I'm right, they're wrong.
They just won't get along.
Of course that's why we fight.
(Effing morons anyway...)
Life is hard when you're always right.
I wanted to be a psychologist
now I'm discovering biology.
I used to love doing athletics
now I'm lying down in my bed
eating chocolate bars and crying for the mess.
I loved reading books
now my library is full of dust.
My grades used to be perfect
but if you look at them right now
you won't even find an A.
I don't know who I'm trying to impress
I don't know who I'm trying to fool
I'm not myself anymore.
In depth, there lays a question:
did you live or compromise?
I'm losing myself.
written on September 23, 2019
“He is the ocean in my life while I am a single drop in his. He is the sun in my sky while I am the breeze that goes by unnoticed. He is the moon that guides me at night, while I am nothing but the darkness in his life. Excitement pulsates when he texts, but not a pulse more when I text. For I am just like the other girls he talks to; just one of them when he is the only one for me. Happiness rushes through my veins and nerves feel a gentle tickle in his presence. I feel everything deeply; pain and happiness when it comes to him, while he feels nothing. Sacrificing, asking, encouraging, adjusting and compromising when it’s never the same. He never runs when I slip away, but I stay when he walks away. I feel like I am chasing him; on a constant run for him to care. But he doesn’t care about me, as much as I care about him; and that hurts deeply than I ever thought it would.”
- excerpt from an open letter
"Some words are only meant to say at that moment,
A feelings that carried away by aroma of sweetness
but when reality hits out soul,
Those words won't come out anymore,
It became frozen.
Only wishing those moments will come back again.
Those words that you have said,
Your plans for us,
Those might become a stone,
Will ended up into compromise.
And if that happens, I would love no more.
No more. No more."
This poem is meant for you Bunny, I hope you understand what I feel.
I could go on forever
Flying on our feathers
Looking down from clouds
examining and watching
seeing every human dot
compromising and colliding
relating with the concrete
calling forth what they know
from calm and strong brains
every single object and thought
talks further of ambition
the clouds move
the heavens unlock
we get wet
it is cold
FEEDBACK? It is like what I have been writing recently. I don't know for sure why, but I have not been fond of anything I have written since getting this new notebook. They have all been written quickly and seem very bland.
If you limit your
choices only to what
you DISCONNECT yourself
from what you
And all that is left
You cannot keep people from coming and going
No matter how hard you try people will come and go as they please in your life, even if it hurts
It is important for them to be happy, as well as it is for you to be
But it is not their responsibility to keep you happy
That is yours
The longer you fight and scream to keep them there
The more it will hurt in the end
So maybe it is just best to let people leave as they please
Even if it means to sit there alone in the middle of the night with a cup of alcohol in your hand
Sitting in the dark crying as you try to figure out what you did so wrong that made them leave
But it wasn't you that did anything wrong
You were just you, and you are perfect as long as you are happy
They did not do anything wrong either
They did what they needed to do for them to be happy
Neither of you are responsible for one another
You do what you can to keep YOU happy
When you put others first, you teach yourself that you come last
Put yourself first always
Treat others how you want to be treated
Be kind to others always
Even though it is in the name, common sense isn't as common as you would hope for
You have to respect others opinions
Even if it goes against what you say and like
You are alone
But you aren't lonely in any way
You have people here with you
Even when it doesn't feel like it
So let those people leave
Let more enter
Don't be afraid to leave others as well
Take care of yourself
Put yourself first
You are the main character of YOUR story, not THEIRS
The most you can do is tell the person why you are leaving if there is a reason
Give them that closure if you can
I will no longer be holding people back with my insecurities
This is just something that is on my mind that I struggle with immensely and need to realize
Why is you feeling bad or guilty
Paramount to me feeling
like you don’t care about me?
Even for a moment
Even when it’s insignificant
But I will swallow my pain
As always, again.
I will choke on my anxiety
So you can never say “you hurt me”
Those words break me
More than anxious thoughts screaming.
I will learn to conquer my anxiety
so that I can bring you peace.