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i do not know what i feel
the void in my heart echoes defeat

all i ever wanted was a loving home
yet nothing seems to catch up to my desire
seems im only getting further away from it

nomatter how much i try to gaslight myself
the truth is always staring me back in my solar
i know what i know yet i can't
if i do, i'll be the one responsible for it

this is all too much to bear alone
my therapists can only do so much, im impatient
i want resolution right now

i just want the same warm arms to consistently feel safe at home.

what if i was never meant to experience this?
and it's just wishful thinking?
will my life only amount to desiring and watching others get it instead?

i did everything right with my heart
yet i feel my life doesn't reflect the depths of my being
what is missing?

my worth, my certainty
they evade me when i need them the most
what will become of me in this timeline?
noway to know but surrender to the flow of life happening as me
so I lament
sadness should be felt without needing fixing
what depths are your human calling you to explore within yourself?
Matt Jun 23
those are the options a boy is given at birth,
a choice between two evils—
for to be is to conform,
to choose the path of ignorance,
for to not be is to remove oneself,
to stray from the social norms,

To be is to blend,
to fade into a mass of faces that never ask questions,
to wear the uniform of comfort,
to follow the crowd without ever knowing why.
It’s to shut your eyes,
to smile and nod,
and pretend that you’ve figured it out
when the truth is you’re just drifting,
suspended in a current that leads nowhere.

But to not be—
to stand apart—
is to feel the weight of a world that cannot understand you.
It’s to be misunderstood,
labeled as lost or crazy,
but deep inside,
there’s a fire that refuses to be extinguished.
To not be is to question everything,
even your own reflection,
to challenge what is said to be true
and create your own truths,
even when it feels like you’re the only one who believes them.

And so the boy stands,
on the edge of these two choices,
each a path with its own promise,
its own cost.

To be is to live in a lie that everyone else accepts—
to wear a mask that fits just right,
but hides the person beneath.
To not be is to risk it all—
to tear away the mask,
to live in the rawness of truth,
to be exposed,
and to wonder if the world will ever be ready to see you as you are.

And so, the boy is left wondering
was he given two options at birth?
Or was the real choice always this—
to be neither,
to refuse the roles they've set before him,
and to create his own way,
somewhere between the lies and the isolation?

To decide not what the world tells him he must be,
but to question,
to carve out his own existence—
for, perhaps,
the answer lies in asking the question
again and again…
to be or not to be?
I've never been able to decide which path is easier, to be or not to be, and if ease even dictates the better path to choose.
Ricardo Diaz Jun 9
Once apon a time so gentle,
Watched sunrises as the birds sang good morning

Then broken in disillusionment,
became a dangerous weapon

Nothing can be gained without loss,
Even the celestial gates demand the reapers sickle.

He who seeks peace
Must face chaos

I know not what scares me more.
To see you once more,
Or never again.

I tremble at the choice unseen
To embrace the risk of once more
Or brace for impact on never again.
Jeremy Betts Jan 22
I love you,
I love you not
I love you
I love y...
Wait a second...
If it's not bipartisan
Honestly
It does not matter how many peddles this flowers got

©2025
Kai Nov 2024
Lies are all what people tell me
They act like I can barely see
How much lies they tell me

People tell me great stuff about myself
People tell me that I need to appreciate myself
Because of all I do 
But, it reminds me what I did to you
It's like my brain
Doesn't want me to obtain
The kind words someone gives me 
Instead, I'm supposed to believe that they are simply lying to me
It's just like my heart can't let me be

My brain tells me I need to believe them
While my heart says I can't believe them 
Paranoid of what to choose
I chose the *****
I chose to be indecisive
I hate being being indecisive
But that's who I am

I don't know who to believe
Or if I should even leave
And close the curtains
Or just leave the curtains
Alone

I feel like I'm drowning in decisions I don't even mean to make
My life is at stake
Just because of mistakes
I choose to make
Every decision I make comes with bricks
That's one of my conflicts
Bricks always in my palms
I can't always keep calm!
Why can't you people understand that?!

I feel like I'm getting closer to death
Closer...and closer to death
All conflicts are made by my mistakes
Now other's lives are at stake
But am I the person who actually created these *?
Even so
I always say sorry
I say sorry
Too much
All you do is munch
On my apologies
Like you're my allergies
You never forgave me
Don't act like I can't see

I don't even know if I should stop saying sorry
I keep on saying sorry
It feels useless
To not do any less
To do more
But I don't know anymore 

I don't know what to do anymore
expect mistakes because I'm tired
Kushal Dec 2022
A Tree
Sat steadily at the centre of an endless field.
Never still.
Its branches grow, then fall.
From nothing, to green, then only decay,
Even the leaves come and go.
Yet, always there sits a shadow, constant behind the everblooming oak.

A boy fiddles with an apple as he sits within the shade.
He does not wander, only sits and plays,
Gnawing away at the fruits born.
I wrote this quite quickly. I'm curious to know what everyone thinks it means/represents?
Rett Nov 2022
You worship at My shrine and give
Your sweet and labored love
You tell Me “i’d give my whole life to You”
And “I only want to be held by You”
I look down and swallow it whole
It is not enough
Though ripe and plump
And full to bursting
It is not enough

Is it fair of Me to ask a mortal to feed My thirst?
Is it fair that I look for a different taste
A better fruit then what anyone can offer
You built My temple and made Me whole
But it is not enough
And your fruit is simply too sweet

If I demand you to wait
While I look for a better taste
Would you?
If I told you to kneel
At My holy shrine
Until your knees bleed
And your fruit rots
I know you would
I wrote this before a breakup
Ayla Jun 2022
Are my lips not enough like honey?

Are my words not sweet as Eden?

Do I palely compare to the affair of your dreams?

Woe, though I still love me.
Happy for you but sad for me
Betthia Mae May 2022
affection has an expiration date.
becomes affliction,
turns sour like 4 month old whole milk.

love is always past due.
thrown away fresh out the oven,
now hogged during family dinner.

take what can only be given.
nothing can be given.
only take. it expires.
the whole honeymoon phase scares me because I know it has to end eventually. the world is a cruel place.
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