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I’m the devil on your shoulder,
The voice inside your head,
You don’t deserve to be happy,
You're better off dead.
No one will miss you when you go,
You're just a burden you know,
You're worthless and pathetic,
You’re so fat and **** it’s disgusting.
Why don’t you just **** yourself,
‘cause your life isn’t worth living.

You'll never get rid of me,
‘cause I'm everywhere you see,
I'll even haunt you in your sleep.
I'm always gonna be there,
Lurking in the shadows,
I just want to be your friend.

You need me,
I control you,
You have no on but me,
Just do what I say and I promise I'll keep you safe,
What have you got to lose?
You have nothing,
Haha you’re just a waste of space!
Why don’t you just cut yourself,
Go on! Pick up that blade...

He's the devil on my shoulder,
The voice inside my head,
He tells me horrible things,
And says I'm better off dead,
He whispers in my ear,
And follows me everywhere,
Feeding me with empty promises,
He's says he can keep me safe,
He thinks he’s in control
But not anymore,
Because I’m stronger than him,
I won’t let him win.
Iz 6d
Is it really survivors guilt if
I haven’t survived yet
Today is fine;
Good, even.
Notice.
The tiniest disturbance.

Why.

I don't like this.

A hole, torn in your existence.
Begin the singularity,
Engulfing.
Tiny Upset,
thought about,
more and more.
Becometh the raging storm.
Longer I stare,
Surround my consciousness.

Now,
everything is black.

I can't see.
I can't breathe.
My heart hurts.

We are.
Reflections of the wrong.
Exponentiate the entropy of thought.

Today is fine.
Not really.
This.
is.
Anxiety.
Empire Sep 22
It’s fine
I’m fine
It’ll go away
All on its own
It won’t last long
Tomorrow will be better
(Tomorrow is never better)
You’ll feel better if...

C’mon
What game are you playing now?
You said this last time
Remember?
When you thought you lost your mind?
What did you say?
C’mon. Tell me.
What was your perspective on the issue?

You said,

And I quote:

“It’ll go away on its own...”




And guess what

It got so much worse.
ignorance is bliss

until you start desiring death
I’m feeling this way,
I don’t yet know how to escape
Yet I know it will evade at some point,
I’ve been drifting in and out,
Without much sound,
For maybe a year now, maybe only a second.
Should I think it’s an overstatement?
Is that what I’ve been lead to know?
Or is it just my mind bringing false accusations to surface?
Could it be because people want to doubt me,
Or because I assume if it’s happened to me it’s just a little bit, it’s only small; it doesn’t matter,
Not at all.

Three years? Four or five? Maybe none,
It’s not real, this doesn’t count.
Anxiety. It’s anxiety they said.
We’ll give you these pills,
Because you’re complaining about something else,
But we won’t acknowledge that.
You feel terrible, but we’ll say we’re treating the thing that you’ve put in some sort of remission.
Listen, listen. Why do they never listen?

It’s not that bad. How do I word it?
I could say I feel dead, but not really,
It’s been worse before,
So I don’t feel like I can use that description anymore.
It will go away soon,
I should be happy.
Actually, should I? I should feel tragic.
I do but I feel good sometimes too.
Why am I trying? No one who sees this will understand.
How about, it’s this:
I want to do something but I don’t feel like anything.
I don’t feel good but it’s not anxiety -
it’s been trickling in, but not this time, it’s not just that.
Maybe my emotions have just gone underground today,
Maybe it thought it would match to how I’m physically feeling.
I woke up so exhausted, I told someone I’m sick,
Still sick,
And they said being tired doesn’t make you sick,
But this isn’t normal tiredness,
This isn’t feeling down so your body can’t be bothered either,
This is one way of what it can feel like
When your body’s done with you,
And mines been done a long time,
But never long enough to care,
And in a decade it still won’t be time,
But I guess I should be content because
It’s only been five-hundred-and-thirty-two days.

I know no one will believe me, but maybe that’s okay,
For now,
After all, I can’t say any of these things out loud.
Like monsters, they would all surround me, laughing maliciously,
Thinking they were right,
They’re not, but how much longer do I have to put up a fight?
No one can know if I feel stressed or upset,
Not sad because then their army will have ammunition,
Meanwhile I have nothing.
Nothing, give me something,
But actually no, maybe I can’t take anymore false hope,
Because everyone, all of them, have ******* me over,
Time and time again.
They think I’m stressed, I’m not ill,
So if I say I’m starting to become stressed, unhappy, not good...
Well I don’t know what will happen,
They’ve already destroyed every single part of me.
I don’t want to give them more reasons to disbelieve my honesty.
Arden Sep 18
I don't have an eating disorder
But
I eat one meal a day

I don't have an eating disorder
But
I cant eat more than 700 calories a day

I don't have an eating disorder
But
I have to skateboard at least 5 hours a day

I don't have an eating disorder
But
If I don't know how many calories is in something I can't eat it
Casey Sep 17
that's what she told me.

But without it, who I am?
I don't think I would recognize myself.
essentially another form of "get over it".
Skyla Sep 15
Would you, If you could press reset?
You stole my heart, put it back in my chest
You hate me when I’m lifeless but I love my emptiness
I’m not the soul you once met
I just need to lay underneath the dirt and rest
All I see are silhouettes
Do you love me too much to forget
even in this mindset?
Or do you regret?

I don’t feel pretty, I feel scared

I wanna be your dolly, broken and impaired
Sad, skin and bone
In your arms I found a home
Made of glass and deeply fragile
You cradled me while I was in denial

Do you adore me, yet?

These handcuffs are tightening
Everything is frightening
I don’t feel the thunder but I feel the lightening

Just hold me, don’t scold me, I know that you worry, but I feel so lovely,
I’m lying, I’m dying, I hate that you’re crying, and you think i’m falling but I think I’m flying.  

You said that perfect don’t exist
Then why do I feel it in my emptiness?

You see my sadness and my brittle little head
   But you don’t see the gore or the bloodshed

I destroy you while I destroy myself
You don’t think I’m pretty anymore because I’ve destroyed my health

I  wanna be half, ‘cause I hate being whole
So I bow down to a porcelain bowl

You try to find my skin under the sheets
But you only find the swelling cuts and my bones, so you dig deeper underneath
But there’s nothing there.  Not even blood or muscle.  There’s absolutely nothing but air.  

And I know that’s not what you want to touch
And I’ve robbed you of the girl you loved
I’ve taken her place and I wear her face
and you miss her most, but for now all you have is her ghost.

You try to force life into the ghost of her body
How come you want the “healthier” her, but you don’t want me?

Do you not see how much I’ve done for you?
Replacing meals with fingernails and trying not to feel
Growing too thin so I can finally win
This game that you don’t even want to be in

I love you, and you love a girl who is withering away into nothing

You don’t love my body you love my soul
You love my heart, which has grown cold

I’m shivering under your fingertips in this hollow body, in this cold skin of mine
Not from your touch but from feeling no heat
No heat from your love, no warmth from your touch, just cold and sad and stuck.  

And when I look in the mirror and tell the ghost of me that she looks pretty
She screams in return and her eyes ache for me to see that I’m absolutely hideous this way

Darling, do you adore me yet?
CautiousRain Sep 14
It's all too much to handle;
the tangible and intangible
taunt and mock me
and the vibrations of the room shine through
this lowly, softened flesh of mine
as if to punish my existence.
trying to clear out my draft folder some
julianna Sep 12
How can I send this message?
I tie a ribbon ‘round my wrist,
To keep a measure of my rib cage
And I scarf down my food,
I shower when no one’s around
Cause’ I can chuck it up in silence
Still trynna be silent because I’m paranoid
That I’ll spill Mia’s little secret
So many letters,
But I’m still wearing an “ED” necklace
round’ my thin neck
Read between the lines on my wrists
I don’t like being alone,
But I need help and you don’t give it, no.
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