I'll be mute
Won't say them no more
Sweet words that spill from my mouth
Are rotting my teeth

-JCM-
Sitting close
Minds miles apart
Hearts light years away
Wishing upon stars
Knew I was aiming too far
Searching for a link
It went missing

-JCM-
Ayana 1d
Stagnant love
I don't know what we have ,is it something true,does it happen to have a definition.....

Is it more than just physical attraction....

Can I surrender my insecurities to you......

Will you accept my flaws.. Or will you push me away....

I'm not perfect I give what I can ... And remain rejected

I'm at a point in my life where I longed to be.....now I'm still sorrowful....

My emotions are misinterpreted .... And my efforts are the last to be noticed....

I'm tired of feeling sad and alone.......

I prayed for the moment we would share our feelings.....

Is it that we wanted something so bad that when we get it we forgot the reason why we longed for it....

I wonder if we are meant for each other......

Sometimes I'm torn ,depressed and confused....weary from over thinking......

So many things kept us apart ,but for some reason we are drawn to each other...

Like magnets our paths collide... Hanging on by the very thread of our curiosity...

Curious to be loved by you willing to share my darkest secrets but scared .....that you might reject me too....

I wish that I could make sense of my pain.....wish I can make you understand that this isn't infatuation...

And though we might never be together .....forever ....

I'll always have a place in my heart .....where your name is tattooed...

Just never forget that my every moment spent with you is all the best memories of my life.... Loved  and cherished......

I'll leave behind my smile to remind you that you were my joy and the reason for my happiness...

Its the wanting you.... never getting you... that keeps me wanting  you...

You inspire me and without you my world would be empty and lost ...


But you'd be fine without me because you're everything  I'm not my love....

A.Jackman
Struggles of love
If one can't stand Donald Trump,
And one feels like a Social Reject,
One tends to feel
That most Americans are
Really in line with Trump
Even if they say
That they aren't.
I spend my nights with darkness looming over me.
A steady feeling of emptiness accompanies me in the day.
Words never seem to be heard the way that people mean them to be.
Words are something that I cannot seem to properly say.

Everyday I feel that I am alone in a crowd full of people.
Everyday I feel that I would be better off dead.
The people around me would surely be happier.
This isn't just all in my head.

Why should I try only to fail?
All my life I have been running from rejection.
In a moment I scream of abandonment.
I push and I pull for control of my life.
Every moment is life or death.
This feeling is an infection.

Thoughts of dying.
Thoughts of blood.
Thoughts of being a mistake.
I couldn't erase these thoughts if I tried.

My mind echos so loudly that I cannot hear.
My voice catches in my throat.
All I feel are insecurities.
All I want is to disappear.

It is the fact that no one understands me.
They can't see that I cant understand them.
That I try to fight for control.
They don't see how hard I try to keep it all inside.
The burden that I have come to be.

No one can ever love me.
I can never love myself.
At some point you just wash away thinking that you'll never be enough.
Was it love? or was it an arrow?
My heart, you took, left me in sorrow
Your heart, may I borrow?
Till death, I will keep, not returned by tomorrow
My fortune is narrow
That what left my heart hollow
And my face sallow
Your secret, I revealed, left me feeling shallow
Running in agony in the furrow
Towards the nearest tree, willow
With no one fellow
Sitting on the branch lonely with my shadow
What a blue life! Thought it would be yellow!
Memories of you is my softest pillow
Such emotions, I shall not allow
Your fingerprints, your footprints, your trail I will follow
With all of my might, we become the lovers of the morrow
The pill of hope, I will swallow
Version 1.
Hi

Don’t reply
As if I’m a wall
But it’s okay
Aren’t we all?

Did we just existed
For being nonexistent?
To smile, do we have to pretend?
To be heard, do we need to scream?
When this dream is going to end?

In the woods
A dead tree
I carve on it:
“Mustapha was here”
Carve your name next to me

I’m not waiting for anyone
Not everyone is meant to make a difference
Every poet has something to say.
Be it to himself or to the world,
Be it during the night or day,
Be it via a poem or spoken word.
The world is just too busy,
Or its people are often too lazy.
Either to acknowledge or listen
or pretend to humbly care.
This leaves some of them broken.
The sheer rejection some can't bare,
So they keep quiet until they die
Robbing themselves of a great chance
To hear from the deep and smile.
A chance to sleep with a grimace
Courtesy of a very beautiful poetry
Written to the world by a humble poet
Somewhere in a faraway country,
Delivering introspection, hoping for the best.

#IvanBrooksPoetry©
12/7/2018
This is what we go through as poets..yet we write for everybody and talk about everything....mainly the truth and introspection.
How do you keep living
When you've met angels
But were denied heaven
I wanna sink to low depths
Still I keep praying
When I feel so bad
Continue trying to be worthy
Can these conflicts that fill me
Be the making of a good man?

-JCM-
By searching I feel like
I'm begging for a family,
Trying to tell someone they have to have me,
But they made me lonely.
Why should I fall to the feet of people,
Who do not deserve me?
Who purposely removed me?

Sometimes I wonder if I really want it,
I inform myself I know I don't need it,
I recite how it won't make it better,
Instead the discomfort will fester
And I won't be able to hide,
I'll be unable to make it go away:
And that's my biggest fear.

I've learnt by now,
How scary it is, when it comes around
To asking for things;
Carrying out the consequences.
By the time I get what I thought I wanted,
I no longer desire for it:
Instead I've put myself in Hell,
A place where I've backed myself into a corner:
And I'll never find an escape.

Somehow that storm has past:
I've survived, I'm still alive
But after that I'm back to needing.
Needing things to be okay,
Realising what I've missed out on,
All over again,
Yet I'm too scared to find it,
Because of how terrorising
It was the last time,
That I almost found what I've
Always been waiting for.

What I can't handle is,
Providing someone with my weaknesses.
This is one of the things
That could really hurt me,
And I'd be screaming it at the top of my lungs,
To some stranger that I've
Never heard of.

Eventually, every now and then,
The time comes around,
When I'd like to give in.
I'll just try, this one more time,
Maybe it won't be so bad,
Maybe one day if I do this it won't make me sad.

There's always this one thing
I don't understand:
Is how this makes people so damn happy.
It's like a celebration, a liberation.
Why are they so happy,
To find people who treated them like rubbish before they really even existed?
They spent their whole life without them,
Because they simply gave them up
And I don't care about the so called "reasons",
For me it's just not good enough,
And then they're so happy to get the chance,
To discover them.

Can't they see it how I do?
They got rid of you,
They didn't want you before you even had the chance
To do anything wrong.
How can you look at,
Or hear of
Your own flesh and blood
And decide to get rid of it,
Like an old worn out rug?

So tell me, why should I live for,
Someone else who doesn't give a toss,
Who goes on with everything else,
While I grew up.
Do you know what it's like,
Being the kid in the playground,
Surrounded by their friends with their parents,
Whilst you're there with no father or mother in sight?
Do you know what it's like,
To cry at night saying you miss someone,
Someone you have never known,
Because you didn't understand,
That you can't miss a privation;
You can't miss what's never been there,
Because you're too young?
Do you have a clue,
What it feels like, to wonder why you weren't good enough,
To even have a crappy father?
Why you couldn't have a father at all?

But children are resilient,
You'll be happy to know,
So you get through all that,
Like it's nothing at all.
Then for some reason,
It all crushes you when you least expected it,
You see you've been apathetic, not caring about it.
Then one day you wake up,
And your whole life evolves around it,
Almost like an obsession that you can't stop,
You're sure it hits you harder than before,
With no visible cause, and you can't gather why
This suddenly matters so much now,
But it just does.

They may have gotten rid of you,
Before they had the chance to see you breathe,
That's not important though,
Because you'll suffer all the same,
With constant thoughts after you're sure you have escaped.
You'll wonder why they're so inexcusable
And so dissolute.
You'll ask yourself what you should do,
And in this society, many people think it's great, they think it's fun to find out
Just exactly who left you, who ditched you, who made sure you didn't even know their name,
Thinking about it will make you feel enraged,
Disgusted, but all the same:
These thoughts,
They will never seem to go away.
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