We have a lot of made up, Hallmark type of Holidays don't we?
We have so many things we are told we have to celebrate our whole lives.
May is here - Mother's Day is here.
But what about the dirt-bag mothers?
What about the mothers who don't care about their children?
What about the mothers who gave their kids up?
I know it's selfish- it's childish- but you weren't there when I needed you.
You were drowning in a bottle of Vodka in your bathtub.
I know it's selfish- it's childish- but you still haven't been there.
You are too busy living in your own issues to remember you have children unless it suits you.
I remember living with dad and my stepmom- she raised me.
I remember grandma helping us with homework- she raised me.
I remember calling my dad when I was sad- he raised me.
I remember asking you where you were after 6 months of not hearing from you - but you couldn't even answer that question.
After years of picking up pieces and telling people I didn't have a mother here I am.
I am 25 years old with a stable job and stable home.
You are 47 with nothing to your name except some weed and a broke down apartment you get free from the government.
I am 25 with my shit together- paying my own bills- working for a living.
You are 47 taking pain pills as if your life depended on them.
I hear a lot of people telling me to forgive you, but I am just now coming to terms with how messed up I am.
I hear people telling me " that's your mom" but I am just now realizing the extent of my mental problem you have left me with.
All I have to say is thank the world for my father and stepmom and grandmother-- the only family I ever needed no thanks to you.
How do people keep on trying
As though their hearts aren't broken
With every rejection, each no?
We just can't control what'll happen
We wait for tides to ebb and flow
Knowing fully well we're only boats
Impatient pawns on a chess board
In a horrid storm that only grows.
Waiting listlessly for an end
Confiding in foes and secret friends
Now I'm entirely at a loss
Which of my coins will Fate toss?
Or will it even try something
Has it given up on me too?
Just as I've lost hope in myself
I know what's false, but what is true?
I think I’m losing you but I will never regret choosing you.
Because I am in love and for now that will be enough for me.
The only ones who knew our love was eventually going to let go.
And everyone wanted me to know that we could not put on this show.
Without the consequences of this heart of mine being broken.
And when life teaches you to drive you can finally say goodbye.
All I can picture is the memory of you inside her sheets.
Wishing the memory that haunts my dreams would stay inside that suite.
The lips I grew to love forming the words I now know as goodbye.
And maybe one day we can talk about our past, or the weather.
Sometimes life will take a turn for the worst and sometimes life will hurt.
But at least I tried even when you found your way up her skirt.
And some days you will be afraid of the lessons you had to learn.
And some days you’ll burn because we always get what we feel we deserve.
It's not your fault,
as I was the one.
I saw the roses growing in unexpected places,
I saw the walls burning down with expeditious intentions and no explanation
you'd think no one could here it happening,
yet I listened,
and i could hear his cries,
his oceans crashing into cliff sides.
I believed it.
And i did so, because when his oceans crashed into mine, it was a beauty god himself would have been jealous of.
Siren couldn't compete with the beauty that was our interactions, and they were flattered,
yet I have no matter.
Because her oceans,
found yours first
Yet I believed it when you said mine were bluer.
You can't save a loser
They have to save themselves.
No matter how you love them
You can’t breathe for someone else.
You can’t pay their emotional bills
With the love stored in your heart.
You can’t be with them 24/7
So it’s best for you to start
Waking to reality’s demands
And wash your hands
Of this self-destructive fantasy.
Soon, even they will understand.
And if they don’t see wisdom
In what you are trying to do
Let them go on and ruin their life
But it won’t be because of you.
Maybe you think it is too late
Because you spoiled them already,
So now they need your guiding hand
To keep their courses steady.
If you’re strong enough to realize
You’re not helping them a bit
You can gather enough love
And strength enough to quit
Babying someone who today
Is no longer just a little child.
Let them find their own rock bottom
At the risk of being totally wild.
It’s really the only thing to do.
So, if you are the wife, the friend;
Sister, father, brother or mother,
You will find you have the time
For you and the loser to recover.