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Avi Oct 8
Her smile....
it made my knees weak
made the butterflies swarm around
incessantly-

And then I woke up
to catch a whiff
of her perfume
before it blew away
into the abyss of my memories.

Like water escaping
through my clenched fingers
she was gone.

And try as I might
the happiness that warmed
my soul, that warmed me
faded & quickly
was replaced
by the sadness
I knew too well.

Those mornings
where I wake
from the solace
of our touch,
of our love
are the worst.

For no happiness
has ever been found
outside my dreams.
The only dreams I hate experiencing are these dreams where I tend to meet someone who brings me so much happiness- and though it may sound like nonsense, I firmly believe it has been the same woman who has been haunting my dreams for the past ten years. Though I can never seem to remember her face upon waking, once in that dreamscape her smile and her laughter is always the same. I don't know if any of this makes sense but I had to get this out of my system. Those dreams have become a bane upon my days. A week or two following a dream like that sends me tailspinning into a depression. Upon waking, I don't even have the energy to get out of bed. Maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something and I'm too stubborn to listen. Either way, I know no one will probably read this so... Never mind...
Boo
Sunday morning,
and the sun is peaking through the blinds
after a long sleepless night.

The monster that hung over my head all night
is sticking around for the light, it seems,
and it is scaring my Pothos'.

As they wilt,
I am changing the song that's playing,
It's too haunting, too obvious.

An old friend, this specter has become.
I laugh as he spills my coffee.
Amanda S Oct 4
you never feared death;
you embraced it.
you let the demons linger
in the background,
gnawing at faded photographs
and grey memories
of the years past-
when life was simple.
when recollection didn’t
fester up in open wounds,
and your darkest secrets
weren’t crawling in grungy corners
amongst the hidden truth.

you never feared death;
you welcomed it.
you allowed the beasts to creep
into the depths of your demise,
conjuring up nightmares within
the shadows of your subconscious,
screeching to be saved,
yet you can’t hear it.

you never feared death;
you accepted it.
you fell in love with
the anatomy of a gun,
how bullets gracefully leave
the barrel until
the entire magazine is gone-
and the glorious recoil.

but somehow,
there was no warning,
no bright yellow caution sign screaming,
“help me”
no “i love you’s,” and no “goodbyes”;
now,
all we have left is
the ghost of you-
the blood-stained wall,
the haunting images
of your bloodshot eyes
and limp carcass-
on a bed i used to sleep in.
thirteen years ago, my maternal grandmother committed suicide. i was five at the time.

thinking now, it's hard to say that my family has recovered from it. it doesn't help that i've been diagnosed with a plethora of mental illnesses that coincide with my grandmother's.

the people whom i live with a constant fear that they'll come to my dead body lying on the bathroom floor. they believe that one day i will actually commit suicide, when i know deep down i won't.

it's hard knowing that my family feels this way because i'm the one who's causing their pain. i love them dearly and want them to know that i won't leave them the same way my grandmother did.

i love them way too much.
It would be unfair to allow you to move forward
as I'm stuck here in our memories
It would be a great unjustice
to allow your heart to be whole as mine remains shattered from your slippery hands
I meant what I said on that very first night
you'll never forget a girl like me
you see holding a girl with fire as a heart
keeps you warm but when it burns it's sure to leave a scar
I want you to know I won't let you forget me
I'll lace myself in every past memory
I'll connect my heart into every relationship you dare to hold
Maybe I should've warned you that girls like me have a bite louder than their bark and when we snarl
we mean business
If I were you I'd keep your eyes wide
because I solemnly swear
I'll never abandon you from sight
every corner you turn
every time you glance over your shoulder
the remains of a girl once loved by you will remain
I won't be easy to dust off your shoes
just remember my love
you were the man who dared
to love a girl like me
and it was your mistake to promise a forever
to a girl who would believe you
Alyssa Underwood Nov 2015
There's a peculiar kind of beauty that can only be experienced
with the innate knowledge that the moment is fleeting
and the most intense beauty can only be seen in
the presence of both light and shadows.
For it’s often in the loss of a thing
that its worth to us becomes
most precious and by
letting it go with
grace we can
best savor
its purest
delights.
Realizing
that the pain
runs so deep only
because the beauty ran
so deep and that without
it having once touched us we
wouldn't now know the emptiness
of its loss, our grief will eventually turn to
thankfulness that it ever touched us at all, and
we will be left awed by the mystery of its haunting.
***
They say pictures paint a thousand words,
But I'd rather hear the ones drawn by your lips,
The ones lost in the movement of your hips.
As if the air your lungs exhale,
Was the only air mine knew how to inhale.
As if the melody of the sound waves your vocal chords send my way,
Were in perfect harmony with the sound of my heart beating...
... Broken and out of sync, like it's on the brink of collapse

And I know that pictures paint a thousand words but actions paint a million more
But the only action I seem to recall is my hand holding yours,
Pressed up against the wall, your lips pressed against mine,
Not drawing anything more but emotions, raw pure affection, pure movie magic, pictures in motion.

Pictures do paint a thousand words but you left me blind,
And now all I can do is hear the words one by one, haunting my every thought,
Leaving me a faint image, the memory of a picture painting no words at all.
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Thanks millions!
-The Positive Pessimist   {  ):)  }
Edith Leal Sep 20
I gave you all of my trust,
and what I got in return was a slap to the face.
You convinced me that you were fine taking things at my pace.
You convinced me to go back to your place.
Where my soft skin with your soft fingers you would trace.
You happily took me in your embrace.
And now I can’t seem to erase...
your face.
Vulnerability.
Written: September 20, 2018
Some things you never get over
Sometimes the moon just won’t shine
The pain will never leave you
And nothin’ ever looks fine.

It’s never gonna' be alright
Cryin’ in the dark again tonight
Just leave me alone
And unplug the phone
I’m never gonna’ be alright.

You split my heart in two
Now I’m loathing you
No one here to see me through
Now the love is lost
Because you played your game
Now you just piss me off
Don’t wanna’ speak your name.

But when I see your face
The love is haunting me
I’m such a big disgrace
My body is stung and I feel unplugged
If only I had the words to say
How I miss you babe and I’m never gonna’ to be alright

But I’m righteous and shy
So I’ll just say goodbye
Bite my lip
Hold my tongue
And cry
Because I’m never gonna’ be alright.
Read more at http://murder-in-oncology
faith autumn Sep 17
All I want is for you
To stop.
Stop acting like nothing happened;
You and I both know
You only came back to me
Because it was convenient.
And now you're like a ghost;
When I speak to you
It haunts me because
It's like you're not really there.
You're only a memory
Of what used to be.
I can't decide what's more painful:
The fact that everything we
Used to have,
Used to know,
Has vanished,
Or the fact that
We never really needed each other
In the first place.
Savy Sep 17
I will escape from this world,
see the hero enter
imagine it is some beautiful mystery.
Whisper the truth about why
you ask this of me.
Can I haunt you in that life?
Imagine you in a different dream
create a new character,
give it all a new description,
answer all of your questions -
some of ours.
Fight against another chapter,
make you my favourite ending.
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