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Apr 21 · 2.1k
Quarantine
Ambika Jois Apr 21
I hear sounds,
But I’m not a part of it.
Does listening count?
I’ve gotten to know it all bit by bit.

I see shades of spring,
Breeze still chilled.
Just a bit of warmth
The sun can fulfill.

Work hasn’t stopped
For those who’re hustling.
Come hail, shine or Covid,
Keep going, little tummies are rumbling.

Lockdown lifts,
Isolation ends.
We think we know it all,
From what heaven sends.

Little pink petals
Peel away from the source.
Lands on another’s yard,
This is nature’s course.

We grew many years,
We learned to share, serve and save,
Where nature will take us,
Depends on how we now behave.
A quarantined mind is a creator's workshop. Just because there's a lockdown doesn't stop our minds from thinking, overthinking and dramatising a feeling. Here is my next Covid related poem, holding a few thoughts that crossed my mind over a cup of Roobois tea as I soaked in some sunshine to the sounds of a strong breeze and someone's constantly turned on lawn mower.
Apr 6 · 742
Isolating
Ambika Jois Apr 6
We wanted to be left alone,
Now we want company.
We nagged for personal space,
We want to be around many.

Were we made to bond,
Or were we made to detach?
This is the mystery of life,
From Adam and Eve to the latest batch.

We cursed that paradise was lost,
When Adam bit the apple.
How long it is taking us
To restore this planet, is a baffle.

We use up everything earth gives us.
We spare not a single resource.
And now look at us isolating,
Like forbidden prisoners behind trap doors.
Took a walk yesterday. The emptiness inspired me to express a few words into this poem. Do share your thoughts 🙏🏼
Mar 26 · 3.0k
Lockdown
Ambika Jois Mar 26
What does lockdown mean for me?
I'm housebound anyway.
People think I'm always free,
I'm now that 'at home' mom everyday.

This is also what they thought,
When I told them I'm a singer.
'If you don't own charttoppers,
You're just a failure.' is what lingered.

I found it shameful and difficult,
Broke down several times,
I couldn't find my own identity,
Searching for myself felt like a crime.

41 weeks and 2 days I carried her,
My little angel, the apple of my eye,
I'm now learning a basic fact -
- A lifetime flies faster than light.

So fast, I don't know what day it is,
I'm living each day by the hour.
Before I know it, it's bedtime again..
What exactly is within my power?

When the birds stretch their wings,
At the crack of a quiet dawn.
The time I was raised to wake and listen,
To the Tanpura, the sound of Om.

This is my one true power,
Whether they believe it or not.
A lockdown may not define it,
I'm a musician, a mom, not a robot.

These clear blue skies at spring,
Came again after a barren season.
I'm housebound and learning again,
Another chance to live it right is my reason.
A little piece of my reality during the darned COVID season.
Jun 2019 · 137
Some
Ambika Jois Jun 2019
There are some
Who age too fast
To keep up
With the trend

There are some
Who say age
is nothing
But numbers

There are some
Who need numbers
To help them
Feel their worth

There are some
Whose numbers
Don't add up
Till the end

There are some
Then there are others...

There are some
Who like to wander
With thoughts
Loose in their minds

There are some
Who spend their lives
Thinking 'bout feelings
Of all kinds

There are some
Who believe that
It's too late to
Trust your heart

There are some
Who'll stand in your way
When they know
You'll make it safe

There are some
Then there are others...

There will always be
The one

There are some
Then there are others...
And there will always be
The one.
Was feeling a little blue a few days ago. Felt like it was too late to reach for my dreams. Felt like I was stuck in the same pickle for all my life. Someone told me it'll be told late. Heck, everyone has told me that. They told me it's too late to pursue to my dreams after a certain age. Something tells me if I'm stuck in this same pickle for all these years, I must still have a chance. If pickles last that long and time doesn't stop for that, then why would there be a limit for my possibilities?
Sep 2018 · 1.1k
Rug, Fence, Furniture
Ambika Jois Sep 2018
The rug
Lying underneath your feet;
Been on the ground
So long,
It's stuck to the ground.

The fence
Standing deep, anchored in soil;
**** rooting down
So deep,
It's part of the land.

The frames are clean,
The pictures seem
Like history.
Once upon a time,
I was
More than furniture to us.

But now:

I want you to see me,
Like the door you can open;
I'm more than what's inside your home.

I want you to want me,
Like you used to everyday;
I'm that girl you wanted to make time for when you're alone.

Now, are you not alone?
Is that why
I'm the rug, fence and your furniture?

I know I work from home.
I know I got a lotta things to do.
I know I haven't lived up to the best of expectations.

I'm still that girl you fell in love with.
I dream beyond every bandwidth.
I take my time to really be sure.
I wanna do it without complications.

But I know,
I bore the hell outta you.
With my
Nagging that could turn ears blue.
But I
Promise that I love you baby,
You gotta see me in the light of the truth:

I want you to see me,
Like the door you can open;
I'm more than what's inside your home.

I want you to want me,
Like you used to everyday;
I'm that girl you wanted to make time for when you're alone.

Now, are you not alone?
Is that why
I'm the rug, fence and your furniture?
There are times when we are so much a part of other people's lives - married couples, live-in couples, friends, family, housemates, you name it - that we turn into their everyday lives in such an unnoticeable way. This poem is about what tends to happen when you get too used to having someone around.
Sep 2018 · 944
Dear Unborn Baby
Ambika Jois Sep 2018
Oh how I love you,
Dear Unborn Baby,
I've been waiting
For you.

Holding you in my arms,
Is all I'm yearning,
For I've been waiting,
Since 22.

I can't wait
Any longer
To see
Which part of you
Resembles me.
I want you
To be better
In every way baby,
Better than me.

I've seen how
This world can be deceiving.
I want you to trust me,
When I hold you close.
I can't wait
For this world to see you.
When you're ready to take off,
Take my love with your wings.

Oh how I love you
Dear Unborn Baby,
I've been waiting
For you.

Holding you in my arms,
Is all I'm yearning,
For I've been waiting,
Since 22.
I've always had this vision of being a mother, holding my baby in my arms. I'm not a mother, yet I feel like I know this feeling already. This poem is how I recently felt when a gush of broodiness took over briefly.
Sep 2018 · 565
Forgotten To Sing
Ambika Jois Sep 2018
The days are filled with silence
I spend sunlight on finding answers
Waiting hours on end for night to fall
Hoping another day will carry chances

I used to sing my heart out
When I was left alone at home
Now I fear that someone might hear me
That someone is me, oh no

How did I go
From melody to nothing
Years of dreaming
To losing everything

How will I rise
From nothing to something
Years of learning
Have I forgotten to sing?

The nights are filled with demons
I spend moonlight on finding angels
Waiting hours on end for the morning
Hoping I'd wake up to a sequel

I've only lived half of what I can
I've only dreamed half of what I am
I've only sang half of what I understand
I only, only, only... just began...

How did I go
From melody to nothing
Years of dreaming
To losing everything

How will I rise
From nothing to something
Years of learning
Have I forgotten to sing?
I've been undergoing some low times lately. It may just be a simple case of writer's block or something similar, but after a turning point in my life, this poem defines how I've been struggling to find myself again. Maybe I'll never find my old self, but I hope to find my new self soon.
Aug 2018 · 797
Who Said?
Ambika Jois Aug 2018
Who said,
We must love more than once,
To know what love is?

Who said,
We must kiss more than one,
To know it is worth our heart?

Who said,
We have time to experiment,
To know if it'd grow into something better?

Who said,
We can dabble in variety,
To filter out what's best for us?

Who said,
Love isn't love if it's our first,
Or last - who really knows?

Who really knows,
If it's love,
If it's worth my heart,
If it deserves my short life,
If it's best for me,
If it's me first and last,
But me?
I was once given the advice that I must not believe it's love, because it's my first experience of having feelings for someone. I was also advised to test things out for some time and see if there's someone better for me. All this advice, I followed, but I made some stupid mistakes to get to the right place. I regret those mistakes even if they brought me to the right person.

I believe in synchronicity and that everything I've done, led up to the very moment that was written in the stars for us before I even set my foot on the wrong path. So would I not have gotten there somehow when, what I was seeking was also seeking me? Would we not have found each other anyhow? Without regrets, without time wasted, without resentment and without hurt?

What's love today, if all it means is to test each other's boundaries? Does love not mean to care and be there for those who need that in their lives? Is that not all it is? When did love become so conditioned, experimental, mechanical and all about a trend? And what happens to those who've been best friends and loved each other since childhood? Does it actually help to listen to others' advice on love when you know yourself, your heart and your mind the best?

Here's my poem that asks these simple questions, that has made me even more grateful for what time I do have left in this lifetime to spend with my loved one. Thank you, universe, for not complicating it any further than it already has been, and thank you for keeping it this simple. May you have the same priceless love as I do.
Aug 2018 · 483
Rainbow
Ambika Jois Aug 2018
When we were kids,
We just couldn't rest.
We'd wake up early,
Coz each day was a fest.
The younger we were,
The less we slept.
We felt waking up was better,
There was much to test!

The more we learned,
The more we knew,
The more we heard,
That more became true.
The less we observed,
The less we grew,
The less we listened,
This less became true.

We learned to wait,
We learned about patience.
We designed ourselves to fit in,
Whilst we outwaited our creations.
We began to yearn for time,
We began to yearn for another chance.
We began to yearn for what we once had,
We began to blame it on finance.

We spent our first few years unafraid,
Didn't we know then that we were in an ocean?
We didn't stop to think of that, did we?
We just continued to join the waves in motion.

We didn't know fear,
Until we reached for something others couldn't.
We didn't know fear,
Until we yearned for something others didn't.
We didn't know fear,
Until we waited in hope, whilst others didn't.
We didn't know fear,
Until the rainbows we saw weren't our own.

Now time is running out,
We're in yet another decade.
We've been through hell and back,
But we've reached this age, still afraid.
We wake up everyday with reluctance,
We don't want to face our duties.
We muster it up and turn on auto-pilot,
We let ourselves become our own refugees.

We've forgotten how we awoke,
6am every Christmas morning,
Run downstairs to see Santa's gifts,
Our tummies all butterflicious, hearts warming.
We've forgotten how we felt excited,
To face each day with the unknown
Each year taught us to be less dependent,
Leading up to the writings on our headstone.

Isn't it time we were born again, everyday?
Just so we once again embrace what we don't know?
With something new to look forward to,
Would we not find this lost joy and our own rainbow?
I was watering the plants this morning and saw this lovely rainbow. And then these thoughts suddenly came rushing in, alerting me of how we get caught up in moments that make life seem so long, when it's actually pretty short. We spend so much of this time being weary, afraid and cautious. We didn't go through all this as kids! It's actually quite a painful feeling, to know that we were happier as kids when we feared less than we do now as grown ups. I’ve feared for too long now. I just don’t have the energy anymore. It’s demotivating and has made me begin to question why I wake up everyday if I cannot feel the way I used to as a kid. Kids have such love for each day that there is much to learn from. It seems to get harder as I grow older, to be more like them. Fearless. Here’s what I feel I’ve become and I know there are more like me. I hope you can relate to this poem I wrote. Enjoy :)
Sep 2017 · 541
Trusted or Assumed?
Ambika Jois Sep 2017
I trusted you.
I trusted that even if I let go of your hand,
you'd never let go of mine.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would listen to understand,
not listen only to retaliate.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you were my go to person,
not the one who had to walk away from me.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would argue until it's fixed,
not punish me with silence and distance.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would stay with me,
not walk out of the house and not come back.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would come back wanting me,
not back only coz I asked you to return.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you want me even through this,
not just be with me coz you have to.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you love and care for me,
not just said so and still had the courage to walk out.

I trusted you.
or maybe that wasn't trust.

Perhaps...

I assumed you.
I assumed that you'd hold my hand,
even if I'd let go.

I assumed that you listen and understand me,
even if you're only going to retaliate.

I assumed that you were my go to person,
even if you wanted to walk away from me.

I assumed that you would argue until it's fixed,
even if silence and distance were mere threats.

I assumed that you would stay with me,
even if you wanted to walk out and not come back.

I assumed that you would come back wanting me,
even if you would only return coz I'd have asked.

I assumed that you want me even through this,
even if you were only being with me coz you had to.

I assumed that you loved and cared for me,
even if you had the courage to walk out.

I assumed you. And thought I'd trusted you.

Coz isn't that what you do,
when you love and think you really know someone?
Trust them and assume them?

Maybe that's where I went wrong.

I should've trusted you for who you are.
Or assumed differently.

Maybe I should learn the difference between the two.
Maybe I should learn to love better.

Maybe I should...
Apr 2017 · 1.1k
Be Your Somebody
Ambika Jois Apr 2017
We don’t love like we used to love
What it meant to us is a blur now
The light has left behind everything
What’s remaining is still us, somehow

There were loads of games that we used to play
Along the way we lost each other
Our dreams turned into nightmares
So now, where is our ‘forever’?

Take a look at me – can you recognize me?
I used to be that bird only you could free
And now I’m singing my heart out for your mercy
‘Cause I still wanna be your somebody

You stayed quiet just to let me talk
Never spoke your mind, I’m dejected
How and why must I endure anymore,
When your heart and mine is connected

I need a light at the end of this tunnel
No pretending we’ve got it alright
When you won’t hear a single word from me,
How would you know if my heart cried?

Maybe I’m not as special as you first thought
But I still love you endlessly from my heart
Tell me we can go back there again and start
‘Cause I still wanna be your somebody
There’s no such thing as unconditional love. Well, that’s not entirely true. There IS such a thing as unconditional love. It only shows up evidently when we remain without any conditioning as we deliver such love. Does that make sense? ‘Cause, see, when we ‘love’, it comes with a set of conditions. Basic stencil for the art of such loving comes with expectations. If we love and bear zero expectations, that’s probably the only time love is unconditional; Or else, does it not become conditional when the most basic requirement to declare such love is that we expect it to be recognized? Noticed, even? When circumstances change, conditions change. We also change. Being who we used to be when things around us have changed is also a change in us as we no longer fit with the current circumstances like we did with the last time. Isn’t that enough to say – change is inevitable? Logically, if we don’t keep up with that change, won’t we be the ones to miss out, lose out, miss and lose? We get left behind. It happens to all of us.
Nov 2016 · 2.5k
Multiversal Horcruxes
Ambika Jois Nov 2016
When you know you've lived
the exact present you're living now before,
doesn't it make sense to think of it as though...
there is another part of you in another universe,
going through the same thing?

I believe in the multiverse theory,
for I cannot prove that we are not alone.
I believe there is a reason why
I feel the skies talk to me every night.

I believe someone's message is reaching me
through the beams of the moon every night.
My skin seeps it in
like a flower knows to bloom.

Ever think of a time difference
between one universe and the other?
What if we are born here on Earth and after we die,
our soul travels to another universe
and relives the same story?

What if...
we are a horcrux of our own soul
which is split up and placed
in different universes?
Nov 2016 · 1.2k
Our Antiphon
Ambika Jois Nov 2016
As the sun sets across the horizon
I see how flat the earth is believed to be
From left to right my eyes scroll
Over the valley, rainbow, into a strange eternity

The golden chariots riding on the skyline
Booming chants of the future from another era
I attach myself to the story once heard before
Envisaging my former being as perhaps an ephemera

I relive the day, the noon till the night
As twilight beckons the nightingale's dawn
Saluting the sun from the heart of the lotus pond
For before, now and after are all from our own antiphon
Oct 2016 · 1.1k
Arguing. With Love.
Ambika Jois Oct 2016
Every time we argue
I shut myself off outside
Overpowered by my own reticence
Trapped away by my own pride

You fell in love with the fire
I'm flaming and burning out here and there
You only speak of the one in my belly
I feel the damaging aftermath everywhere

I love us the way we are
Fights, arguments, the regular LQ
We form the hurt, we form the surrender
It's perfect as it is, thanks to the MU.

Love hurts - I disagree.
Words do. Actions do.
Love can heal and unite everything.
Undoubtedly, even me and you.
LQ - Lovers' Quarrel; MU - Mutual Understanding
Sep 2016 · 782
To 'Forgive'
Ambika Jois Sep 2016
You can forgive
You cannot forget.
And when you cannot forget,
You rethink, you remind yourself
How it hurt you.
How it betrayed you.
How it made you believe,
That everything was okay now.

Can you really forgive
That which you cannot forget?
That which you do not allow yourself to let go of?
When you say you have forgiven,
Whose conscience are you setting free?
Why do you forgive?
Why did you forgive?
When you are reminded of your own agony
Again and again, with the same person
Walking by everyday,
Spending each day with you
In the name of family, friendship, love, marriage,
How are YOU sure that you have forgiven
So as to not allow a new rise
To that which you have forgiven
And put aside?

What is it that convinces you
That you can forgive
That you have forgiven
That you can move on from?

What is it that assures you
That once you've forgiven,
YOU will be okay,
That you are ready to move forward,
That you know will not affect you anymore?
Sep 2016 · 741
My Muse
Ambika Jois Sep 2016
I was afraid long ago,
That the truth would die with me.
I lived a lie that betrayed
Every soul I could see.
The devil would disguise as my angel,
My angel would appear much like Satan;
Only my muse could help my decipher,
The root of mine and your creation.
Sep 2016 · 1.0k
No Excuses
Ambika Jois Sep 2016
No job is beneath you,
For the necessities you need to fulfill,
No qualification is too little,
For the benevolence you can give another,
No house is too small,
For you to help the underprivileged,
No mind is too untameable,
For you to bear thoughts of goodness.
No heart is too small,
For you to love greater than fear.
We are so attached our fears, 'cannot's and lack of self-belief. We all have strengths. Even our flaws are our strengths. Weakness only applies when we are stubborn to not change for the better. The reasons why we are attached to our negatives is because we KNOW our positives are so strong - we just don't know how to hold ourselves together through all that strength. Well... all it takes is love and faith in ourselves :-)
Sep 2016 · 795
I Shan't Look
Ambika Jois Sep 2016
You make me weak in the knees,
I shan't look at you in the eyes,
For each time our smiles meet,
My heart skips beats and I shyly sigh;
Your pull gives me goosebumps,
Making my lashes dip and cheeks blush red,
My fears crumple and out they jump,
I surrender, I'm all yours, I've accepted.
The way *he* makes me feel :-) Butterflies, birds and parachute jumps - that's what love's supposed to feel like! Yes, 24/7!
Sep 2016 · 3.8k
Announcing My Engagement
Ambika Jois Sep 2016
You become my words,
When I became speechless.
You became my sunshine,
When I drowned in darkness.
You became my inspiration,
To wake up and live my dream.
You became my reason,
My pride, treasure and esteem.
You my darling, became my Kanna,
My strength, love and best friend.
You and I are now not two, but one,
Together, forever, beyond every end.
I wrote this poem for my best friend to whom I got engaged to on Tuesday, June 14th 2016. This poem in its simplest form, defines our union thus far and I wrote it to announce our engagement to the world. *Kanna* is the name I call my fiance by, which in Tamil refers to the Lord Krishna, also referred to as the one who stole my heart, dear to my heart and beloved one.
Ambika Jois Jul 2016
I could’ve done the right thing
Many moons ago
If only I could’ve understood
How my heart, I could follow

I didn’t know myself enough
Yet denied it when you claimed to
I was afraid to let myself in
Always thought, maybe it’s too soon

I knew when something didn’t feel right
I could feel my skin shiver and my bones tremble
I could never tell what, precisely,
Whatever the truth was, often remained a jumbled mumble

I went so far away to find myself
Days and nights I cried in emptiness
That’s when I understood myself
Then it was clear that you and I are the oneness.

I’m grateful for the struggle
For without it, I wouldn’t have travelled so far

I’m regretful for the pain
For because of it, I have travelled away so far

I’ve accepted my slow growth as this is who I am
For because of it, I have travelled so close

I admit my greatest gain today – You,
For because of you, I have found myself.
‘Better late than never’ is one of the most famous phrases used in our day-to-day lives. That time we were late to an event or that time we went over a deadline… The quote is used so frequently that when we are actually overdue for one of the most important events or decisions in life, we not only feel grateful for having approached or accomplished it in the end, but we also face the consequences for our lateness.

Your heart finds a million ways to remind you that something is missing, and when you can no longer take the weight of the manacles, you will break free and find the courage to listen to your heart and surrender to its needs without a single ounce of shame, for it always will be better late than never to do the right thing.
May 2016 · 889
This Quagmire
Ambika Jois May 2016
I’ve walked on fire and thorns
Forgotten what the ground feels like
Every step I took were upon my wounded soles
How does a caged bird know to fly?

I rattled my gates every day
They were strong, metallic and I wasn’t strong
Every lift off was in vain,
How foolish was I to think, to the sky I belonged?

I, like a mother for her child, wanted more
To see within my veins, my being flourish at the mere tune
Every note was becoming a part of a song
How quick was I to dream of this music as a boon?

I feel that rumble inside me
My hunger, anger and desire upon my own pyre
Every day I wish for that first day again
How can I ingrain my liberty from this quagmire?
Ever felt so guilty about having done something you shouldn’t have done? How do we overcome such guilt? How do we forgive ourselves? Every crack of dawn and every approaching dusk, we fear being reminded of our wrong doings. All we want to do is forget that it ever happened. Sometimes, we live every single day with a constant reminder of such things and feel so lost yet liberated that the truth is out in the open. We feel so caged yet freed from the burden of bearing a hidden confession. We feel so ashamed yet lucky to be given another chance to once again become that person we know we want to be. We feel so neglected, undeserving of trust and at the lowest point of self-esteem yet we feel the power of our prayers would give us another life to live it like we could never again commit such a sin.

This poem emblazons the message underlying in our struggles to surmount our better selves from who we used to be. We know we will conquer our hardships and can see ourselves on the greener side of our own emotional quotient but let’s not forget how many doubts, fears, questions, rejections, isolation and punishments it takes for us to climb in order to stand right at the top. That top spot is very much ours, we very much deserve it, and we have every single step from the quagmire to the sky to credit for our liberation.
May 2016 · 800
Aogashima
Ambika Jois May 2016
I wonder if you could tell me
What you saw in my eyes on day one
The day we met had a warm summer breeze
But what did you see under our setting sun?

I ponder until my sky has darkened
What you heard that you didn’t want to let go of
The night we sat in Aya with our eyes widened
But what did you hear through the music of love?

I squander my imagination out of reach
What you could’ve felt on our last embrace
Over the clouds, mourning mountains and seas
But what did you feel about the memories we couldn’t erase?

I surrender my thoughts and dream from yesteryear
What stopped us from erupting every single day?
Through our implosions, we’ve turned igneous and seared
But what good are we if we can’t make it through today?
I wonder, if the quiet and serene Aogashima were to break her silence from 1785 and throw her heat out, how would it appear?
This poem is based on one of my repressed emotions that I felt was connecting with the peaceful yet secretly building Aogashima.

For full intro, visit - https://ambikajois.wordpress.com/2016/04/27/aogashima/
Apr 2016 · 942
Why Can't I?
Ambika Jois Apr 2016
Why can't I have it?
Why?

Why can't I have that joy,
When I can see her have it?
Why can't I hold my smile firm
The way she is able to dodge the grit?
Why can't I have that resting queen face
When all I can see is that she befits?

The way she holds him close
Like a cute little kitten
A purr in her voice as they rub noses
As he gazes at her looking smitten

The peace in her eyes (called love)
The grace in her smile (called acceptance)
The contour upon her cheekbone (what is she made of?)
His hypnotized gaze on her being, her very existence

Why can't I have it too?
Why?
From a singleton's POV (or if you're in a long distant relationship) and witnessing PDA on public transport / social media / wherever, when that's the last thing you want to see. I'm sure we've all had a dose of this at least once!

For full intro given to this poem, visit - https://ambikajois.wordpress.com/2016/04/19/why-cant-i/
Apr 2016 · 564
Lost And Found
Ambika Jois Apr 2016
I become the person I'm looking at
I envision their vision stat
I forget that I'm not them
I realize that they've won again
I'm just that one step behind
I've yet to convince my mind
I'm looking at my future self
But no, I'm not yet on my own shelf
I'm getting paranoid and obsessed
I can't see anything about me that could impress
I'm a particle of my own vision
I'm lost in my own transition
I'm fading out
I'm dissolving in my own doubts
I'm also fading in
To the start of a new ending
I become that person I'm looking at
I envision my own vision. Stat.
This is what it feels like to know you've always had this one dream, but you never could muster up the courage to exhaust all options to make it come true. This is what it feels like to be in the position to look at another, who's making it work, who makes it look like it's easy, effortless, with a massive smile on their face, sparkles in their eyes and a strong positive energy within their aura. This is what it feels like to know someone like that, whilst wishing you could've achieved your dream, just like they're achieving theirs. This is what it feels like to still have hope that you CAN achieve that dream, just like they have. This is what it looks like deep down, that until you've achieved that dream of yours, you do not feel complete.
Apr 2016 · 3.3k
Siren's Lament
Ambika Jois Apr 2016
Be my siren.
Give me another chance.
Kiss me now,
My emotions will enhance.

I feel broken
Without your presence.
My heart is weighing more.
I need you, not silence.

You equals me.
Me equals you.
My soul pauses
Just to think of you.

This life is wasted,
Just like the others too.
Come, be my siren.
I will always, always be with you.
In Greek mythology, Sirens were dangerous yet beautiful creatures, who lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of their island.
Lament: A passionate expression of grief or sorrow.

I wrote this poem inspired by a recent come by of a web comic (LINE WebToon) by the title ‘Siren’s Lament’, exquisitely created and illustrated by Mingso (Miso aka InstantMisoSoup) accompanied by beautiful background music by Kenny (KennyComics). I was very touched by the illustrations that portrayed the heartbreaking one-sided love story between two friends. The saying,”It’s hard to admit when you have fallen in love with someone who can’t be yours.” is pretty much the best way to describe the sentiment behind this comic story as I’ve read it so far. Not to mention how Kenny’s simple piano music to accompany this beautiful and strong emotion reaches my heart and settles deep within my very marrow. I dedicate this poem to Mingso and Kenny for capturing my mind with your talent and art, my new friend Anushri Praveen for introducing me to the comic ‘Siren’s Lament’ and for getting me to start reading something again, and my best friend Sutha Bala for being supportive, encouraging and for believing in me.
Mar 2016 · 1.7k
La Douleur Exquise
Ambika Jois Mar 2016
It burns me up inside
How together you appear to be
I know my own temperament
It’s magmatic, though its not what you see

Like a scorpion, it stings me bitter
The poison spreads into my eyes, trachea
Like a starfish surviving on the shore,
I deny my slow death and call upon my inner mafia

I fight myself away from the border
Right by there, I see you cope
A concentration chamber, my mind has become
I burn like paper, letting my ashes elope

With the itsy bits of rubble remaining
Somehow I awaken, with a brush and pan
I kneel and scrape, dust and cleanse
To become a phoenix and rise from my death again.
“‘La Douleur Exquise‘ (French) literally means “the exquisite pain”; it comes from a medical term which defines a pain which morphine cannot dull. It’s meaning has become something used to describe that indescribable pain of being hurt by the one you love.” ~ Pamela Haag (www.BigThink.com)
Feb 2016 · 882
Yesterday
Ambika Jois Feb 2016
I said I'm sorry
What more can I do?
What do you want from me?
Give me a clue...

Haunting my dreams,
Tears to my eyes -
- You bring mercilessly,
I'm waiting to smile...

Free me, I'm a butterfly...
A bird with wings...
Anything that can fly...
Put me down and let me walk,
Or throw me up so I can fly

Don't hold me down
I can't give you what you lost
It's gone with the wind of yesterday
Yesterday... yesterday... *yesterday...
Jan 2016 · 866
When I Miss You
Ambika Jois Jan 2016
When I miss you,
I feel a tingle down my spine
The kind you'd caress with your finger
As you show me you're mine

When I miss you,
I hear the rustle of an autumn leaf
Scraping on the pavements we walked
As you'd started to become my heart thief

When I miss you,
I look into the mirror and see
The pixels of definition the reflection encompasses
As identical and truthful as you = me
Dec 2015 · 953
You're My 'Why'
Ambika Jois Dec 2015
You break my heart sometimes.
You do.
I'll let you demolish me
Because it's you.

When I've given you my heart
What else do I have left to give?
It pumps to keep me going
You're the reason I now continue to live.

I wake up to life
Not knowing when my time will come
I am here for you, because of you.
I am yours only until my pulse here is done.
Ambika Jois Dec 2015
If you and I were friends as kids,
You'd have carried my long skirt wherever I went.
You'd have been my personal assistant,
And I would've been your queen 100 percent.

If you and I were friends as kids,
I'd have gotten you into so much trouble.
I wouldn't have realized how wrong I was,
But I'd have come back for you with affection doubled.

If you and I were friends as kids,
I wouldn't have feared as my life started to fall apart.
I would've come to you to hide in our secret place,
And begged you to not tell before I'd have been dragged to depart.

If you and I were friends as kids,
I'd have remembered you everyday that I was away.
I'd have embraced modern day technology,
To track you down and meet you again in our secret place.

If you and I were friends as kids,
I'd have caused you enough trouble to never forget me.
Whether you were awake or asleep,
You would've always known that only I can ever be your queen.
If only we knew the one we love from the very beginning of time...
Dec 2015 · 858
You're...
Ambika Jois Dec 2015
You're the reason
... I'm smiling today
You're the cause
... for my well-being
You're the purpose
... I wake up to everyday
You're the meaning
... to every song I sing

You're where
... my home is
You're
... my ultimate goal
You're all
... the essence of bliss
You're
... the food for my soul

You're my
voice within
You're the essential
... I cleanse with
You're the inspiration
... for every beginning
You're black and white -
- and all the truth

You're in my mind
You're in my veins
You're in my spirit
You're in my pain

You're in my soul
You're in my pleasure
You're my
everything
You're my heart's
treasure.
For my beloved. Who makes me feel like I was created and put on this planet just to experience life. With him.
Nov 2015 · 2.8k
Roses Are Red
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
Roses are red,
Violets are violet.
Poets can lie to rhyme,
We can't keep our minds all that quiet.
Nov 2015 · 727
Mercy
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
Oh I am scared alright
Of what could happen tomorrow
But I can't decide -
Do I fight, accept the sorrow?

All this noise inside me
Sounds like the ending
Am I now free,
Or is this just beginning?

Warped into a vortex
To the point of no return
Black hole or oblivion
Every part of me is burnt
Have mercy on me
I've never come this far before
I don't know who I am anymore
Have mercy, have mercy on me.

Let me feel the good you're feeling
I don't know you're smiling
Can't you see me crying
What answer do you see in me?
This poem is a conversation between me the dreamer, and me as the one who got the dream I wanted. I wrote this poem when I was feeling trapped at a point in time. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know if I was already doing the right thing or I had yet to. It was meant to be the best thing that ever happened to me, but I was not happy about it.
Nov 2015 · 1.2k
The Truth About Poets
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
Every poet has a truth.
The truth is, poets can lie.
Poets can lie and hide the truth.
Poets can also disguise a beautiful truth as a sinful lie.

We poets don't back down easily.
We poets want to win every conversation.
We very much prefer to raise our pens
To record our artful manipulation.

We write about our sorrows
Our nearest and dearest know nothing of.
We write about our joys
Our greatest challengers want to dispose of.

Do we know someone who knows us better?
Do we know someone who knows who we are?
Do we know if we are anything else but poets?

We are all the same.
You are human, as am I.
You see it straight, I see it in rhymes.
You like it easy, I like it fly.
You hear it quick, I take my time.
Do you know why?

'Coz every poet has suffered a lie.
A lie that ignites a fire for truth.
Poets can write the truth whilst hiding the lies.
How can we not, when -
We poets can disguise a painful lie as a beautiful truth?
Nov 2015 · 4.4k
Fear Not Of Darkness
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
We are made up
Of a thousand sparks
Of light that has the power
To outshine all the darkness
That ever existed.

Be not afraid
Of the darkness,
For the fire
Within us
Helps us discover
What our darkness
Has been hiding.
Nov 2015 · 443
Unbind
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
My days get so lonely
And my nights, very noisy.
The darkness brings me thoughts
About my memories, it's crazy.
As the sun rises each day,
I wake up to myself, no one else.
My reasons for every breath,
No one understands, not even myself.
If I don't meet my match someday,
It's okay, I don't mind.
I just want to know there's someone,
For my days and nights to unbind.
Nov 2015 · 1.1k
If I Were Not Me
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
If I were not me,
I'd be a girl born into a pseudo reality.
I'd be blind, looking for darkness,
Deaf, searching for music,
Mute, singing for the broken.

I'd have a heart made of stone,
Carved with timeless impossibilities.
A compelling pulse rate,
That moves me in rhythm.
I'd have a mind that opens up to fear alone.

If I were not me,
I'd be a reflection;
Of all that I wish
I could be.
Nov 2015 · 819
The Small White Pill
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
I wake up with a headache
I knew I shouldn't have stayed up so late
'twas so foolish to hope that I'd understand your game

I know what I gotta do
Too lazy to get outta bed for you
And gulp it down with a glass of water to ease this pain

I see now what I saw before
I didn't know what it was for sure
Till it worked just like paracetamol

I woke up
There it was
Once that killed
Without a cause

Those dreams that turned into nightmares
Those arms that gave away time shares
Feels like history since the last time I needed help but still

There's life waiting to be celebrated
It's no longer so complicated
Thanks to my prayers from the day I wanted more from life

And for the small white pill
This poem is my vision for the common day to arrive whereby Cancer can be treated with a small white pill, that can be taken just like any other painkiller. We have lost many valuable lives out of no fault of their own as a result of Cancer. The world misses them, and I miss them too. Here's a toast to all the hard working scientists and people who are dedicating their lives to find a cure for this nasty beast.
Nov 2015 · 978
Hide My Face
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
Where is the rain
When my tears wanna flow away?
What good is sunshine
When my heart is full of grey?

Tell me why
Tell me how
Tell me when
Will the clouds form?

Tell me where to go
Where I can just hide my face

Where are my feathers?
I need them to show him
What lies beneath – every bit of –
Skin that’s trapping me

My eyes, his glare
My fingers through his hair
He wants more and more
But he can’t feel what I can feel

Tell me why
Tell me how
Tell me when
Will the clouds form?

Tell me where to go
Where I can just hide my face

Tell me now
Through tears of smiles
I just want this to be real

‘Coz I really do not want to hide my face...
Every woman has the right to fall in love. No matter what her profession is. It is human to love. It is human to work. It is human, to feel trapped and it is human to want out. Sadly, it is also human to judge, cheat and betray. This poem is for those who have been judged and trapped in isolation, deprivation and privation from the blessing of love.
Nov 2015 · 2.0k
Dreamers
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
I could stare away
Into the night sky
And find kazillions of dreamers
Like me
My heart says
No need for goodbyes
For dreamers are born
To be free
If I could dream of anything...
...Anything
I would dream it over and over again
I would dream of my someone special
My fellow dreamer and my best friend
Nov 2015 · 353
The End Of The Day
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
The end of the day
Gets so dark
I get so tired
All I wanna do is
Fall asleep
In your arms
And I just know
All my dreams will flow
Among the flowers and the leaves
By the river
It'll be colourful as we fly
The sky will be blue
And we will be so happy
Coz you and I are in love
And in the same dreams too
Nov 2015 · 676
A Call For Union
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
I can't wait to feel you inside me,
Feels like we're meant to be,
All talk of rain and thunder,
Is beginning to make me wonder,
What'll I really feel
When you capture my eyes for real?

Making love in the rain is my fantasy,
In the rain and on the terrace would be ecstasy,
You feel my goosebumps all over you,
That's the weather's work, is that you too?

I wonder if you'd let me work
If you saw me naked with nothing but a smirk,
I look at my bullet and know for sure,
I want something else to adore,
Come to me soon,
Make love to me till noon

Time your fingers met my hair,
It's craving for a dare,
To see if you can show it more care,
Than I do with my time spare

Pull it as you ****** in me,
Hear me moan as you set me free...
As long as I'm here,
You've nothing to fear.

Your tool may measure to be a big number,
Nothing I can't handle, let's start with your finger..
Show me your skill,
Before it's time to fill..

I'm all yours
Want me on all fours?
Nov 2015 · 713
Feelings
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
You once longed for that feeling
Now you have it

You once dreamed of the rosy side
Now you've passed it

You once felt alone
Now you have that person

You once thought of solving issues
Now you don't have control

You once thought you had everything
Now you do

You once said everything was nothing
Now you feel it

You once promised you'll be there
Now you can't keep it

You once wanted to restart
Now you can't change what's happened
Nov 2015 · 668
Mother Of The Skies
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
She hides her face in shame
She knows I'm capable of judging her pain
She clouds her eyes and cries on me
She tells me I should dance in her tears happily

You'd think I'd be enjoying her agony
My feet won't move unless I'm in her company
She pours her heart out and asks me to bear it
I'm no better, I send both our tears down to Mother Earth's merit

She sure does have a lot of problems
My efforts flow one-way, struggling to bear these showers in tandem
She delegates to me a flood to resolve
I hide where claustrophobia hits me with the mercy of a single valve

Crouching for protection, I breathe deep and myself I hug
My heart beats fast in excitement for change and a love bug
I look up standing defeated and smile as she sends me many more a tear
Oh, Mother of the Skies; She rains on me, determined to wash my mind clear
Nov 2015 · 1.1k
For Me...
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
Sweep my feet off the ground
Take me out of town
Fly me to the moon
Let me kiss off your frown

Fear not, we're way above the clouds
No one now can see us
Hold me, let's move to this tune
I want you to unleash your lust

For me... For me... For me...

I can feel you now
Don't be shy my love
Smile, you're well endowed
I can take it rough

You have me entangled with you
Can you tell I've waited for you? Do trust
Don't let go, I love you weaved onto me
I want you to unleash your lust

For me... For me... For me...

I want you to let go all over me...all over me...all over me...
Breathe in, my love, we're peaking insanity...peaking insanity....peaking insanity...
I know you want more of me
'Coz I'm making you want a whole lot more of me
I want you to take me, unwrap me like your gift of the night

Do it...

For me... For me... For me...
Nov 2015 · 486
Holy Discoveries
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
Many beauties God has created
But less that have been worshipped
Nature is beautiful
Yet has its works to be adored

Step out to the blessing of this vision,
But don't step in too deep
For it will take you where you want to be,
But not in the way you want to go

Many a time we'll all like that joyous ride,
But let God take his time
For if we rush our journey,
We may land at our destination in devastation

A flower though it may seem,
The fragrance, the colour, the sensitivity
Thorns though many don't see,
That which protects its own beauty

A mountain with sweet springs
And a snowy cap,
That which is surfaced with ice
To slip away from the glorious feature

The soft, yet sharp touch of air;
A fresh divine flow of its breeze
Swishes through a vast of unknown,
Leaving us to experience the holy discoveries
Nov 2015 · 1.1k
For What It's Worth
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
There is something deep inside me so strong
Emotions are rising and I want to know where you belong

I think of you and each time I do that, I miss you
Missing friends can't possibly be the new groove

You're beginning to mean more to me than a friend
It's you who taught me how to live life without risking a heart lend

I couldn't call for help, for my troubles were my own doing
I needed help, for my troubles brought tears I was in drowning

I never asked for help, but I knew I needed some
You stepped up to me and collected my pieces one by one

You did it because your heart is of a diamond kind
I let you do it as I was numb and only you could renew my mind

I've received many gestures and words from people who care
Without you around anymore, I feel like my heart has gone bare

The time I saw you last I couldn't tell you what you mean to me
You're gone now and you've taken with you a piece of me for eternity

For what it's worth, I cannot lie to myself anymore
You're already a part of me, and you'll know I'm lying for sure

My tears are now forming, waiting to trickle down like morning dew
My life will be incomplete if my future would have me away from you.
Nov 2015 · 2.4k
He
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
He
He refuses to offer a piece of his heart
'Cause he can't trust it'll be kept unbroken
He keeps his feelings belted smart
Chances for new emotions left untouched and unspoken

He offers his rut, fresh and mastered
Decides it's the best and most he wants for now
The heart that's growing a case on him is being plastered
At the mere longing to exchange a loyalty vow

There is hope he will change and offer more
With no guarantee of his final choice for a future;
There is hope, at the depth of a bruised heart still sore
Longing to hold him close upon his merciful role as a suture.
Nov 2015 · 963
Please Forgive Me
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
I need you to leave my sin list,
Only one way to rid you out;
I'm not asking for much, I insist,
Just forgive me, don't cry or shout;

I can amend the past,
But I can't turn back time;
Please forgive me, this one's the last,
You're a sin I can't hold forever as mine.

You're happy though it was I who sinned,
I'm incomplete though it was you who left;
No time like now to revive my heart that's thinned,
Be fair and forgive me, it's my turn to widen my clefts.
Nov 2015 · 3.3k
It's Where I'm Meant To Be
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
It's where I'm meant to be,
But you're standing in my way.
You're not a harmful subject,
Yet you're not asking me to stay.

It's where I'm meant to be,
My heart said it's the only way.
You're standing before me,
Turning my mind into your clay.

It's where I'm meant to be,
I thought my final signs were screaming.
At me, of course, who else?
You're standing there listening and watching.

It's where I'm meant to be,
I thought God finally heard my call.
My call to Him was not for you, but for a path,
The one you're still standing in strong and tall.

It's where I'm meant to be,
For how much more must I pray?
You're still my growing obstacle,
Hey Ganesh, lost options for games to play?

It's where I'm meant to be,
I call the place my mother, my home.
You're there standing like a sacred idol,
Hey Ganesh, please make your message to me, more known.
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