Kellin 1d
to think about an addiction
like it’s a sentient being,
but that’s how it feels.

like it’s something living
inside you. something
you can’t get rid of because
killing it means killing you.

i can’t really understand
addictions to drugs or alcohol.
things that control you.

but an eating disorder
is an addiction you control.
wait, is that paradoxical?
i prefer to believe not.

either way, i kick off my shoes,
slide along the tile and into
the kitchen, calming my genie

with promises. twinkies. ice
cream bars. Halloween candy.
screw the trick-or-treaters.
Do you see these nails that are bitten and torn to shreds.
Do you see my hair that is mangled and tangled, it hasn't been washed in days.
Do you see this acne on my face, I pick at it till it leaves scars.
Do you see the clothes I'm wearing, I bet I haven't changed them in weeks.
Do you see this room, I haven't cleaned it in months
Do you see my teeth, they bleed because I haven't brushed them in awhile.
Do you see I go on binges of eating or not eating, cause I feel guilty.
Do you see I go on benders if drinking or smoking.
Do you see my eyes and face are red from crying recently.
Do you see my texts I never send cause you wouldn't care.
Do you see when I say "I'm ok", "I'm fine" that those are just lies.
Do you see my smile and laugh, it's mostly fake.  
Do you see how I sleep all day and wake up and go right back yo bed.
You don't see but you should.

This list could go on for infinitely.
It's signs like this that should be noticed.
Depression, anxiety or any mental illness is important for learning the signs.
Your story matters just as well as your voice.
You acted as if I had just given you a dozen roses,
To try to seduce you,
But,
In reality,
I was just delivering
A Wake-Up Call.
Of course,
If you interpreted It the wrong way,
I can't blame you.
There is nothing especially
"Sexy" about waking up.
It's rather disturbing actually.....
Chaotic, to be precise.
So,
Why the hell would you want anything to do with me
If I'm just gonna' bring chaos into your life?!
Just for the
Sake of Art?
madalynn Aug 4
pulsating underneath my tingling human flesh

trillions of red blood cells dancing and swaying

simmering underneath my dreary basset hound eye bags

flaming fire and desire born out of my own need for sleep

shaking are my cold and violent hands

while my body pouts that it does not get its way



if my physical manifestation were free

it would spend a million dollars on things it doesn’t need

if my legs broke out of their rightful imprisonment

they would dance until they were drenched in a sticky humid sweat

if my ears had the power to move my hands

they’d blast the bass of all the worlds most popular songs



chains bound my wrists to prevent my imminent collapse

from the rush of a mind blowing high i did not endorse

i will sit in silence on the edge of my seat and wait

for the rollercoaster ride from hell to end
Liyah Bella Aug 1
the highs aren't fun without you
the lows seem deeper now that you are gone
Hummingbird Jul 27
you dug around in my head,
you found things that weren't yours.
but you wanted them.
you wanted them.

YOU TOOK ME BY THE HAND.
YOU DUG YOUR NAILS INTO MY WRIST.
BUT YOU SMILED,
"EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT."

I PLAY THAT LIE ON REPEAT
EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

you stitched my wounds back together
with rose vines and lilac.
i always told you i loved the smell,
but you never seemed to notice
that the thorns always tore me open again.

YOU DRAGGED ME INTO THE DARKNESS,
IT COULD HAVE BEEN HELL OR JUST A CLOSET,
BUT YOU TOLD ME THIS IS WHERE I'D BE BURIED.
I BEGGED, THIS ISN'T RIGHT.
YOU GRINNED, THIS WAS THE END OF OUR VESSEL TONIGHT.

every time i want to scream, you convince me to whisper.
the hunger i feel
the emptiness inside me
befriends my broken heart
control
over nothing
besides what i put on my fork
K Jul 23
I.

He has a habit of picking flowers
and putting them in waterless vases

He plants poppies and marigolds on his bedroom floor
Nettles grow where his feet fall

He becomes another bloom
Without sun nor rain

He lies down in the green
Withering

II.

When he is happy
It feels like I'm putting my tongue to a 9 volt battery
He rushes through my veins
Shocking my system
Sparking me up like a cigarette
Giving me energy I've never known

When he is depressed
It's like drinking battery acid
His kisses spill darkness into me
My body attempts to filter the black tar
Leaking from his lips
There's a heaviness that doesn't go away

It lingers in my chest as he does when he's happy
Tiny flower buds atop
Little floating feathers
Growing
Tickling
Filling me up

When he is sad
They do not float
6 tons of flowers and feathers still weigh the same as 6 tons of steel
Crushing
Crushing
Withering

III.

My love lies bleeding
Among the green sprouting around him

You cannot purge darkness
Into porcelain with fingers down your throat

How am I to pull these weeds
Fighting the vines twisting inside me, whispering

"Lie down beside him
And wither too"
Grace Ann Jul 20
You know sometimes I feel like I'm slipping
I can feel it coming
Its presence obvious by the steps echoing down the hall
Its wearing heels today
I knew I should have put carpet down instead of tile
Maybe this feeling wouldn't be so daunting then
But I know I'm slipping
Back into the headspace where nothing makes sense
Back where I can smile but it is only sketched and not carved
Back where solace is my favorite company
Back to where I hate being but somehow always end up
I know I'm slipping
I promise I'm looking for a handrail
A countertop
A ledge
Something that will catch me or at least buffer the fall a little
I'm slipping over here
I guess they forgot to put out the wet floor sign
I will never win this lawsuit though
I'm clumsy
I slipped
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