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Jeremy Betts Feb 7
It's a long shot but I have to hold out hope
That someone, somewhere out there is rooting for the loser 'cause I'm running out of rope
And at the end of that rope is no place to find a future
Spoiler
You'll only ever find the end there
I know I'm not going to win, will never be of note
There's never been anyone at the end cause I'm not worth sticking around for through thick and thin...
...I know
I'm the one making that almost impossible
My minds a riddle, my past is a hurtle
Im the worst one man show showman
I don't choose to be alone
I try to build a home
But I can't afford land that's not sand
So my foundation can never be as strong as I hope I am
As competent as I need to be to be the man I want to be
It's sad to know that man will never be seen...
...fade to black...
...end scene.

©2024
Jeremy Betts Nov 2023
This angers taking over
I'm a fighter but a loser
Back to a devil on each shoulder
I'll have no one if I lose her
Standing at a crossroad
Trying to remember what I've been told
Not the first time, might be the last
Caught up in the days of futures past
'Till it's over

©2023
Jeremy Betts May 2022
Everyone's dealin' with their own personal demon but I'm only ever bein' seen as a monster
Always judged accordingly, ironically by one family friendly imposter after another
Every other sinner the world over is allowed their own irrational feelings to be front and center
For them love is always the answer to offer, reassuring they need look no further
But I gotta "**** it up" and "move on" from this gutter faster which I take as to make sure my 50 caliber finisher is fully loaded with one in the chamber
And if the **** thing doesn't misfire on the first pull of this here trigger I figure I'll be a single bullet Russian roulette winner hero figure or would that make me a loser?
Am I an incurable cancer? I think I know the answer but I'm not sure and I'm sure not a doctor
However, it's only a matter of time before everything I touch turns into a disaster
Could it be that I'm just a carrier? An infectious delivery driver with t-rex arms making steering clear that much harder
What is pretty ******' clear is my presence here makes no one's life better, just spoiling the atmosphere, so I back pedal out of the picture
Then you label me a quitter the moment you notice I'm no longer there to be your *******
I guess I'll take that title if it'll make it easier or help you to feel better about what went down here, just please don't allow yourself to stay bitter forever
But rather allow time to erase my lingering stench of failure from the air altogether
It's only fair that I make way for you and anyone here to enjoy life without the fear of me being anywhere near
Your bright future wasn't mine to take and alter so I'll round up every bit of pain I caused that made your heart heavier and your life harder than it needed to be ever
Then take it with me to be a sacrificial offer next to me on the alter like a lamb to slaughter
Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of your forever with no black cloud loomin' over

I gotta ask...

Who do I apologize to once the deed is done and I pull out of the race, refusing to run
Instead, turning the starting gun on myself to become a ghostly astral projection
It should be everyone but it'll be close to no one due to a punctured lung and crushed windpipe from being hung from inside the hole I dug starting back when I was young
No human being person type thing had a single **** to spare, not a one
Wouldn't even let a rerun apology or empty sympathy roll off the tongue, and forget empathy, ain't capable of none
Couldn't hear or didn't care before I was gone so I'm a shoe in to continue on holdin' the same position I've been in from my beginnin', now doesn't that sound like fun?
I've gone and done the forbidden so any opinion of me will only worsen as they lose sight of who I was as a person
Forgettin' my mind was a maximum security prison, the only way out presentin' itself to me was a coffin
But you're only focusin' solely on one particular fraction of an action
Ignorin' why that particular path was even taken in the first place, don't be mistaken, it wasn't a knee **** reaction
A quick observation and the pain would have been plain as the nose on your face but I caught no eyes lookin'
Just heads turnin' away the exact moment I notice 'em watchin'
Silently each formed their own conclusion and brought with 'em some ******* opinion from their twisted vision of me, all to feed the illusion
The one that claims I took the easy way out without explorin' any other option
You say you know me, you call me friend but have proven not to be in the end
But by all means, go ahead and continue to pretend you're the better person

How could you have known...

First of all, exhaustion was half the reason I was even in that head space
I could only envision this exact endin' ever takin' place as I fell from grace
I gave up tryin' to replace the dark with light cause try as I might it was all in vain, and in my haste I didn't notice the byproduct of a chronic toxic waste
Every attempt to place one foot in front of the other was riddled with set backs and laced with failure and I could never seem to rid myself of the foul taste of my own biohazard base
I'll be just another cold case with more than a trace of evidence but the answers in the proof aren't important enough to chase, never the time nor the place
Given up on before I even started the race so no warm embrace at the finish, no congratulatory smile from a familiar face
No one there to return my dinghy smile that's held in place with cheap elementary school Elmers glue paste
Why was the tare down so quick to take place with hardly an ounce of effort but the rebuild progressed at a snails pace?
There were many who watched all this take place in real time but avoided eye contact whenever face to face and I'm convinced that would have continued to be the case
I know I'm a disgrace now but wasn't until now so what excuses are you going to pull from your briefcase of two face ******* and put in place explaining why you turned your back on me in the first place, back at my birthplace?

Surprise surprise...

...a silence washes over the crowd. What happened to how proud you were with your intentionally loud gossip predicting what round I'd go down?
Were you only joshin'? Just clownin' around? Didn't think you could ever or would never be bound to something so profound?
Well here we are, you called it, the words bound freely from your mouth but now that things have gone south you're no longer able to enjoy the sound so you just turn it down
Or were you one of those hanging around saying I'd never do it but if you ever bothered to look into it you'd find the proof of the opposite truth can be found
But no, it's gotta be that I'm just desperate for all the attention it would bring to my part of town
Whatever, doesn't matter now, you could have never comprehended the reason why while shooting for cloud nine I got stuck six clouds down and wasn't able to post up for a rebound
It's only understood by people who've had the same problem with ups and downs and picking themselves up to finish the round after being so down and out that sea level was seen as higher ground
I know the way my last act went down is frowned upon and the deformation process was bound to take place once I was no longer part of the crowd
But look, you want to know why I choked down a handful of pill bottles for my second time 'round?
My problems were gaining on me quickly, I was steadily losing ground
They had to be drowned or at the very least inhumanely put down
I was no longer fun to be around, a bad joke turned evil clown
My darkness broke free from the compound where it was bound
And now wherever you see me it too can be found
Every day a new battleground
Every sundown a new showdown
A new possibility to possibly be hellbound
Just please set me gently when you put me down
And I'll try to do the same when I let you down.

©2022
I don't know if you are in love with me or not
Can the wind blow my feelings to your heart
and you will be loved?
I only know one thing,
and it is enough for me,
but, I don't know if it is enough for you
Because there are many ways to seek a true love
But I am not smart enough to learn what I feel
So, if it is true, you may notice nothing
Because I love you in silence
That sounds like a loser
So do I
Here I am,
and where is yours?
Indonesia, 3rd May 2023
Arif Aditya Abyan Nugroho
Quansome Jan 2022
I’m just a stoner hitting high notes and your a coward in a cool coat
We'll go swaying for a while to the toon of broken hearts
Playing backseat twister in your car that never starts
Take a sip find your grip tonight you can have it all
Forget the lovers in our lives they can catch us when we fall
Hold me tightly through the ride god your so ugly when you frown
Close my eyes to chase the high only good till I *** down
Don’t like the angry silence **** your sweet prefer your violence
Play the prince for me and I will be your queen
Blaze one up make me beg it’s only good when it’s obscene
I could tell you that I love you but we both know that that’s not true
So lay it out and I’ll cut the lines with these ****** cards we drew
GaryFairy Oct 2021
the gods are not allowed to carry guns
they'd shoot out suns, just so they can go to bed
i wonder if jesus is having any fun
watching them turn his blood, into the wine of red

right there in the shadow of the earth
the earth comes first, man will always come in last
which fish did the fisher catch first
is it the scales or the skins, the future or the past

the future of the past has led us here
once again comes the fear, in the middle of our lives
food that will last all of the years
he who cuts the bread, he controls all of the knives
Chelsea Rae Sep 2021
I saw weeds peaking through cement cracks, and I thought,

"Thank god humans could never bury you, Mother Earth,
Even if we tried."

I gazed along the leaves and long vines stretching out for sun,
And my eyes landed on a small, pretty, yellow flower growing too.

I looked to the sun and smiled and back at the flower and saw
A fly had landed there, washing his paws.

And then I wondered if flies ever wish they were bees
and instead of living in ****, wish they made honey.
Sometimes I feel like a fly just tryin to be a Bee.
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