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Iska May 12
I hate that I am eating.
I hate every bite, every swallow.
I hate every taste, every wrapper.
I hate the bile that raises in the back of my throat every time
I try to consume food.
I am so so very sick of it all.
So sick of needing to be high to even want to eat.
So sick of the feeling of being full
And I hate my need to be rid of it.
Of trying to force it to stay down
But secretly wishing that my ***** will drown me.
I hate myself when I do *****.
But I hate myself so much more when I don’t.
But they say I’m pretty
But they say I’m better
So why is it so hard
When every swallow is burning me alive
And every ***** makes me a liar.
And every skipped meal makes me a coward.
Emily M May 6
Picking up the pace
Trying to win the race
Attempting to flee this place...

Running wild
Movements swift
Like that of a hare
Legs pumping

I need to be free

Here I come
Prepared to strike
But the question is;
Are you?

Brace yourself
Collision is inevitable
Like the flow of time
Tick
Tick
Ticking away

Be careful
I'll strike
'Cause you know what I am
I'm a monster

Teeth bared
Believe me
I don't care if it's aired
I'll still tear you apart

So please
Get out of the way
As I come charging through
Like a rhino
Destroying all in my path...

- Emily M
May 6th, 2019
I've been a bit...aggressive lately. Just - no surprises...
Contoured Apr 27
And in the smallest matter of time,
My hair went numb.
My eyes no longer heard the crude respiratory patterns of the fellow cynic.
My fingers saw the over-appreciated path away from the now.
The mind I'd so delicately restrained surcharged your hurtful chatter for the worthlessness it possessed.
For I had found not what I thought to be the whole of myself,
But what actually was.
Among the wilted carnations,
The shrunken produce,
The wasted inquisition,
All the places in which you dwell,
I will no longer.
Eloise Rose Apr 12
Here I go again
Drowning my sowrrows
In destructive behaviours
Pylyp Apr 8
String me along
Pull me apart
Put back together
Abandon me

String me along
A little bit longer
Pull me apart
A little bit wider
Put back together
A little bit slower
Still I'm abandoned
Still I come back
Eloise Rose Mar 24
I opened up to you,
about my struggles, my destructive behaviors
and you said just don't do it.
If i could "just not do it",
I wouldn't have any secrets to be sharing with you.
I wouldn't be so depressed that I needed you.
MaiMai Mar 14
Ember burning bright.
Born for destruction or born for light?

Can someone hate their creation?  Because I'm afraid of my own design. What I may be capable of. In a snap of a finger my ember can spark destroying what is and was.
"You're loved" is what you say but you can't get it though your brain. I'm impotent to my strength.

You don't want to look at me, don't look at me. You run away from me, run away from me. I am aware of my aftermath toxic smoke so it's ok. I know I cause nothing but heartache.

Beware because I've been known to ruin lives.
Use caution, I might spark into a raging fire
Be careful if you make me to happy I might burn you alive. Causing spiritual death leaving people shattered, trying to pick pieces, due to me forgetting about my hazard.

The word gentle isn't in my mental vocabulary. My touch, my touch is dangerous. It's warm at first, almost comforting in the beginning but the longer you hold me the more I singe. I don't want to cause you sanity. So stay away, far from my ember, in fear your oxygen will ignite this fire.

Embers burning bright
Born for destruction or born for light?
look at me in the eye then you decide.
Empire Mar 7
Is it-
Is it self destructive
To look for ways
To take advantage of oneself?
To seek out pleasure
But only if it means pain?
Perhaps it's a coincidence,
But I always seem to
Be looking for
New ways
To hurt
Myself
In
Secret
Empire Mar 6
i can't possibly be
                               the only one out there        g             h     
             chasing a       h     i
or two
or four...
and i don't often care
what it does to me
so i drink strong coffee
until my hands qquuaakkee
and twitch
tw
twitch
and that buzzzzzing starts
xo     a sweet     xo
<><><><><><><><><><buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz><><><><><><><><>
to s    p       r          e                 a                         d
from my chest
a loud
hard
THUMP THUMP
THUMP THUMP
THUMP THUMP
of my pulse
i think
thinking
wondering
dreaming
crying
screaming
while i lay in bed
>>> WIDE AWAKE <<<
i dwell in all my pain
ripping my wounds
tearing them open
until they scar over
so i can try again
again
again
AGAIN
i.                   just.             love.         things.
that make me FEEL...
anything
at all
no matter
the
c      
     o
           st
Empire Mar 4
I want to feel alive
So alive
And I know how
But I’m too
****
Self-destructive
To have the will
To do it
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