Waiting to go nowhere, standing by the door,
Thoughts are swirling all around the ceiling to the floor,
People stare with eyes that judge, but they do not know,
The darkness and the light each which grow in me slow,
Yes together but apart it’s sometimes hard to tell,
One day whispers softly yet another it might yell,
A child screams, it stirs me up,
I want to scream right back “shut up!”
Like magma rising from the deep,
Fast at first but then it creeps,
The lava burning the present that be,
The fire blinding my eyes to see,
Although I can sense it it’s harder to stop,
The bubble gets bigger and weakens to pop,
Then I’m left standing there cold and alone,
Wanting nothing more but to fold and go home,
The fire it transforms to ice in my chest,
Smoldering visions of me at my best,
Shedding a tear for the darkness within,
Quieting back down just to rise again,
The breath takes back over, leading the way,
Presence in consciousness now here to stay,
Yet nothing is permanent, the good and the bad,
Fleeting like every emotion we’ve had,
Here in the moment but then gone the next,
Leaving my soul feeling perplexed,
Wondering how but not asking why,
Choosing to crawl when I could just fly,
The light brings wings but the darkness adds weight,
Trying to escape my preconceived fate,
Feeling too tired to chew and then swallow,
Feeling the hole in my soul grow hollow,
Sometimes a vacuum is how it appears,
Filled with the worst of the worst of my fears,
Darker than skies on nights of new moons,
Like a storm out on the horizon looms,
Lightning and thunder and buckets of rain,
The sky opens up and cries out my pain,
No one to hear and no one to see,
My soul screams out just wanting to flee,
Thoughts still swirling from ceiling to floor,
Waiting to go nowhere, standing by the door…

Here's a bridge, a damb, and a scarecrow-forrest,
And a barge patrols, as do gulls, a fortress
With its chimneys,smoke that are used to tower
Over curtains torn with a drafty howl.
Here your dreams don't sway to the roar of blizzard,
On the eyes they're hard, and a teardrop isn't -
Hence the moonlight slips. Here the moist cheek hinder
Peek in your dark window.

Here, in winter, snow seldom toys with bareness.
And you gaze at stars (for the lack of letters)-
Ones you'd wish upon - not the kind to cozen-
Yet to skies they seem either nailed or frozen.
Here's your elsewhere-land. Spared of "ever after"
In the distance tolls a familiar laughter.
Here's your nowhere-den, shades of black and lead.
If you care for that.

Here's your fairytale. Mark a spell it mutters
When a snowflake swarm chases fleeing lanterns,
And trees toss and turn in their idle slumber,
As it won't be long, 'fore your fable sunder,
Leading you astray (that's from it's perspective),
There you'd find a place just a bit too hectic
To point out a change in the midnight glow
Only you two know.

the thing about us is
we're on the verge of something
something beautiful? maybe
something disastrous? maybe

the thing about us is
it wasn't always like this
how could i have known
the day you told me your name
that someday i would always remember it?

and you were there
you were there when i cried
you were there when i laughed
you were there when i had all the stories
so i am not used to you being absent

and i was there
when everything was unfair
when the world seemed to hate you
when there was nowhere left to run

and in the way that things are
it all got messed up
the very day i stared at my ceiling
and i knew that it was you

and the thing is
it rarely ever works out the way we want it to
it rarely ever gives us the chance

but if i was allowed
if circumstances were different
i would have found you again
and i would have told you every word
and i would have drawn every line for you

but the thing is
i will stay where i am right now
i know where i stand
and it is not by your side
holding your hand