This is a black day for sports,
Even if not in the world,
Surely Indian sports.

Virat - the young junior player,
He made the engineer quit,
Kumble had to give up.

Virat Kohli has a harsh ego,
He let his ego defeat the team,
Whereas Anil Kumble had none.

My HP Poem #1597
©Atul Kaushal

I think we are afraid of the vastness
we fear the vastness
the wild untamed beauty of our true nature

The other day at twilight,
I was traveling with my niece, Carina
down St. John's Heritage Highway
the view was absolutely breathtaking
no houses, no development, no people
just vast stretches of old Florida

As we paused to look at the primeval vista
my niece said she found it unnerving - the vastness

I told her I loved it because it reminded me of meditation
losing awareness of our limited, ordinary self
we enter an inexplicable vastness, primordial void
people-less, formless, infinite

We feel eternal truth rushing through our veins
We are part of a larger picture
greater than anything we can imagine

In the starry arms of the blossoming Universe
we rest safe, secure and loved forever

Toby 6d

Today would be a good day by our standards.
Burned all those calories we've been counting.
Walked multiple miles.
Just us out of the house.
Splurged and got some things we wanted.
It was nice wandering with nothing in particular in mind.
Favorite part was you saying,"After you, my love."
If only you knew how much that meant to me.
I love how much we have been experimenting.
All I know is that in one day I know that you are my favorite part of life.
I will be better for you.
I want to be better for you.
All in a good day.

Toby 7d

I had woke up from a deep sleep.
Expecting to see you there.
You always swore you would protect me.
Watch over me.
I woke and you weren't​ there.
I looked around and found you in the other room.
Asleep.
You dislike me that you can no longer sleep next to me.
You have to sleep in another room.
Okay fine, I get it roomie.
I'll keep my distance and my mouth shut.
We are no longer lovers.

Toby 7d

Everything I do there is always something.
I missed something or I didn't do it right or it was that impressive.
I tried so hard but yet missed so far.
I don't signals or hints.
I can't get subtle.
You want something? Tell me.
I always tried to be good at something.
Always got upstaged by someone.
I'm just meager.
Not really impressive at all.
So nonimpressive that not even my family really cares that much.
I could go radio silent and not a soul would notice.
I'm just burden for everyone.
I should release everyone from that burden.
I'll only burden me.

Toby Jun 17
Z

Dear Z,
I love you so much.
I know you hear that a lot from me.
Probably just empty words now.
But I want you to know that I mean it with every fiber of my being.
You are the most important and beautiful person in my life.
Not just right now, but always.
You push me to take better care on myself.
I always try to.
I know you get sad sometimes.
I know it's because of me.
I don't try to hurt you.
I never try, yet somehow always happens.
I'm sorry, I never want to be that person.
You take such good care of me.
I appreciate you and everything you do.
You are my rock, without you I would fall.
Please believe me when I say I couldn't have done half this stuff without you.
You are my best friend and one love.

For Zan.
I love you, always know that.
Toby Jun 17

Why does everything have to be so complicated?
Every time we get close, we also take two steps back.
Every time we almost have a moment, I ruin it.
I'm not allowed to have relationships.
My feelings are like static.
They are there but I'm not really feeling them.
I'm aloof, not actually here.
You're alone even if you are in the room.
I create sadness and loneliness.
How to combat it? I don't know.
I'll never know.
I'll just sit in the corner a thousand miles away.
Hoping one day these symptoms will go away.
As I fade into Oblivion.

Brianna Jun 16

This is for you my best friend - the next time I see you I will be walking down the aisle as your maid of honor.
You will be getting married to the love of your life and you will have your first child in a month.

Weren't we just 14 a few months ago? Didn't we walk home from school laughing at dumb jokes that almost made us pee our pants?
Weren't we just 16 a few months ago? Talking about kissing boys we knew our parents would never approve of?

This one is for you my best friend- the next time I see you i have to remind myself that you've grown up.
That this man you're with has a child and you love him and you're not into going out anymore.

But weren't we just 14 a few months ago? Getting drunk in the backyard while we talked about our latest crushes.
Weren't we just 16 a few months ago? Talking about graduating in a few years and how we just want to be someone new.

This one is for you my best friend- The next time I see you, you will be moving to Boston in a month.
You will be finishing school and moving in a with boy for the first time in your adult life- someone you love.

I swear we were just 14 a few months ago, right? Making plans for college and the future that we had no idea would bring all this.
Weren't we just 16 a few months ago? Trying to dress better and planning our first tattoos and getting piercings because we were so punk.

Life changes and we have all grown up and taken so many separate roads I don't know where they cross and don't cross anymore.
This ones for all of you I hold dearest and true.
I just want you to remember... I will always love you!

Toby Jun 15

Each moment was beautiful.
We were in this boat together.
For once I saw just how beautiful she really is.
It was like the first I saw her.
We traveled through the stars and the ocean.
We coasted through the sound waves of the music.
We saw the trees breathing.
Then just the two of us saw each other.
We worshipped each other.
We let our bodies do the talking.
Gave each other the true meaning of love.
Gave each other power.
Then just like that the moment was gone.
Enthusiasm depleted.
Everything went back to us fighting.
But for that brief moment we both felt our love and energy fill the room.
All we got out of it was a wet spot on the blanket in the shape of a heart.

Toby Jun 15

I want to be great like everyone else.
When I look around everyone has better looks, jobs, apartments, relationships.
When I look in the mirror all I see is someone waiting to die.
If life was a race I would be last.
I'm numb from the pain.
How do I reach those in first?
I don't​.
I can jump up and try to grab it.
Next thing you know I'm on my knees.
Begging for death to take me.
As far as race of life is concerned I'm disqualified.
My face and body suck.
My writing sucks.
Everything sucks.
I give up.

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