I've lost my smile. It started when I first lost my baby Then I got married for all the wrong reasons. Then I choose to surround myself with the wrong crowds while living with my best friend I let my bad influences cause corruption ruined the one good thing in my life continued to pretending that everything was ok I got tired of their ******* I just wanted to Drown in my sorrows so after many up and downs I got the courage to push passed everything while trying to piece my life back together. I met someone. I thought this is the one. and I was happy. He broke my spirit. He shattered my desires. I still stayed with him after knowing fully well he's actions towards me; he's indifference broke my confidence. I couldn't handle it anymore I said what I wanted to say. I chose to stay. when I shouldn't have ever entered this unstable relationship. I've been seeing the signs from the beginning. I chose to ignore them. thinking he's a good guy! I didn't realize I was setting my self up again. I keep damaging myself. I'm done with dating! damaged people shouldn't be together. I thought maybe with him. I got my smile back but I just killed myself! (He did nothing to me personally. He never hurt me.) I'm too damaged to even have a relationship being with him was fun at first but being with Him showed me all my hidden pain I'm forced to confront my Mental Health I'm not in peace. I'm in a mirage I created. I was in love with him. he has broken my trust! I can't ever trust you once that's broken. that's one other lesson I've learned. I'm Numb. I feel soulless. I'm depressed. Im hurting. I have zero reasons to smile.
I miss you in my life, at every turn you would be there, ready for me to mumble on about the drama in my life and now that seat is empty where you sat and the hole in my soul is gaping open ever since you left, letting all of the kind words you once spoke to me drift through and disappear into the wind.
I feel that my soul has left my body. I am empty. Lost. Unaware. Aloof. I feel a soft ache where my heart once beat. A pressure where my brain used to sit. I am empty. A shell without a body. Without a soul. Now I wait, For my body to find its way back. Hopefully bringing my rejuvenated soul back too. For now I wait, Vulnerable, Empty, Lost.