Blurred like my vision
Orange as my pride
Quakes, rumbles, and whispers
All one tries to hide
The ***** deeds and ill intent
All you planned to circumvent
Illuminated
By a street lamp

What’s the difference between escapism and avoidance?
“There isn’t one, they’re synonyms”
I used to think that too
Because I have been lying to myself for the past three years
“It’s just a quick break”
“I’m just winding down and then I’ll get things done”
And yet
Night after night
I find myself lying in bed at 1:30 am
Staring blankly at my phone
Watching anything I can get my hands on to escape
And scrambling the next day to get anything I avoided done
I think that I’m simply just escaping into another world
To take a break from reality
When really I’m avoiding everything that I need to get done
I’ve been lying to myself for 1128 days today
Because I cannot get myself motivated to do anything
I tell myself that I'll get it done in a minute
But I know it won't be done until weeks after it was due
I thought it was simply just escapism
But I am a devout avoidance practicer
There is a difference between escapism and avoidance
Because escapism is a temporary break to set your mind straight
And avoidance is escaping everything at any cost.

There’s a pile of papers
Sitting on my desk
Staring at me
Taunting me
Its eyes blink slowly
And I stare back
Wondering should I get started?
No, I’ll do it later
That was a month ago
It’s a daily struggle now
I’m not avoiding it, I swear
I moved the pile to the corner of the room
So it couldn’t stare at me anymore
The pile has gotten higher
taller
Looming over me
Disappointed that I’d rather read than finish them
Its eyes narrow and it frowns at me
Its stare boring into my back
Revealing the hole where all of my motivation
Dripping out
Drip
Drip
drip
I’m not avoiding it!
I’m not..
I...
But I don’t have any excuses to not do it

Frightful ******* aching feeling,
Fleetly filling till' it's full,
Soon to smack the central ceiling,
When she pushes, then I will pull,
Pull her right back into my arms,
That is right where she's meant to be,
Metaphorically, so no harm,
Will ever come to her or me,
Avoidance will heal,
Getting closer helps,
Avoidance will hurt,
Getting closer pains,
Duality exists,
And life persists,
Always a good side and a bad side,
And life goes, so live, I insist.

Take a breath

Take a bath

Take a pill

Take until your mind stills

Still...

To be still with myself.
This i avoid.
It's uncomfortable just yet,
To be still with myself.

Too many thoughts in my head,
For me to untwist and untangle.
Too many memories.
I dont want to live over again.
Too many heartaches unfed.
Too many failures and mistakes,
That can never be earsed.

These i can not unbreak,
And i do not face.
Why be still and reflect on these pains?
It doesnt make them change.

Still is just not me.
That i can not be.
Busy I'll continue to be
Until there is nothing left
But still...
Then i will be still.

Lori L. Mack
10/28/2015

I hear a calling
But I prefer falling
So I practice avoidance
It's a void dance
To an annoyed trance
To avoid a glance
Or taking a chance

People take pieces they don't plan on returning
The only replacement is the sensation of burning
In this ****
With no one to tell
Because I locked my heart
Which felt like a good start
Until loneliness pervaded my soul
And I can't climb out of this hole

I create isolation
When there's no inspiration
I discontinue integration
And go on permanent vacation
I watch movies
To feel groovy
I write
Out of sight
I play video games
To avoid shame
I decide to act lame
So no one asks my name

I begin to feel sour
In my lonely tower
I used to think independence was power
Until I found myself in my darkest hour
With only friends to help
The same friends I put on a shelf
That are now mythical like an elf

Is life just giving all my pieces away?
Disconnection leaves my life grey
But if I decide to stay
My love they will slay
They will toy with my emotions
Until I feel their encroachment
But I'd rather have a toy's chance
Than live my life in a void dance