Sometimes, When the sun gets low, And the stars and moon don’t seem to be hanging in the sky, Taunting me with their ability to disappear into oblivion, It can feel almost impossible to breathe.
While I know that being unable to breathe Because there is nothing in the darkness to light my way Is as about impossible as it is possible for me to love you again, It is still my reality.
I know that my heart will never be open to the possibility of surrendering itself so completely to you once more, Just as well as I know that this weight on my chest isn’t real, But it doesn’t make the feeling evaporate like water on a blisteringly hot day, Or even on a slightly too warm for a jumper day.
The harshness of my condition has been taught to me Like a bunny has been taught to hide When the foxes stalk it’s way. Even more so, the cures have been preached to me since The moment I admitted I led a tormented existence, And yet my existence has remained tormented.
Maybe this is my moment, my completely, impossible to ignore, Unavoidable, Moment. To quiet those which torment me. Which taunt me. Which remind me, I will never truly escape these chains That hold me on the starless nights.
It’s a fork you don’t want to walk It’s a mind you don’t want to find It’s a fall you don’t want to crawl It’s a rage you don’t want to cage It’s a trap you don’t want to slap It’s a sin you don’t want in
Silence can be comforting Silence can be calming Silence can be harming Silence can be deathly Silence can be stealthy In this silence, you can leave me You can break me Drown me in this silent sea This silence is killing me This silence is chaining me down Leaving me to drown While I wish to be free In this silent sea ~15/4/21
Tears salty lava snaking down my ashy skin meeting at the curves of my lips, bouncing off the flesh when I speak. Your laugh on the other end vibrations that leave me deaf and yet I stay eager for more, slumping against the sound. Heart the weighed down wriggling piece of nothing, the chipped little porcelain teacup the veiny vessel suddenly releases and rises, no longer drowned by thoughts. I missed the sound of your voice saying you loved me, I miss how I feel when I hear you. Missing someone is bad enough, but to miss their voice on top of it? Their voice, their touch. I've touched you only a few times in a span of mere hours, and yet I think about it every day. This hoodie is very nice, but it doesn't compare in the slightest to your arms around me. I love your chain, but it pales in comparison to you as well. you. I love you. and I am so so sorry that I ever let you doubt that, I'm so sorry that you ever wonder, I'm so sorry for the times that I make you sad. I don't mean to be. I'm going to start working on it, I promise I will. I love you.