You can tell me You don’t love me And I’ll just say Oh, that’s quite alright Because after so many rough nights Of feeling detached Lost somewhere in my mind I’ve realized While some say “Oh, you’re too much!” I know I’m never enough.
I’ve shed too many tears for those who don’t care All I wanted was someone who loved me And all I got were people who used me Now I’m an outcast There's the flame you cast upon my chest it's all burnt down Was I just too much?
I should have never answered the phone when you called The fact that you did had me feeling appalled I never have the resolve to stand by my word Worked to stay strong but my emotions were stirred You never got the rejection you should have faced Instead met with forgiveness you barely chased I gave in too easily as I always do Lose all control when it comes to you Wanted you to experience similar suffering I should have made you try harder Should have let the phone ring
Why after two phone calls do I agree to just let you waltz back into my life after YOU abandoned ME for some other *****? It's like you know exactly how to get back under my skin even when you don't deserve it.
I hereby confess my sins, and must tell you why Why this man that writes these words and holds the pen must die Why evil so ferociously invades my mind And will not cease no matter how hard I try These words that I beseech unto you are truth and hold no lie
I received word from THE LORD above that I must preach To take my knowledge of the spirit To the streets to teach To spread the gospel far and wide as far as I can reach
But, After 2 or 3 weeks of compliance While doing His will and honoring our alliance I was met with a streak of complete defiance
I went out and preached in stores one day I was satisfied with the work id done and thought it was ok But upon return back to my home the LORD said sternly, nay That it wasnt enough and that I needed to preach more today That I needed to jump back into the fight and jump back into the fray But in my foolishness I decided that on my bed I should lay Now ever since, that decision, I have had to pay
Right at that very moment, evil attacked and I became a target After all this time has passed I am filled with utter regret Its something I am ashamed of And desperately wish I could forget
But during those times of preaching I was always met with fear Evil had encompassed me. And I was told that if I stopped my death was near To this day "preach, or die" makes me want to shed a tear The devil knows of my failures and meets me with an evil snear
Its been 8 months now since I stopped 8 months of mental torture since I flopped 8 months of fearing death since THE LORDS will I had dropped
Now the death that had been spoken of before Grows and grows to the point that I cannot ignore The suffering of my soul continues more and more I don't know if I can take it. So is death truly in store?
I do believe in miracles, but I dont know if I will get one Will THE LORD show more mercy, or is He finally done? The grave is looming and life is no longer fun So don't be a failure like me. Put your faith and trust in THE SON And whatever you do, don't turn your back and run! I should have followed Him. I would have won.
Now I await my death. My life is done.
This is the story of the last 8 months of my life.