You’re a hole in the ground
When I’m looking for a break in the clouds
An old phone number resurfaced in my life today. And though I was very flattered, I was also very aware of why I wasn't very talkative back then. It just wasn't what I wanted and then some. Sorry.
Tell me why
The children of Africa are brung up
Only when I try to scream for help
Tell me why
An echoe implodes inside my mind
Nothing is wrong, its all a show
Like white draped over corpses
Your comparisons muffle my cries
A broken leg is still a broken leg
After a thousand broken necks
Depression is still depression
After a couple of sadistic ******
Why do you have
To compare me with someone
From your past?
Why did you love
Me when your feelings for him
I'm not him.
And I will never be someone I'm not..
Someone told us that comparison is the worst judgment one can give. I agree.
When we don't receive attention
we search for it in others.
But rarely choose to look
for it in ourselves.
Once upon a time,
I dressed in fluffy frocks
and wore tiaras
believing I was a princess.
Now that I am older,
I find myself dressing in others skin
believing mine wasn't worthy
of being worn.
“Why do you love me?” she said loathing her soft-squeaky voice while she stared at the reflection that lay before her. Saddening with every inch of fat she noticed that left her feeling husky and plumb in comparative to all the other girls in her class that walked around confidently in their curvy and slender body. She stood there trying to **** back her flabby stomach and stoke her jaws with her thumbs harshly so that the underlying fat would just go away.
She ran her fingers along the dark curls of hers twisting them and despising them. Staring abhorrently at her honey-colored face that wasn’t fair as milk and therefore considered not beautiful. Pimples cracked upon her skin, making her despise every intracity of her body.
Her vision blurred as she would see her reflection, tears streaming down her heated pink cheeks as she stood upon the machine which defined her by a number; just like her grades that would define her mind.
“Why do you love me?” It was the question she would ask every person that would walk into her life and say the three words she was never able to tell herself. She wanted to know the details, when and how for the three words would leave her curious as to why they loved her because she never believed there was something likable about her. She never believed she was noticeable because she was invisible. She wanted to know because she was a soul longing to love herself.
Tears, pain and struggles we choose to hide
Smiles, joy and laughter is what you’ve seen
You wouldn’t understand until you come to my side
Because honey my grass isn’t always this green.
Blood, sweats and tear have dropped
All have dropped to make this field cleaner
I work so hard and I did not stop
Why couldn’t my grass be even more greener?
Tired, stressed and unrest
Competing with the other side I still can’t do
This field is the only thing that I have left
But my grass is still not green enough for you.
I clasp your hand as I get to where you are
But I can’t seem to see your face
Like the sun, you’re blinding and
It hurts too much to look directly
So I hold onto you instead and smile
Brightly, hoping to match up to the sun
I wish you could understand how hard this is
I wish you could understand just how heavy everything feels
I wish you could just see that something is wrong
But I wish you didn't try to fix me
I know you see my agitation
I know you hear the attitude in my voice
You think its just me being emotional
I just had a bad day
I wish you could leave me be
I wish I had some peace
I wish I had a reason
I wish I had words
But I don't
I can't explain the exhaustion I feel
I cant explain the headaches
I can't explain the weight of it all
I can't explain the desire I feel to just give up
I wish it could be simple
I wish it could all go away
I feel like I'm drowning in a think cement of anxiety and depression….
I want to stay away
I want to escape
I want everything to disappear
I want things to change
So why am I still stuck?
Why can't I move?
Why is it I can't seem to figure out what I'm supposed to do?
You try to talk to me
You try to hear me
But you're NOT LISTENING!
You say you understand
You say you know how I feel
You say you went through the same thing
But that was a long time ago
If you really understood you would leave me alone
If you really understood you would let me breath
I you REALLY TRULY understood you wouldn't be pushing me like this.
I know your stressed but I am too
You say I'm not doing enough,
Like all the effort I put in is nothing
I say I'm busy, but you say I'm not
I'm not doing enough
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW!!!!
You're not me!
You don’t know my life
You don’t know me!
You compare me to Her even though you say you don't
Is nothing I do good enough!!!
I am trying to find my way but its not fast enough for you.
I need time, I need patience,
You're riding on the back of this bronco.
I'm not in university, I don't have good influencing friends according to you.
Apparently I make the wrong decisions.
Do I disappoint you?
Just because I'm not at the same spot as Her?
But its not enough.
I feel like I'm going to break
I feel like any day I'm just going to stop caring
I have already been slipping downhill.
I haven't been taking care of myself and it shows
But your too wrapped up in everything else to see it
I know you need the support
I know its been ******* you too.
But please SEE ME
Please Hear Me
Sorry guys, just a frustrated, overly emotional, vent. Not sure if this is even considered poetry at this point, so I don't know if this belongs here. (I used lots of repetition though; that's a poetry thing, lol) But I'm sure many of you might feel the same way sometimes even though these words don't fully express the emotions bubbling over.
I cannot sing today
have not been well for a while
I cannot speak, for I
have been struggling, meanwhile:
She rides atop a golden wave
Cries like an angel choir
Is showered with abundant praise
in theory, I should be higher.
Happier for her growing success
though it may drag mine down
I celebrate, though must confess
I bear an inward frown.
envy is an **** trait