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i exposed myself
opened wide the curtains
showed you my body
my desire
and, accidentally
my heart
Every waking hour, I’m battling insecurities
they turn my mood sour, and I’m begging anyone to “stomp them please.”
Boiling and ice, so hot then cold,
a mistake now made twice,
I should remember the lessons I’m told.

Please stop feeding me that riffraf
all the way up the *****.
Part of me just wants to laugh
‘cause I’m not sure what else to do.

It’s the little things that compile,
and create the big things,
still work to find a smile
and return back to the swings.
Boiling and ice, scalding to freeze,
a mistake now made thrice,
the right answer’s just a tease.

Please stop feeding me that riffraf
all the way up the *****.
To calm myself I run a candlelit bath,
but the tap is just pouring glue.

We all keep walking with broken legs
and keep carrying on bleeding wounds
Even the proudest person still begs
for life to grow from ruins.
I want to solve the mystery,
travel through time and space,
‘cause this reality is misery,
when I’m not in my rightful place.

Please stop feeding me that riffraf
all the way up the *****.
The ups and downs shown on a graph,
and the statistics are painfully true.
Start by telling me everything,
as I’ve got my own show and tell,
I’ll expose myself to your sting
as long as you promise to make my heart swell.
very fragile let me walk my way there
very soft male cover with metal casing all over here
Can’t really uphold my sobriety that well
I’ll come crashing, but rebuild myself the coming year
I would enjoy your company if you can empathize
It would be amazing recreating skits from romantic comedy
Or your favorite film
Take pictures with mine
I like the smile you give, especially when the sunsets
looking amazing staring west
I guess I’m trying to say, I’m sorry I’m not strong to let anyone come to my core just yet.
Sometimes it’s hard for us guys expressing ourself or even better yet try to be brave enough to let people in our life.
i read about sandstorms today
the ones that rise from within you
following you until they swallow you
right into the middle
and that my darling,
reminded me of you
it reminded me of the way you made me feel
vulnerable, like playing a game of charades
it made me feel *****
and at times, it felt as though i was strong
strong enough to conquer the world
strong enough to win my battles
but i did not mean to do it
with you by my side
it made me feel selfish
yet, it gave me satisfaction
these feelings;
these feelings were new
i had never felt them before
and yet, they had come from within me
poking holes through my body
making me realize
that pain was ecstatic
i felt ominous
like you were a charmer
and i was the snake
begging you to poison me
my feelings;
my feelings could not resist your tunes
swirling and turning in circles
twisting around themselves
like grains of sand
in a sandstorm
but darling, that is the thing about sandstorms
they tease you and tempt you
until you stop
and watch in awe
as the sandstorm engulfs you complete
all you are left with now is the
memory of the tunes
ringing in your ears
wishing that you had continued to twirl
while they still amused you
Nathalie Feb 1
She has learned to
listen to whispers
of her drumming heart
She is well versed
in the journey
she has travelled
She knows that by
honouring her vulnerability
there breathes her freedom
She meets herself
wholeheartedly in those
moments of honest expression
She is aware that
the experiences in her life
have been a vehicle
for love and growth
She knows that there are
more of these beautiful
gems of wisdom
to be discovered
She is forever grateful
for the path she has chosen
and sings her joy, warmed
by the glow of her spirit.

~Nathalie
Ooolywoo Jan 30
Whenever you lay in bed i imagine wrapping the sun around me like a blanket
Keeping my thoughts and feelings warm, shiny like the sunrays
I’m not allowed to speak
Because when i do all you could feel is the unbearable heat from my words burning inside you
You carry me like i’m sitting on your chest and choking you
A single word whispered
The lightbulb inside flickers
Crystallizing the concrete making you panic
So you’d rather shut me out and leave me beating
You tell me i should not be weak
I tell you who you are is depending exactly on where i stand
Arguing with me is your forte
Agreeing with me your dismay
Yet i assure myself that one day you’ll let me lighten this load on your chest
One day i’ll beat to the rhythm of a kiss
I feel empty living behind this castle
Blocking every arrow that comes my way
You wake up the fear in me
Thinking that i am undeserving of love
You reason with my feelings and clear them out with words in your head
You think love is a stain on my plate
And your thoughts the dishwasher
Break the walls and let me be free of anger
Fear is part of me
So is strength, faith and hope
Pain comes but eventually goes away
Love is my foundation therefore who i am
I feed from love
And i beat because of love
Love of air in your lungs
Love of life
Love of God
Love of love
if you could just see what a heart in love could heal
Am i scared to love, to be vulnerable?
Is love supposed to be scary?
Penne Jan 22
Peeling off my layers
In front of you in the ***** glazers
No blazers
Oh, anxiety grows in the air
Can I now retreat to my normal flair?
Before I opened bare
My body sheltered in shame
Tasted lame
Ruined a good name
Mind gambling in games
Hands twitch and fidget
Into directions anyone cannot forget
Warmth is not enough
To smoothen the roughs
If I cannot withstand all the melodrama,
Can you be my anesthesia?
Since exists in my head is an everlasting psychedelia
Tiptoeing on shards of firearms
May I weep in your frail arms?
Do it mean harm?
Will my skin not switch into a smoke alarm?
Will I be able to be vulnerable?
Defenseless surrender
Before the wars turn into murders
And not alter to *****
When nowhere left to release the fumes
When to breathe as a chrysanthemum
When I still cannot find an asylum?
Defeating my memoir
In the phase of searching a livewire
Since I lived once in a birdhouse
Where it is already wall-tight and always a full house
I know I am afraid, for no correct steps are laid
Please
I am already a regret
Now, do not fret
Exhibiting my secret is equal to losing to an opponent
Faith to me is blind
Especially when you are not in right mind
Murlanda Jan 20
I am a bottle of wine deep
Merlot
Alone in my apartment I am free
I blow off plans to dance with acquaintances I could care less about
But I insta message a guy I could care about even less than these acquaintances

My dear friend texts me, his wife dying of ALS, and both their pain too tremendous
I have nothing to say

I feel all of the pressure in the world to **** these two men
to comfort them and fulfill what they expect and need

when did I become the girl that everyone knows they can ****?
should I be proud? I am not ashamed, but it makes me sad,

No one wants me, they want what I have

bubbles, excitement enthusiasm,

No one cares about what I am

sad, scared, traumatized, alone.

I need constant attention and reassurance, but I manifest it to being a party girl, ******* every ******* guy who comes her way, and leading on any girl foolish enough to feel a bit of genuine emotional connection.

I cut off my friends, and I fool my loved ones.

I am a dark person, in a light space. Or is it the other way around?

I don't know, but I can't stop thinking about *** long enough to figure it out.
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