<title>I'm So Confused</title>
<h1>Oh don't mind me, just a conflicted person here!</h1>
<p>there's so many of you that occupy my hear</p>
<li>reddit puppy provider
and I have no clue as to what to do with all of them.</p>
i don't know why i made this into an html formatted document but okay.
People always seem to judge me based on my morals and honor rather then get to know me. Im not the best person to know but i would like to believe i have good morals and a good honor.
There is a tree by my bus stop.
I do not know when it began flowering,
only that it is.
On each branch, there are delicate flowers, dousing the street in pink and white
she's coming up this summer, finally.
I wish I could show her.
I wish you could see it.
Someone I used to have a thing with online, but have never met in real life, is driving up this summer. I have a girlfriend whom I love, but I fear I no longer benefit from the relationship. long distance terrifies me. I have a lot to think about, and the flowering trees I encounter seem to know this and remind me to breathe.
If only I knew
That kiss would’ve been our last. I would have kissed a little deeper
If only I knew
that hug in the cold night was our last. I would have hugged a little tighter.
If only I knew
that was the last time I told you “I love you”. I would have said it a bit softer.
If only I knew
that was the last time I’d look into your eyes and see love staring back. I would have gazed a little longer.
Abruptly, all this was taken away by you.
Your conflicting thoughts described to me a day later.
While people carried on with their lives around us as if though they couldn’t hear my heart shattering next to you.
I’m helpless in this moment. Unable to comprehend why this is happening.
You tell me I should be hating you, well love, I’ve spent seven months loving you and no amount of pain can fade that.
So I sit next to you, unable to touch your hands which I craved so desperately.
New tears travel down the path paved by old dried up ones.
My mouth is clamped shut unable to tell you what my brain wants to say.
Your brain was conflicted. You tell me there’s no one like me but for some reason, that doesn’t seem to be enough.
We used to be in tune with each other. How could I not see this coming?
Those thoughts scratching away at me inside your head.
Until those thoughts clawed at our love until there was nothing.
Now I feel nothing.
Like an empty space waiting to be filled once more by you.
But you’ve made up your mind for us both. No consulting like we once did.
Our last moments feel like a lie.
Your mind flipped in an instant.
Forcing mine to try and piece everything together.
But you were the pieces that made me whole.
I am powerfully drawn toward and yet must remain cautions
one false word out of context is ruination
of my career, my life
wrong word – bad time – didn’t mean it
out of context - will all add up
I am weary and need to be held
2019 social media kangaroo-court will tag me
an “inappropriate predator”
my physical person has need that cannot be
expressed as or when I want
I am lost in spirit hoping to find some direction
time was when I could free-spirit my way
through just about anything
my years have found me, I recognize my own shadow,
the spirit has since left
I am torn between heart and head
strong enough in both as in body with rational ability
to decide between the two
knowing that one decision will have consequences
for the other - and others
I am alone with my thoughts undecided
your hair bundled to one side an invitation to caress,
converse and be loved
yet I want no part of my bad things happening
to your good people
Attraction of any kind can have downside. Not that bad things are happening to people but I knew that if action was taken / not taken and either us were to "act on our feelings", consequences would ensue.
It’s hard to admit
I’m this in love with you.
Under the surface, fearing
It’s too good to be true.
And you are so good
How could I not be?
And when I consider it
It’s easy to admit...
How I love you.
I miss having you around
Because you took away my frown
Even though you’re the cause of it
You crush my soul and bring me to life all in the same conversation
My love, did you know that my sea parts for you?
That I took down all of my walls so you wouldn’t be afraid to come in?
That I stepped down from my throne of anxiety?
That you were the very one that shattered my golden crown of insecurities
Only to then gift me this crystal crown of doubt
That matches my tears
I weep silently and so subtly that you don’t even notice
And even if you did
You wouldn’t care.
Don’t tell me that you love me, I see your garden of lies and the other women that have come to stay in it.
But I’m too afraid to tell you
So I fake a smile as my kingdom is in ruins
sprawled on the bed, laughing into the dark
with every beat, my heart lifts me off the sheets
the back of my skull is rotting from where you touched it
teeth still knocked out of place from where they melted with yours
Whenever I cry it isn’t obvious.
I’m not loud and I don’t get ****
I just sit quietly, breathing, my eyes slowly dripping, as I’m thinking
About the things and the people that got me to this point
But most of all, myself.