Toby 7d

That feeling when you know you aren't enough.
You can never quite shake that feeling.
Always there, always nagging.
It's never in just one area of your life.
It's everywhere.
No matter what you are doing, you know it's never enough.
You know that you are never enough.
You look and see what your presence does to those around you.
You see hurting, pain, and longing for something different.
They says it's okay, I just need to try harder.
Still doesn't help.
No matter what I do, they will always be miserable.
I will never be enough.
I'll be enough when I'm dead.

The hidden love,
For the friend who is always there.

Through every step,
Through long times and hardship,
No matter how long since we speak,
It's like we met just yesterday,

Through many friendships,
Come and go,
There is something different about you,

I hope my patience will last,
Because you just may be the last.

~Robert van Lingen

He was a bachelor,
A free soul without bother.
He comes home from work,wan,
The house is spick and span,
Every thing is perfectly placed,
The table,with food laid,
His pyjamas neatly piled on the bed,
That is the maid.

He gets married,
He comes home tired,
A little clutter here and there,
But the bedroom is done with care.
There is soft music, perfumed candles and flowers,
Romantic nights for lovers,
For dinner,mostly takeaways and leftovers.

They have children, three,
He comes home, weary,
There is chaos,
The house is a  mess,
Children are crying and shouting,
The dog is  barking,
The wife is howling and screaming,
Before she starts complaining,
He takes over the  kitchen,
Tells  her to see to the children,
For, household chores,
She abhors.

The wife and kids go to her mother,
Home is quiet, no clutter,
For a while mum has come to stay,
Once again hot meals everyday,
The house is warm and clean,
He only has to see to the bin.
Mum is the best,
But he misses his wife and kids nevertheless.

Though there are ups and down in his married life he has adjusted and loves his family.

My mind is so empty, but this heart flows so plenty. Now let me tell things inside me. Back in 97' I was was 5 my father died, I'm not a good child, but I tried, do crazy things, I always lied, nothing to hide.

Learned how to cheat, steal and almost kill, lack of guidance, thinking it was a thrill, damn it's so real. Always drunk in alcohol, the anger grows like a fireball, that is not wise like Aristotle.

People say I do not think, let my body be full of ink, I look into their eyes why do they blink? I can see through their soul; even when their eye balls always roll; but they don't know my life as a whole.

Now I only have a brother and my mom; my life is still a bomb,even if I read the book of psalms, my mind could not be calm.

You could say that I'm just a morbid freak; but there is nothing wrong with me it's the mind that always trick; we are all weak and sometimes sick; but sometimes we just need to speak; and turn the other cheek.

I always pray and ask guidance from above; because I need to live how to love; Negativity around generates hate, it's just like spoiled food on the plate, I suffocate; and I could not carry the fucking weight.

Sorry it's a dirty word, but it's the truth it's not absurd. the truth will set us free; how could it be? If it's hard to bend down on our knee.

There is a point in my life that I think God called me; I lived inside the Seminary, learned a little bit of Philosophy; then one day I realized who is my enemy; damn it was me.

It was my bloody Ego, wanted to become a hero, but who knows, I'm so close to compose my life goes; I hope it will bloom like a damn rose; the bomb blows.

One day people, will go to the google, and browse what I compose, is the truth that it shows, that there is no lies, when you speak the truth they despise, and hate will arise; nobody wants to get hurt; it's hard to convert what is made up of dirt.

Yes I know it's true I'm made up of clay, my life always grey, but hay, what can I say? Tomorrows a new day. All the word play flies like a sleigh, we all gone astray.

Were lost in confusion, all the illusion, delusion, the soul in transfusion, but where's the conversion? It's like cosmic explosion, and whats with seclusion, LOVE is conclusion, end of discussion, damn this emotion!

Only take minutes to write this bloody rhyme; hope it's not wasting your precious time.It's just a little tale one mine, no worries it's no crime, won't even cost you a single dime.

-JP S. V.

J O V Y Jan 10

I
choose
YOU,
because
you
are
the
best.

HI! with a warm smile.
              I will release you quietly from my mind, he received.
He shoots guns on Thursday's, grapples on Tuesday's, and lifts only on Saturday's.
                                the lost, gone look dady-o in your eyes. see me. don't feel me....that's my job. he won't let me in. thunder in my tips, a quiet needling, let me in, dammit'
                that gone, far out ptsd look. is this why you still shoot? your eyes are empty because they developed you, bullet boy? you're going to let me in and I WILL BREAK YOU DOWN
         ya fibrotic fuck, such a firm stature. Only solidified by rust and no water. I put you to sleep ya bastard, stop seeking some old life. You can wake up to my smile and feel the ease. I read your cells like a beam. We spoke and they're tired of their old life.
                            so sad is the man who can't roll his head towards a woman who can embrace, break down that wall of tearing, ripping, dead layers of an old life. It's ok, I'll see you possibly next week. Bye.                       Take care, soldier boy.

                  ii got through and you were happy but terrified.
                                 don't test my distribution.
                           soft shows more result than bruises.

Oh, aha! How telling is the energy one is to carry.

It's been often said that the simple things in life are the best
and that life, for some people in the world, is also a real test.
If we then try and live simply with high practical ideals as such
we'll be happier in ourselves and towards nature keep in touch.
_______

From "The Quatrains" ongoing writings since the early '90's.

I yearn to be with you
I crave the physical
I'm completely over the moon

But your heart lies
With the pretty girl
And her brown eyes

I love her too
She is my best friend
But I can't help wanting to be with you

Him

He is a prince with no castle
A knight with no sword
A jester with lame jokes
He is a princess at the same time.

He cares,
He is quite but he listens,
I cry and he understand.
He wrote this poem about the sun
And it illuminates my life.

He stands up for you
That is what he is, a friend not a foe.

To my best buddy.. Belated happy birthday!!!
Onomatopiyya Jan 1

The last thing
In mind
Is to open up
For someone else

Push away
All our love
Replace with anew
Nor anything else

On the new year eve
We're all alone
We're good at this
Has always been

It's enough
For you
For me
To feel the presence

To forget
It could be
To regret
Never will

Didn't gave you up
Never did
We knew what's best
This will last

Have faith in
This lonely star
Not even words
Can't tell

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