I grew up being both loud and quiet.
I grew up speaking but was never heard.
I grew up seeing but was never seen.
I grew up helping others only to be back-stabbed.
I grew up proud but clouded by shame.
I grew up with writing because it was healing.
I grew up told I was ugly, never beautiful.
I grew up thinking I would never be good enough.

In short,
I grew up a rather lonely, sad, broken little girl.

I told others to keep going but I never followed
through with my own advice.
Hence my philosophy of,
"It's better to walk away than fight and be right."
Which is why I don't like arguing.
My doubts were so big that I was trapped
down a well,
drowning in my
LOW SELF-ESTEEM
DEPRESSION
ANXIETY
FEARS
PARANOIA
and wearing my heart on my sleeve,
all the while.

I didn't see who I was in my reflection,
I just saw negativity and I would cry uncontrollably.
I know I can't get back the time I've lost.
I can't restart my life with a push of a button.
I'm still a girl in a woman's body.

If only I knew everything I know now
when I was...
when life was more simple.

I want to feel proud enough that nothing
that can bind my wings.
To everything I dream.
Everything I want to be.
Not just lil ol' me.
Scared little Lyn...

As the sands of time run,
wisdom comes with every deed I do.
Every mistake I made.

...

A Flower and a book

Saw the picture and had a second look
A flower and a book

What can you say about those two things
A flurry of thoughts it brings

When I think of a flower it is beauty I see
A book brings words of who I may want to be

The smell of petals bring joy
Page after page brings wisdom for me to employ

How are they the same you may ask
This is where I put myself to the task

Both are there to amuse our minds
Even if it is of varying kinds

Is it a stretch to say
Each brings wisdom your way

Texture is found by your fingers
Impressions made live long and lingers

There are feelings evoked galore
By reading into what is in store

Memories tweaked and new ones made
Though some may one day fade

No matter what the occasion or circumstance
They can deliver even in the case of romance

Under the covers they do bring
The possibility of inspiration for songs to sing

Stories yet to be told lay in wait
Whatever you imagine will be great

Andreas Simic©

Vulpes 3d

I once had a great friend in my childhood years
Back when my world was two blocks wide
A wise owl, hulled in a cloak of gray feathers
Tainted innocence that once shone like snow.

One day, she called me to meet her again,
But all that I could find was a dying bird,
A being closer to death than life itself.
A friend that had only one last wish.

To share her conscience.
To preserve her knowledge.

I foolishly accepted her humble request,
Fully aware of the consequences it brought,
Foolishly waiting to carry her learnings in me,
But shocked to received far more than knowledge.

Realization.

Realization is a funny thing.
For some, it is power or fulfillment.
But if ignorance is bliss,
Then I have been cursed.

I never played much before,
Until I was given a blade,
Playing the knife game every day,
To feel the cool edge inside my skin.
It was
Exhilarating.

Like the sound of breaking bones,
Noise that invades my mind,
Like a broken record,
Screaming out its elegy.

I have been smothered.
Between the weight of living
And the weight of realization.

Realization is not a destination.
Realization is the end.
And beyond that
There's no beginning.

Why would I want to be like you
when you go hurting people
the way that you do
You know I try, you know I cry
You know I really hurt
deep down inside
You know I hide, You know I'm shy
Just don't go throwing
things my way
Words can hurt, I can break
but I can't hate
Because with every word
and every breath
I know it gets harder
to get up again

You can bring me down
Leave me in shame
But I won't be haunted
by your game
The pain you leave
Will make me stronger
I won't be the victim any longer

You really don't impress me
with the way you act
So I'm just gonna keep walking
never look back
Soon you'll be the victim
of antidepressants
Razor blade cuts
Cigarettes and drugs

You can bring me down
Leave me in shame
But I won't be haunted
by your game
The pain you leave
Will make me stronger
I won't be the victim any longer

Don't you see
you're destroying yourself
But nobody can help you
until you help yourself
You shouldn't have said
what you did
because what goes around
comes around in the end

You can bring me down
Leave me in shame
But I won't be haunted
by your game
The pain you leave
Will make me stronger
I won't be the victim any longer

©2018 Written By Benji James

I prefer to be alone,
In the cold darkness of my dwelling.
The only secrets I keep are my own
For the reason that no one needs to know.
You must be careful around me,
For in a second I could snap and bite you.
The serpent in my mind lurks inside of yours
And watches the movements your body tells me.
I am wise, but you would never guess that
Because I hide it with my laughs and smiles.
I know things that you are too afraid to spit out.
You call me a snake, for that is what I am.
I will not change myself to please you.
If you don't like the quiet and unpredictable part of me,
You do not need to stay in my presence.
The snake inside does not exist to protect your feelings but rather,
It protects mine and allows me to know things I would not know without it.

I wrote this a year ago after someone called me a snake LOL. I just found it now.

Let me be absorbed in art,
nothing else but art, if I
cannot fall into love and
to be loved. Let me do
nothing but create art.

Mystic knowledge, strangely exhilarated my very essence,
providing a sense of strength to depart from this life I know
and where I know those. Where at least myself, I know for
sure, I lived in resentment and disappointment. In silence
I leave, refusing to yield to what society wants

Star BG Jan 13

Look in heart,
there you'll find your voice.

A voice that flows
like river and echoes like birds.

Voice that can touch the world
and tickle dreams.

Look into heart
there you'll find wisdom.

Wisdom to guide
into fields of harmony.

Wisdom that will bring
serenity and joy.

Inspired by chat with Ghazal thank you

"It's hard to write about life when you've never lived."

We all have a favorite word,
whether we know it or not

It’s a word we use frequently,
yet not frequent enough

It’s a word that dwells within us,
living happily in our mansion of a soul

It breathes our air
and pumps our blood

And sometimes it’ll cause our lungs to restrict,
or our heart to stop

But, like a drug,
we’ll drink it,
inhale it,
inject it,
and everything goes back to normal

My favorite word is "Definitely." It has a significant meaning to me that it's difficult to put into words. It's hard to think of my life without the word "Definitely." What're your guys' favorite words? :)
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