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handfuls of hair,
toungues,
teeth.
the curving air;
alive
in rooms
with hanging doors.
we feast.

our rolling eyes,
shaking lips,
hips.
tremble
under fingertips,
taste the heat
and melt.

we press.
wasting no time
for breath.
it happens.
it happens.
it happens!
Abstractionist ****** ecstacy.
How do you live, how do you function
When all the feelings you always bottle
Are the main cause of pain, self-destruction?

Stop what you're doing, stop building castle,
You've tied yourself up, don't move a muscle,
Aren't you tired of your inner hassle?


Stop playing cool, please, stop your pretence,
Warm yourself up, and let the ice melt.
It's finally time to put down your defence.

Begin allowing yourself to feel,
Embrace sensations despite the fear,
And I promise you'll break free
I'm just trying to live my life
Like any other human being
I get on the bus, sit on the guys side
I go through my day-to-day

I get called down to the office
I'm told I have to sit on the girls side because I'm in the system as a girl
I tell him I'm not a girl and the heteronormative system is ridiculous
I didn't do anything wrong and sit by myself anyways

He says he will see what he can do
In the hallway not long after, after school ends, going down stairs
I group of kids scream near my ears
I mumble to myself and they touch my head

I said stop
They didn't stop
I turned around
And for the first time in my life I lower myself to violence
And punch one in the leg

I break down
I'm lucky to work with such wonderful people in theatre
I just want to live my life
I just want to be left and not harassed

Im told I can sit on the boys side
I have to sit alone
I can only sit in the front or back
I have to tell the stranger next to me he can't sit there

I want to tell him why
I don't want to out myself
I have to give up the ounce of validation of being treated like a normal guy on the bus by the other guys, who are unafraid to get in trouble for sitting with me cause they don't know what I am or care

I wish...
I wish I was born right just like he and every other guy on the bus

But if I was I would not be me.

I could not understand my own struggles
Or sympathize so much with others

I could not learn and adapt the way I do now
Could not have taught myself to be brave in the same way I am

I could not have the experience of having kids with my spouse the way I want to

I would not have needed to stand up for my rights or that of others

I would not have addresssed my lack of understanding and my internalized transphobia

I am stronger for who and what I am.
My gestalt.
For learning to come to terms with the harsh truths of what I am to the world.

If that wish came true, I would not be me. I would not be
Orion.
An improv prompt from my theatre teacher/director. My group decided to do a funny skit but I wanted to answer it in a heartfelt way on my own separately.
Nilia Loh Apr 29
Friend energy vulnerable of honest.
When fulfils, they group feeling safe.
encourages thoughts of capable a trust.
Did this dada poem for a school project. Focusses on trust in friendships!
Nilia Loh Apr 29
To depend we when;
Safe doing feel thoughts and can purpose.
Vulnerable trust what honest encourages;
Safe when fulfils family feeling.
Other depend.
a dada poem I did for a school project! This dada poem focuses on trust in family settings
you don't have to stop crying or explain why you are crying
you don't have to do anything at all

you don't have to always be strong for vulnerability is not wrong
be brave and let those beautiful tears fall
let those beautiful tears fall
💧💧💧
My Dear Poet Mar 14
My heart is bigger
than your hand
Hold it if you can
But the weight
may bring you down
So take heart
and just hold
my hand
You say they didn't owe you anything
But they owed you human decency
Commitment or not, they owed respect to your dignity
To feel hurt doesn't say anything of fragility
It speaks of your strength to access vulnerability
You are not naive for getting involved
For trying to plant hope in a soul who had none
Your sensitivity should not be a target for deceit
I admire your boldness to share your beliefs
To take your heart off the shelf where it had been healing
To see the light that darkness works so hard concealing
When you were younger you used to be so cautious
Afraid to love in case that you lost it
I'm glad you took the risk, though you feel exhausted
I'm glad you freed your heart from the cage it was locked in
But you used to have such high standards, I think you've forgotten
That you deserve more than to be left feeling unwanted
You fear that your expectation is unreachable
But is it possible it exists, you've just yet to meet them
Your fear to hope and your fear to be alone
In a never ending struggle at each others' throats
You've always worked for the things that you want
Enjoyed the process of overcoming a difficult start
In life and relationships always willing to work hard
Don't be so addicted to the battle you seek war in your heart
Being enticed by a challenge won't get you very far
You're afraid if its too easy that it can't be trusted
If you don't have to work for it, how do you know that you want it?
But some things can't be won over, no matter how diligent
No matter the age, the timing, or distance
Your love can't be heard by someone who won't listen
So you can keep on being afraid
As long as you commit to always be brave
And know that what you have to say is worth saying
The love you have to give is worth all the waiting
And will one day lead you to someone amazing
2.28.2021
"Don't you feel better?
Isn't this for the best?"
She shows strong affection
her head on my chest

She says I love you
Shocked I reply likewise
I feel much worse
while I close my eyes
His4Her is a series of poems with different points of view of fictional people
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