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Jeremy Betts Dec 1
I close my eyes
A feeble attempt to get back to a dream
I realize
It's ridiculous to chase one particular theme
Too many tries
With no mind paid to what it could mean
I fantasize
But fantasies have a misleading gleam
The crystal ball lies
It's all a regurgitated, outdated scheme
My reality cries
But it's better than when it use to scream

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 21
My past haunts tirelessly
There's a lot of it at 40
Also less time for recovery
I wish it was "get some therapy"
Type of easy
I wish they'd stop blaming me

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 7
Pay attention to what lengths one will go to
And still find themselves incapable of making it through
No push or pull through, both options taken off the table on a path of glue
Acknowledge the mental blocks that are constantly fought 1v2
Never told, so never knew
Sold a bad bag of repackaged goods labeled NEW
But these missing brighter days have an expiration on the carton too
As well as an enforcement of a curfew
That's never been required to pursue,
Yet they still do
While most never notice the touch of darkness lurking in their happy places too

©2024
Jeremy Betts Mar 18
I have a lot to prove
I have even more to lose
If I forgot how to move
Would you risk a mile in my shoes?
Much of my heart I've had to forcefully remove
Just to hide the fact that I'm affected by the abuse
And maybe convince myself I'm of some use
A far cry from the sorry excuse of a life as a light fixture hanging for a noose
And even though it seems to always be me against myself it's still lose lose
So I hoist a white flag but my mind isn't interested in a truce
And ignores my pleas too please just cut me loose

©2024
Jeremy Betts Apr 17
Everyone thinks,
"It'll get easier when I get older"
Then you get older
And you find no one's there,
No one to share,
No one to say,
"Hey,
I stay because I care"
Or
"Let's get through this together"
Making it harder than ever before
Not wanting to remember
Not even a single chapter
Though at one point,
When I was younger,
I think I use to matter
I don't know why
But those are always the memories that shatter

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 6
Throw your stones at me
Those of you who've never sinned
My past a bit hazy
I don't know where I begin
You think I could get lucky?
And one day catch an elusive win
Something worth sharing with a loved one or a friend
Forget the knowledge that hindsight's 20/20
Didn't know I'd have no one in the end,
Not even one that's pretend
Hopefully I can find a sticky type of happy
But until then
I'm just a phony
Chasing leafs in the wind

©2024
Jeremy Betts Mar 29
Comedy and tragedy never seem to be distributed evenly
Not sure destiny would even recognize me
Nor I it honestly
But could it, would it, should it be able too avoid me deliberately?
Surely if I coulda, I woulda and probably shoulda taken it more seriously
I know this is my millionth apology,
That's not lost on me
I'm so sorry that I happen to be so sorry
If you could find it in your heart too forgive me
It'd be
Just another thing that I envy
Endlessly
For all of eternity

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 15
Hear ye! Hear ye!
Know me and hear me
Oh but please don't look over here at me
What a thing to say, but see
I don't want to be seen, my plea
It feels kinda cheesy
I thought it'd be easy
But it just got so messy so quickly
And the harder I try the more it eludes me
You can't live a life heard but not seen and not be seen as a cautionary
A tale of a someone broken mentally trying to use hurt and pain creatively
Never taken seriously,
Kinda gimmicky
Ultimately a one trick pony
I know it but it hurts still when it's throw back at me
I can't handle the cheeky hostility
So openly hidden in the commentary
It can't be avoided but it's also not necessary
Maybe this isn't for me
Or what's more likely,
Is it's probably not that bad actually
Ah, gee,
Yeah, nevermind, sorry everybody...
I just noticed it's only my insecurity ripping at me
My apology

©2024
Jeremy Betts Feb 6
I'm pleading with the operator all in vain
There's no one there
Could be operator error
It's only ringing, no one answer for my pain
Lies tend to be faster
Not everyone's a good actor
See what I see, a monster with my same name
A new breed creature
Science doesn't get it either
Sanity fleeing and impostor steps into reign
A hostile takeover
Over 'n over but over in short order

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 27
I'm failing
And I'm doing it at twice the speed than I'm falling
It's daunting,
Can't shake this loser feeling
Always ******* in dealing
With a mind that reeling,
Emotions that are spiking,
A heart that's spilling,
A soul depleting
And thoughts sent spinning
It's not even something I'm hearing
At least not outside of this in house courtroom hearing
That's taking place every morning,
Going deep into the evening
No,
There's no co conspiring,
No colluding
Or hitman hiring
It's self inflicted self destruction,
Without instruction
And while it's death defying
It's still an emotional beating
To the point I begin wondering
Am I still a living,
Breathing,
Human being
Type thing?
A strange bit of questioning

©2024
Jeremy Betts Sep 2022
We have more in common than you might think, from way back when, we've all been a slave to the system
This isn't some All Life's Matter nonsense to gum up progress, it's just an explanation of the MO of our nation
It went from skin to the dollar amount you bring in, it's my history too, no appropriation
How is it that I don't fit in being that I'm part Native American, must be the other part of me that's an Irish man

They stole you then stoud you and demand you comply to tilling stolen soil using the same regurgitated lie
You were forced to work, we were forced to die, you deserve reperations but unironically so do I
You look at me and just see another white guy, I'm a perfect example that history can't always be seen by the naked eye
Never forget the why, we're being forced to hide the cry as they rush to rewrite themselves as the good guy

Sectioned off ghetto and reservations put in place for the preservation of the notion only the white survive and thrive
Every second of our life the truths been uncovered and streamed live, no need for a deep dive
But they still claim to be blind to the red stained streets from this perverse and nonconsentual mass blood drive
Their stories never jive but the hive mentality rules, allowing bigotry and hate to always revive

I want to Hulk out, often feel I'm about too, but what's that gonna do, it'll only prove we're as savage as they say
They are waiting for the avalanche to fall any day so they can justify putting us away, barking at us to just sit and stay
Is there another way, how can we drag this from out the shadows and into the light when there's only perpetual grey
Allowin' us to say what we gotta say hoping then we'll go away, how many marters will it take before we're no longer prey?

Question charitable blankets, pass on the boat ride, how we suppose to trust when every handshake is a lie certified
A bona-fied villain willin' and able, fully capable of genuine genocide screaming gods on their side
If there is a god and he does come back he better watch his back or run and hide
They lack morals of any kind, replaced with blind pride, he'd undoubtedly be crucified in a fashion not only justified but glorified

I know you can't fight hate with hate, that'll only perpetrate this disastrous fate
But all we hear is wait, the time is never right but always near and once it's here they'll be glad to open the gate
But if we keep rattling the cage they'll have to keep pushing back the date, so we wait
But how much do they think we can actually take? Maybe they're just waiting for us to finally break

©2022
Jeremy Betts Dec 2023
~••~••~••~
You
Attack my every thought
You're
Another voice in my head that taunts
You'll
Label me an idiot savant
Not a debutant to this type of rot
~••~••~••~
I
Have nothing you would want
I've
Suffered through a ghoulish plot
I'll
Do things that you should not
Feel fear haunt every thought
~••~••~••~

©2023
Jeremy Betts May 17
Find conviction in your answer
And hold it forever
To hold you together
Through the bad weather
That seems to go on forever
Never getting any better
Never wantin' to become a trend setter
I'd rather avoid a subplot endeavor
A standard cease and desist letter
An awkward deliverer
Of an ignorable order
Internal by nature
From a habitual quitter

©2025
Jeremy Betts Oct 10
How much pain in liquid form
Is acceptable to release at night?
What if it starts and then can not be stopped
From bleeding into the daylight?
Arguments are conflicting on whether I should try
It's been a bit pointless, try as I might
I've mastered keeping it silent
And my eyelids put up a good fight
But once that seals been breached
It's often an embarrassing sight
"It's okay, go ahead, let it all out"
"You have every right"
Even with hopeless hope
And diminished trust
I take the bait and bite
Then,
Same as it's always been,
It's used against me
Absent minded with plenty of foresight
"Maybe you need a good cry"
The relief from the release is slight
I know I've the inability to get it all out
Here's to hoping one day that I might
...CHEERS...

©2024
Jeremy Betts Mar 3
I can feel every eye roll
And all I did was pour out what was left of my soul
Looks like I might be the only one to see it from that angle
Like it's painful
I brush it off and project as being humble
Really I'm only diminishing what makes me emotional
It's just standard business as usual
A series of unfortunate events themed carousel
The victim blaming has become so casual
That I somehow become the spectacle
Put a screen between us and then I bet they'd care though
Convinced themselves I'm some kind of animal
Chomping at the bit, waiting to say "I told you so"
Waiting for said moment from the get go
Was it always the plan to poke at the volcano?
The saying only mentions a bear, though the volcano makes it more...what's the word...I don't know, disasterful...
That's not a word but that's what came to mind cause the mind isn't always rational
Whatever, anyway, on a long enough timeline you're bound to get burnt, we're all flammable
A majority of us are expendable
Not essential even if dependable
Reluctantly invited to the annual shiit show
The HUD flashes on arrival
"WARNING WARNING, CONDITION CRITICAL!"
But we've been lied to before, for example
Take a look at religion and the political
What's actual?
What's factual?
And what's just another game by Hasbro?
What are you looking at me for? I don't fuuckin' know
Try tying it to a white flag and running it up the flagpole

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 20
The memories fade milliseconds before I drown in another one
Frozen in fear at the irreversible end of an uncorked weapon
A canon hand cannon
Staring down the rifled barrel of a hunting gun
I can't comprehend the timing of when to run
Most always find myself in a state of stun
Literally can't remember, oh what have I done...

©2024
Jeremy Betts Mar 11
Still breathing
But gave up trying
Heart still beating
Though I feel I've lost my life
Living proof grief hits harder than dying

I don't want to stop trying
And yes, I'd love to stop crying
'Cause life can be so deflating
I spot the gleem of the razor edge
And it looks so inviting

Death defying
I stole this pale horse I'm riding
Wrath and vengeance shouldn't be so enticing
What will it take to get my life back on track?
Hell, has it ever been?
I'm...
I'm having trouble remembering

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jul 23
Seeds of doubt churn with streams of hurt
Leaving it's mark from brain to heart like ruts in plowed dirt
It all collects and pools, a bottomless oddity here
Who's the capture, who's the prisoner? That's never been clear
Up to the moment life boils over the razors edge
Ribbons of crimson spill quickly, careening off the ledge
You had to have known it's all hollow, must I follow?
Must I always question while you threaten the finality of every tomorrow?

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 24
Oh no, they see me
They'll soon know me
They'll know I'm only
A one trick pony
A phony
Full of bologna
No one below me
So
No one to hold me
To the business end of accountability
Ignoring any responsibility
So I fly free
With no pilot license on me
Obviously
And predictably
I did what y'all we're waiting to see
Sorry y'all had to wait endlessly
I hope y'all where more entertained than me
Sorry that me is all I could be

©2024
Jeremy Betts Oct 8
My heart gets crushed
And cracks once more
It leaks through from the ducts of the eyes
As it makes it's way down
The carved out paths on my face
I can't forget to remember the painful why's

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 19
I took a quarter of a lifetime to create
Boundaries with an impenetrable gate
That I could fall back to at a later date
Who knew I wouldn't have to wait
Because as soon as I challenged fate
And tried to break this family trait
And shift from the pattern of self hate
To a more beneficial internal way to associate
I was lead to and left in this mental state
No trial, no debate
Forced with the threat of death to participate
And that safe place, it began to deteriorate
As the darkness started to manipulate
Causing my stronghold to mutate
At an astonishing rate
'Till now I just feel like an inmate

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 21
My pain chips away at life
With no precision, it isn't nice
White knuckling a standard butter knife
When it's time to go all the way, it won't think twice

©2025
Jeremy Betts Apr 30
How does it always find me?
Easy,
It is me
At the very least it's in me
Darkness is part of this story
And it's not something to envy

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jul 19
Still stuck on the fence
Forced to traverse a world that still doesn't make sense
I could embrace the ignorance
But I don't want to take that stance
So I find myself stepping on toes during this awkward slow dance
I wouldn't call it happenstance,
Not a chance
The culprit is this toxic, three-way romance
Between anger, my dark passenger and everything I can't forget to remember
Nothing to see here folks,
At least not at first glance
And that's enough to keep me in this trance

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jan 17
Good times are so few and far between
Hardly seen
Never lasting
If I never find another, what do you think that could mean?
Blink and you'll miss 'em
So I remove the eyelids, see, I can listen
And I don't sleep for a reason
I hear that's deaths cousin...
...it's not the weirdest thing to believe in

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jan 11
If I gave you all my air
Along with every single moment I could spare
If I exposed my everything, choosing both truth and dare
And encouraged you to take more than your fare share
If I were to wear my heart on my sleeve and allow you to rip and tear
If I gave you an entire life, without a care
Offered to carry both of our crosses to bare
While letting you name the time and place and going straight there
No argument here, I swear
If I submit before warfare and declare you ringmaster
If I kept the days I don't tell you exactly what you want to hear rare
And was able to turn a blind eye to every extracurricular love affair
Cause, ya know, buyer beware
If I pretend I'm not fully aware that you rather not be here
That you just take joy in being the puppeteer
If I could manage all that would you even care?
...could I ever consider it sincere?

©2024
Jeremy Betts Mar 30
My heart slips through it's ribbed cage
Falling under yet another set of feet
A familiar stage
A loop on repeat
The same dawn but a new age
Always ample cover-ups at the ready
Cautionary over reactionary
But underneath?
Every single forced receipt
Enraged I scramble to free it,
Ignorant of the gamble
Placed on a vague label
One that won't be held accountable
Broken in every way imaginable
Clearly fragile
Watch it unravel
No finesse
Rage and anger fills the absence
Losing the rhythm of life's presence
Leaving hand in hand with it's unique purpose
Taking notice that this will be the last defeat

©2024
Jeremy Betts Oct 5
I leave her alone
To give her the time
To feed her desires
'Till her own passion expires
And she falls asleep...
...in her preferred alone
So I can then come in
And kick the same tires
Left to fight the nightmares
Of my expressed fears
Of again being unwanted
And then try to sleep...
...in the worst type of alone

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 9
I no longer dare to take a breath, can't provoke me, I won't breathe
Finding it too risky under the pressure of a thousand seas
Plus, you see, I must conserve the air for my self-righteous pleas
To produce more I planted the forest I can't see through the trees
Gods speed please, I've already been brought to my knees
By the artic breeze off a shoulder so cold it threatens to freeze
This house of cards I call a home sheds support beams with ease
From the inception of my very first organic thought
I've been largely ineffective at controlling my plot
Have I earned that first breath I got or not?
Probably not
The gut shot is how obvious it is that everyone at my table agrees

©2024
Jeremy Betts Apr 15
Thoughts deflate then wither in silence,
Contained in this skull shaped dome
Breath taxis the sound like an organic drone
But delivers to no one,
A voiceless zone
They said they'd be here,
But no one's shown
It isn't new,
Still don't know what to do to atone
I wouldn't say I'm not lonely,
Just not alone
Many fractured personalities have left the nest,
Off to make a life of their own
I try to keep the piece on my own
Not a radical idea
Though
Not something I'd condone
It increases the gravity of a situation,
One I could have never known
But what's another boulder to a shoulder of stone?
The devil on the other shoulder is now older and grown
Adopting a fatherly tone
I got a bone to pick with him,
But that'll have to wait till we find home

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 17
I'm not gonna sit here and say
Why it is I feel I'm not okay
I'd be here all friggin' day
And you'd only lose interest anyway
Distracted easily midway
Forgotten before the rising sun of the next day
So, if you don't mind, I'll just take what I was going to say
And be on my way

©2024
Jeremy Betts Mar 30
Life can seem like a nightmare
I'm afraid of all of the time
I release my flair in the night air
Noticing all the fear is of the same kind
I more than recognize the familiar glare
The eyes looking back at me are mine
Aware that I'm unaware
Fair or not,
Witness my paradigm

©2024
Jeremy Betts Mar 10
I should probably introduce myself
My name is Anyone Else
It'd be more than obvious to state I'm a mess
Even though I do try my best
Well, maybe not every time
But I toe the line
I'm not sure it's the right one
Can't know that 'till my times done
Attempted some revision to the predestined
Tried to storyboard my own end
Frankly, I couldn't manage
My baggages baggage had to much baggage
Overwhelmed seamlessly flipped to defeated
A weak will finally and now fully depleted
Note beforehand, this is beyond making a statement
My name is actually, probably, most likely, irrelevant
Knowing me will only be watching me come and go
That's best case scenario

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 29
A well lit path is not part of my journey
Mine's through a dark ally
The thoughts that emerge from the shadows come in a hurry
A savage flurry of the eire
Physically consumed with how badly this could turn out for me

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 13
You only judge;
Or misjudge, the minimal effort you saw while my mind was gagged and bound
The many breakdowns you were a part of where no fix could be found
And the deluged of tears you hardly stuck around long enough to see hit the ground

You never asked;
About the profound effort of simply starting a day on the day priors rebound
About the countless cries that tried to break through the red tape but never found sound
Or about the tears I was told weren't allowed to form with other people around

Leaving me to question;
Can a life be built on the middle ground?
I guess the more important question is,
Do you desire to turn this thing around?
Is there any interest,
What-so-ever,
In seeing if a middle can even be found?
I'd appreciate your response but don't expect to see one come around

Fool heartedly yours,

The Crying Clown

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 5
I close my eyes
To visualize
A romanticized
Big picture prize
Then realize
To my surprise
It's all been lies
And I have to comfort my soul as it cries

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 8
Everyone that has ever said that they love me
All those who've mentioned that I'm their one and only
That their desire is to be with me, hand in hand for our eternity
All those who've told me that they care about me deeply
But have otherwise only ever proven to be phony
Compassion is something never aloud to me
History is rewritten by present and past company
Because when it comes down to the nitty gritty
I'm just a stepping stone obviously
I mean hell, just look at my track record then back at me
Don't even need a degree in forensic diplomacy
Actions speak loudly
Leaving me stuck in an unwanted and completely unnecessary purgatory
But no one cares about a no guts, no glory type story
No one cares how their actions have affected my energy
Turning me, molding me into the evil reflection that won't stop staring back at me
All sides have proven extensively that I am unworthy of being wanted, forget loving unconditionally
All I've ever wanted was to be somebody's somebody
But everybody says the same thing to me openly
No friendly faces and behind their smiles is a judgement and verdict of guilty
So I struggle with the fact that somehow they all agree
If the problem isn't me it at least resides in me
I've got a penny, two maybe,
We'll find the appropriate line to walk eventually
I just hope there'll be someone left standing next to me
Because an eternity is a long time to spend lonely

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jan 28
Love and hate
Both require devotion, more than enough to challenge fate
Both known to be used as a powerful bait
The realization of either can often land a dollar short or a day late
Both can rear their ugly heads at first sight, on the first date
What one is the strongest trait?
Disney shows one over the other but if you were to look into it further you might see the actual history reveals it's no checkmate
What one will ruin your life faster is up for debate
Obviously not a hot take
Show me someone saying only one of 'em can make your life great
And I'll direct you straight to a liar just trying to narrate some amateur bs to placate
To hide the primate, trying illustrate the opposite of it's namesake
Investing in either one, one over the other puts a lot at stake
And don't be fooled
Both love and hate will walk hand in hand with you to heartache
I can't sit here and say I hate to love nor do I love to hate
Just forced to live the second half with no heart to break
The phrase make it or break it plays seconds before I notice I broke what I made...
...once again...
...for fu©ks sake

©2024
Jeremy Betts Feb 20
A free captive
Informed I don't know how to love or live
Only examples have been showbiz
Emotions in cursive
Not easily or easy to forgive
No clear or ulterior motive

Rage and violence consume absolutely
They savagely rip apart and rearrange me but not outwardly
I've been known to be self destructively passive and cowardly
Maybe a lobotomy would stop the calamity

Never experienced supportive
The consequences massive
I've been rewritten as aggressive
Stabbed in the back, I supplied the shiv
Caustic and corrosive
This is no way to live

Good fortune such a rare commodity it falls apart too easily
Troubles squeeze so completely and never leave me
What I am and what I'm supposed to be create this rigid dichotomy
I hope the something that's gotta give doesn't end up being me

©2024
Jeremy Betts Feb 3
You hate me?
Great
'Cause I hate me
Wait...
Did we just find common ground?

©2024
Jeremy Betts Aug 15
You're heartless and cold
Leaving my heart a mess
You pieced out your soul
Mine fell prey to your emptiness
Was it your plan to let go?
I wonder as I struggle with the process
I believed in what I was sold
You bragged like this was a side quest
I didn't notice I was enrolled
In your narcissistic contest
You were waiting for me to fold
Ready for another conquest
You reveled in my fall
You mocked my best
I gave you my all
You left me the rest

©2024
Jeremy Betts Oct 10
"I wish I may
I wish I might
Have this wish
I wish tonight"

What is the wish I wish,
To a mostly empty sky?
There is none
There's never one
I instead hold up
My carved up wrists
Eight feet high
And I don't wish,
I cry the question why
To no reply
"Same as last night" I sigh
Then wish the moon well
Before my last goodbye

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jan 31
I wouldn't know the feeling associated with being valuable
I know vulnerable, I do know that
I know painful and invisible, dismissible and disposable
I know, "keep your nose outta trouble" hypocritical
I know the day-to-day that tries in every way to keep you face down while you play it off as being humble
It's your mind but can't join the huddle
While any spare time is stolen by the mental struggle
The battle plan is and always was simple,
"Toss more at him than he can handle,"
"More than humanly, no, humanely possible"
It's sad though
Because my recall is abysmal so I don't know
If I've never had my hands on a handle
****** from the get-go
Now just ruins of what was easily let go
By the many that have come before and there'll be more for sure though

©2024
Jeremy Betts Mar 2018
One thing I don't have is that all important "it", I've never possessed "it"
But I'd let "it" possess me just to be allowed the opportunity to feel "it"
But I don't get "it" and I know I won't get "it", I don't understand "it" can't put my finger on"it"
Every aspect of "it" is completely foreign to me and to be honest, to my knowledge, I can't say I've ever even witnessed "it"
Is "it" the forest I can't see through the trees or have I been standing right in front of "it"
Sense of smell can't track "it" with the sent of my own **** on my knees to mask "it"
Completely oblivious to "it". Would do no good to show me "it" cause I'm blind to "it"
I don't trust "it", can't even find "it" to have the opportunity to put my faith in"it"
Actually, I'm not sure if you add to "it", take from "it"or let "it" run "its" course and not touch "it"
There's also a chance that "it" is something I should run and hide from so I'm not sure that if I did get "it" I'd want to keep "it"
Zero knowledge on "it" so no solid opinions can be drawn from "it" but I will say this about "it"
I don't believe "it" nor do I believe in "it", there's so much that I don't know about "it"
Can't achieve "it", never even had a little bit of "it", couldn't ever grasp "it" so "it" was able to get out of hand quick
I guess if you consider **** "it" then I've had a life time full of "it"
Still alive despite of "it", don't know if I defeated "it" or survived "it"
How can I tone "it" down when I'm not even the slightest bit aware of "it"
I only claim to have planned "it" but I've never even had a hand in "it"
I wonder if there is a kit I can get? I don't care if there is assembly required, I need "it"
Well, they need me to need "it"
At least that's what I'm told about"it", try to convince me of "it"
It'd be my luck that I'd get "it" but with no instructions for "it"
On the plus side, you can't lose "it" if you've never had "it"
But standing motionless I'll never get close to "it", maybe I'm afraid of "it"
Please, is there someone there that can explain "it" in simple enough terms to clarify "it"?
No? Then fuuck "it" and the idea of "it", I'm done chasing "it"
Truth be told, I'm not gonna sign for "it",  didn't sign up for "it", never even wanted "it",
Especially if "it" doesn't even exist on this planet, pointless to go after "it", why chance "it"?
So before I could find "it" I'm already done and over "it", can no longer go along with "it"
"It's" behind me, I see "it" clearly in the rearview of my u-haul, I've moved on from "it"
Left "it" at the last rest stop, never to go back to "it" or look back on "it"
Forget about"it", not falling for "it" again, miss me with all that bull shiit...I'm out of "it"

©2018
Jeremy Betts Sep 4
To be able to talk to
And through
This paper with a pen
Has been
A god send
Not letting me break,
But letting me bend
Allowing me to mend,
Both my mangled heart and broken spirit,
Like a good friend

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 18
I was able to fool myself there for a little bit
The fraudulent thought was constant
  However, my penmanship captured a consistent internal beratement
But every new piece is the same 'ol shiit
It just pours out different
Duplicate content no matter the faucet
But it's only ever water coming outta the spigot
Forming from the origin of a recurring script
With only a singular way to interpret
You're only going to get one thing from an unchanging mindset
Just gets reworded before print
"Maybe they won't notice it"
"If I rearrange it it'll at least look different"
But the retreating interest is evident
Leading to the realization that was destined to hit
"They've found my secret"
"This pony only has one trick"
Should have paid closer attention to it
I lie and say it's wit,
Which I know is bull shiit
Because I couldn't and wouldn't argue if you called it redundant
The absolute of my failure is pungent
On my best day I'm still repugnant
Any new muse goes out of its way to be absent
Mostly due to the subject,
That's me,
Becoming complacent
Setting anchor in what was my escapement
Befriending my replacement
I wouldn't suggest it
But I ate it
So now I gotta ingest it

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 20
I don't dare to look in the driver's side mirror
Objective issues seen seem closer than they appear
The warnings always been there
In black print on the bottom from corner to corner
Trust me, I've spent most of my forever
Glued to the rearview mirror
I wouldn't say one over the other is safer
Both lead to the inability too steer
Leaving the inevitable outcome to each pretty clear

©2024
Jeremy Betts Apr 20
I can't believe how willing you are to hurt me
Far more than any enemy in recent memory
It makes sense I guess, I've told you exactly where to attack me
Like where exactly the armor doesn't protect the body
The parts fragile and vulnerable from prior injury
Every single insecurity
Told you, embarrassingly, what I did and still do find scary
Introduced to you the shattered and fractured pieces of me that I keep tucked away for their own safety
Trusted you with parts of me that are barley held together from the last tragedy
Showed you then warned you of the socially unacceptable parts of my personality
Recalled to you the story of my journey from being bullied to becoming the bully
And how I didn't end up liking either of those me's particularly
I watched you with my son and observed how quickly he accepted you and saw you as family
Didn't hesitate to call you Mommy, it came to him then through him naturally
And I cherish that memory because I haven't been allotted many tears that fall happy
I could go on forever with the good, the bad and the ugly
But basically
I handed you a map of how to destroy me completely if need be
Then literally used the last trace of trust I had left on you not using it against me
And well,
It's with a heavy heart I present to you where that's gotten me

©2024
Jeremy Betts Oct 9
Thoughts berate with little truth
While memories choose when to lie
Often words spoken change nothin'
Though time and time again they try
Feel free to take your unspoken to the grave
What is spun by the victor is sung forever
A good liar proclamation should have been taken as a warning
But judgment sees through even the best of pretender

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 2023
It's far easier to hate than forgive, can't give myself a break when the case study's retrospective
I hate that it's easier to die than to live, pull up just shy and see it all fall in and out of perspective
To be here, right here, year after year is the objective but the inner chatter from my dark passenger is persuasive
Life escapes through each back stab wound like a fleshy sieve, how much can one individual give
Just meaningless crumbs aren't attractive, I'm a no good, very bad human representative
So primitive, the smooth brain collective not selective enough to be proactive instead of reactive
The crazies run the nut house and the clubs exclusive, drunk off two fifths, the front doors elusive
I'm no detective, I just hope my karma is something I can outlive

Dark thoughts are combative, my own mind is abusive, held captive with no clear motive
The rush from anger becomes addictive even when self destructive
The me I want to be has lost all adhesive and every step towards a concept that moves forward feels counterproductive
From my perspective I should embrace the paradox, go back in time and hand my mom a contraceptive
I'd rather not exist than to be a relative to this bloodline that feels radioactive
But what's the alternative, trading one mess for another is gonna get repetitive
And every time, the byproduct gets more carossive, the rust forms a husk that falls away exposing the explosive
One that goes off erratically 'cause real change isn't a newspaper, or soothsayer, real help is expensive

Hand me that sedative, this repetitive narrative is too intensive, Lucifer's obsessive and I, compulsive
Destructive to a fault and so one sided I'm not even competitive
A cognitive function nowhere near adaptive, straight to punishment, bypassing corrective
Leaving me to always be on the defensive but that alone will fail to be effective
At least for the collection of the negative that is a bigger percentage of the me that's reflective
One of a fugitive on the run from my formative years, all the hardwired fears still active
Each with a different authoritative directive and all for the worse, who the hell's even driving this locomotive?
My words sound figurative, at least enough to label it an overactive imagination, so creative
But it's imperative that this is looked at as informative, a documentary type narrative

CAUSE I SWEAR IT IS

©2023
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