What do I think we are Did I expect to see stars Spining around both our heads Forgetting the path that I fled It all sounds so silly to me Going back to such lived misery How can I entertain my delight At the thought of being under your spotlight It all felt so decided, quite final Like our last song on a vinyl An album played ad nauseam Swimming circles in stagnum But a tale as old as time The whimsy to rewind In my attempt to create closure I found the itch to flip our record over.
I live conflicted between the life I'm gifted and fault lines that have shifted under my feet for a dream delete under the concrete mob elite.
The grass isn't green and **** I stand here beetle bit I can't seem to sift through the needless rifts brought by greedy grifts and seedy spit on our supply side cliff.
I stand out of the range of the morally deranged which is how they arrange my inability to effect change which puts me down in the count and down on the scoreboard so I can't purchase a mount to start moving forward.
I'm the disease and the antidote I'm the hunter and the antelope water rushing through the dam I broke flooding the land of hope with my brand of nope down a tantrum *****.
There's a cynical patter in town saying it doesn't matter if I drown or if I burn either way I suffocate then put into the ground in turn they just listen to sounds that churn as the unbound learn there are hounds on Earth that scour the turf.
I sit on the sidelines begging them to stop but then I find I'm cheering the beating of cops after seeing their glocks protecting nothing but stocks when an uptick in mops is what we should want.
I am the owl sitting in the tree I am the fowl dead among the leaves I watch the world turn from my grave where I burn as a slave just to return to my cave to repeat this the next day.
Why do I feel so lost? My life is getting better day by day, But my mental health seems to be the cost. I'm trying to listen, but I'm tired of what they say. The voices in my head are so loud, It's drowning out everything out. I feel like I have to act proud, But I just want to shout.
Leave me be you stupid inner thoughts! You cut me down harder than a knife, You make me feel like I'm at a loss. I don't want to die but I wanna give up on life! Why does everything have to be a certain way? Why do people continue to judge? Can't people just finally stay, I'm tired of each and every petty grudge.
This world is simple but yet so hard, I want to give up but I don't know how. I make a mirror break and use a shard, I'm not okay, there is no way back now. Like ***** I've known for awhile, It doesn't change the fact that I still love you. I keep trying to live in denial, You keep changing but I wish you loved me too.
I cannot explain all the pathetic measures my eyes will take to avoid your gaze, all the paths my legs will journey to avoid bumping into you on my way home. All the ways I knead my hands to the bone and all the toothpick excuses skewering my tongue. And I cannot explain the way your presence deflates something inside my chest. I don't know what to do with all that empty space. It echoes. I fill it with the thimble's worth of pride that I scrape together, every meager flake of validation I pick from the floor. I shovel slopping handfuls of sawdust to try and soak up some of the shadows but everything dissolves in that oily void, green and hideous. God, it echoes, and everyone hears it. I muffle it with my radio silence. I look at you and I see everything I hate about myself under a microscope. Every blemish, every scar, every gaping hole that you lack. Stop, look. Here. Wrong. Hear? I blind myself with radio silence. I don’t know how to live with an eternal reminder that I am incomplete. You, and the place you hollowed without even knowing it. Green and monstrous. It echoes and everyone hears it. I love you, but I cannot explain my radio silence.
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Oh so family is supposed to always be there for you Just not when sharing your feelings;it's not cool? You can't confide in them with what you are dealing with Got me feeling like a sith That my feelings are too dark Like I'm red kryptonite Clark Leaving me to become real bitter Like all the times i was verbally attacked by a "her" I'm told to act my age I'm only 30 I'm not a wise sage
It's pretty self explanatory. I pretty much shared too much with my cousins and was told to go see a therapist. I guess you can't ALWAYS count on family. I've learned my lesson.