If only you knew


If only you knew how I feel about you,
Would it make any difference to the things that you do?
Do you always look this good, or is it only for me?
Can everybody else see what I see before me, or are they unworthy?


If they do not see your shining beauty,
Then they are losing out on the best thing they could see.
I realise they know you are beautiful,
But why are people not surrounding you to be close to you?
You are a world above, one I could love,
If I ever believed that is what you want and that you could.


If only you knew how I feel about you,
Would it make any difference to the things that you do?
I wish I could speak your mind,
So I could tell you my truth.
You could make me feel;
You could make me feel brand new.


I could fall so deep into your arms,
If you would only ask it of me.
I could stand ten feet tall, to reach up to your star heart,
If I knew that is what you wanted…
But that will never be.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

I spent hours staring at the phone
Wondering when we can ever be alone
It’s hard to love you and I can’t complain
It pains me that I want to show you what it means to be on cloud nine
Although, we’re together
It doesn’t feel like you’re mine
I’m empty again.
There’s no hope left.
I’m left begging for attention like the rest,
And it hurts me
Hard to breathe
Hard to believe that
Maybe we’re not meant to be
You’re shooting me down
Bullet to the chest,
Agonizing pain called ‘rejection’.
I don’t want to give up on this.
I miss when we don’t talk.
But you don’t even want to kiss me.
And I’m wondering if I’m that repulsively disgusting
Lusting over whether you’re worth it or not
When it’s good, I’m fine
But I’m so easily forgotten by you
You’re the Adalind to my Eve,
I can’t bear to leave
Still…that’s only because I’m afraid of abandonment.
The breaking of relationships sent me on a ship of destruction
My own Titanic,
With a dose of hypomanic infatuation
I never knew when to end it
Always afraid of going overboard,
A safety vest couldn't save me from this mess.
When I’m drowning in depression
There’s only the deep, blue sea beneath me
A bottle of pills across my bed.
I swallow my pride.
And death hits for a second.
My parents come rushing in, and they call the ambulance.
Cardiac arrest
Shattered apart like a broken bird's nest
A shocking force through my veins,
People shouting my name, telling me to stay awake.
The doctor said I almost didn’t make it.

Hey
I read your note, and I'm really flattered,
but I'm just not looking for a relationship.
You're a really great guy, but I really just
don't feel the same way. I'm sorry. I
hope we can still be friends and that
it won't be weird.


I'm sorry.

What I am,
Is not what you are,
Because unlike you, I never was human.
Never was able to really feel emotions, which you all adore,
Been called a demon for that reason, a monster which was deserted,
Emptiness, calm and drenched in the sorrow of never fitting in is what embellishes me, an ornament of true, cruel sadness, undetected.
And yes, I don't understand you, perhaps I don't even want to, knowing what humans are like, I accepted my fate of being alone,
I let my fingernails grow long and sharp to at least fit into the picture of a monster you have put me, because what else do I have left ?
A heart, perhaps which desires to take those under its wing whom suffered the same tragity, orphans with no place or rejected, abused.
And a body, carrying a thousand marks done by a knife, or these nails, in a cold desperate wishing to be normal at least for a day, to not be alone and deserted, with no one left to talk but a silly pen, a pocket watch which is about to stop ticking calmly, gently very soon.
An ember of light, triggers some emotions at rare occasions, which fade into nothingness as the day begins to face it's end, ah, phantoms
So, what I am,
Is not what you are,
Because I am...
A demon.

~ Umi

Why do you keep me in this place?

Laying pathways of treasure boxes with tarnished padlocks is your game.
What have I to gain from this?
Slaps to the face disguised as bliss.

I can never be truly fulfilled
Because I fear I may be killed.
I'm unwilling to part with my heart,
Because I worry it is only a plaything.
Am I wasting it on you?

I admit I trusted you with ease
Because I wanted to please you.
My kindness came without tether,
But you flaunt as if you are better.

Why do I even try?
I don't know how to cry.

Do my cracks make you smile?
Do my stinging tears excite you?

I'm glad my grief warms you
As it leaves me dying inside.

I will not swallow my pride.