthcoming
Informed you was over as soon as I knew
I can't stand causing others pain
Why it took this long to say this to you

But sick of home not feeling like home
In own room feel out of place
You've transformed it to your own
Do not have a single private space

You are a tornado
In wake is a trail of destruction
Many flaws get in the way
About time I move obstruction

Your ego too big for me
To properly see around
In fact how do you even lift your head?
Must weigh a thousand pounds

Your conceited attitude more often than not
Provokes until seeing red
Arrogance unattractive
Try acting humble instead

I cannot picture a future with you
You are inconsiderate and dumb
No ambition or work ethic
Would rather be a ***

You take time with everything
Never met someone so slow
Put so much effort and see no results
Almost no progress to show

Without my aid what will you do?
How will you get high?
Depend on everybody else around you
If you desired you could get by

Lungs filled with poison
Bloodstream with *****
Need crutches to get through each day
Think these substances are helping
They really only get in the way

With only pride and standards
I will continue life in solitude
Better than being with someone who's naive
Not to mention selfish and rude

Consequences for actions
Finally caught up to where we are
Have tolerated a lot of *******
I've decided I'm raising the bar

My goal is to go further in my life
Than you plan to go
Hindering distance to travel
Making it challenging to grow

Soon you'll be left in the dust
Discovering I was right
Won't be able to use me as an excuse
For failure when I'm out of sight

You call me idiotic pet names
What I am in your contacts under is bold
Actually prefer "The *****"
What are you? Six years old?

How many occasions have you pouted?
Sulking because you disagreed
With words said or things done?
I gave no choice but concede

I have every right to be unhappy
How can you not understand why?
May not always be reason for tears
You sure do not help them dry

Are you center of universe?
That is how you act
Helping yourself to anything viewed
You are entitled and that is a fact

I do not know if you do it on purpose
You disrespect everyone here
Using stuff but not asking
To rules you do not adhere

The only person I have ever met
Who is even lazier than me
Make messes faster than you clean up
Cannot handle responsibility

Not to mention you can't keep track
Of any possession you own
Or that you failed to pay back majority
Of money you have been loaned

Your expensive eating habits
And cockiness get on nerves
Believe you are correct about every subject
Isolation what you deserve

You break trust without hesitation
Snitching on me like a rat
If I plead with you to keep a secret
You can't even follow through with that

You probably think we are being mean
That you are misunderstood
If that's true then tell me this
What have you done that's good?

You disassemble stuff like a tweaker
Not putting back in one piece
Have given you so many chances
Still the madness won't cease

It is an eternal struggle
To even get you to barely move
Just procrastinate your life away
After promising to improve

Rather live in solitude
Than with a theif who lies
Took two CATs of my dad's
You thought he would not realize?

And when telling you something
You do not want to hear
Pretend to agree with statement
Goes out the other ear

You have to get your priorities straight
It's clear you never will
How are you expecting to survive
Without ambition

You expect others to carry your load
Piggybacking much as you can
The behavior of a little boy
How dare you call yourself a man

But when affecting your wallet
You are stingy as they come
Generosity is not in your vocabulary
Unless receiving some

Then have the audacity
To judge the way I live
Degrading me because of choices
After the ****** up **** I forgive

At least I do not blame my dependency
For why I'm unable to function
Worse still you put fault for your addiction
On pharmaceutical corruption

I have met plenty of people
Fed prescriptions as a child
Medicated whole **** life
Their abilities are not defiled

You envision the world to your favor
Instead of how it is for real
Perception the problem here
Delusion rooted in privilege you feel

You have a lot of growing up to do
Wish I would have waited
Gotten to know who you really are
Now I wish we never dated
A breakup poem
Estelline Jul 8
Sometimes I wish I could slip away
Between the thickets
Lost somewhere in the woods
No one would know the way
I would never be found

I could dance with the crickets
Sing songs till dawn
Tell them stories of before
About how much I used to adore you

What else do I have to talk about anyway?
Never done much of anything
Too busy drowning in rivers of doubt
That I created
Estelline Apr 22
I’ve shed too many tears for those who don’t care
All I wanted was someone who loved me
And all I got were people who used me
Now I’m an outcast
There's the flame you cast upon my chest
it's all burnt down
Was I just too much?
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2020
I should have never answered the phone when you called
The fact that you did had me feeling appalled
I never have the resolve to stand by my word
Worked to stay strong but my emotions were stirred
You never got the rejection you should have faced
Instead met with forgiveness you barely chased
I gave in too easily as I always do
Lose all control when it comes to you
Wanted you to experience similar suffering
I should have made you try harder
Should have let the phone ring
Why after two phone calls do I agree to just let you waltz back into my life after YOU abandoned ME for some other *****? It's like you know exactly how to get back under my skin even when you don't deserve it.
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2020
Cannot escape from this prison named Time

Determined outcomes mock me from other side of the bars

I cannot live chained to my unmatched expectations
The sound of the clock ticking is like a countdown to the moment it all blows up in my face
Kenneth Gray Oct 2020
I hereby confess my sins, and must tell you why
Why this man that writes these words and holds the pen must die
Why evil so ferociously invades my mind
And will not cease no matter how hard I try
These words that I beseech unto you are truth and hold no lie

I received word from THE LORD above that I must preach
To take my knowledge of the spirit
To the streets to teach
To spread the gospel far and wide as far as I can reach

But, After 2 or 3 weeks of compliance
While doing His will and honoring our alliance
I was met with a streak of complete defiance

I went out and preached in stores one day
I was satisfied with the work id done and thought it was ok
But upon return back to my home the LORD said sternly, nay
That it wasnt enough and that I needed to preach more today
That I needed to jump back into the fight and jump back into the fray
But in my foolishness I decided that on my bed I should lay
Now ever since, that decision, I have had to pay

Right at that very moment, evil attacked and I became a target
After all this time has passed I am filled with utter regret
Its something I am ashamed of
And desperately wish I could forget

But during those times of preaching
I was always met with fear
Evil had encompassed me. And I was told that if I stopped my death was near
To this day "preach, or die" makes me want to shed a tear
The devil knows of my failures and meets me with an evil snear

Its been 8 months now since I stopped
8 months of mental torture since I flopped
8 months of fearing death since THE LORDS will I had dropped

Now the death that had been spoken of before
Grows and grows to the point that I cannot ignore
The suffering of my soul continues more and more
I don't know if I can take it. So is death truly in store?

I do believe in miracles, but I dont know if I will get one
Will THE LORD show more mercy, or is He finally done?
The grave is looming and life is no longer fun
So don't be a failure like me.
Put your faith and trust in THE SON
And whatever you do, don't turn your back and run!
I should have followed Him. I would have won.

Now I await my death. My life is done.
This is the story of the last 8 months of my life.
Dead Sep 2020
Holding my hands out as you split my wrists again
Bending my fingers back, I’ll breathe again when I hear them pop

Holding handfuls of glass as it shatters, smaller and smaller.
Sinking into my skid.

How comforting your lies feel.
How cold your love feels.

Dancing around the noose, walking our little circles.
Just kick the stool out, I deserve that.

Maybe the audience will find some solace in the way my eyes fade, maybe they’ll have some pity as my body flails.

Maybe the circles will get tight enough to suffocate me.
Maybe I’ll find the thing that you couldn’t give me,
Floating mere feet from the ground
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